Hate the Way He Loves Me

by Stacey Covington-Lee

  Their dinner arrived and they enjoyed a great meal and interesting conversation. While they didn’t revisit the topic of his parents, he did share with her how he came to be a business owner, the close relationship he has with his adoptive mother, and his hopes for the future. In turn, Zoe spoke about the unbreakable bond she had with her mother, sister, and Desi. She talked about her job and interests, but completely skipped over the topic of her father and the abuse she grew up with. He had not earned the right to know any of that yet.

  Leaving the restaurant, he reached and held her hand as they strolled through the park. They stopped at the massive Ferris wheel that had recently been constructed and decided to take a ride. The view was amazing and Ramon pointed out all of the Atlanta landmarks. Before the ride ended, he leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on Zoe’s cheek. It was beautiful and respectful, and Zoe was so glad that she hadn’t allowed her nerves to cause her to miss out on this wonderful evening.

  Ramon returned Zoe to her home and was already excited about their next date. As soon as Zoe crossed the threshold, her mom and sister hit her with a barrage of questions. But to their disappointment, Zoe hugged each of them and went off to bed with a smile on her face.

  ~~~

  A few weeks had passed since Zoe’s date with Ramon and every significant person in her life knew exactly how thrilled she was to have been in his company. As a matter of fact, she had been in his company four times since their initial date. The movies, dinners, and music concert had all been wonderful. Ramon had remained a gentleman and treated her like she was his queen bee. She now had no doubt as to whether she should open herself up to the possibility of falling in love.

  But tonight there would be no Ramon; instead Zoe was going out to dinner with her number one guy, Desi. Over the past couple of weeks they’d talked on the phone as usual, but she missed seeing his handsome face. So in anticipation of their evening out, Zoe rushed through the Friday traffic, changed into something a little more suitable for a night out, kissed her mom goodnight, and dashed off to Desi’s place.

  Zoe parked the car and started walking across the parking lot towards the apartment building. She was caught off guard by the harsh sounds of fighting that echoed through the air. She hated arguments and cringed at the thought of a physical altercation. But the closer she got to Desi’s door, the more she began to panic.

  “Damn it, that’s Desi and Kirk!” She tried to open the door and when she found it locked, began to bang on it like a mad woman. “Come on guys, open the door!” she shouted.

  The sound of breaking glass sent a chill through her and she screamed threats of calling the cops if they didn’t open the door. Finally, the lock clicked and the door cracked open. Zoe stepped in and was horrified to see both Desi and Kirk looking a battered mess and the living room trashed.

  “What the hell are you two doing?” She demanded as she slammed the door closed. “Are y’all trying to go to jail tonight, ‘cause if you think I’m the only one that heard you fighting then you’re crazy.” Zoe was so angry she could hardly get her words out.

  “Your boy here got dudes calling my damn house like it ain’t no big deal. Throwing these other knuckleheads up in my face like I’m some kind of punk,” Kirk spat angrily.

  “How many times and ways do I have to tell you that I’m not screwing around on you? Damn, it would be different if I was hiding the fact that I was talking to the guy. But like I’ve said a million times, its business.” Desi stomped off to the kitchen to retrieve a paper towel to wipe his mouth.

  “You have got to be kidding me, right? You two are in here fighting each other like two hoods on the street over a phone call! Don’t you realize that if someone had called the cops you’d both be carted off to jail? And God knows that the last thing either of you need is a domestic violence charge.” Zoe felt like a parent scolding her two boys.

  “That’s right, Zoe, take his side, I wouldn’t expect you to do anything else,” Kirk barked in her direction.

  “I’m not taking anyone’s side; I’m trying to keep both of you out of jail.”

  “Girl, save your breath, him and all his insecurities can’t be reasoned with,” Desi retorted.

  “That’s the funny thing, Desmond; I was never insecure until I started dealing with you. You flaunt your ass around like some damn queen, always gotta be the center of attention. Don’t know how to talk to nobody without flirting. I can’t deal with this shit no more. I’m tired of worrying who you’re with and what you’re doing.”

