by Reana Malori
Even with those rational thoughts going through his head, none of it changed how he felt about the situation. And from the way she was looking at him, he knew he had a long way to go before she trusted him again. Rubbing his hand across his short hair, he turned away from Janae to steady his breathing. Tilting his head back, he closed his eyes for a second, “If I had known, I never would have left. I never would have been gone for so long.”
“Then maybe it's a good thing you weren't here. If the only reason you would have stayed is because you found out I was pregnant, I wouldn't have wanted you here. People who stay together just because they have a child… Well, that isn't the way to start a life. I would never want to feel as if I forced you to be with me.”
Whipping around, Noah stormed in her direction, coming to stand within a few inches of her. “That's not what I meant, and you know it. I'm just saying. If I had known, I would have been here. I never would have allowed you to go through this on your own. I was off playing the hero to others while you were alone, going through everything by yourself.” Lifting his hand to her face, he brushed the back of his fingertips along her cheek. His voice was low. Raw with regret. “You are still so goddamned beautiful.”
“Stop saying things like that.” Janae turned her head away and tried to move away from him.
“Why? Nothing’s changed for me. I still feel the same way about you. You gave me something I was missing. My walking away had nothing to do with you, or what we had together, or the way I felt about you. It had everything to do with me.” Cupping her face in his palms, he leaned his head down towards her, “I've missed you, Janae. I thought about you every day that I was away from you. I tried to forget you, tried to overwrite the memories of our time together with other things. I tried to let you go.”
“Why?” Her soft lips trembled.
He could tell she thought it was something about her that made him want to pull away. To leave her behind. It wasn’t. If only she knew how much life she breathed into him, she’d never question how much she meant to him. His dark and tattered soul needed her. He’d seen too much, done too much, to ever be a truly good man. “Sweetheart, I'm not someone you need in your life.”
Her light brown eyes looked up at him, and he could see the hurt reflected in her gaze. It tore him apart. The love he felt for this woman hadn’t gone away in the years he’d been gone. He’d done things he wasn't proud of. Things he prayed she’d never find out.
“But I wanted you. I needed you. So many nights I lay in bed, cradling my stomach, praying you’d come back to me. To us. I know what your job is Noah.”
“You don’t understand,” he interjected.
“You’re right. I don’t.”
“I’m not perfect. Never have been. Never will be.”
“I never asked for that,” she sighed. Glaring at him, her brow crinkled, and her sexy button nose scrunched. “Stop making excuses, Noah. Stop telling me what I want from you and listen to me. You say you’re someone I don’t need in my life. I’m telling you you’re wrong. You chose to give up on us without giving me a chance to accept everything about you, including a job that asked you to kill on command.”
His eyes closed to hide the emotions swirling within. He felt close to blurting out everything he’d done since they’d been apart. Every sin. Every transgression. Every person whose life had been snuffed out by his actions or deeds.
He’d honestly thought it had been the best thing for him to walk away. Seeing the effect death had on the family of his fallen comrades, he swore he never wanted to put someone through that. The utter devastation that happened to a family when a fallen Marine or Sailor came home in a box. When the husband was no longer there to tell his wife and kids everything would be okay. When the uncertainty of how they died tore at their soul as they wondered if their loved one suffered, or if they called out for their wife and child. He never wanted that life for Janae.
This woman was the love of his fucking life, and for that reason alone, he knew he was no good for her. It wasn't that he couldn't love her the way she needed to be, because he could. It was the possibility of his death, of leaving her on her own, that wouldn't allow him to take the gift she’d presented to him.
Now he back where he’d first began. Here he stood, observing Janae standing just feet away from him and he knew, without a doubt, he was fucked.
Taking a few steps closer to her, he took a deep breath. “I'm not going anywhere, and I’m not going to give you another reason to doubt my feelings for you, or just how much I want to be in Nicole’s life.” Wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her close, he lowered his head and gazed into her eyes. “Some things were going on at the time, and I felt it was the best decision for both of us. That was the wrong thing to do. I get that now. But believe me, it had nothing to do with you, or what we shared. Do you still... Do you still love me?”
