Lauren gave a rather loud snuffle but nodded obediently and trudged back towards her room. Maddy sprung into action, grimacing as she put away the tequila and the shot glass, and set the messenger bag and flip flops that Lauren had dumped in the middle of the living room onto a chair. She made a quick call to one of her favorite restaurants, and ordered a rather upscale version of comfort food – lobster mac and cheese, portobello mushroom flatbread pizza, a pear and gorgonzola salad, and an assortment of desserts – all dishes that she knew Lauren loved. Assured that the order would arrive within half an hour, Maddy went to her own room to shower and change.
When she walked back into the living room a few minutes later, she smiled to note that Lauren had taken her earlier advice to heart. Her niece was curled up on the sofa, busily channel surfing through several dozen cable stations that Maddy didn’t even know she had. Lauren’s freshly washed hair hung in long, damp strands halfway down her back, and she was wearing what must indeed be her comfiest pajamas – little sleep shorts printed with a trio of cartoon characters, and a pale blue ribbed camisole top that had seen better days. Her long, tanned legs and small feet were bare. Lauren looked far younger this way, more like a teenager than a woman in her mid-twenties, and the vulnerability Maddy glimpsed on her face was not something she could ever recall seeing there before.
“Feeling better?” asked Maddy as she poured them each a tall glass of iced tea. During the steamy, hot summer months she always kept a pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge, a habit she had picked up decades ago from her old college friend Gerard Landreaux, who had grown up in New Orleans.
Lauren shrugged as she took a drink of her tea. “A little. Not as grubby and sweaty, that’s for sure. And I’m sorry I was such a head case when you walked in earlier. It’s just been a challenging day.”
“You can tell me all about it after we’ve had dinner. Which should be here in less than ten minutes.”
Lauren shook her head mutinously, just as Maddy had expected she would. “Forget it, Aunt Maddy. I think I’m just hormonal or something. Must be my period coming on.”
Maddy chuckled. “Oh, nooo, my girl. You’re not getting away with this that easily. The things you said when I walked in – they deserve a very detailed explanation. I’ve known something’s been bothering you for months now, and I think you’ve finally reached the breaking point. So, deny it all you like, darling, but one way or another you’re going to fess everything up to Auntie before this evening is over.”
Lauren scowled darkly. “We’ll see about that.”
Maddy squeezed her niece’s hand. “It’s time, darling. Time for you to let it all out and talk to someone. For almost your entire life, since you were a tiny little girl with more guts than a full grown man, you’ve had this protective shell erected around you. For some reason you got it into your pretty little head that you always had to be tough, could never let anyone see you cry, or think that you were weak. But now it’s time for you to come out from under that shell and let yourself feel. You’re like my own daughter, Lauren, and I’d like to think after all the time we’ve spent together over the years that you trust me enough to confide in me.”
Lauren stared at the TV for long seconds, wrapping her arms around her bent knees, watching but not really seeing what looked to Maddy like a cross between a boxing match and some sort of bizarre martial arts. Finally, Lauren lifted her head and looked at Maddy.
“Fine,” she stated defiantly. “But on one condition. If I tell you all my deep, dark secrets, then you have to tell me yours. Because I know you have some, Aunt Maddy, have known that for a long time. So, do we have a deal?”
Maddy was flabbergasted, never in a million years having expected her niece to issue such a challenge. But from the stubbornly smug look on Lauren’s face, Maddy realized that sharing her own secrets – and she did indeed have quite a few – would be the only way to learn why her beloved niece had been crying as though the end of the world was near.
Maddy glared. “You, my dear girl, are far too clever for your own good, and have been since you were old enough to talk. You are also nosier than an entire city block of gossipy old ladies. But,” she added reluctantly, “I suppose you have a deal.”
The way Lauren’s face lit up at Maddy’s grudgingly given consent was almost enough to make what she was going to do in a short while all worth it. Maddy’s secrets had been very closely guarded over the years, with only her sister Natalie and brother-in-law Robert knowing them all. And now, it seemed, her nosy niece would as well.
