by Reana Malori
She’d been propositioned by more than half of the husbands of each woman sitting in this room today. It sickened her. All of them thinking since she was a single mother, she must be loose and easy. That she would open her legs to anyone with a smile and some slick words. Glancing at the women, she smirked, shaking her head in disgust. If only they knew the tea she could spill. While they sat there looking down their noses at her, judging her for things they knew nothing about, they needed to look at their own homes. Look at their own husbands and fix what was going on in their own homes.
Anger bubbled to the surface when she noticed one woman cut her eyes at her, shaking her head in disgust. She knew exactly what that was all about. The bigotry still running rampant through her own community made her want to scream.
“Need to mind their own damn business,” she whispered while gathering their belongings.
If they could guess and spread gossip about Nicole's parentage, they were happy to do so. It gave them a reason to keep Janae’s name in their mouth and keep the focus off themselves and their issues. It kept them involved in her life, while ignoring the dust piling up on the skeletons lingering in their closets. It was their way of keeping her in her place by bringing up the age-old topic discussed on the front porches of black families in the South. Did Janae betray her own race? Had she become a bed wench for a white man?
Now they’d seen Noah sitting here with her, and Nicole clearly calling him her dad, it made the situation clear for everyone. Janae had gotten pregnant by a white man, who had not married her, who’d also left her to have a baby and raise her child on her own, and now he was back.
“Are you ready to go?” Noah’s voice broke through her internal musings, and she looked over at him with a question on her face.
“What?”
“I said, are you ready to go?” Noah motioned over to Nicole. When Janae looked in her direction, she noticed her daughter standing there patiently. Her ballet slippers shoved into her small backpack, the pink silk laces falling out and dangling toward the floor. Janae was so lost in her own thoughts, she hadn’t noticed any of the activity around her.
“Oh. Yes, I'm ready.” Noah reached out an arm, resting his hand on her lower back. His touch sent tingles shooting up her spine, her breathing hitched, and her head lifted towards his face. They walked in the direction of their daughter. Standing off to the side with one of her friends, Nicole looked over to them, her face beaming with joy. They’d almost made it when a voice called out to her. She cringed. Things were about to go south in about two-point-five seconds.
“Hey, Janae! Hey girl! What’s up? I didn’t get to talk to you today. You sat over there all by yourself.” The woman looked over at Noah and raised her eyebrows, “Well, not quite by yourself.”
Janae didn't want to introduce them, but she knew there was no getting around it. “Hey, Sharon. This is Noah. Noah… Sharon.” Her voice lacked friendliness or enthusiasm, but she didn't care at this point. Sharon was only here to start trouble. She was the resident busy body and a member of her family’s church.
Even in their teens, when they were in junior high school together, Sharon had been a thorn in her side. Gossip was her middle name. Petty was the name everyone called her—behind her back and in front of her face. No good would come out of this conversation.
Noah reached out to shake Sharon’s hand, and the sugary sweet smile she gave him and Nicole, made Janae’s skin crawl. She knew that look. Sharon was sizing up Noah to see exactly what he was made of, or trying to at least. Although Sharon claimed to only be about black love, Janae knew she spread her love around to whatever man was willing to take her up on it, whether he be black, brown, white, or tan.
Janae was done playing this childish game. Sharon had her weekly dose of gossip now, so it should feed her dark soul for the next week or so. “Sharon, we have to go. We have some errands to run.”
The wicked gleam in the woman’s eyes gave Janae all the warning she needed. The next words out of her mouth would not be welcome.
“So, I heard Nicole call Noah daddy. Did I hear that right? Did the prodigal father finally return?”
Anger rose to the surface. Clenching her fist, Janae wanted to knock the smirk off the other woman’s face. It would not be okay for her to punch another mother in ballet class. Especially not in front of Noah, or her child. Sighing, she stepped closer to the woman.
“Why do you need to know? That you would ask such a disrespectful question in front of my child doesn’t make me happy, Sharon. You should know better than to piss me off.” Janae had handed Sharon’s ass to her a few times in the past. The woman should know better than to test her, especially in front of Janae’s child.
Sharon’s shifty eyes looked around the room for an ally. Too bad for her, there was no movement from the peanut gallery. “I was just wondering. I mean, it's been almost five years. No one has seen him before now.” Turning fake, sad eyes to look at Noah and Nicole standing off to the side, she shook her head in faux sympathy.
“You have ten seconds to say what you need to say. You’re testing my nerves, Sharon. Don't make me embarrass you in front of all these people.”
Although her face held a smirk, the snarky woman took a step back. “I mean, it had to be hard all on your own. Well, your parents and the church helped you as much as they could. If you’ve been hiding a full-grown man—” with this, she looked Noah up and down, from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head, “—while everyone’s been supporting you, I think it's important for the church to know. I mean, you did go against God. You lay with a man without the sanctity of marriage. You bore his child.” Sharon’s lip curled as she looked between Noah and Janae, her eyes shooting fire at the two of them. “That you had a child out of wedlock with a colonizer is gonna break your mother's heart. And you know our families don't roll like that.”