Janae closed her eyes. He felt her breathe deep as she avoided his gaze.
“Answer me, Janae. I need to know I’m not in this alone.”
Eyes still closed, Janae's voice whispered up to him. “I’ve never stopped loving you. When you left, I almost died. I stopped eating. Stopped wanting to be here. I didn't understand what happened to make you cut me off the way you did. Every day, I questioned what I had done wrong to make you go away.”
Noah’s heart hurt at her words. He’d been a fool. Although her eyes opened, her gaze was off to the side.
“I was so devastated when you left. It was as if you’d died. That you’d been taken away from me without warning, and I had no time to tell you goodbye. At least not the way I wanted to. Finding out I was pregnant with your child was what brought me back to the living. Our baby was the only reason I got out of bed in the morning. Why I made myself eat. Our baby. We’d created a miracle together.” Pausing, she finally turned her gaze to his. “No matter how angry I was with you, I never stopped loving you.”
CHAPTER 10
Noah
Noah dipped his head, capturing her lips with a strong kiss. His tongue made its way into her mouth, dueling with hers as he tried to convey his feelings with this one sensual act. Pressing against her body, his cock thickened as he situated his large form between her soft thighs. Although they were still standing in the kitchen, he wasn't allowing this moment to get away from him. He needed to be close to her. His body had missed her. His heart craved her.
Her soft lips moved along his as she kissed him just as deeply. Soft hands caressed his body from his side to his chest to his shoulders, until her arms wrapped around him, gripping him along his back, just under his shoulder blades. One leg lifted, attempting to wrap itself around his waist as her moans filled the kitchen. A testament to how much each of them was enjoying this. Pulling away for just a second, he looked down into her eyes and a smile came over his face.
Her eyes were dazed, glazed over with lust. Her soft lips were swollen from the pressure of his kiss. Long, deep sighs filled the room, bringing back memories of their long nights and days when they were together in bed. He wanted nothing more than to be by this woman’s side for the rest of his days. If he had to spend the rest of his life making up for the mistake of leaving her, he would. No one was taking his family away from him again.
“Let me stay the night,” he pleaded.
“That might not be a good idea. What if Nicole finds you here? She knows you're her father, but she still so young. I don't want to confuse her.” Her hand came up to rub along the back of his neck, it had always been her favorite activity when they were together. After they’d finished making love, she’d rub her hands along his skin as if trying to memorize the feel of his body.
“I don't want to confuse her, but I don't want to leave. Not tonight. Now that I have you in my arms again, I don't want to let you go. Just give me a chance to make everything up to you. Let me show you how much I want you. That I need you.”
Janae stood there looking at him for a few long second
s. He almost smiled as he watched her. His woman was trying to make up her mind about him. She was trying to decide the best thing for them. He knew she still had her doubts about him. Based on his past behavior, he knew she questioned if he was someone who could stick it out when the road got tough. He knew she had reason to doubt him. He wouldn't blame her for that. Not tonight. Not ever. Not when the other half of his heart slept in a princess bed down the hallway. She had every right to protect her daughter—their daughter—from heartache.
The only thing he wanted right now, no—what he needed—was to be balls deep inside of her. Needed to feel her tight pussy as he thrust inside her. Her slick channel contracting around his hard, thick cock. Noah ached with the need to claim his woman. It had been too long. His desire for her was practically clawing at him to be set free.
“Come on, Sweetheart. You're killing me here.”
Janae grabbed his hand as she began walking out of the kitchen and down the hallway to her bedroom. They stopped for a moment so Janae could check on Nicole sleeping in her room. When she came back into the hallway, she softly closed the door. They both turned to continue the trek down the hallway to Janae’s bedroom.
