The Many Lives of June Crandall

by Suzanne Whitfield Vince

  She didn't cry about it. Why should she? They were only friends. They'd remained just friends for this very reason. Instead, she deleted his messages and went to bed.

  The next morning, she was awakened by a loud banging. She glanced at the clock. It wasn't even six. It took a while to figure out where the noise was coming from, but when she did, she grabbed her bathrobe and stomped to the front door.

  Grace unlatched the deadbolt and yanked the door open. Antonio pushed his way in with coffee and a bag of something delicious-smelling. He dropped the items on the dining room table and turned to her. He took a step toward her and she stepped back.

  He put his hands up in the air. "Okay, I know I've been a really lousy friend lately, and I'm sorry. To say I've been busy at work is an understatement. But it's no excuse. I hope you can forgive me."

  He looked like a crazy person. His clothes were slept-in wrinkled, he was unshaven, and his hair was flat on one side. She hadn't spoken to him in almost a week and the only thing he had to say for himself was that he'd been busy? She got it. Message received. Loud and clear.

  "Antonio, you are under no obligation to call me every day. God knows, that's the last thing I want to be to someone, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. But don''t use work as an excuse. If you don't want to see me anymore, just tell me."

  He stared at her, without a word, for a long moment. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. Finally, he said, "You think I want out? Seriously, that's what you think?"

  She stood firm, hands on hips, and nodded.

  Blowing out an exasperated sigh, he ran his hand through his unkempt hair and rubbed his stubbly chin. "Grace, wild boars couldn't drag me away from you. Don't you get it?""

  She blinked twice and shook her head.

  He walked toward her and this time she stayed put. "I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever, unless you send me away. I love you, Grace."

  She gasped and took a giant step backward. "What did you just say?"

  "I said, I love you. Madly, deeply, passionately. And it's forever, Grace."

  She kept backing up until she fell onto the couch behind her.

  "But...you can't say that! I thought we were friends...just friends. Love just complicates everything. Please, say you didn't mean it."

  "I did mean it, Grace. But how about this. I un-say it."

  Grace laughed.

  Antonio laughed, too. They laughed until they both held their sides and tears ran down their cheeks.

  He sat down on the couch and took her hands in his. "I'm sorry, Grace. I'm sorry that I've been a bad...friend these past couple of weeks. One of the directors left and I had to take on his caseload. You know about the case I'm working on, and he has one going to trial next week. I haven't been home in two days. I worked all night, but I wanted to come by this morning to tell you that I'm sorry I let work come between us. I will try my best to never let that happen again."

  He looked deeply into her eyes. "As far as the love thing goes, I do love you, Grace. More than I ever imagined possible. But I'll tell you what. I'm not making any promises, but I'll try not to say it to you again until you say it to me."

  She nodded. "So, we're still just friends?"

  "Yes, with benefits."

  She smiled. "I'm sorry for freaking out. I guess I just got scared." But scared didn't begin to describe it.

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "It's okay. I understand."

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Grace closed the door after Antonio left and crawled back into bed. She had no sooner pulled the covers up when she heard another knock on the door. Thinking it was Antonio again, she raced to the door and pulled it open.

  It was Valerie.

  "Hi," she said. "I hope you don't mind me coming by. I would''ve used my key but I didn't want to startle you."

  "Come in." She opened the door to her friend. "What are you doing here so early?" Since their engagement, Valerie had officially moved in with Matt across town.

  "Just leaving work, actually, and hoping I could shower and take a power nap. I saw Antonio on my way in. The man has been working like a machine. He slept on the couch in his office the last two nights."

  So it was true--he had worked all night. It certainly explained why he looked the way he did. She'd wanted to trust him when he told her where he'd been the past week, but part of her still believed it was just a story. She couldn't help herself. Despite everything he said, she still felt deep in her soul that he would leave.

  Except that it was more than a feeling. It was based on a lifetime of experience.

  "You two okay?" Valerie asked.

