by Iona Rose
I feel like the floor has just lurched beneath my feet. I can’t believe Brett has just done this. I want the ground to open up and swallow me.
“Stop this nonsense at once!” Mr. Connell snaps. “You expect me to believe that Opal would be this unprofessional?” He stands up as he says it and stares at us for a moment. His face changes as he takes us in. Something in the way Brett and I fit together, even when I’m so mad I want to rip his head off, must make Mr. Connell see that there’s some truth to Brett’s words. Mr. Connell shakes his head.
He looks so disappointed in us that I feel like crying. I have never let him down before, but now I have, it’s certainly been done in style.
Mr. Connell doesn’t say a word to either of us. He turns and leaves the office, slamming the door behind him.
I finally find that I can move again, and I shrug Brett’s arm off my waist. “Are you fucking kidding me Brett?” I shout.
He looks surprised by my anger. “I thought you would be pleased,” he says. “You said you hate having to keep our relationship a secret and now, we don’t have to. There’s no danger of my father ever asking me to take over the company again, and we can be together properly.”
“Oh right, I see,” I say. “And the fact I’m going to get fired isn’t important enough to worry about?”
“Don’t worry about that,” Brett says. “I’m having dinner with my mom tonight. I’ll talk to her and she’ll make sure my father doesn’t fire you. Plus, I’ve just reminded him how valuable you are to him.”
“You’re missing the point Brett,” I snap angrily. “I don’t want to not get fired because your mom begs for me to keep my job. And I did want people to know about us. But not like this. I wanted us to tell people on our terms, when we were both ready. How would you have felt if I’d just blurted it out like that without discussing it with you first?”
“I’m sorry Opal. I didn’t think of that. I just thought that this way, my dad could see why I don’t want to take over the company and honestly, I didn’t think you’d be so mad.”
“God Brett, how can you be this fucking selfish? You used me to score points with your dad. Well, nice one. It looks like you really did shock him.” I turn to head for the door. I don’t know if I’m more pissed off at Brett for doing this, or more pissed off at myself for thinking he was different. I turn back, giving a bitter laugh. “You know something? If you’d decided to stay here, I was going to find another job somewhere else, so we could be together properly.”
“Well, maybe this isn’t so bad then, if you were thinking of leaving anyway,” Brett states.
It’s like he’s trying to get me to explode with rage. I shake my head, my anger making me mute for a moment. I make a sound that’s half a moan and half a scream, the sound of the frustration inside of me spilling out.
I thought saying that I was ready to take such a big step for him would make him realize how badly he has fucked up, but it seems like I really don’t know Brett at all. I find my voice again, “That would have been my choice. How can you not see that backing me into a corner and forcing me to leave the company isn’t a good thing? How can you possibly think I wanted any of this to come out like this?”
“Look, I said I’m sorry and I am. Don’t worry. I’ll fix this.”
“I don’t want you to fix it. I wanted you to not break it in the first fucking place?” I shout. “You know what? I can’t even look at you right now.” I start for the door again. This time, I have it half open when something occurs to me. I let go of the door handle, letting the door close again for a second. I turn back to Brett.
He looks so hurt and so confused that this has spiralled out of control so much that it takes everything in me not to go to him and wrap him in my arms, but I can’t do that.
Not after what he’s just done. It’s not just that he has put my job in jeopardy. I did that myself when I started seeing Brett and I always knew I was risking getting fired. It’s the fact he used me to wriggle out of this job, that he humiliated me in front of Mr. Connell. And the fact that he can’t seem to see what was so wrong about that. “Did you mean it?” I demand.
“Mean what? That I can fix this? Yes, I …”
“No, no that,” I say, cutting him off in the middle of his sentence. “You told your father you were in love with me. Did you mean that?”
“I—it was a bad choice of words. But I really do want to be with you. Please, can we work this out?” he says.
I feel my heart break as I hear his words. Hearing him say he meant it would have been the one thing that could have maybe made this okay. People do and say crazy things when they're in love, and I couldn’t have stayed mad at him if he’d meant the words. But he didn’t. He used them for shock value to piss his father off.
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I say. “But not right now. Right now when I see you, I feel this … this anger inside. I need some time alone to process all of this before I can even consider forgiving you.”
“Opal, wait,” Brett says.
He’s still talking when I open the door and this time, I don’t look back. I just leave. It’s after five now, so I go back to my office to collect my coat and my purse. I can’t just sit here stewing on this, and if Brett follows me to my office, then I’ll have to play nice with him in case anyone over hears us. I can’t do that. Not tonight.
I leave the building and head home. Rita isn’t home yet and I am pleased about that. I need some time alone to really process all of this. I just can’t believe Brett would do this to me. I guess it just shows how different we really are. He can afford to walk away from any job and it wouldn’t matter to him. I can’t, but Brett can’t seem to fathom that. And apparently, he thinks that it’s okay to say he loves me when he clearly doesn’t.
My phone rings and I fish it out of my purse. It’s Brett. I roll my eyes and cut off the call. Apparently, not only is he making career decisions for me now, but he’s also decided that when I say I don’t want to talk to him, that I don’t really get a choice in the matter.