Once inside, Noah couldn't keep his hands off her body. Rushing over to Janae, he scooped her in his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her warmth resting on top of his pulsating dick. His mouth took hers in a ravenous kiss as he pressed the two of them together. Getting as close as possible, without actually fucking.
“I missed this,” he whispered, moving his kisses from her lips to her neck.
“I did, too,” Janae moaned. Her body squirmed on top of his, pressing her body closer to his. “The bed. Take me to the bed.”
“As you wish.” Walking over to the king-size bed situated in the center of the room, Noah lay her down on her back on top of the quilt. His hands began roaming over her body, reacquainting himself with the landscape of her body that he'd missed for so long. Every valley and crevice had been his to explore for so long. It felt like coming home. Noah’s dick continued to press against the zipper of his jeans, almost becoming painful in his need to be inside of his woman.
His long fingers began removing her shirt from her body, “Lift your arms.” Once she did, he quickly removed the shirt from her body and flung it across the room. Just the sight of her breasts made his mouth water.
He longed to feel the soft flesh in his mouth, her hard nipples brushing against his soft tongue. Lifting the bra away from her breasts without unsnapping it, he leaned down and captured one nipple in between his lips. Suckling the turgid flesh, he bit down lightly with his teeth as she squirmed underneath him. He could feel the precum leaking from the tip of his cock, as his hips began thrusting forward and back, mimicking the motion of making love to his woman.
“Please, Noah,” she pleaded, licking her plump lips.
Leaning over her, he peered into her eyes before dipping his head to run his tongue over the lingering wetness on her mouth. I’ll never get tired of looking at her.
Moving his mouth from her wet nipple, he grinned at her. “There's no need to beg baby. I'm here for as long as you want me. I'm not leaving you again.”
Even in the haze of lust, Noah noticed Janae didn't respond to his declaration. She simply stared at him before she smiled seductively. “You have too many clothes on,” she purred.
He didn't need another hint. He began tearing off his clothes in record fashion. As each item was removed, he flung it somewhere in the room. He’d worry about picking them up after he satisfied his need to fuck his woman all night. She’d granted him this night, but that didn’t mean her bedroom would be open to him tomorrow. Noah would have to make sure she remembered just how good they were together.
Within seconds, he was bare-assed naked standing in front of her. His thick cock was leaking precum as he stared down at her. “Your turn,” he demanded. It was becoming too much. If he didn't get inside her soon, he would lose his damn mind.
Standing from the bed, Janae placed her hands on the waistband of her pants. Noah couldn’t resist reaching out to help her. Her soft giggle sounded in the room, but he didn’t care if he looked desperate with need. All that mattered was getting her naked. Pride and ego had been left outside in the hallway to languish while he got his fill. Quickly removing the material from her body, he flung it over his shoulder.
They stood in the middle of her bedroom; their naked bodies pressed together. His dick was growing rapidly from being so close to his desire. “Are you on birth control?”
Although he asked, he didn't really care. He wanted her something fierce, and he didn't want to wait. If their coming together meant she would have another child, he was okay with that possibility. Hell, he was almost hoping his seed would take root inside her body again. He’d give anything to see her stomach expand with his baby growing healthy inside her body. He would be by her side this time, removing any question about his commitment to her, or to their baby. If necessary, he would respect the need for birth control if she wanted it, but that wasn't his focus. The one thing he cared about most was being with Janae; reconnecting with the only woman who’d ever had his heart.
“Yes, I take the shot every three months.” Was it his imagination, or did her soft voice hold a note of regret?
Something within Noah rebelled at the thought of her body blocking them from creating another miracle. Plus, they weren't together so why the need for precaution? He knew it was a stupid thought, but he couldn’t help it. To him, it meant there was a possibility that someone else may have wanted to be where he was right now.
Looking down at her, he bared his teeth in a feral growl. He knew his jealousy was unwarranted. He was the one lying in bed with her tonight, and that was all he needed to know. But just the thought of her being with someone else this way made his heart clench with pain. Made him want to stake his claim. Made him desire to imprint on her as he forced her to remember how good they were together. How much they’d loved each other once.
