Jessie (Big Sky Dreams 3)

by Lori Wick

  “Yes.”

  “So it’s been a long time for you too.” It was a statement, not a question.

  “Yes.” Seth was quiet a moment and then found he had to know as well. “Did you have others?”

  “A few times I wanted to, but I could never do that to the girls. I never left them in the evening, and I never wanted anyone enough to bring him up here.”

  “I’m sorry you’ve been alone all this time. It’s not the way it should have been.”

  Jessie nodded, not looking angry or upset. As he watched, she turned away from him in her seat. Seth knew that she wasnowdone talking.

  “A cousin?” Hannah whispered from her pillow when the door was shut.

  “That’s what Seth said. He told me, and Mama was there.” “What’s his name?”

  “Nate. And Seth’s brother is Ellie.”

  “Ellie is a girl’s name.”

  “That’s what he said!”

  “Shh,” Hannah shushed her. “You’re going to get us in trouble.”

  “That’s what he said,” she repeated in a softer tone, and both girls heard footsteps. They lay very still with their eyes closed in case their mother opened the door. She didn’t, however, and the girls were able to get in a few more words.

  “Seth had a letter. I saw it, and Ellie prays like Seth does.” “To God?”

  198”I think so.”

  Hannah had to think about this. Clancy was saying something else, but Hannah was still thinking about Seth and his brother praying. She wished Clancy would stop talking so she could think, and then she didn’t hear her anymore. All was quiet. The day was catching up to Hannah, and sleep claimed her.

  199

  “ARE YOU FEELING BETTER,Hannah?” Jeb asked her on Friday evening, as this was the first time he’d seen her.

  That little girl nodded, and Jeb smiled at the smile she gave him. There wasn’t much to either of the girls, so Jeb was glad to see Hannah back on her feet.

  “How areyoufeeling?” Jessie asked her cousin.

  “Pretty good. I’m moving around some. The cane helps.” “Are you able to work at all?”

  “Some. Mostly sanding, which I can sometimes do without having to stand.”

  “When does school start?” Patience asked the girls and received the normal response. They talked all over each other in their excitement, and none of the adults had the heart to stop them.

  “My dress is blue,” Hannah got in finally.

  “And mine is green,” Clancy said. “It has a piyna-fore.”

  “Pinafore,” Jessie corrected patiently, not sure her youngest would ever get it right.

  “What color is the pinafore?” Patience asked and heard all about that.

  The adults let the children have the floor for a bit longer, and then

  200Patience headed to the kitchen to get some cookies. When the girls followed, Jeb had some minutes alone with Jessie.

  “How are you doing with Seth living there?” was Jeb’s first question.

  “It’s going well. The girls like him so much.”

  “And you?”

  “I don’t mind.”

  Jeb looked at her. Some of the hardness that had been in her eyes in the past was gone.

  “Are you going to fall for him again?” Jeb asked, not sure where this had come from.

  “If I do, I’ll be the biggest fool in town.”

  “So you still think he’s here to hurt you all?”

  “I don’t know,” Jessie admitted. “He’s changed. I can see that, but that

  doesn’t mean he’ll stay, and I’ll be raising a third child by myself.”

  Jeb was quite sure that no such thing would happen, but Jessie would

  never understand why he believed that.

  “Where is he tonight?”

  “He said he needed to talk to Rylan about something, and I forgot to tell him we were coming here.”

  “Are you getting along?”

  “Is that your way of asking if we’re fighting?”

  “Yes.”

  “We’re not.”

  “Why aren’t you?” Jeb asked, surprising Jessie into silence. She knew the answer, but it hadn’t fully hit her until just now.

  “What’s the matter?” Jeb went on, hoping he hadn’t pushed too

  far.

  “I’m just thinking.”

  “Then I’ll be done asking questions.”

  “It’s all right,” Jessie said, truly wanting him to know, but Jeb was finished. He and Jessie talked on a range of other topics, but the older cousin did not continue to press her about Seth. Jeb hoped to catch Seth on Sunday andseehow he thought thingsweregoing, but for

  201now he just wanted to keep his relationship with Jessie as open as he could. Something had struck her, and he wanted to be wise about how much he pushed in.

  Patience and the girls returned with a plateful of cookies and mugs of coffee at just the right time. Jeb began to tell Patience about something that had happened to Meg’s folks, and Jessie was more than ready to stop thinking about Seth for a few minutes. The threesome stayed for more than two hours. It was just what the mother of two girls needed.

  “Did you see Danny?” This was the first question the girls had for their father on Saturday morning. They had gone to bed before he got home.

  “I didn’t see him. I went to the house, but no one was home.” “Rylan didn’t know you were coming?” Jessie asked. For some reason this was important to her.

  “No. I just needed to ask him a question.”

  “We saw Patience,” Clancy cut in. “She gave us cookies.” “That was nice. How is Jeb?”

  “He has a cane.”

  Seth looked to Jessie, who explained how he was healing. The two adults talked about it for several minutes before they both realized the girls were watching them.

  “What did you do?” Hannah asked.

  “I went for a long walk,” Seth said. “It was a nice evening, and I even talked with a man I worked with a long time ago.”

