Song Chaser (Chasers)

by Kandi Steiner

  I groan and plop back against the pillows, “You’re the worst at reminding me that I should stay away from him, Mee Ma.”

  She chuckles and I can almost see her smile in my head. I love her smile, and I ache even more wishing I could have them here with me, too. “Honey, if you want to stay away from him, then do it. But don’t look to me to tell you not to follow your heart. I’m far too old to play the games you young people like to play. You can say what you want and tell me all the fibs you tell yourself, but I know better. You care about that boy, and two weeks of not talking didn’t do anything to change that – except for maybe make you care even more.”

  A sigh escapes my lips and I close my eyes, wishing she wasn’t right but knowing she is. “Don’t you ever get tired of being right?”

  Mee Ma lets out a short laugh, “After all the years with your grandfather, I got pretty used to it. I love you, pretty girl. Go have some fun, and for God’s sake stop acting like getting butterflies in your stomach is a bad thing. Please? For your old Mee Ma?”

  I nod, more to myself than to her. There’s a new line between me and Tanner, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy this time with him and his family. As friends.

  As just friends.

  “No butterflies allowed, Mee Ma. But, I will try to loosen up and relax a little. Promise.”

  “It’s better than nothing. Miss you, sweetie.”

  “Miss you, too. Is Dad around?”

  Mee Ma is quiet, both of us knowing the answer to the question before I bothered asking. Even when I’ve visited home for Thanksgiving the past few years, my dad doesn’t say much. He watches football and eats dinner, then he turns in early and the rest of us enjoy the night without him. I knew before I asked that he wouldn’t want to talk to me, but for some reason I asked anyway.

  I always do.

  “Nevermind, I’m actually going downstairs to help Tanner’s mom in the kitchen,” I say, breaking the silence. I know my Mee Ma is tired of thinking up excuses for him. “Just give him and Seth a big hug for me, okay? And tell them I love them.”

  “I will, dear. Happy Thanksgiving.”

  “Happy Gobbler Day,” I say and I hear her chuckle once more before I hit end.

  * * *

  Sharon and I are in the kitchen all afternoon, prepping and cooking and baking and then prepping again. I’m so used to being in the kitchen practically by myself when I cook at home and I can tell Sharon is, too. But we fall into a rhythm together and laugh and talk all day as we cook. She tells me embarrassing stories about Tanner as a little boy and asks me questions about my family and schooling, and I can tell she’s not just asking – she’s actually interested. Hours fly by in what feels like minutes and before I know it, we’re setting the table and the boys are turning off the game to join us.

  “Is it just the four of us?” I ask, wondering how in the world we’re going to eat all the food we prepared. We have enough for at least twenty people, but there are only four spots set at the table.

  “Right now, yes. But don’t worry dear, our hard work won’t go to waste,” Sharon says, winking at Tanner.

  “Mom and Dad take the leftovers down to Dad’s office every year after we eat,” Tanner fills in. “A lot of my dad’s patients don’t have much, especially since pediatric care isn’t the cheapest thing in the world. My dad helps out by offering payment plans and he gives free services whenever he can, and every Thanksgiving we have two dinners – one here and one there.”

  My heart swells and I turn to David, who’s smiling modestly at his wife. “That’s amazing,” I say softly.

  “Oh, Tanner makes us sound like superheroes. We’re just normal people doing what any other family in our situation would do,” David says, still smiling.

  I return his smile as I take a seat, but we all know it’s not what anyone would do. Hell, it’s not what I would do, though now I want to. I make a mental note to research how I can do something positive with my major later. Suddenly, I see where Tanner gets the goodness in his heart. I see why it was so easy for Paisley to break him, why it was so easy for him to give himself to her the way he did – no reservations, no worries of what might happen. With parents like this, how could he not?