She was granted a short reprieve by the arrival of their dinner, and Lauren’s appetite seemed to be as healthy as ever. Maddy herself ate sparingly, her fifty-two year old metabolism far slower than her niece’s. Having to watch her calorie intake was something she’d grown used to over the years, as one couldn’t expect to have such a high level position in the fashion world and not look her very best at all times.
But when Lauren had eaten the last bite of red velvet cheesecake and set her fork down, Maddy knew her reprieve was nearly over. And despite her earlier admonition to Lauren, she fetched two glasses and a bottle of chardonnay from her wine refrigerator and poured them each a glass.
Lauren took two long sips, savoring the fine vintage, before setting her glass down. Then, without even blinking an eye, she plunged right in.
“I met him six years ago, when I was twenty and home from UCLA for the summer. We were together for ten days, the best ten days of my life, and I fell in love for the first and only time. And then he up and left one morning without a word and broke my heart. I never thought I’d see him again, told myself I didn’t want to see him again, until he wound up being my new boss at the magazine. And broke my heart all over again.”
Maddy sat and listened for the next half hour as Lauren expanded on her story, sharing details about Ben and their torrid summer fling, but stopping just shy of sharing too much. Maddy’s tender heart broke half a dozen times for her niece, at seeing just how vulnerable Lauren really was, and tried not to think about how closely parts of Lauren’s story paralleled her own.
Maddy shook her head at the end of Lauren’s tale. “Darling, I’m so sorry, so terribly sorry for you. But two things in particular trouble me about all of this. First, why in the world didn’t you share any of this with us before now? I understand perhaps why you didn’t tell me or your mother about it, but your own sister? Surely you didn’t think Julia wouldn’t have understood or supported you?”
Lauren sighed, refilling her wine glass. “Of course not. I know Jules would have moved heaven and earth for me, just like I would for her, no matter what the circumstances. I never told her when it all happened because she was so busy with work and school and her own life, and, well, you know how it’s always been with me. I hate being thought of as weak or needy or girly, and I couldn’t stand the thought of crying on anyone’s shoulder. And, well, I was ashamed, too. I’d been made a fool of, after all, and that sure as hell wasn’t something I was anxious to admit.”
“You weren’t a fool,” assured Maddy gently, stroking her niece’s cheek. “You were just in love, darling. Young and happy and so much in love. No one would have faulted you for that or thought less of you. Which brings me to my second question. Why haven’t you allowed Ben to explain things to you after all this time? From what you’ve told me, and from what I could gather that day we met him at Norma’s, he seems like a decent man. Kind, even.”
“He is.” Lauren gave a little shrug of resignation. “And I guess the reason I haven’t wanted to hear him out is because I’m afraid to know the truth. Afraid that he is just being kind, and that leaving that morning without a word was his way of letting me down easy. And, well, as you know, I’m also stubborn as hell. Stubborn and proud and unforgiving. I was still so mad at him, so hurt that he could leave me after everything we’d shared, that I thought to hell with him. That if he didn’t appreciate what he had with me, if he was too stupid to know a good thing when he had
it, then I didn’t want anything more to do with him.”
Maddy shook her head. “You owed it to yourself to learn the truth, Lauren, even if it was a hard truth. You still owe it to yourself. It’s never too late, you know, to ask. To go to him and say you’re finally ready to listen, even if you aren’t going to like what he has to say.”
“I can’t, Aunt Maddy.” Tears welled up in her eyes again and she brushed them away angrily. “It’s way, way too late now. Ben and I barely speak to each other these days, and well, if Elle can be believed, he’s about to ask her to marry him. Going to him now – it would only look like sour grapes, or like I’m trying to cause trouble. Or, worse, that I’m desperate.”
