“It’s a long story, most of which I’m still learning as we go along,” admitted Angela. “But Nick invited his mother out here for a visit, and I think she’ll be up sometime next month. He’s – well, we’ve both had issues with our families in the past, but I think it’s time to try and change that. Though maybe not so much with his father.”
“I’m really happy for you, Angie,” Lauren told her quietly, giving her hand another squeeze. “You deserve it, especially after all those years of being miserable. And – I swear I never, ever thought I’d be saying this after the hell Nick put you through – I think you should move in with him. Both of you have been alone way too much.”
Angela nodded. “That’s how I feel, too. And it’s actually good timing, since the lease on my flat is up in October. And with Julia moving out of her flat in January, I’ve been thinking about making a change anyway.”
“Hmm. You and Jules both moving out of San Francisco at nearly the same time,” lamented Lauren. “Guess I’ll have to find another place to crash when I’m in town.”
“I’m sure Nick wouldn’t mind if you stayed here,” assured Angela. “It’s a pretty big place as you can see.”
Lauren shrugged. “We’ll see. I don’t want to intrude on you lovebirds. That’s why I only stay at Julia’s place when she and Nathan are at his condo. Or out of town like they are this weekend.”
Her sister and brand new brother-in-law had flown out to Michigan a couple of days ago for an extra-long weekend to see Nathan’s family and celebrate his younger brother’s birthday.
“Doesn’t Nathan have two bedrooms at his condo?”
Lauren wrinkled her nose at Angela’s question. “Yeah, that’s not the issue. What is the problem is that those two are damned noisy in the sack. Jesus, it’s like having a real life porn flick being filmed in the next room.”
Angela laughed. “What’s the matter? Are you suddenly turning into a prude?”
Lauren didn’t reply for long seconds, merely sipping her coffee and gazing out at the million dollar view of the bay from Nick’s back deck. When she did speak, her voice was soft and uncharacteristically somber. “Maybe I just don’t want a constant reminder that everyone else I know seems to have someone special in their life and I don’t.”
Over the course of six weeks or so, it had felt like everyone she knew was pairing up in one way or another. Julia and Nathan had been married at the end of June; a couple of weeks later Chris’s girlfriend Mindy had moved in with him; Ian Gregson and his “forbidden love” Tessa were officially a couple, and had been since her divorce a few months ago; now Angela and Nick were finally back together, and just last night Lauren had received a phone call from Karl that still had her reeling.
Tamsyn, it seemed, was pregnant, and it had been one of her hormonal outbursts that had caused their most recent break-up. But now they were not only back together but married as well – having done so in a simple ceremony at the local courthouse, with only their parents and siblings in attendance.
And as if all that wasn’t enough, Karl had dropped an even bigger bombshell on her.
“When my contract is up at the end of the year, I won’t be renewing it,” he’d confided. “No one else knows yet, not even Ben or Chris, so keep a lid on it until I can break the news. It’s just that with a baby coming, I feel like I want to be here, you know? To help take care of Tam and the kid, and not miss any milestones. I don’t want to be clear on the other side of the world on an assignment when my kid says its first word or takes its first step. And maybe this will finally be the motivation I need to write that book I’ve never managed to finish.”
Lauren had been alternately thrilled for Karl and Tamsyn, and left feeling a little lost at the knowledge he wouldn’t be part of her crew any longer. He had always been like a big brother to her, someone to bounce ideas off of, and they had always had each other’s backs. Even if she had never seen fit to confide in him about Ben.
Angela frowned. “Lauren – that’s crazy. You could have almost any guy you wanted, anytime you wanted. You don’t ever have to be alone. Unless, of course, there’s one particular man you’ve got your eye on and he’s not interested? Which, of course, would make him a complete moron.”
Lauren shook her head. “Forget I said anything, okay? Once in awhile I just get into a little funk and start thinking out loud a little too much. Nothing a night out on the town won’t cure. It is Saturday, after all, so I figure I’ll hit a few clubs, do a few rounds of shooters.”
“Alone?” asked Angela, frowning.