  The food is delicious and the conversation rich. I find myself smiling and laughing more at this table than I have in the past decade. Tanner and David fire jokes back and forth and Sharon chimes in with the best punch lines. Jack lies by my feet under the table and Tanner slips him a piece of turkey every now and then, making him wag his tail in gratitude. The funny thing is that I should probably feel like an outsider, but I don’t. My ribs hurt from laughing with them and I feel comfortable, home-like even.

  I tell them stories about me and my hometown, about my family’s syrup business and my Mee Ma’s crazy antics. I learn about David’s road to getting his own practice and Sharon’s hard work as a stay at home mom and fitness instructor. And every now and then I look over at Tanner, and he’s always looking back at me, his honey eyes soaking into my skin.

  I really wish he’d stop, but I can’t look away from him, either.

  After dinner, Sharon and I clear the table while David and Tanner load up their SUV with all the crock pots and baking pans full of food.

  “You ready?” Tanner asks as I load the last dish into the dishwasher.

  “Are we going to your dad’s office? I just need to grab a coat and my scarf.”

  He shakes his head, “Mom and Dad are going up there, but you and I have other plans.”

  I lift my brow, “We do?”

  He nods, “Go grab your jacket and meet me out back. And don’t wear nice shoes.”

  I scrunch my nose, trying to think of what shoes I brought. Now that I think about it, I think the brown boots on my feet right now are all I have. “Where are you taking me, exactly?”

  He smiles, killing me softly with the curve of his lips. “You’ll see.”

  Chapter 17

  Show Up or Shut Up

  Tanner

  The moon is high tonight, casting its glow across the calm waters of Oak Springs Lake. I load up the boat with supplies for the night – including my guitar – and double check the gas. The water is rocking gently against the dock, the only other sound the soft buzzing of insects, though they’re quiet compared to the summer.

  My palms are sweaty, my heart racing a little too quickly. Even though I know I shouldn’t be anticipating anything I am anyway. I want tonight to be perfect – want to earn back some of Kellee’s trust that I threw out the fucking window the night she met Paisley. It’s cold, but not unbearable, and the sky is wide and clear. Little stars are spattered everywhere, competing with the fierce glow of the moon. It reminds me of the two of us on the roof of Kellee’s apartment, and I can’t help but hope it will remind her, too.

  “Wow,” I turn and see Kellee walking down the dock. “The moon is so bright tonight. It’s gorgeous.”

  You’re gorgeous, I want to say. But I don’t. She’s changed out of the sweater dress and leggings she wore all day and into a tight pair of jeans. Even wrapped in her jacket and scarf I’m distracted by the curves of her body, and at this distance her eyes almost seem to glow under the moonlight. They almost match the lake.

  “Kind of puts the New York sky to shame, doesn’t it?”

  She shrugs, “Maybe in the city. The sky upstate is like this, too. It’s even prettier when there’s snow on the ground.”

  “It doesn’t snow often here, but the lake takes on a whole other kind of beauty when it does.” She brings her gaze down from the sky and locks her eyes on mine, smiling softly. For a moment, I just stand there and watch her. I study the flow of her blonde hair, the freckles speckling her cheeks. She really is so fucking beautiful.

  “Where are we going?”

  Her voice brings me back and I move to help her onto the boat, climbing up after and untying us from the dock. “Nowhere. And somewhere. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  Kel
lee sits at the front of the boat, leaning over the small railing as I start the engine and coast us away from the dock.

  “This is amazing, I’ve wanted to ride on a boat since I was a little girl.”

  I shake my head, “I have to admit, this is one first of yours I wasn’t expecting. I still can’t believe you’ve never been on one. I’ll have to bring you back in the summer and take you tubing. It’s a lot more fun when you can actually get in the water and enjoy it.”

  She looks back at me and I see a sadness in her eyes and a fakeness behind her soft smile. I know she’s thinking that she won’t be back here, that I can’t say shit like that but hell I can’t help it. I want her to come back.

  “You might want to move back here with me when we pass the cove. The wind is going to be kind of chilly once we get going.”

  She walks slowly back to where I sit and climbs in the small seat beside me. I grab one of the blankets I packed from my bag and hand it to her.