  “Fine, then I’m out cause I’m tired of it too.” Desi stomped off to their bedroom, grabbed an overnight bag and began to throw his toiletries and a few clothing items inside. In a couple of minutes, he returned with two packed bags. “I’ll be back tomorrow to get the rest of my shit.”

  “Desi wait, I’m sure Kirk didn’t mean that he wanted you to leave. Did you, Kirk?”

  “I’ve never asked him to leave, but it’s what he always tries to do. This time I’m not stopping him.”

  “Come on, Zoe, let’s go.” Desi hung his head and walked out the door.

  “I can’t believe y’all are letting things end like this. There’s been too much between you to walk away from each other so bitterly.” Zoe wiped the tears from her face and followed Desi out the door.

  Instead of an evening out, Zoe instructed Desi to head on over to her house and after picking up some take out and a couple of Redbox movies, she’d be right home. By the time Zoe walked in the house, Martha was comforting Desi with a plate full of her home cooking and sound motherly advice. Zoe tossed the pizza aside and joined them at the table. It wasn’t long before the mood lightened and the three were laughing about old times back in DC. By midnight the laughter had dried up and they were all yawning. Desi thanked Martha with a big hug and kiss and then followed Zoe off to bed.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Pam crept through the front door at 8:00am. She walked ever so gently, trying her best to not alert anyone of her presence. She quietly padded into the kitchen and almost screamed when she saw Desi sitting at the table. “Boy, what are you doing here, trying to give me a heart attack?”

  Desi chuckled softly, “What are you doing creeping in this time of day? You must have had one hell of a night.”

  “I had an okay night, nothing special and it’s really none of your business,” Pam replied with embarrassment. “You never answered my question, what are you doing here?” She demanded, trying to take the focus off of herself.

  “Had a bad fight with Kirk last night and we decided to call it quits. I came back here with Zoe for the night.”

  “Oh, Desi, I’m so sorry,” Pam sympathized as she made her way to the table and took a seat beside him. She took his hands in hers and looked him in the eyes. “Are you sure it’s over? You know we tend to say so much in anger that we really don’t mean. Maybe once you guys have had a chance to cool off and reevaluate the situation, you’ll find that breaking up really isn’t what either of you want.”

  “I hear what you’re saying, Pam, but short of becoming a monk there seems to be nothing I can do to convince Kirk that I’m faithful to him and to be honest, I’m tired of trying.”

  “But y’all love each other so much.”

  “Wasn’t it Tina that said what’s love got to do with it?”

  “It has everything to do with it,” she said as she gently released his hands. “How about some coffee?”

  “OMG, Starbucks sounds so good right now.”

  “Child, nobody ain’t said nothing about Starbucks. We got a coffee maker right here and three different flavors of cream.” It didn’t take but a hot minute for Pam to come up with two delicious cups of fresh brewed coffee.

  “Okay, I’ll give it to you, Pam, this is good coffee. Thank you. Now tell me, how was last night?” Desi asked with a devilish grin on his face.

  Pam felt herself blushing like some little school girl. She ran her fingers over the round glass top table as if she were drawing t
he most pleasurable part of her night for all to see. “Desi, I had the best time. We went to a comedy show and out to dinner. I have never laughed so hard in my life. We really had a good time, but then we got back to Alvin’s house and had an unbelievable time. Never have I experienced intimacy like that.”

  “Last night was you guys first time doing the horizontal Mamba?” Desi asked in disbelief.

  “No, but it was the first time anyone ever did the oral thing to me. Desi, I thought I would crawl out of my skin. Whoa, I can’t even talk about it, it was just that good.”

  “What was just that good?” Martha asked as she waddled through the doorway.

  “Oh, good morning, Mama, I didn’t know you were up,” Pam stammered.

  “That’s because I just got up, but from the looks of things you never went to bed. At least not here. Now, what was just that good?” Martha continued to ask as she looked from Desi to Pam and back again.