I slam my phone down on the chair arm, but it beeps again before it’s even out of my hand, a text message this time. I ignore the insistent beeping, trying to tempt me into looking at the message.
Resting my head against the chair back, I close my eyes. I just need to put Brett out of my head and think about something else until I can look at this without anger clouding my judgement. Maybe then I can get some perspective on it.
I open my eyes a bit and peer at my phone on the chair arm. I sigh and snatch it up. I’m not going to be able to not think about Brett when I know I have a message from him that’s unread. I read the message.
‘Opal, I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. But please don’t shut me out. We need to talk about this, to work it out.’
I sigh again. I debate calling him, but even the thought of hearing his voice brings an all consuming anger surging back to the surface. If we talk about this now, I’m going to let that fury take over, and I’ll end up saying something I can’t take back. Instead of calling him, I send him a text back.
‘We will talk about this. But not right now. Please respect my wishes. We’ll talk tomorrow after work.’
Pressing send, I wait for his reply. Nothing comes and my phone sits there silently, taunting me. Why isn’t Brett texting me back? Is he really willing to throw our whole relationship away because I asked for one night to think about things and gain some perspective?
I shake my head at myself. I told him I needed to not talk about this now and he’s not trying to make me talk about it. How can I vilify him for not respecting my wishes, and then vilify him for respecting them too? I can’t have it both ways. He’s just giving me the space I asked for.
Somehow, this knowledge calms me down a little bit. What he did was thoughtless and stupid, but surely I can get past it. I mean it’s not like he cheated on me, or smacked me or anything like that. I’ll just have to make him see that I won’t tolerate him pulling another stu
nt like that ever again. And maybe it is too soon to be talking about loving each other, even if I do already feel like I love Brett.
22
I pause outside of the building as I arrive at work at my usual time. I know today is going to be hard. Like… really hard. I have just about gotten used to being around Brett at work and pretending like he is nothing more than just my boss, but that had been when I wasn’t mad at him. I have mostly calmed down now though. I’m still not happy about what Brett had done yesterday, but I am over wanting to scream in frustration and punch him in the mouth. I hope that doesn’t change when I see him again.
I can’t complain if there is a little awkwardness between us, because while Brett’s actions caused it, I’m the one who refused to speak to him about it last night. I’m trying to force myself to step into the building and act normally when a voice rings out behind me.
“Hey, Opal.”
Turning around, I smile. A fake smile that I hope doesn’t look fake. It’s Jessie and she’ll know instantly if I’m not my usual self. And she won’t let it go until I tell her what’s wrong and I don’t think I could come up with something convincing on the spot like this.
“Are you all right?” she asks.
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” I reply.
“Well, you’re just kind of standing here for no apparent reason. Who are you waiting for?” she asks, frowning at me.
“You,” I say quickly. “I was waiting for you. I saw you behind me in the reflection in the window.”
“Okkkk,” Jessie says, drawing the word out like she’s not entirely convinced I’m telling the truth.
I start walking into the building, needing to just act normally. Maybe it’s a good thing Jessie appeared when she did and forced me to make a move, or I’d probably still be standing there at lunch time.
Jessie follows me into the building and falls into step beside me as we make our way over to the elevators. “I know why you were waiting for me.” She grins. “You want the gossip don’t you?”
“You got me.” I laugh, not caring a jot who Jessie thinks is sleeping with who, but thinking it gives me a good reason for my weird loitering outside.
“Word is Mr. Connell and Brett had a big bust up yesterday,” Jessie whispers, leaning in close, her eyes sparkling like they always do when she has a particularly juicy morsel to share.
“Who told you that?” I try to keep my voice neutral and casual, but it comes out a little sharp.
Jessie frowns at me. Her frown turns into a smile as she shakes her head. “Someone’s jealous that Brett is keeping secrets. I know you’re his personal assistant, but according to what I’ve heard, it was a personal fight, so it’s not like he had to tell you or anything. And in his defense, he probably doesn’t know half of the company is talking about it.”
Personal is an understatement. God how much does she know?
“His secretary said they were yelling at each other, but she couldn’t really hear what was being said. And then you showed up and the yelling stopped. Didn’t you hear anything?”
I shake my head trying to look innocent. I have to give her something though, or she’ll know I’m trying to cover something up. “No, but there was a bit of an atmosphere when I took their refreshments in.”
“Well, Mr. Connell apparently stormed out muttering under his breath about Brett being an ungrateful little brat who can’t keep his dick in his pants. It sounds like he’s been caught fucking one of the secretaries or something doesn’t it?” Jessie asks.
The elevator arrives and we step in. I can feel my palms sweating and I know I’m blushing. I press the button for our floor, momentarily turning my back on Jessie while trying to get myself under control. “Maybe it was just an expression,” I say, facing Jessie again, hoping I look normal. “Or maybe Mr. Connell isn’t happy about Brett’s choice of girlfriend or something. It doesn’t mean she works here.”