  “What kind of boat is this, anyway? It’s really nice,” she asks, spreading the blanket over her legs and pulling it tight up under her chin. It really makes me want to stop the boat and wrap up in that blanket with her.

  “It’s a Hurricane Sundeck. SS 231 OB. Dad wanted a fun boat for us to all go out on the water with in addition to his fishing boat, so he bought this one a few years ago. We used to have a pontoon and wave runners. Those were my favorite.”

  “The wave runners?”

  “Hell yeah. I used to go as fast as I could on them, do figure eights and jump the waves. My high school friends would all come over and we’d go tubing. It was a blast.”

  She smiles, “It sounds fun. Your house, this boat, your family – everything is just so perfect.” I glance over and see her biting her lip, her eyes focused on the water ahead of us. I know she’s thinking about her family, about her mom leaving and her dad not talking to her. The last thing I want is for tonight to head in that direction.

  “Let’s kick this baby into gear. You ready to go fast, Freckles?” I ask, flashing her my half smile as I start to accelerate. Her eyes light up and her smile grows.

  We’re one of the few boats on the lake, an open body of water spread out before us. I take us fast over the glass-like water, the cold wind whipping Kellee’s hair as we tear across the lake. Suddenly, she stands up and lets the blanket fall to the floor. She moves back to the front of the boat and sits on her knees on the front seat, stretching her arms out wide. Tilting her head back, she closes her eyes and lets out a loud, sexy as hell laugh. The wind is blowing her hair back, the moon making it shine like it does in the sun. She looks incredible, like a girl taking her first real breath, a free spirit letting go of everything.

  And I want nothing more than to help her let go.

  She turns back to me, her hair still whipping wildly. “Is it crazy that I kind of miss my mom?” She asks over the wind. She walks back to sit beside me again and pulls the blanket up over us, waiting for my answer.

  “Not at all, Frecks. I’d say it would be crazy if you didn’t.”

  She nods, staring out at the water in front of us. “It’s just, being around your mom and dad makes me think of the way things used to be. My dad was so happy back then. I miss my mom because she’s not here for the important things in my life, but more than that – I miss her for my dad.”

  I debate reaching for her hand, but she’s got both of them tucked into the blanket and I’m sure she would just pull away, anyway. “Have you ever thought about trying to find her?”

  Kellee shrugs, “No. I think I saw her once, though. In the city. I was at a brunch place with Tee and I swore I saw her sitting at a table with a man. She even looked over at me, and for a minute I thought she would recognize me and jump up from the table to run to mine. But, she just looked away again, offering me nothing more than a friendly smile you would give to a stranger.” She’s chewing on her bottom lip a little too hard and I’m afraid she’s going to draw blood.

  “Well, my mom has enough personality to go around the world twice and still have some left over, so feel free to get your motherly fix,” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

  Kellee looks up at me and smiles, her eyes shining. “I just might take you up on that.”

  I drive us around for a while before pulling into a small cove and cutting the engine. I park the boat in the sand next to a row of others before jumping out and fastening the rope around a tree just in case. Usually, the sand holds the boat in pretty good and I have to push it out to get it to move, but the last thing I need is my dad’s boat floating off.

  “Where are we?” Kellee asks as I help her off the boat. She stumbles a little when her boots hit the sand and she falls into me, her tight body pressing against mine. I hold her hips until she steadies herself, and maybe just a little bit longer. She looks up at me, the moon still playing in her eyes.

  “Careful, Frecks. I need you in one piece tonight,” I smile at her, but she doesn’t return it. Her breath is still caught in her throat, the tension between us strangling both of us. Slowly, she pulls back and stands on her own. “To answer your question, we’re going to a party.”

  “A party? On Thanksgiving?”