  “I was talking about the restaurant that Alvin took me to last night.” Pam could hear Desi chuckle in the background and rolled her eyes in his direction. “It was an Asian bistro and the food was unbelievably good. I’ll have to take you sometime, Mama; I think you’d really enjoy it.”

  “I’m sure I will. Now tell me, are you just getting home? And if so, don’t you think you and Alvin may be moving a little too fast?”

  “You’re kidding right?” Zoe interjected as she entered the room. “Hell I was wondering what they were waiting for. They’ve been dating for what, like six, seven months now. I say it’s about time and was it good?”

  “Hells yes!” Pam exclaimed as she slapped her sister a high five. The four of them shared a hearty laugh and all Martha could do was shake her head. Yes, her daughters talked openly about everything in front of her and to her and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She had been the best mother she was capable of being at the time, but clearly she had become a better friend to them than she had been a mom.

  The laughter and conversation flowed as Martha began to move about the small kitchen in an effort to prepare breakfast. No one said anything about being hungry, but they were gathered and enjoying themselves. That’s all the reason she needed to provide a small feast.

  “Mama, don’t cook too much because I won’t be eating,” Zoe advised.

  “And why aren’t you eating? You know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Martha cocked her head to the side waiting for an adequate reply.

  “Oh, I’m going to have breakfast, just not here. Ramon is on his way to pick me up for brunch and then we’re going on that rock climbing date I’ve been trying to avoid.”

  “Well excuse us, missy,” Desi chimed. “I see you’re letting Ramon pull out your adventurous side. If I had asked you to go rock climbing you’d have said no.”

  “Humph, well you never asked so we’ll never really know what my answer would have been. Besides, we all know that physical exertion is not something you consider fun.”

  “Maybe not that type of exertion, but give me the right dude and-”

  “Okay, okay, that’s enough of that conversation,” Martha interrupted. “It sounds like you and Ramon have a fun filled day planned, baby. Just be careful, I don’t want you coming back here with any broken bones.”

  “No worries, Mama, they have safety measures in place to protect against all that,” Zoe assured.

  It wasn’t long before Martha was placing platters of biscuits with gravy, sausage, scrambled eggs with cheese, and home fries in the center of the table. Everything looked and smelled so delectable that even Zoe was about to fill a plate with food when the doorbell rang. She sighed deeply, put the empty plate down and headed for the door.

  “Good morning,” she chirped gleefully as she swung the door open.

  “Hello, gorgeous, how are you today?” Ramon smiled sweetly as he greeted Zoe with a warm embrace.

  “I am doing great. Come on in, everyone’s in the kitchen having breakfast. We can either eat here or go to Mimi’s Café as planned.” Zoe led the way to the kitchen and Ramon followed closely behind, admiring every physical feature about Zoe.

  “Good morning everyone,” Ramon greeted as he entered the kitchen. He was about to speak again but was caught off guard by the presence of Desi.

  “Good morning,” everyone seemed to have chimed the salutation in unison.

  Placing mugs of coffee on the table, Martha offered, “Why don’t you guys have a seat and join us for breakfast?”

  “Thank you, it all looks delicious, but I promised this young lady some of Mimi’s famous French toast,” Ramon countered as he placed his hand in the small of Zoe’s back. “But next time we promise to join y’all. Who knows, I may even cook breakfast for you, Ms. Martha,” he teased.

  “Gotta love a man in the kitchen,” Desi interjected.

  “I know,” offered Pam. “I love it when Alvin cooks for me.”

  “Yeah, he loves your meals too,” Desi said sarcastically.

  “Alright, I see you guys are about to start tripping. Talking mess that my virgin ears don’t want to hear. Come on, Ramon, let’s get out of here.” Zoe took Ramon by the hand and led him back out of the apartment as he shouted goodbye to everyone.

  As Ramon headed up Highway 85 North he couldn’t help but ask the question that he’d wanted to ask since he first stepped into the kitchen and greeted everyone. “Babe, what was Desi doing at your place so early?”