  “Worked where?” Jessie asked.

  “At the foundry. Remember that week?”

  Jessie’s mouth opened in surprise. “You remembered each other from that long ago?”

  “Yes,” Seth said on a laugh. “It was a long time ago, but we worked side by side for those days. He still works there. He even said they’re hiring, so if you’re ready to kick me out, I’ll head there.”

  202”Since it’s Saturday, I won’t do that until at least five o’clock,” Jessie told him, willing to tease right back.

  Seth’s warm gray eyes twinkled at her, and Jessie felt that old, odd sensation in her chest. The girls had to be told that their parents were only kidding about Jessie kicking Seth out, but had Jessie known it, Seth was just about floating.

  With Rylan not at home, he had been forced to work out his thoughts on his own, and they had been about Jessie. How should he act? How should he treat her? What did some of the things she said mean?

  He knew Rylan would not have all the answers, but he desperately wished he knew how to proceed. The conclusion he came to was to be himself. He still loved his wife and would care for her and act that way. If at some point it seemed she would welcome his love, he would act accordingly on that too.

  The same with the girls. He didn’t know much about being a father, but he would be a father to them to the best of his ability. Jessie was not fighting him on that issue and that gave him great confidence and hope.

  The four of them ended up heading downstairs to the store together. If it was a typical Saturday, they would not stop moving for the next nine hours. In that time he would be more of a store worker than a husband or father, but come evening when they were back upstairs as a family again, he knew that’s when his real job would start.

  “Will you be warm enough?” Nate asked when Heather stepped outside the door on Saturday evening. She had her sweater with her, but the evenings and nights were cooling fast.

  “I think so,
but you don’t have a jacket,” Heather noticed. “It’s a heavy shirt.”

  “Can you wear whatever you like when you work?” Heather asked. With that the two began to talk about Nate’s life in law enforcement.

  203Heather was a great listener, but at one point Nate realized he was doing all the talking.

  “How did your week finish up?” he stopped reporting to ask.

  “It was fine. We were busier than I expected, so both of us worked all week.”

  “Is that normal?”

  “It’s never the same twice. For several weeks in the summer, Jeanette considered opening even fewer days, but then business picked up again.”

  The silence between them got a little long this time, and seeing that Heather looked a tad uncertain, Nate decided to be honest about what he was thinking.

  “Do I make you nervous, Heather?”

  “Well,” she said softly, not able to look at him as she admitted this, “I haven’t done too much of this.”

  “Too much of what?”

  “Walking with men.”

  Nate could only stare at her lovely profile and creamy complexion, thinking this was impossible.

  “This is my first time,” Heather nearly blurted.

  Nate came to a halt, much the way Jeanette had. Heather’s look became even more uncertain, and every ounce of compassion Nate possessed welled up within him.

  “I would never hurt you, Heather, or let anyone else hurt you.”

  “I think I knew that. Have you…” Heather started, and stopped to clear her throat. “Have you been on many walks?”

  “I was married, Heather.”

  “I didn’t know that. Where is your wife?”

  “She and our daughter died in a hotel fire.”

  “I’m sorry, Nate,” Heather said, willing herself not to cry. “How awful for you.”

  “It was awful, but it was also a long time ago. I was just a young man in my early twenties.”

  There was a bench ahead of them. It sat outside the fence at Mrs.

  204Kuster’s house, and the two sat down. For a time Nate did even more talking. He told about the way he met his wife and how old their daughter would have been today. Heather listened to every word, her head tipped a little to look up into his face.

  “There hasn’t been anyone else, Heather. It’s not that I was against marrying again, but no one was the right one. I think you need to know that I’ve been noticing you for a long time. I didn’t understand why you are the person you are until I understood what you believe. For a long time I just thought you were sweet and kind, but now I know it goes much deeper than that.

  “It’s a lot to put on you, but I think it only fair for you to know where I stand. I’ll never hold it against you if you don’t want to take walks with me anymore. Or if you need to think about some of what I’ve said. I’ll understand completely.”

  “I didn’t know you were interested. Becky told me.”

  “How did she know?”

  “She said she saw you. I don’t know what she meant.”

  Nate had to smile.

  “Are you wanting to laugh?”

  “Not laugh exactly, but it’s not often that I meet someone so inexperienced.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been throwing myself in your way for months, but you never noticed my interest.”

  “Why couldn’t I see it?” Heather asked, searching her mind for the times he’d done that and coming up blank.

  “I don’t know if you knew what to look for.”

  “Why do some women?”

  “They must have experienced that type of interaction some other place.”

  “I told Jeanette that I’m not the type of woman that men fall for. I think that must be why.”

  “Could it be that men have been interested and you never knew?” The look of surprise on Heather’s face caused Sheriff Nate Kaderly

  205to laugh. His head went back as the laughter burst out of him. Heather laughed a little with him, shaking her head and trying to make sense of it all, but it was Nate who spoke when he got his breath back.

  “Well, for myself I’m glad no one else gained your notice.”

  “You’re really interested in me?” Heather had to ask, slightly amazed.

  “I’m really interested.”

