by Reana Malori
“Things have changed. You have my daughter. Now that I know about her, I’m not going anywhere.”
The clipped tone of his voice had her on edge. He wanted a fight, probably deserved one, but he was about to be disappointed. Taking several deep breaths, Janae tried to calm down. He had no idea what he was asking of her. Had no clue what she’d gone through or the questions she’d been asked about the father of her child. He was oblivious to the looks and whispers happening behind her back for years. Now he waltzed back in her life as if he had every right to be there.
He didn’t!
She’d been heartbroken when he’d left. Her soul had been torn into pieces. There were times she’d wanted to roll up in a ball and die. Yes, it had been that serious. For the first time in her life, she had thought she’d found real love and acceptance. A man who’d be her protector. Someone who would choose her above all others. Only he didn’t. She’d been played for a fool. Something like that was hard to get over.
Her body did all the things it was supposed to, but she’d been a shell of her former self. Food held little appeal for her. She’d lost more weight than was healthy. Since she couldn’t get out of bed for two weeks, she’d called in to her job, requesting some time off. Hell, even Heath had come to check on her to see if there was anything medically wrong with her. It had been a cursory check, done at Stephanie’s request. But still, he’d come to her home to make sure she was okay.
Yet, here Noah stood. The man who’d sent her down a spiral of despair and heartache. He had the nerve to press her with questions, demanding answers she didn’t want to give. Nor was she prepared to do so. Her life was finally getting to a good point. She no longer cried herself to sleep at night. People had gotten used to her and Nicole. They no longer pointed and whispered as she sat in church on Sundays. Hell, she’d even started dating again. There wasn’t anyone serious, and none of them had been introduced to her daughter, but she was starting to explore options. And in one moment, he’d snatched away all the progress she’d made. Hurled her back to the days when darkness and grief were her constant companions. He must have gotten tired of waiting for her to speak, because his next words were meant to cut her deep.
“I’ll take you to court, Janae. I’ll fight you for Nicole if I need to. You won’t keep me away from my daughter.” Noah paced in front her, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans.
Shocked at his words, her arms dropped by her side. “You’ll do what?”
“You heard me,” he snarled.
Who was this man? She’d been such a fool to believe his lies. “Noah, you haven’t been around her since the day she was born. You had no idea she existed until recently. Which again, if you’d allowed your friends to tell me where you were, this could have been resolved, long ago. Or if you’d sent me a message—just one—to let me know you were okay. To explain. I tried so many times to reach out to you. Yet, you ignored me. I know how this works.”
Shock filled his eyes. Janae knew it wasn’t because she was wrong. It was because she knew what he’d done. “What do you mean?”
“Stop the lies. I know you were hiding from me. You forget Noah, I knew Stephanie before I met you. She’d tell me how Heath had a group of friends, you included, and no matter where they were in the world, they could get to the other person. Based on what you do in the Navy, I know you wouldn’t always be free and accessible. But let’s not insult my intelligence. If Heath needed to find you, he could get a message to you. You knew I was looking for you. You just chose not to respond.”
He ran a large hand over his short hair, stepping back from her. “It was for the best.”
Closing her eyes, she begged the tears not to fall. “Why, Noah? I spent months wondering where you were. Questioning why you hadn’t called. Asking myself if I’d done something wrong.”
Shaking his head, his gaze became intense. “It had nothing do with you, Janae. But trust me, it just had to be done. I thought I was ready for something more. I wasn’t. Leaving you was probably the best thing for both of us.”
“No, Noah. It wasn’t.” Looking over his shoulder at her daughter, she shook her head. “Your actions caused you to miss out on one of the most precious gifts in the world. You don’t even know her.”
Turning his body so he could look at their daughter, she saw the look on his face soften. “I had no idea. If I’d known, I would have returned. Come back here to Jacksonville. Been here for you as much as I could. I’d never leave a child of mine on their own, without a father. That’s not who I am.”