Enough! Janae heard all she could stand. Anger and frustration, and yes, shame, rolled through her body. She could feel all the eyes of the women in the room staring at them as Sharon bared Janae’s guilt-ridden soul to the masses.
She did have a child out of wedlock. With a white man. She was embarrassed that she’d been a single mother, but she wasn’t going to accept the hateful words coming out of Sharon’s mouth. And yes, her parents would want to know why he’d come back to town, especially now. But that conversation was between her and her parents. Janae wouldn’t hang her head low for living her life.
Noah stood to the side of her, his arms folded over his chest. She could feel the irritation coming off him in waves, even though he hadn’t said one word. Looking over to Nicole, she saw her standing a few feet away from them with one of her best friends. The two girls giggling about something as they whispered to each other.
A headache was rapidly building. This is what life had been like for the last four-plus years. Everyone judging. Everyone getting in her face. And now Sharon had the nerve to stand here and lecture her about her what she owed to God, the church, and her parents, as if she had every right to do so. If Janae was such an immoral, godless, loose, race-traitor, then she may as well live up to her reputation.
“Sharon. I’ve given you more time than intended. Now, I'm going to tell you this only one time. Stay the fuck out my business.” The woman in front of her gasped, stepping back. Janae inched closer. “Neither you, the church, nor my parents, get to judge who I sleep with or who I have a child with. The church didn't help me. They judged me. They made me feel less than. As if my child made me unworthy. Unclean. You stand here with that smug look on your face attempting to lecture me about who Nicole's father is? That shit is priceless.” Now she was on a roll, and there was no stopping her. “You’ve had affairs with practically every husband in town. Your own husband can't stand the sight of you. Are your children even his? Because not only does he doubt it, but so does the entire town. Did you know that? Yeah, don’t ever judge me, or what goes on in my life. I put up with you and your trifl
ing ways for too long, and now I'm done.”
Taking a deep breath, she moved a step back. Straightening her shirt, she pasted a fake smile on her lips. “Now. You can run tell that to whomever you feel needs to know. But know this, don't you ever come at me again with some mess like this. Especially when my child is around. This is your one warning. Don’t make me tell you again.” Turning to look at Noah, she saw his face still held a hint of annoyance as he continued staring at Sharon standing there. Janae called out to Nicole with her hand outstretched. “Come on Nicole. Let's go, sweetheart. Time to go home.”
The three of them walked out of the ballet studio with their heads held high. Janae wanted to go back inside and slap Sharon upside her head but knew that would be the wrong thing to do. There were a bunch of little girls still standing around. That wasn’t something they should see. However, all bets were off if Janae saw Sharon out on the street. She wouldn't hesitate to give her the beat down she deserved. Mumbling to herself, she made her way to Noah’s truck. Walking faster than she realized, she didn't slow down until Noah grabbed Nicole up in his arms.
He wanted to know what happened back there, she could tell. “I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but I need it to stop.” Noah gave her a hard look as he continued walking to his truck with Nicole in his arms.
She watched as he quickly made his way over to the vehicle. He and Nicole whispered and laughed as the two of them moved ahead of her. Shaking her head, Janae knew she'd allowed Sharon to get the best of her. She never should've let her get under her skin, but it had become too much. All the tongue wagging and hateful words and judgmental stares had finally pushed her to her limit.
Yes, she hadn't told anyone about Noah. Hell, her parents didn't even know everything that happened between them. She had a right to her own privacy, especially when it came to her child. When she made the decision to keep her daughter, she knew there would be questions. Too many to answer at the time. The thing was, she didn't care then, and she still didn’t care four-and-a-half years later. But she was reasonable enough to understand there was someone else involved now.
Noah.
As Nicole got older, Janae knew the issues would continue. People would press and push and ask about her heritage. Janae didn’t want her daughter to defend her mother, her father, or the relationship between her parents. It was too much for a child to have to deal with. And since Janae was her mother, she’d never have to. Today would be just the beginning. More people would come with their innuendo. Janae wasn't defeated, but she knew things weren’t going to get any easier.
Her phone started to buzz, indicating a call was coming through, and Janae stopped walking. Tilting her back, her face up to the sky, she closed her eyes briefly. She knew exactly who it was even before looking at the screen. It was one of two people. Her mother or her father. Sharon’s flapping lips had already started down their path of destruction.
“I knew I should have punched her in the face,” she growled under her breath. Stop being a child, Janae. You knew this day was coming.
Janae knew Sharon had immediately called or texted the church elders to tell them what she'd seen. That woman had a big mouth. Choosing instead to ignore the call, she allowed her phone to go to voicemail, Janae began marching towards the truck again just as Noah closed the door to the back.