  “Oh, poor thing, he and Kirk had a bad fight last night and he ended up spending the night with us. Those two love each other so much, but Kirk’s jealousy is driving a serious wedge between them. I don’t know if they’ll be able to work it out this time.”

  “So where did he sleep? It’s not like y’all have an extra bedroom.”

  “He slept with me,” Zoe said very nonchalantly.

  Ramon cut his eyes in her direction with a very unpleasant look on his face. He was clearly not pleased by her revelation. “Do you think it’s appropriate to be sharing your bed with a male that’s not your significant other?”

  “Oh please… Desi is not just my best friend, he’s like my brother. Besides you know he’s gay, it’s not like there’s a possibility for any hanky panky. Physically I don’t have a thing that Desi wants,” Zoe chuckled as she took note of the fact that Ramon was still less than amused. She couldn’t understand why he seemed so annoyed with the fact that she and Desi had shared a bed. Obviously it was all innocent, hell they had been sleeping together since they were kids and she’d escape over to his house to seek refuge from Otis.

  Ramon pulled the car over onto a side street and threw it in park. “Babe, I would never try to discourage your friendship with Desi or anyone else, but I will ask you to please consider not sleeping with him again. It doesn’t look good, sound good, and I’m just not comfortable with it. I know that he’s been there for you for years and I’m new on the scene, but I’m crazy about you. I want us to build something strong and lasting. I respect you guys’ friendship and welcome him as a friend of mine, but please promise me that you won’t share a bed with him or any other man as long as we’re involved?”

  Zoe was immediately put off by his request. In her mind, this was his attempt to control some aspect of her life. If she gave into this request, what would he ask for next? “I’m sorry, but I can’t promise that. Desi has been there for me in ways you can never imagine. So if it’s a place to sleep he needs, I’m more than happy to provide that. Even if it means sleeping with me,” she responded very matter-of-factly.

  Ramon looked wounded by her immediate refusal. “Wow, such a simple request and you wouldn’t even consider it. What does that say about us and the relationship we’re trying to build?”

  Stone faced, Zoe simply answered, “It means that you need to learn to trust me.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  It had been a crazy day and the customers were driving Zoe insane. Everything and everyone seemed to be tap dancing on her nerves. She’d even found hers
elf snapping at April, something she’d immediately regretted. Her apology was an offer to buy lunch and thankfully, April accepted.

  “So tell me, Zoe, what has you so upset today? You’re not acting at all like your normal self. I’ve never seen you so on edge,” April declared as she took a big bite of her cheese-burger.

  “Let’s just say that I had a moment with Ramon this weekend and it left a really bad taste in my mouth. I swear I’ve been annoyed ever since Saturday.”

  “Okay, so what was the moment? I mean how bad could it have been?”

  “Long story short, Desi and his partner had a bad fight Friday and Desi went home with me. He spent the night with me, slept in the bed with me and Ramon apparently had a huge problem with it. Had the nerve to try and make me promise that Desi would never sleep with me again. Can you believe that?”

  April chewed slowly as she looked around the restaurant clearly avoiding eye contact with Zoe. But after a few seconds she could feel her friend’s eyes burning a hole in her, demanding a reply. “I’m sorry, Zoe, but that doesn’t sound like such an unreasonable request to me. No man wants to think of his woman sharing a bed with another man.”

  “Oh come on, April, we all know that Desi is gay. He has no interest in anything a woman has to offer. Especially me, I’m like a sister to him for goodness sake!”

  “Girl, I’m going to need for you to calm down and lower your voice,” April instructed as she took note of the people in the small diner looking their way. “You asked me a question; you can’t get salty because you don’t like my answer. And I’m not the kind of friend that only tells you what you want to hear, I tell you how I truthfully feel. I understand that Desi is gay, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still a man and that is obviously threatening to Ramon.”

  “Clearly we view this differently. To me it seems as if he’s trying to control me. This is how it all starts, they convince you to give up something or someone important to you. Once you cave on one thing, they demand something else until everything and everyone you’ve ever cared about is cut out of your life and all that remains is them.” Zoe’s voice was shaky and tears danced on the rim of her eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks.