by Reana Malori
“Nicole? Is that okay?” Suddenly his palms were sweaty, as if he were unsure about what she would say. His nerves were getting the best of him and he stood to his full height, ready to accept the rejection he knew was coming.
Nicole nodded her head as she lifted her arms up towards him. Taking the opportunity in front of him, he knelt to pick up his child. Holding her in his arms, he felt his eyes fill with water. He didn't know it would feel so good to have her little body next to his. This little human he’d helped create would change his world for the better.
From now on, someone would always call him daddy. She’d look up to him with innocence and the unwavering knowledge that he’d always fix things. She’d always love him, no matter what. Even with all his flaws. The feeling was unbelievable. Hell, he needed to call his parents.
His eyes misted and his vision became blurred when he thought about all he had missed. He swore to himself, right then and there, he’d always be there for Nicole and Janae. Nothing would prevent him from being there for them in the future.
Opening the door to his truck, he glanced over at Janae and gave her a small smile. Mouthing the words ‘Thank you,’ in her direction, he watched as she nodded in return. Her own eyes glistening with tears as she took in the sight of him holding their little girl.
CHAPTER 7
Noah
Once they were all loaded in the truck and buckled, they made their way to Nicole's dance studio. Although it was only twenty minutes away from Janae’s home, it seemed to take forever to get there. With how slow he was driving, he was surprised it didn't take over an hour. Laughing to himself, he realized he'd been petrified driving with Nicole in the back seat.
His hands were white-knuckled on the steering wheel as he drove down the road with lanes that were too close together. Sweat broke out on his brow as he’d worried about every vehicle on the road. So much, it was practically dripping down his face. Once they arrived at the ballet studio, he turned off the truck, sat back in his seat, and blew out a long breath. The silence in the truck was deafening. Janae and Nicole could probably hear his heart beating out of his chest.
He’d growled at every car that came within inches of his vehicle. Didn’t they know he had precious cargo on board? During the long ride over, he’d also decided it was time to get a new vehicle. The one he had was no longer good enough. Not enough safety features. It was a flimsy tin can just waiting to be crushed. If that happened, he’d have to call on the brothers to come raze the entire fucking city of Jacksonville. Didn’t matter that others might say he was overreacting. Clearly, those people didn’t know he had a daughter. Because if they did, they’d keep their damn mouths shut.
All he could think about during the entire drive were the other drivers losing their shit for a minute and plowing into his truck, hurting his daughter. How the hell did parents function every day? He needed to make some phone calls. Nicole needed a driver skilled in defensive driving techniques. Janae needed to get trained also, and Noah needed to buy her a new car. The one she had wasn’t good enough for her and Nicole. Not anymore. Stefano probably knew people who could put some additional steel reinforcements in the doors and replace the windows with bulletproof glass.
“Noah? You okay?”
Noah jumped at the sound of Janae’s voice. “Damn! You’ve been sitting here this whole time?” He smiled at her, trying to downplay his reaction. Of course, he knew she’d been there but he’d gotten lost in his own thoughts. Ignoring both her and the little girl looking at him strangely from the backseat. He almost lifted his hand to check for horns growing from his hairline.
Janae burst out laughing. “Really, Noah?” She kept a smile on her face as she looked at him with a quirked brow. “Seriously,” she motioned to him still gripping the steering wheel as if their lives depended on it. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I'm fine.” Saying the words didn't change the pace of his breathing. His heart was beating rapidly, almost as if the adrenaline wasn't slowing down.
“You don't look fine.”
Taking a deep breath, he glanced at her. “Is this how it feels every time?”
“What do you mean?” He noticed her smile had gotten wider.
Yeah, he felt like his eyes were opened to the world around him for the first time. This feeling was completely foreign to him. “It's not funny, Janae. Does it always feel like this when she's in the car? That sense that everyone else is crazy and none of them deserve to have a license or drive on the open road? That they're going to do something stupid, and your child will be hurt?”
Janae shook her head. Not to disagree with him, but to say she understood. “For the first year of her life, it felt exactly like that. I was scared to go outside of the house. I was afraid to drive down the road. All I could think about was protecting her. I was a crazy lioness protecting my cub.”
Noah rubbed his hand over the place where his heart lay, the thump of the organ in tune with her every word.
“In the winter, I had her bundled up in five layers of clothes.” Pausing as she laughed a little under her breath, she looked at him with a soft smile. “It does get better. It just takes time. Once you get used to her being around, you won't get the heart-pounding fear every time you go out in public.”
“Mommy, are we going into class now?” Nicole's voice called out from the back seat of the truck. They both jumped, laughing as they realize they'd gotten lost in their own conversation.
“Yes, baby, let's go.” Janae got out of the car and went around back to open the door to let her little girl out.
Noah took a few more deep breaths. “Life will never be the same again.”