“Hmm. Well, I’m just guessing your man won’t let you go with me, especially since you’re supposed to be in recovery mode. And with Julia out of town – not to mention still in the honeymoon phase with ole Lover Boy – guess I’ll have to go with Plan C – C as in Courtney.”
Angela looked horror stricken. “Not the same Courtney who works in Julia’s office? The one with the green hair who might be the only person in the world who can out drink you?”
“Hey,” objected Lauren. “She might have managed one more shot than I did at Julia’s bachelorette party, but she also passed out cold right after – meaning that I can sure as hell hold my liquor a lot better than she can. And I think her hair is platinum blonde now. Whatever color it is, she’s always good for a few laughs.”
Angela rested a hand on her best friend’s forearm, her dark brown eyes filled with concern. “Are you sure you’re okay? Julia is worried about you, too, you know. When she visited me here a few days ago, she thought the same thing I did – that you were pining over some guy. Why won’t you talk to us about him, Lauren? I mean, if you can’t confide in your twin sister or your best friend, who can you talk to?”
Lauren waved a hand in stubborn dismissal. “I’m not pining over anyone, Angie. Pining is not my style, as you know. And there’s nothing wrong, I promise. Just some stuff I’m working through – on my own, okay?”
Angela glared. “How come you’re always butting into everyone else’s life, demanding answers and bossing us around, but when we try and do the same to you, it’s like pulling teeth to get anything out of you?”
Lauren grinned. “Because that’s what I do, Angie. I boss people around, give them lots of unsolicited advice, and make sure that they’re happy.”
“But who looks out for you, Lauren?” asked Angela sadly. “When will it be your turn to finally be happy? You deserve it more than anyone else I know.”
Lauren pasted a bright smile on her face, one she hoped didn’t look as forced as it felt. “Hey, I’m always happy, you know that. No bad times allowed for Lauren McKinnon. As for all that happily ever after crap – it’s enough for me that you and Julia have found your true loves. Not everyone can live in a fairy tale world, Angie.”
“Lauren - ” Angela began to object until Lauren held up a hand to silence her.
“No more today, okay?” pleaded Lauren. “It’s bad enough I’ve got to fly back to New York tomorrow night, and that the last time I checked the weather report it was supposed to be something like a hundred and forty degrees with three hundred percent humidity. So instead of moping about how I haven’t found my Prince Charming yet, why don’t you help me strategize on how to challenge Courtney to a rematch of our drinking contest and kick her skinny ass this time?”
Chapter Nineteen
August – New York City
It had been, thought Lauren as she exited the elevator into the lobby of her office building, possibly one of the top ten shittiest days of her life, a day that had actually begun late last night. She’d been nursing a rare but nasty hangover after bar hopping the previous evening with Courtney and a few of her friends, and the flight from St. Louis to New York had been unusually turbulent due to scattered thunderstorms. The flight had also been more than an hour late getting in, and she’d had to really hustle in order to get to the office on time. And the whole time – during the roller coaster ride of a flight, the cab ride through wall to wall traff
ic from the airport, the mad dash from Maddy’s apartment here to the office – Lauren had asked herself why she continued to put herself through this torture. As much as she loved her job – the travel, the excitement, the once in a lifetime experiences – the downsides that came with it were starting to wear on her. Namely, all the trips to New York, the meetings that seemed to be lasting longer and occurring more frequently these days, the budget restrictions that kept getting tighter, and, well – Ben.
It was becoming more and more difficult, more heartbreaking, to see him so often and yet have him seem so far away. He’d been in something of a bad mood himself today, terse and withdrawn, and having very little to say. Karl, in fact, had been the only one of the crew to be in a good mood today, but he had also seemed distracted and out of sorts, small wonder considering he’d had to leave his pregnant, newly wedded wife for the next two and a half weeks. The crew was flying out in a few days to the Canadian Rockies, where the cool mountain air would be a blissful relief from the hot, muggy conditions here in Manhattan.