  “I don’t know much about this,” Heather began.

  “I’m not going to rush you.”

  “You’ll probably get tired of explaining what everything means.”

  Nate had to smile at her again. Heather smiled too, but Nate could also read the chagrin in her eyes. They eventually continued their walk, and Nate was good at his word. With no thoughts to rush her in any way, they simply talked about themselves. Nate had her home long before dark, and before he left Jeanette’s ornate front porch, he asked if he could see her again. Heather said yes.

  “How are you?” Bri asked Jessie on Sunday afternoon. The pastor’s wife had made a deliberate effort to go over to see her friend, and the two were on a walk.

  “I’m all right. A little confused at times.”

  “Confused about what?”

  “Seth and me.”

  “Your own feelings, or what you think he’s feeling?”

  “Both, I think. I was all ready to hate him and keep him at arm’s length, but I don’t feel that way anymore, and I don’t know why.”

  “Are you saying that you would welcome a relationship with him?”

  “I don’t know,” Jessie said slowly, and then all but snapped. “See, Bri, it’s even that! When he first came back I would have said no as fast as I could get that word out of my mouth, but now I’m actually considering it!”

  206”What are you more afraid of-that he’ll leave or that he’ll stay for the next 40 years?”

  Jessie stopped and looked at her friend. It was a good question. If he stayed, things would not look the way she planned. Was she all right with that? She had never planned to be alone forever, but she was going to wait until the girls were older before she made room for a man in her life. Now her husband was back, the man who walked out on her, and she wasn’t able to hate him. Everything was changing.

  “Did I ask the wrong question?” Bri tried this time. Jessie had stopped as though she had something to say but then was quiet.

  “No, but I don’t have an answer. I had things somewhat planned out in my mind. I thought I knew what my life would look like. Having Seth here changes it all.”

  “And what exactly do you object to, Jessie? Is it just because he left you, or is some of it who he is now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, he’s not the same man, is he? Can you love this man?” “That’s just the problem, Bri. I think I could love him so easily. I’m

  still angry at him at times, but I didn’t expect to be this drawn.”

  “Tell me why that’s such a bad thing. Is it because of his faith in

  God?”

  “No,” Jessie said with a shrug. “That doesn’t bother me.”

  “What do you have against God, Jessie?” Bri asked in a completely nonthreatening voice. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked you.”

  “I just don’t think He exists.”

  “How did all of this and all of us come into being?”

  “Not everything can be explained, Bri. Some things just are.” “But you have such respect for Rylan, and you know he believes very strongly in God. Why is he the man he is?”

  “He was just raised well, the way I’m trying to do with my girls.” “But what about Seth? What changed him?”

  Jessie was at a loss there. He was something of a mystery to her. Since he’d come back, he’d displayed tendencies of patience and kindness she didn’t think were possible. He had been patient and kind in the past,

  207but only to a point This time he was taking everything she threw at him without so much as a hint of retaliation or irritation.

  “You didn’t know me before, Jessie
,” Bri said quietly when the silence lengthened. “If you want to hear my whole story, I’ll tell you. I’m living proof that God can completely change a person. You and I would not have a friendship if it weren’t for God’s intervention in my life.”

  This was not the first time Bri had hinted at this topic. In the past Jessie told herself that Bri had never done a thing wrong in her life, but that was foolish. Bri had lived most of her life in Denver, and Jessie knew nothing about that time.

  “I would like to hear it sometime, Bri.”

  “Certainly, Jessie,” Bri agreed, knowing that now was not the time. “Just let me know.”

  The women didn’t stay out much longer, but when Bri left Jessie at the back door of the store, Jessie stood outside on her own for a few minutes. It had just occurred to her that good people cared for her. Jeb had checked with her on Friday. Now Bri had made a specific visit to check on her.

  It also did not escape her notice that these two folks believed in God. Jessie shook her head a little. Was it possible to be wrong after all these years? Had her father been wrong? What about her mother? Jessie didn’t know what that woman believed. She was not sure if Maryann Wheeler had ever said.

  Jessie knew if she kept this up she would have a headache, and that was the last thing she needed. She was living with a man who was her husband in name only, and she had two girls whose lively minds were a lot of work. Jessie deliberately put all other thoughts aside and went indoors to her family.

  “Was it any problem to come this morning?” Rylan asked Seth when he let him into the house early Tuesday morning.

  “No. I told Jessie last night that I wouldn’t be around until the store opened. If Bri hadn’t come on Sunday to see her, she might not have

  208understood, but I think she just sees this as one friend checking on another.” Seth’s mouth quirked a little before he added, “When she finds out I want to do this every week, she might not understand, but for the moment it’s fine.”

  “Why wouldn’t she understand?” Rylan asked as the men got comfortable in the living room.

  “Jessie doesn’t ask for a lot of help. For extra hands in the store, yes, but not for personal things. I think the only reason she ever has input is because others check in with her.”

  This made complete sense to Rylan. Bri had been checking on Jessie since their friendship began, but Seth was right, Jessie didn’t appear to need anyone. He was thankful that this was not the case with Seth. That man was humble and honest about what he didn’t know.