With all the things he’d learned over these past two days, he needed to make some changes for the future. Getting out of the truck himself, he walked around the front to meet Nicole and Janae. He was excited to see his little girl in her dance class, to watch her show off her talent; but was less than thrilled his first outing with them was to ballet. Not that he wasn't comfortable in a ballet class around a bunch of three- and four-year-old little girls in pink tutu’s, but it wasn't his normal scene. Maybe he could convince Janae to sign her up for peewee soccer or t-ball. He wondered if girls could play peewee football. Now that was an idea he could get behind. Since Tyler still coached the team up North for five-and six-year-old boys, he’d have to check with him on that.
Speaking of Virginia, Noah smiled at the thought of telling the guys about Nicole. If they could see him now, they’d laugh their asses off. Then again, maybe not. His brothers were more than just boneheaded muscle men. They cared about each other. Once they found out about Janae and Nicole, he was positive they would bring them into the family and love them as much as he did. The only issue was that he still needed to tell the guys about his ready-made family. They’d have questions he wasn’t sure he was prepared to answer.
Walking inside the ballet studio, Noah could tell something was wrong with Janae. She was fidgeting and twitching again, her eyes shifting around the room looking at the women sitting in tiny chairs in the too-bright space. As soon as Nicole ran over to the changing area to take off her coat and change out of her shoes, all heads turned in the direction of the door looking for the person who’d brought her.
A small group of women stood off to the side staring at Janae. The looks on their faces weren't necessarily hostile, but neither were they welcoming. Their eyes looked her up and down, smirks on their lips, and not one of them spoke. Noah was off to the side, walking around the room getting a feel for how everything was set up. And although he wasn't standing directly next to Janae, he didn't miss anything happening around her. Her eyes were downcast, and she hurried over to an empty spot where there were a lot of chairs but no people. As soon as she sat down, Janae lifted her chin, straightened her back, and pasted a smile on her face.
Her deliberate behaviors raised questions in Noah’s mind. What the hell was that all about? Walking over to her, he sat down
in one of the empty chairs next to her. His long legs were splayed out in front of him as he leaned back in the too-small seat. These chairs were not made for men like him. Hell, they weren't made for men at all. Just as he went to ask Janae what was going on with the other women, Nicole ran over with her ballet shoes in her hand.
“Mommy! Mommy! Can you help me with my shoes?”
“Of course,” Janae responded with a huge smile on her face. Lifting their daughter onto the chair next to her, she quickly slipped her pink ballet slippers onto her tiny feet and tied the straps. Janae gave their daughter a hug, kissed her on the cheek, and told her good luck. Nicole went running off to join her friends when she stopped, turning around to look at Noah.
His heart stuttered in his chest. He didn't want to ask for acknowledgment or a hug, but he desperately wanted one. He knew he was asking for too much. She'd only just met him. But even after spending such little time with her, he felt like he'd known her all her life.
Nicole walked slowly back to Janae and Noah, her eyes never leaving his face. As soon as she was within a foot or two of them, she turned to her mother. “Can I give daddy a hug, too?”
Shocked at her words, Noah looked over at Janae who was nodding her head, “Yes, baby, you sure can.”
Nicole walked slowly up to Noah, lifting her arms to wrap them around his neck. Grabbing her closely, he gave her a hug that he hoped conveyed to her how happy he was that she’d accepted him, even if a little bit. “You’re going to be the best ballerina out there.” He knew his voice was wobbly through the words, so he cleared his throat to try and get his bearings. He didn't want to sit here with tears in his eyes and choked up with emotions during her entire practice.
Damn it all if he didn't want to just bask in the feeling of hearing her call him daddy for the first time. He wanted to take his daughter, and his woman, away from this place. Just wrap them in his arms and protect them from the world around them. He wanted to get to know Janae again so they could get back to where they were all those years ago. Noah wanted to understand what she'd gone through while he'd been away. He wanted to know what those looks were for from the other ladies sitting on the other side of the room. Because he didn't like this shit one bit.
As soon as Nicole walked away, he turned to Janae. “Thank you for letting me be here today.”
“I would never keep you away from Nicole.”
Noah raised his eyebrow at her statement. Hadn't she done just that? Nicole was four years old. He had no idea she’d even existed, and still wouldn't know about her, if Heath hadn't contacted him. “Janae, let's not say things we don't really mean.”
Was there anger still bubbling inside him? Yes.
Would he allow it to be his focus? No.
He was here now. Janae had welcomed him into her home, albeit reluctantly. Nicole had opened her arms to him, willing to accept the words of her mother, and his place in her life as her father. As of right now, that was the only thing he cared about.
“So, are you going to tell me what's going on with those ladies over there?” Tilting his head towards the women sitting on the other side of the room.
“No,” Janae answered shortly.
He wasn't willing to let this go. But he also knew right now wasn't the time to press the issue. Looking over at the little girls getting ready to step on the floor as the recital was about to begin, he smiled at Nicole in her pink tutu. “I know you're hiding something. I don't know what it is, but I do want to find out.”