“First of all,” declared Maddy, “you have no reason to believe that little witch. As jealous of you as she seems, I’d be willing to bet she just made that bit up about getting engaged. Or maybe she believes it’s going to happen but is really just deluding herself. But even if it is true, you still deserve to hear Ben’s side of things. Just like he deserves the chance to tell you.”
“I don’t know.” Lauren chewed on her bottom lip uncertainly. “Maybe. I’ll think about it while I’m in Canada.”
“Do that, darling. For both your sakes.”
Maddy picked up the bottle of wine and was a bit alarmed to realize they had drunk the entire bottle. She heaved a sigh as she got to her feet again.
“My turn now, I suppose. Though I just realized I’m going to need something a whole lot stronger than wine before I can bare my soul.”
Chapter Twenty
Lauren blinked in surprise as her normally sophisticated, refined aunt walked into her kitchen and returned a few moments later carrying two shot glasses and a chilled bottle of Skyy vodka. Without a word, Maddy poured them each a glass, belted hers down neatly, and then refilled it.
“There,” declared Maddy, shuddering just a bit as the alcohol hit her stomach. “I think that will do it. At least for now.”
Lauren grinned. “And I always wondered why you kept that bottle in the fridge. You know vodka isn’t my favorite, and I’ve never actually seen you take a shot of anything before. Great technique, by the way. The kind that only comes with a lot of practice.”
Maddy gave her a wink. “I’ve been known to let my hair down on occasion, though not so much in recent years. When I was in college, though – well, that’s a tale for another day. The one I’m going to tell you tonight actually began when I was a little younger than you are now – twenty-five, to be precise. It was springtime in Paris – such a cliché, I know – when I met a man by the name of James Butterfield. And it was definitely, absolutely, love at first sight – for both of us.”
Lauren was instantly intrigued, both by the way her aunt’s blue gray eyes lit up at the mention of this man’s name, and at the wistful note of longing in her voice.
“What were you doing in Paris? Vacationing?” inquired Lauren.
Maddy shook her head. “Working. I was an apprentice at Lanvin, putting in gruesomely long hours for practically no money. The apartment I lived in was so tiny it made your sister’s old place here in town look like a two bedroom flat. But I didn’t mind, because I was doing the work I loved in the city I loved. I was surrounded by beautiful art and clothes and incredible food and wine, and there was romance everywhere I looked. It was fitting, I suppose, that the only time I ever fell in love was in the City of Lovers.”
“Did this James work in the fashion industry, too?”
“Goodness, no.” Maddy gave a little laugh. “He was in finance, darling, came from a very long and distinguished banking family in England. We actually met at an art gallery, during a show for a new artist. And it was like something out of a romantic movie – our eyes met across a crowded room and the rest is history. At least for a time.”
“Now, this is starting to get good,” said Lauren, rubbing her hands together in glee. “What did he look like? I mean, just the fact that he was British – and rich – was probably enough to sweep a twenty-five year old woman off her feet. There’s just something about a man with an accent, isn’t there?”
Maddy laughed. “How true, darling. And, yes, he certainly did sweep me off my feet. He was older – twelve years to be exact – handsome, well dressed, sophisticated, and very, very charming. He was also,” she added soberly, “married, with three children.”
Lauren gaped in surprise. “Aunt Maddy – what - ”
Maddy held up a hand at Lauren’s protest. “It’s not what you think, Lauren. At least, not exactly. When I first met James he’d been legally separated for almost a year, and his children were all in their teens. His wife – well, from what he told me his life with her was extremely unhappy. She was a very high strung, nervous woman, easily upset, and James was constantly having to deal with one little emotional upheaval after another. By the time his youngest turned thirteen, he’d had enough and moved out of the house.”
Lauren nodded. “Okay, I get that. Sounds like the wife made his life a living hell, and he deserved a shot at some happiness.”