She’d been running so late this morning that she hadn’t dared take the time to change clothes, so she was still wearing the cropped cargo pants, tank top and flip flops she’d worn on the flight. She longed for a shower, her favorite jammies, a good stiff drink or two, greasy Chinese takeout, and an early night – in that exact order. Wisps of hair were sticking out of a braid that had passed the point of being simply messy six hours ago, and she was miserably aware of the smell of her own sweat. The very last thing she needed in this condition, especially after the really lousy day she’d already had, was to run into Elle Kimbrough. And especially when Ben’s poised, polished girlfriend looked as fresh and cool as a daisy, making Lauren feel as though she’d spent the day crawling on her belly through the jungle.
Elle was wearing a sleeveless sheath dress of pale taupe that not only flattered her skin tone but somehow didn’t have even the tiniest wrinkle. Her coordinating sling-back pumps had a sensible heel, while her black hair, as usual, was coiffed in a perfect French twist. She wore a plain gold watch that Lauren knew had still been hideously expensive, and a pair of dainty gold hoop earrings.
Lauren thought about pretending she didn’t see her, or simply giving her the briefest of waves as they passed, but cursed her bad luck – the bad luck that seemed to be getting worse as the day went on – as Elle quite intentionally approached her.
The two women had run into each other several times since Elle’s little hissy fit at the holiday party. Each time they had barely acknowledged the other, and had gone out of their way after an initial greeting to not speak again. So it was with mingled surprise and unease that Lauren stood and watched Elle walk towards her now.
“How are you, Lauren?” asked Elle in that snooty British accent Lauren hated. She really wasn’t sure why it bugged her so much. After all, Ian Gregson’s own accent was enough to make a grown woman swoon, and Lauren had been no exception. But Elle’s very upper crust tones seemed affected, exaggerated, as though she was flaunting her privileged upbringing, and Lauren almost cringed every time she spoke.
“I’ve had better days, actually,” drawled Lauren. “Jet lagged, hungry enough to eat a whole cow, and - ” she sniffed delicately at her armpits, “I really need a shower.”
Elle gave her one of those tight little smiles, the ones Lauren longed to slap off her face. “Yes, I can tell,” she replied with a faint air of disdain. “Did you just arrive in this morning?”
“Bright and early. Actually, more early than bright,” lamented Lauren. “And thank God the day is finally over. Time to head home and have dinner with my aunt.”
Elle gave a tiny sniff. “I still can’t quite believe that your aunt is the head buyer at Bergdorf’s.”
Lauren shrugged casually, well aware that Elle was getting in one of her not so subtle digs. “My sister is the one who inherited Maddy’s fashion sense, not me. And let’s face it – for the job I do, running around in couture isn’t exactly practical. Besides, as you’ll recall, I do clean up quite nicely when the occasion calls for it.”
Elle’s already ramrod stiff spine straightened a degree or two further at Lauren’s own not so subtle reminder of the gown she’d worn to the holiday party. “Well, don’t let me keep you then, Lauren. From either dinner with your aunt or your shower.”
Lauren straightened to her rather meagre height of five foot three, wishing she was wearing a pair of stiletto boots right now instead of rubber flip flops. “I take it you’re here to meet Ben?”
Elle nodded. “Yes. We’re having dinner with my parents and some of their friends. Sort of a bon voyage party for the four of us. I assume Ben has told all of you that we’re headed to Spain for two weeks?”
Lauren forced herself not to betray the way her heart sunk at this news. “He mentioned he was going on vacation but not where. Or with whom. So, Spain, huh? It sounds – hot at this time of year. Like at least a hundred degrees or so.”
Elle shrugged, as though such things weren’t even worth her consideration. “The villa we’ll be renting is air conditioned, and has a pool. The heat won’t be a concern.”
There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments until Lauren ventured, “Well, have a great time.”
There was an avaricious gleam in Elle’s dark eyes as she replied, “Oh, I definitely will. Especially since I expect we’ll have good news to share when we return.”
Lauren’s heart sunk about ten feet at the smug tone of Elle’s voice. “Really? Like what?”
Elle gave her a very deliberate smile. “Well, let’s just say that Karl and Tamsyn might not be the only ones who tie the knot in the not so distant future.”