Grabbing her chin in one strong hand, he held her face in position as she looked into his eyes. He needed her to hear his words. “There's no one else but me from this point forward. I fucked up. I admit it. But you… you and Nicole are every—” he paused, clearing his throat. “I'm not leaving you again. So, if there was someone else who thought to be in my spot, they’re shit out of luck.”
“There’s no other man.” Janae dipped her gaze.
He knew it wasn’t the full truth but wasn’t willing to go down that road tonight. “Look at me,” he demanded. “This is not the end. One time with you will never be enough for me. No other man will ever be able to take my place. You can deny it all you want, but you and I both know it’s true. I’m the only man who knows how to give you what you need. My touch is what your body craves. My hard dick stroking inside your warm, wet pussy as you scream out your orgasm and your juices flow from your body, is what we both need.”
“Noah…” she gasped. He smiled, knowing he was getting to her. That she was remembering all those days and nights they’d spent together.
“I’ll never stop wanting you. Never stop fucking you. Never stop licking your pussy and tasting your juices as you drip all over my tongue. That’s what I want from this day forward. You and me.”
Janae rested her forehead on his chest when he finished speaking. His large hands rubbed along her luscious body. There were a few more curves than he remembered, but they just made her even sexier. Grabbing a handful of her thick ass, he pulled her closer to his rigid flesh.
“Baby. Give me what I need. What we need,” he implored.
Lifting her head, she gazed into his eyes. Dropping her eyes to his thick, straining cock, she reached one hand down to graze the tip. Gathering a drop of his precum on her finger, she lifted the digit to her mouth and sucked the cream away.
Noah moaned low in his throat. “You’re killing me, baby. You’re mine, Janae. You know that, right?”
/> They stared at each other for a long heartbeat before she wrapped her arms around his neck. “If you want me back, you have to earn me.”
“I plan to. I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry I left you to deal with everything on your own. But I’m back now. With you. Leaving you wasn’t the answer. I’ve missed out on building a life together. Being without you was like ripping out my heart. If I have to earn your trust, your love, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
CHAPTER 11
Janae
Janae gave a single nod as her breath lodged in her throat. “I need you, Noah.” Looking down at him, she licked her lips in anticipation. The man was fine as hell. She’d often wondered how she’d gotten so lucky.
His stomach was flat, lean, corded with muscles. Tattoos covered most of his stomach and chest, and it made him look even more badass than he already was. Colors blended into one another, until many of the images were indiscernible, except for a dagger, dripping with blood. It looked as if it was painted over another image. She pressed her lips to his chest. “You’re driving me crazy.”
Noah fisted her hair, forcing her to look at him. “I haven’t started.”
Delicious shivers rippled up her spine. Her clit throbbed as Noah held her tight before whispering his command.
“Show me where you need me.”
Janae swallowed down a breath. Shakily, she spread her folds, wet to the touch. His gaze flickered, hardened.
“Keep it just like that for me, Sweetheart.”
She did. Janae kept herself open for him even as her breath hitched then ceased altogether when he fisted his cock. Her eyes latched on to the sight and she whimpered. She missed this. Missed him. Just the thought of him sliding his hardened flesh inside her body, increased her need for him. Making love to Noah had changed her forever. The slide of his thick cock as he took her to the pinnacle and back. Those large hands of his gripping her body tight against his hard form. He never allowed her to leave the bed until she had at least two full-blown, body-arching orgasms. Low moans began releasing from her lips as she watched him stroll closer to her. A sliver of fear and desire nestled in her belly. Janae couldn’t help but think he was going to rip her apart, it had been so long, but she didn’t care. Despite the fear, she couldn’t help but look her fill or stop the rush of moisture trickling on to her fingers. Thick, reddened veins ran along the length of him. The swollen crown was thicker than the already trunk-like base.