Janae grabbed her bottom lip with her teeth, worrying the flesh, as she seemingly ignored his statement. His eyes continued to watch her as she picked at the seam of her pants as they sat there. He was becoming annoyed at the entire situation. Why wouldn’t she tell him what was bothering her and why those women were whispering about her?
“It's nothing, Noah.”
“If you say so.” Turning his attention back to the front, he settled into the uncomfortable chair and prepared to watch his little girl dazzle him with her stellar ballet moves.
Noah knew he had plenty of time to figure out what was going on with Janae, because he was here until the end. His eyes were glued to the group of children getting into position as their instructor gave them directions. It felt good sitting here with them, doing something so domestic. Things a father would do with his family.
Except his mind was unsettled by the women giving Janae the cold shoulder. Something was fishy about the entire situation and it pissed him off. Small towns held big secrets, but Janae refused to hide away as if they’d done something wrong. Noah was proud of her for holding her head high. Janae’s thigh nudged his, bringing his attention back to the tiny dancers. Noah was ready to begin living his new life. He just hoped Janae was ready for what that meant for her and Nicole.
CHAPTER 8
Janae
Clapping her hands loudly as the recital ended, Janae knew her moment of reckoning was coming closer by the minute. She could tell by the glances from the group of women who were more involved in her business than they had a right to be. They were curious about Noah, and they were chomping at the bit to approach her once the children finished.
Throughout the entire hour they'd been sitting there, the women’s eyes kept sliding over to Janae and Noah. It was killing them that they didn't know who Noah was. And she could only imagine the myriad of thoughts running through their heads. Screw them. They’d treated her like shit the entire time she'd been bringing Nicole to that studio.
In all honesty, more than half her community treated her like crap on the bottom of their shoe. The hostility stemmed from her own family’s church. Janae hated the way they looked at her. The way they judged her. All they saw was a single black mother raising a mixed child on her own. They didn't understand what happened with her and Noah. Nor did they care. All they cared about was telling her how to live her life, and reminding her that she’d somehow failed to live up to some arbitrary expectation they had for her. Fuck them. They weren’t the ones who had to live her life. Whatever happened between her and Noah was none of their business, and she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing her crumble again if he left.
Sadness overcame her as she looked at Noah's face as he watched their daughter. She knew she'd been wrong to keep them apart. Stephanie told her repeatedly that it was a bad idea to keep something like this from him. That Noah’s reasons for leaving weren’t because he didn't care. That his lack of outreach wasn’t because she didn't mean anything to him.
At the time, Janae had been too hurt to listen to anything Stephanie had to say. Her only thought was that he’d left her. On her own. Pregnant with his child. With him nowhere around and her taking the burden of their sin on her shoulders alone. It didn't matter if he didn't know she was pregnant. If he'd been here, if he’d never left her in the first place, then he would have known. Things would be different.
But he had, and they weren’t.
Janae had her own issues with Noah, but she knew blaming him for not being there wasn't entirely on his shoulders. She had to bear some blame for what she’d done. It was her own actions, or inactions, that had gotten them to this place. She could have fixed this a long time ago. Fear of his reaction to the news of his daughter is what held her back. Now she was paying the price and didn’t know how to handle it.
Her daughter’s voice caught her ear and brought her attention back to the front of the room.
“Mommy! Did you see?”
Janae looked at her daughter, a smile coming over her face. Opening her arms wide, she waited for the crash of Nicole’s little body catapulting into her arms. “I did baby. You did such a good job. I'm so proud of you.”
Nicole looked over at Noah, “Daddy! Did you see me?”
Janae’s heart stopped at her daughter’s loud voice. Nicole had not been quiet when she’d called out to Noah, which was common. But this time, her daughter’s voice seemed to boom across the entire studio. Everyone turned th
eir heads to look at the trio. Some with looks of shock on their face. Others with knowing smiles. You could hear a pin drop in the room as everyone realized the father of Janae’s child had been sitting there with them the entire time. And that's when the whispers started. She could hear the sound build throughout the room. The whispers. The titters. The questions.
Hanging her head for a second, she took a deep breath. She knew this day was coming but hadn't expected it to happen so soon.
“You okay?” Noah was leaning toward Janae, questions hovering in his eyes.
He was a smart man. He would have noticed a change in the room as soon as Nicole call him daddy. Nodding her head at him, she whispered, “There've been questions.”
Noah turned his attention back to their daughter, giving Janae a moment to get her bearings. She could almost guarantee the busybodies would have every detail of this morning out in the street within minutes of leaving the recital.
She was positive her mother would be calling shortly. Did these women have nothing better to do with their lives? They must not if they were always worried about what she was doing and how she was living her life. She’d been under their scrutiny since the moment her stomach began expanding due to her pregnancy, with no sign of a wedding ring on her finger. Everyone wanted to know who the father was. Why hadn’t he married her? Why was she here on her own, dealing with this by herself? Had she been abandoned? As if they had a right to do so, they never stopped digging into her life. The innuendo had never been subtle. It was right in her face with every interaction.