“Yes.” Maddy seemed pleased that she understood. “We fell madly in love right from the start. James was based in London, of course, had a flat there, and saw his children on a regular basis. He and I only got to see each other when he could come to Paris for the odd weekend, or if he could steal away for an extra day or two. But I didn’t mind, was willing to put up with anything so long as I could have him with me. We were crazy about each other, so in love that it makes me tingle all over just thinking about it.”
“So what happened, Aunt Maddy?” Lauren asked gently. “What happened to break you up?”
Maddy closed her eyes briefly before pouring another shot of vodka and tossing it down. “We had been seeing each other for almost a year,” she recalled. “My contract with Lanvin was nearly up, and I was considering moving to London so that we could be together all the time. James had introduced me to his children by then, and they were all very sweet to me. I think perhaps living with their mother tried their patience as well, and it was a relief for them to be around someone more calming.” She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “James had made an appointment to see his attorney, was ready to take the next step and initiate formal divorce proceedings. He would be free then, free to marry me, to have children of our own. And then the accident happened.”
Maddy took a third shot of vodka, her still flawless complexion paling beneath the strain of her story. “His oldest child – Christine – had just turned eighteen. She was a beautiful girl – kind, gentle, but full of life. Very much like her father. And – oh, God, it was tragic, Lauren, just heartbreaking. She was driving home from a party with several friends and their car was hit head on by a drunk driver. Four of them in all – all so young, with so much to live for – all of them killed instantly.”
Lauren, who had never met or even heard of this girl until now, nonetheless felt the same pangs of sorrow that her aunt had undoubtedly known for years, and wrapped her arms around Maddy’s waist. “I’m so sorry, Aunt Maddy,” she whispered. “How awful.”
Maddy pressed a kiss to Lauren’s forehead. “It was awful, darling. For everyone. James was devastated, especially since Christine had been his favorite. But he couldn’t afford to mourn, to grieve, because he had to be the strong one. His other children – a boy and another girl – were so upset while his wife – well, she was so distraught that she had to be sedated round the clock for some time. Between comforting his family, taking care of the children, and making funeral arrangements, I didn’t see or speak to James for weeks. But I understood, I knew all the responsibilities he had, and just wished I could have been there to help him get through it all. I didn’t dare, however, given how far gone his wife already was. If I had been in the picture, there’s no telling how much deeper she would have sunk. So I stayed in Paris, working hard, telling myself that James didn’t really want to be away from me, and that he would call or see me as soon as he could. And th
en, almost a month after Christine died, he came to Paris one final time.”
Lauren hugged her beloved aunt a little tighter. “What happened?”
Maddy blew out a breath. “What I’d expected would happen ever since I’d heard about Christine. He was terribly upset, dreadfully sorry, but with his wife – her name was Miranda – so incapacitated there was no possible way he could proceed with a divorce at that time. His children needed him too badly, needed at least one stable parent in their lives. And he couldn’t in all good conscience divorce Miranda when she was in such bad shape. He told me that maybe one day we could still be together, one day when Miranda was better and the children were a little older. But until then he had to do the right thing for all of us and not see me again. And that was the last time I ever saw or heard from James again.”
Lauren had tears in her eyes again, having cried more in the last few hours than she had in decades. But this time the tears weren’t for herself. “Oh, God, Aunt Maddy – I’m so, so sorry. You must have been devastated.”
Maddy nodded. “It was heartbreaking. I’ve never known pain like that in my life, never lost something so precious before. I begged James not to end things, told him I didn’t care if I could only see or talk to him once in awhile, so long as we could still be together. But he refused, saying that it wouldn’t be fair to me, that I was too young and beautiful and talented to waste my life waiting around for something that would probably never happen. He wouldn’t even kiss me good-by, told me that if he started he wouldn’t be able to stop. So he walked out of my tiny little apartment and out of my life.”
“How awful for both of you,” murmured Lauren. “Because I know without being told how much he must have loved you, too. But what I don’t know is why you kept this secret for so long, why Mom never told Julia and I anything about it. Did she - ”
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