  Grace shrugged. "Sure, we're still friends. Except it's more complicated now." She looked at Valerie. "He just told me he loves me."

  Valerie flew off the couch and hugged her, then pulled back and looked at her. "Oh. And you don't love him?"

  Grace shrugged. "I, no, I don't know. I enjoy his company, and I enjoy the benefits, but everyone I've loved has disappeared from my life."" She looked up at her friend. "Except for you."

  Valerie took her hand. "I know it's hard, Grace, but unless you want to spend your life alone, you have to learn to trust. Not everyone leaves. If you don't give Antonio a chance, you'll never know what might've been. Trust him, Grace. And if things don't work out, you'll always have me."

  Grace and Antonio spent the next several months going to museums and riding bicycles in Central Park. They ate at fine restaurants and hole-in-the-wall eateries, which Grace claimed served the best food. He took her to baseball games and, much to his dismay, she became an avid Yankees fan. Antonio was a Mets fan.

  True to his word, he hadn't told her he loved her since that day in her living room. Then one day in July, as they were lying on a blanket in Central Park, enjoying an afternoon picnic in the early-summer warmth, he kissed her and said the words.

  This time his declaration of love did not surprise her. What did surprise her was that she said them back. But before she had time to retrieve them, to figure out if she meant them, Antonio sat bolt upright as if his back were spring-loaded.

  "What did you say?"

  Her mouth went dry and fear clawed at her insides. She looked at Antonio--so earnest and so happy--and surrendered to the moment.

  "I love you."

  He jumped off the blanket and ran in circles around the park yelling, "She loves me! She loves me!"

  Grace fell back on the blanket laughing. After he finished acting a fool, Antonio dropped down on the blanket and kissed her. And all of her doubts were silenced.

  At least for the moment.

  One afternoon in August, Antonio took Grace to the place in the park where they'd first met, in what seemed like a lifetime ago. He spread the blanket and laid out a spread of guacamole, chips and salsa, chicken taquitos, pork tamales, and chocolate flan cake for dessert.

  "Did you make all of this?" she asked.

  "Yes ma'am."

  She reached for a chip and he swatted her hand away. Then he propped himself up on one knee and took her hands in his.

  "Grace Elizabeth Adams, I am hopelessly in love with you. You are beautiful, smart, kind, and so courageous, not to mention talented, creative, and funny, and I'm a mess when I'm not with you. I think about you every waking moment of the day and frankly, it's interfering with my work. So would you please do me the honor of becoming my wife so that my clients can get the attention they deserve?"

  It took a moment for his words to register, and she repeated them over again in her mind. He wanted to marry her? As in, lifelong-type commitment?

  She realized she was staring at him. "You want to...are you sure?"

  He laughed. "Yes, silly girl, I want to marry you."

  It felt as though someone had deflated her lungs. She pulled her hands from his grasp and sat back on the blanket. Oh God, was this actually happening? This was it. She'd come to a fork in the road. One way led to a life of emptiness and loneliness. A life without hi
m. The other led to...what, exactly, she wasn't sure. She hadn't even told him about her past yet. If she said yes, would she just be living with the countdown to the day he realized he'd made a mistake? Could she survive the pressure?

  He watched her, waiting for an answer, and he deserved one. Could she do it? Could she marry a man she had not completely given her heart to just so she could have more time with him? Was that fair? Or should she say no, because he deserved to marry someone who loved him without reservation, and risk losing him now rather than later?

  It took all of her strength to nod. "Okay, sure."

  His eyes narrowed and he cocked his head. "Is that a yes?"

  She gulped. "Yes, it's a yes."

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "Oh, Grace. I love you so. We're going to be so happy, I just know it."

  He pulled a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring from his pocket and slipped it onto her delicate hand. She looked at the ring and then up at him. He pulled her into his arms and held her. And for a moment, she allowed herself to believe that this could last. That he, finally, could be her happily ever after.