  “It’s kind of tradition,” I explain, grabbing her hand and steering us toward the small opening in the trees that will take us back to the bonfire. She tries to pull away, just like she did this morning, but I grip tighter and continue talking. “A group of my friends and I started coming out here every Thanksgiving starting my freshman year. Of course, back then I would ride with the older kids who could drive their parents’ boat this late without needing anyone with them. Most of us would be stuck in our houses watching movies or sleeping after Thanksgiving dinner anyway, so we started coming out here. Oh, shit –”

  I stop and run back to the boat quickly, grabbing my guitar. When I catch back up to Kellee, she eyes the case and quirks a brow, “Is that a guitar?”

  “I told you I had one,” I smirk, grabbing her hand again. What I don’t tell her is that I only know a few songs, one of those being the one I learned because I wanted to play it for Paisley.

  And one that I’ve spent the last two weeks learning because it made me think of her.

  “Anyway, that’s what I was going to say. We all come out here and kind of have a jam session and drink a few. I never really played until recently, but I used to sing a lot. Last year was the only year I didn’t come.”

  “Why? What happened last year?”

  I think back to Thanksgiving break last year, not even two months after I left Paisley’s. It was the night she called and told me she didn’t want to fight, that she wanted to figure things out between us. I asked her if she was still with Corbin, and she was. As shitty and childish as it sounds, I didn’t leave the house that night and opted for drowning in whiskey by myself, instead. “Let’s just say I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.”

  Kellee nods, and I think she connects the dots. “Are you tonight? In the right frame of mind, I mean?”

  I contemplate her question, thinking about Mariah, about Paisley, about Kellee and the new boundaries on our relationship. Just friends. “I’m not exactly sure, but I needed to come. And I wanted you to be with me,” I squeeze her hand a little before turning us down the narrow path leading back to the fire.

  When we reach the clearing, a dozen people are already there, laughing and pouring drinks. I recognize most of them, only seeing a couple of new faces that I’m unsure of. For the most part, it’s the same old crew. Even though they’re my high school friends and we all have different lives now, I love that we still do this. Though, the number of attendants seems to shrink more and more each year. I guess that’s how life works. We grow up and grow apart, all the while holding on to the feeling of the past which used to be the very present we undervalued then and continue to now.

  “Well I’ll be damned,” Drew says as he spots us emerging from the woods. “That shot we took must be stronger than I thought bec
ause I’m seeing shit!”

  Everyone turns and a mixture of cheers and laughs explode around us. Samantha, my ex from high school, is the first one to reach us. We dated when I was a junior, but realized we were better off as friends.

  Story of my fucking life, apparently.

  She throws her arms around my neck and gives me a hard squeeze, her long dark hair swirling around my face. “Tanner! I can’t believe you came! We thought we lost you last year,” she pulls back and smiles, her eyes glistening. She’s still just as beautiful as she was in high school, though she pales in comparison to Kellee. The last time we were here, two years ago, she told me she was engaged. Judging by the two glittering rings on her finger, that engagement turned into a marriage.

  “Can’t get rid of me that easily,” I offer an uneasy smile. “This is my friend, Kellee.” I choke a little on the word friend.

  Kellee extends her hand to Samantha, but she wraps her in a hug instead, making Kellee tense. This girl’s had more hugs in the past twenty-four hours than in the past twenty-four years, probably. I guess that’s Georgia for you. “It’s so nice to meet you! Tanner’s never brought anyone with him to our Thanksgiving tradition. Are you from New York?”

  Kellee nods, “Yeah. I’m originally from upstate but I go to school in the city.”

  “Damn city slickers,” Drew teases, slapping my hand and thumping me hard on the back. Drew was on the football team with me in high school, always competing with me for the starting wide receiver position. We were pretty close all through school and even went to the University of Central Florida together in Orlando, but after the first semester of freshman year we grew apart. The only time I ever saw him after that was when we came here. He’s working as an accountant in Atlanta now.

  “Can I get you a drink?” Drew asks, turning his attention to Kellee. His eyes wander the length of her legs and I instantly tense, even though I’m not really allowed to.

  “She doesn’t drink,” I say a little too quickly.