Lauren suddenly felt a cold chill run through her, down into her very bones, and the sweat that had dried on her skin throughout the day now felt clammy. Somehow she managed to maintain some semblance of dignity as she told Elle with exquisite politeness, “Well, I wish you all the best then, if that proves to be the case. Have a lovely trip.”
She forced herself to walk out of the building with her usual swagger, never betraying for even a second how deeply Elle’s announcement had shattered her. As she walked the long blocks towards Maddy’s apartment, she wondered wildly if what Elle had told her was really true, or if it was all a pack of lies intended to fuck with her head. Ben had never once dropped a hint that he and Elle were that serious, that he was actually thinking of proposing. But then, Ben spoke to her as seldom as possible these days, and never about anything personal.
It made sense, she told herself as she continued on her way. Horrible, awful sense. Ben and Elle had been together for about two years now, lived together for God’s sake. Lauren knew he’d been to England several times with Elle to visit her family and spend holidays. Now they were vacationing with her parents.
Yes, it all added up, and pointed to the next logical step in their relationship. Elle would likely come back from Spain sporting an engagement ring, her parents would throw her and Ben some hoity toity party to announce the good news, and in a year’s time they would be married in a big, lavish ceremony.
And in the meanwhile, the few pieces of Lauren’s heart that still remained intact would be crushed into tiny bits, until there was nothing of it left. How in the world would she be able to bear it – to watch the man she still loved, the only man she’d ever loved – marry someone else?
With that thought, Lauren made a decision – one that had been weighing heavily on her for some time now. Elle’s joyful little announcement a short time ago had been just the catalyst she needed to finally follow that decision through.
***
Madelyn Benoit wasn’t a woman who was easily shocked or caught off guard. In the very powerful and influential position she held, she had learned to be prepared for just about anything, to keep her wits about her, and always remain calm. But she was completely flabbergasted when she walked inside her penthouse apartment after work to find her beloved niece curled up on the sofa
in the fetal position, sobbing her heart out. A shot glass and half empty bottle of tequila rested on the coffee table within arm’s reach, and Maddy guessed that Lauren had had more than her normal share, given the state she was in.
Lauren was wearing a pair of olive green cargo pants and a black tank top that were so wrinkled they looked as though she had slept in them. Her hair was sticking out wildly in all directions, her braid all but destroyed.
Maddy realized she hadn’t seen her niece cry since Lauren had been a very small girl, and she wasn’t at all sure how to react at this moment. Fortunately, instinct took over and she merely sank down next to Lauren on the plush sofa and pulled her close. The fact that Lauren didn’t even try to resist, or disguise the fact that she’d been crying her eyes out, only made it more obvious how upset she really was.
“Shh, darling. It’s all going to be okay,” soothed Maddy. She stroked her niece’s tangled curls as Lauren continued to weep against her shoulder. “Whatever’s got you this upset, it will all be okay.”
Lauren lifted her head, her green eyes drowning with tears, her face flushed. “No,” she whispered sorrowfully. “Nothing will ever be okay again, Aunt Maddy. He’s broken my heart for good this time.”
Maddy was startled at this tearful confession. “Who, darling? Who broke your heart? I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”
Lauren shook her head. “I’m not,” she sniffed. “Not really. It was a long time ago. Only now he’s back and it’s worse than ever, and I can’t go on this way anymore, Aunt Maddy. I have to leave.”
“Leave?” Maddy couldn’t disguise the alarm in her voice. “Leave where? What are you talking about?”
Tears tracked down Lauren’s cheeks. “Leave New York,” she croaked. “Leave the magazine. Leave – him.”
“Lauren.” Maddy used her thumb to wipe away her niece’s tears, only to watch as new ones appeared. “Good Lord, are these the clothes you wore on the plane? Look, darling, why don’t you go and have a shower, put on your comfiest PJ’s, and then we’ll have a little talk. I’ll order dinner in the meanwhile, get us something cold to drink – not more alcohol. Get along with you now, hmm?”
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