Janae watched him closely. Something inside her began to melt. During the time they’d dated, she’d gotten to know the softer side of Noah through his stories of family, friends, along with some of their antics. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when she realized what was happening. That he was done with her. Had thrown her to the side like yesterday’s garbage.
“I want time with my daughter. Are you willing to give me that? I have the next week off from duty. I want to spend time getting to know her. Don’t deny me. Not this.”
Everything inside her wanted to say no to his request. To turn him away without a second thought, the same way he did her. Thinking about how this would change things for her child, Janae prayed she was doing the right thing. She was worried about her own sanity as well. Nicole was too young to go off by herself, especially with a man she didn’t know. Janae didn’t believe Noah knew anything about taking care of a rambunctious little girl. Which meant, not only would Nicole be around him, but so would Janae.
She’d just have to make sure she protected her heart. The last thing she needed was to allow her love for Noah to take over, only for him to show his true colors. That was the last thing she wanted, especially since she’d tried to convince herself, and her parents, that she no longer loved the father of her child. She knew it was a bald-faced lie, but to convince her parents, she first had to believe it herself.
“She doesn’t know you, Noah. I’m not going to leave my child with a strange man.”
Offended, his upper body jerked in response. “I’m not. I’m her father.”
“She doesn’t know that. To her, you are a man she doesn’t know. One who doesn’t look like her Papaw. You will give her time to get used to you. And until she does, I will be with you every minute.” Shaking her head, she wanted to laugh at the entire situation. Then she wanted to cry. How did she get in this mess?
“I would never hurt her,” he whispered. “You don’t trust me around her?”
She could tell he was hurt by her words, but she didn’t care at the moment. Her daughter was the most important person in her world. There was no way she’d put Nicole in an uncomfortable situation. If that was his expectation, he could leave right now. Shrugging her shoulders, she looked up at him. “Those are the rules. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, but that’s what they are. You choose.”
After a few moments, he took a deep breath before answering. “Fine. I’ll accept your terms.”
Looking at the clock, she noticed the time. “If you want to stay for dinner, you can. It’ll just be fried chicken and garlic mashed potatoes.”
Nodding, he looked relieved. “Yes, I’d like that.”
Returning the motion, she took a deep inhale. “Okay, let’s go talk with our daughter. Follow my lead.” She noticed Noah rubbing his hands over his hair again. His nervous tell. “Listen, before we do this, you need to be sure. Once we start down this road, you can’t decide it’s too hard. There’s no changing your mind or pulling away. You must be one-hundred percent committed to this. No matter how tough things get.”
“What makes you think I’m not?”
“Just be sure, Noah.” She was nervous as hell about this whole thing too. Nicole had started to ask where her daddy was since she was noticing her friends with both parents. Janae knew that’s why her daughter had been staring at Noah with wide eyes when he walked in the house. None of the men in their lives looked like N
oah, so by default, he was a curiosity.
“I’m sure. I’m not going anywhere.”
Nicole remembered a time, five years ago, when he’d said the same thing to her. She could only hope he didn’t break their daughter’s heart the way he’d crushed hers.
“Fine. Let’s go meet your daughter.”
CHAPTER 6
Noah
Noah felt calmer today. Yesterday, when he’d first shown up at Janae’s house, he’d been full of hurt, anger, confusion, combined with a whole lot of fear. That was the one emotion he could do without. It made grown men do stupid things. Like leave the woman you loved without so much as a goodbye or explanation.
Fuck! Rubbing a hand down his face, he thought about this entire fucked up situation and knew he was in trouble. Like “the real deal-fucked up-he’d be making this shit up for the rest of his life,” kind of trouble.
Get him in a gun battle in the middle of a warzone and he was on his ‘A’ game. Send him on a mission to rescue a high-value asset from the middle of B.F.E (Butt Fuck Egypt), and he was all for it. Hoo-Yah!
But this right here? Introducing himself to a little person who stood no taller than his gun belt? This shit made him want to run for the fucking hills and call-in for backup and an extraction.