“Oh, she so does,” Jessie says. “I bet it’s that cute little Asian girl, you know, the temp. Didn’t Brett hire her? Maybe that’s why.”
“Shh,” I say, although we’re in the elevator on our own. “Shit like that gets people fired, Jess.”
“Well yeah, if anyone hears, but I’m assuming you’re not going to go up to your office and call Mr. Connell and tell him it’s her.”
I shake my head.
Jessie grins at me, a wide grin and her eyes full of mischief. “Maybe it’s not her. Maybe it’s you. What with that glow you had yesterday and all.”
“Don’t even go there,” I say.
“I know, I know. You would never risk your career like that, and I know you wouldn’t want to be that girl that everyone’s talking about. You still haven’t told me about your mystery man though.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” I say, glad to be off the topic of who Brett might be sleeping with, even if that means we’ve moved on to who I’m sleeping with. “It was just a fling.”
The doors ping open and I’m relieved that I will soon be cocooned up in my office, hidden way from the world.
“You should have more flings. They suit you,” Jessie says as she heads towards her own work station.
I laugh and head for my office. God, that was awkward. And that’s going to be nothing compared to facing Brett. I’m debating having words with the secretary though. She should know better than to pass on gossip like that, but I decide against it. It will definitely make it look like I have something to hide, and that’s the last thing I need anyone to be thinking.
I go to my office and close the door. I take my coat off and sit down. I’m just going to keep my head down and do my work. It’s only one day of awkwardness. Brett and I will talk after work and hopefully, we can put this whole mess behind us.
Opening up my email, I start responding to messages. The third email I open is from a client and there is a financial report attached to it.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath.
Brett has been waiting for this information and he told me the second it came, to print off the file and take it to him as a priority. I was really hoping to avoid him for as long as possible today. It’s barely nine a.m. and I already have to face him.
I debate just forwarding the email to him. He’s perfectly capable of using the printer himself, but I ask myself if I would do that to Mr. Connell and the answer is of course, a resounding no. If I do that to Brett, I will be doing exactly what we said we can’t do; taking liberties because of our relationship.
Printing the file out, I go and retrieve it. I sit back down at my desk holding it for a minute. The paper is still warm from the printer. Maybe I should just deal with the other emails and try to time it, so I can leave the file on Brett’s desk when he goes for a coffee or bathroom break.
I know I can’t do that though. Our clients have a nasty habit of making us wait for weeks for information from them, and then calling us minutes after they’ve finally sent it, to find out what we’re going to do with it. If Brett is blindsided by a client because I sat on a file, he’ll be rightfully angry with me.
With a sigh, I stand up, knowing I just have to get this over with. I make my way to Brett’s office, pleased to see that his secretary isn’t here yet, because it would be hard for me to be nice to her, knowing she’s spreading rumours around the firm about Brett and Mr. Connell and inadvertently, me.
I knock on the office door and take a deep breath, wiping my sweaty palms down my skirt, something I haven’t had to do for weeks when approaching the office. I hear a grunt from inside and I take it to be a come in. I push the door open and step in, my head held high.
I do a double take when I see not Brett sitting behind the desk, but Mr. Connell.
“Good morning Opal,” he says curtly. “What can I do for you?”
Realizing I’m just standing there staring at him like an idiot, I force myself to smile at him. “Welcome back Mr. Connell,” I say.
He nods to me.
I want to ask him what’s
going on. Why he’s back and where Brett is. I can’t do any of that though. He’s looking at me questioningly and I catch myself staring mutely at him again. “Brett has been waiting on this file for the Leeson account,” I say, handing Mr. Connell the file. “Do you need me to catch you up on it?”
“No thank you, I’m sure I can work it out,” Mr. Connell replies. “I’ll be mostly spending today catching up on everything, so please don’t disturb me unless it’s absolutely necessary. You can leave any reports or files with my secretary and I’ll get to them tomorrow.”
“Ok,” I open my mouth to say something I know I’ll regret, but he cuts me off.
“Thank you Opal, that will be all,” he says.
Nodding, I scurry out of the office. It’s not until I am back in my own office, leaning against the closed door that I dare to breathe properly again. So Mr. Connell fired Brett then. Surely, I’ll be next. But he didn’t give any indication of it in there. In fact, he was normal with me. A little cool perhaps, but normal. If he intended to fire me, surely he would have done it already.
I decide that the only thing to do is to work through my, to do list like I normally would until I’m told otherwise. I sit down behind my desk. I pause as I go back to my emails. I pick my purse up and pull my cell phone out. Maybe there’s a message from Brett explaining what’s going on.
There’s nothing. I know I told him I wasn’t ready to talk to him, but a head’s up to the fact I was coming in to his father today instead of him would have been nice. I feel myself getting angry at Brett again. I put my phone away quickly and go back to my emails before I can let my temper distract me.
The rest of the day runs pretty smoothly. I keep my head down and get on with my work. When five o’clock approaches, I start to think that maybe everything will be all right. Maybe I’ll get to keep my job after all and Mr. Connell is just going to pretend like none of this ever happened.