His eyes were harsh. So many thoughts had to be swirling around in his brain. There was no way he hadn’t looked at the situation and figured out what was happening. She was almost certain he’d figured out something was wrong in her world. Coming around the front of the truck, Noah stood in front of her. His hands rested on his hips as he silently gazed down at her. Janae felt the urge to shift and move, but knew it was a sign of weakness. Instead, she stood frozen in front of him, waiting for him to confront her with the questions swirling around his bran. She wasn't giving up anything. If he wanted to know what was going on, he could open his mouth.
“Are you going to explain to me what happened in there? Are you going to tell me why that woman felt she could say those things to you? Are you going to tell me why she’s claiming you slept with the enemy? That woman called me a colonizer.” His last statement ended in a near yell. Noah’s chest heaved, his fists were clenched, his lips pressed thin, and his eyes reflecting the storm building inside of him.
The moment of truth had come sooner than she thought. It was time to finally come clean. Her chickens had come home to roost.
CHAPTER 9
Noah
“Is she down for the night?” Noah watched Janae come back into the living room after putting Nicole to sleep.
It allowed her to avoid the conversation they both knew needed to happen. There was too much going on in her world that Noah wasn't aware of, and that worried him. When they'd gotten home from Nicole's ballet class, he focused on spending time with his daughter, enjoying the day getting to know her. They played with dolls, watched several princess movies, and he volunteered to be her jungle gym until she moved on to something else. He was worn out, but this was the happiest he'd been in years.
Looking at the woman walking into the kitchen, and avoiding his gaze, he knew their night was not going to go smooth. Standing, he strolled behind her, not willing to have any more distance between them. Not now. Not tonight.
Coming up behind her as she stood at the kitchen sink, he paused for a moment before pressing his body against hers. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he drew her closer, pulling her back against his chest. Holding her close like this, after all this time, felt right to him. He knew she had every right to push him away and tell him to go pound sand. If she forced him to move his body away from hers, he’d understand because it was what he deserved. Yes, she had every right to tell him all of this, but everything in him hoped and prayed she didn't.
“What are you doing, Noah?” Her body had stilled, but he felt her heavy breaths as her chest rose and fell as his arms wrapped around her warm flesh.
“I've missed you.” Even he could hear the agony in his voice. How he managed to leave her in the first place was still beyond him. He’d missed her. Her smile. Her scent. That full laugh that caused her nose to crinkle. Most of all, he’d missed having her in his arms where she belonged.
“There's too much between us now. It’s been too long since you left me. Without a backward glance, you disappeared on us.”
Noah leaned down, his nose brushing against the side of her neck. His lips trailed soft kisses along her neck and shoulder. Her smooth skin brought back memories of their time together, and his departure. His departure hadn’t been planned. When he'd gotten the call to go on a mission, there was no other choice. He’d had to go. They knew the reality of his situation. However, it was fear that kept him away from her for so long. Now that he was back, and realized everything he’d missed, he wasn't willing to walk away. Not again. “No, baby, there's not too much between us. We can get back to where we were. I'm not giving up on us.”
Janae’s body jerked away from him. Her head turned so she could look him in the face. “Did you forget? You already gave up on us.” Closing her eyes, she placed her hands on his chest and pushed. “Let me go,” she demanded.
“No.”
“Stop Noah. Don't do this to me. You can't just walk back into my life and demand we pick up where we were before. You walked away from me. I've been on my own, depending on myself. I had to be strong for our daughter because you were nowhere to be found.”
Noah saw the tears welling in her eyes and jerked back, unwrapping his arms from her waist. Anger coursed through his veins as he looked down at her face. “Don’t try to put all this on me. You had a choice as well. You could have called me. You knew where I was and how to find me.”
Janae began pacing in front of him, her hands flailing in the air as she mumbled to herself. She was probably trying not to yell loud enough to wake up their daughter. Good. He wanted her angry. He wanted her to let it out. Tell him how they�
��d gotten to this point. Yes, he’d fucked up, but she’d had his child and never told him. They needed to get to the bottom of this because come hell or high water, he wasn’t leaving until he had his woman back, and his daughter by his side.
Her eyes burned with righteous anger as she stared at him. He smirked. Bring it, baby.
“That’s not fair, Noah. I asked about you every day. Begged Heath to tell me where you were so I could reach you. And know what he told me? I have it memorized since I got the same damn answer every time. He couldn't tell me anything because the information was classified, and you were unreachable. When I tried to go through the base command to get a message to you, they blew me off. Want to know why? I wasn’t a relative or spouse. To them, I meant nothing. What else was I supposed to do?” Wetness trailed down her face, coating her cheeks, and dripping onto her shirt. She stood in front of him pleading with him to believe her words, her hands up in supplication.
Neither of them expected her to become pregnant. They’d used precaution. Then again, they were both adults and knew the only way to completely prevent pregnancy was to abstain from sex. But with Janae, there was no way in hell he could have kept his hands off her or not made love to her every chance he got.
If only things could have been different. Then again, those thoughts did nothing to help the situation. At the time, he’d done what was needed. He wouldn't regret his time in the military just because it had taken him away from the woman he loved and his child. Men had to go through it every day, and so did many women.