He knew, without bias, of course, that she was the most beautiful little human he’d laid eyes on. Once he’d seen the perfect form of his daughter’s face yesterday, he knew he loved her. Even though she didn’t know who he was, his little girl had stolen his heart, and he was happy to hand it over. The need to protect her came over him in a wave. This little person, who could barely tie her shoes, was rapidly turning him into a big ass softie. Knocking on the door to Janae’s home, he held a small brown teddy bear in his large hand. Corny? Probably. He was new to this whole father-thing, so felt he could take a mulligan or two.
When the door opened, Janae stood in front of him looking gorgeous, as usual. Wearing a pair of tan Capri bottoms, white sandals, and a blue shirt, she looked like an everyday suburban mom. He couldn’t help but think about what was under those clothes, however. The soft curves that cradled his large body when they used to make love, the spot under her ear that made her squirm with need, the feel of her nails as they scored his back the deeper he fucked her. He wanted to press her against the wall and take her lips in a sensual kiss. She may think he no longer loved her, no longer wanted her, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. He’d never stopped wanting her. It was his own stupidity that made him walk away from her. Now that he was back, he’d make damn sure he never left her again. He didn’t care how long it took to convince her.
Last night, he’d been on his best behavior. Plus, he’d been blinded by the knowledge of his daughter. If he looked at it from her perspective, he knew she had every right to think he wouldn’t be interested in a child. The way he left… yeah, that had been a bitch move. He could call it out for what it was. After their conversation in the kitchen, which wasn’t as secret as they thought it was, they’d entered the living room to find Nicole staring at them.
Her gaze bored into him with laser focus. Even as Janae explained to her that he was her daddy, Nicole never looked away. Her eyes tracked him from his feet to the top of his head. Leaning back against her mother’s chest, the small child didn’t give him one inch.
Smiling a little at the thought, he could admit he felt pride swell in his chest. She wasn’t going to let just anyone come in here and get close to her or her momma. Yup, she was definitely his child. Even if she had blue skin and purple eyes, he’d know it. Her mannerisms, her distrust, her curiosity. All of it was identical to him. His mother had shared enough stories about his childhood and his “precocious behavior” as she called it, for him to recognize the signs.
Oh shit!
He had to tell his parents. His mom was going to give him shit for years about this. This hole he’d dug just kept getting bigger and bigger. Fuck!
Janae’s voice broke into his musings. “Hey, Noah. Are you sure you want to do this?”
His woman… Janae, was twitching and shifting from side to side. Her fingers tapped along the side of her thigh. He remembered her doing this whenever she was concerned about something. It would be odd that he recalled her tendency to do this if he hadn’t replayed every moment of their time together. Every word. Every kiss. Every moan he pulled from her body. Plus, there hadn’t been another woman of importance in his life since he’d left her. That’s not to say he didn’t take care of his needs. He did. Hell, half the time he was just trying to get the picture of Janae riding his cock out of his brain. Shit never worked anyway.
“Why are you nervous?” he asked, stepping into the house.
“What? I’m not.” She tittered.
Yeah, she was nervous as fuck about something. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on in your head?” If he needed to press, he would. Just then, Nicole bounded into the room. A smile came over his face as he noticed her pink tutu.
Today was a ballet recital at her dance class. Noah had never seen any type of dance or event with ten tiny humans, but he was sure it would be fine. Right?
“Hi, Sweetheart,” he greeted Nicole as she came to him with her shoes in hand. Ah, the dreaded laces. During their getting to know each other session last night, he’d found out shoelaces were not her friend, bedtime was for babies, and she wanted a dog named Princess.
Her eyes kept going to the teddy bear, who just happened to be wearing a pink tutu, like the one his daughter was wearing.
“I got this for you today. Maybe you can hold her while we go to your dance school.”
Glancing up at him with an intense look in her eyes, she grabbed the bear, then handed him her shoes. “Okay. Shoes, please.”
Picking her up in his arms, he walked them over to the couch. Sitting them both down, Noah attempted to put on her shoes while she babbled away. As he struggled with this task, Nicole ignored him while having a full-blown conversation with her new toy.
“Bear.”
Lifting his head, he was prepared to face a nine-foot grizzly barreling into the house. Since no sound of a door being ripped apart, or the roar of a killer animal could be heard, he turned to Nicole. “What, sweetheart?” Maybe he heard her wrong.
The miniature version of the woman he loved, looked at him with a large smile covering her cherub face. “Her name. Bear.”
“I think she’s telling you she named the bear, Bear.” Janae came from the kitchen area with a full backpack.
“What’s that for?”
“Change of clothes, just in case. Snacks. Just stuff we might need while we’re out and about.” Glancing around as if she forgot something, she suddenly took off towards the back of the house. “Ballet shoes,” she called out to explain.
Noah looked down at Nicole and noticed her watching him. Shrugging his shoulders, he smiled at the little girl, “I think Bear is a great name.” Finishing up her shoes, he patted her legs, “Okay, all done.” Although it seemed like such a small thing, the fact that he was doing this task for his own child shifted something inside his chest.
“Okay, let’s go. If we don’t get on the road, she’ll be late. I’m always late for these things. I think I’m single-handedly keeping the stereotypes about black women alive and well.”
Giving her an odd look as they walked out of the house, he questioned what she meant. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Pressing the fob to unlock his truck, he led them to his large vehicle.
“Hmmm?” Looking in the direction he was leading them, she shook her head. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’m just rambling. Oh, we can’t go in your truck. We need a booster seat for her.”
Smiling, he knew this would come up. “I grabbed one last night when I left. Installed it this morning.” He knew it was done right too. He spent an hour pouring over the instructions and reading all the safety information included in the packaging. Hell, he’d even stopped by th
e local fire station to have the guys do a double-check. Just the thought of Nicole not being safe or injured in any way made him break out in a cold sweat. As long as he was alive, he’d make damn sure his daughter was protected. If he could build a bubble around her, he would.
“Okay, let's go get in the car.” Noah watched his family walk out of the house in front of him. Something hit him in the chest, heart squeezed tight, and his breath came out in ragged hiccups. Noah didn't understand what was going on or what he was feeling. Being away from them so long, he’d missed so much. Looking in the eyes of his daughter, he realized he’d made a terrible mistake. Walking away from Janae had been the wrong decision. Keeping her in the dark for so long had been the wrong decision. He never should have left.
“Hey, Noah? Are you coming?” Janae asked as she stood still in the front door of the house.
Shaking his head, Noah gave her a small smile, “Yeah, I'm coming.” He needed to clear his head. He needed to make sure Nicole didn't think he was uncomfortable with her. Just looking at Nicole as she walked towards the truck with her mother, he knew this was where he wanted to be. With the woman he’d fallen in love with so many years ago. With her and Nicole, the little girl created from their love. Protecting them both. He didn't know what he would have to give up for them. To have them by his side. But he was willing to do just about anything.
“All right, up in the truck,” he called out, walking up to his vehicle. He was hesitant to pick her up without permission. In her eyes, he was a large, gruff, unknown man. All this was new to her. She didn't really know who he was or his place in her life. Nicole didn’t know he’d give his life protecting her. To this perfect, but tiny person, he was a stranger.
And that part hurt him the most. If he had known about her, he never would have left. If he could go back in time, have one last redo, he never would've left in the first place.
“Noah, it’s okay if you pick her up. She may need some help getting into your truck because it's so large.” Janae smiled at him softly, noticing the way he fidgeted. Covering her mouth with her hand, he knew she didn’t want him to be embarrassed. It didn’t matter to him anyway, maintaining his cool points wasn’t his focus. Janae knew what he was going through, and if she took a bit of pleasure in his discomfort, so be it. He was positive she’d gone through the same thing, and since she’d made it to the other side, so would he. The uncertainty of what to do when a little person could twist you in knots. His emotions were reflected on his face. But fear overpowered everything else. He wanted to do the right thing. Needed to show Nicole her dad was a good guy. That even though Noah hadn’t been here for the first years of her life, he was here now. For that reason alone, he appreciated Janae’s attempt to give him an opening to build a connection with Nicole.