  They set the wedding date for December, a year after their first unofficial date. Valerie would be Grace's maid of honor, and she helped Grace plan the wedding. Unlike most girls who grew up dreaming about their weddings, neither Grace nor Valerie had ever dared to dream such things. It all seemed so surreal.

  She wrote Maggie to tell her of the good news, knowing that she would be happy for her. She heard from Maggie a lot less frequently these days, normally only at Christmas time, and always on her birthday. But she was doing well and was still living in Boston.

  Finding the perfect wedding dress proved to be a challenge, but she and Valerie had fun trying on the most hideous dresses they could find and laughing themselves silly. And then they found the one. It was an elegant, form-fitting satin dress with Chantilly lace and beautiful beadwork on the bodice, with a small train. It was perfect, and as soon as she put it on, she knew the search was over.

  Grace and Antonio decided to get married in the Catholic Church, and the reception would be at his parent's country club. Grace first insisted that it not be a large, lavish affair, but because it was the first wedding in his family, his parents wanted to invite a lot of their friends. She could hardly say no.

  The big day arrived before she knew it, and for the first time in years, Grace got down on her knees, knelt against her bed, and prayed. She prayed for forgiveness for having strayed from Him in anger and disappointment. She prayed for courage and strength, for a sign that she was doing the right thing by marrying her best friend, and for protection for her heart when the inevitable happened. In return, she promised not to turn away from Him again, no matter what disappointments life dealt her.

  She met Valerie and Antonio's mother, Barbara, at the church where they would all dress together. She'd had her hair and makeup done at a salon earlier that morning, so all that was left was for her to slip into her dress.

  Valerie reverently slid the dress off the hanger, and held it for Grace to step into, then zipped it up. As she slid the delicate veil onto Grace's head, there was a knock on the door.

  "If that's Antonio, don't let him in!" she said as Valerie ran to answer the door.

  Barbara slipped the diamond and pearl necklace that had belonged to her own grandmother around Grace's neck, and the two women embraced.

  "Thank you, Barbara," she said. "This will be my 'something old.''"

  As Grace looked at herself in the mirror, she saw tears streaming down the face of the reflection looking back at her. Instinctively, she touched her face, but her eyes were dry. The tears were not hers.

  She spun around and stood face to face with the first person she had ever given her heart to.

  "Oh, Maggie!" Grace flew into her open arms like she'd done a thousand times as a little girl. It had been...what, almost fifteen years since they'd seen one another. "I can't believe you're here!" She'd sent Maggie an invitation, but had received her regrets.

  "Valerie thought it might be fun if I surprised you." She gave Valerie a wink, then took Grace's hands in hers. "Just look at you, my darling. You're all grown up and beautiful beyond imagination. I couldn't be any more proud of you if you were my own daughter."

  Tears of unimagined joy smeared mascara down Grace's cheeks.

  Valerie attacked her with tissues. "You've got to stop that. Antonio isn't going to want to marry a raccoon."

  The women spent the rest of their time together fixing Grace's makeup and reminiscing, and Grace asked Barbara if it would be okay for Maggie to walk her down the aisle. They'd planned for Mr. Ramos to do the honors, but Maggie was the closest thing to a real parent she''d ever had.

  "Grace," Barbara said, "we've known about this surprise for a while now. We assumed that you would want Sister Margaret to walk you down aisle. It's as it should be."

  Grace had a hard time looking at Maggie without crying, and she knew without a doubt that she had received the sign she'd asked for. She couldn't believe Maggie had come, and she vowed that she would never let so much time pass before she saw her again. Her heart was so full of love and joy, and when the doors to the church opened and she saw Antonio, she knew she had chosen the right fork.

  It was a beautiful ceremony, and on a brilliant, sunny day in December, Grace and Antonio became man and wife.

  For their honeymoon, Antonio surprised Grace with a trip to Italy--the only place she'd said she ever really wanted to go to. They visited Rome, Venice, and Portofino. They saw all the famous sights, rode bikes through the countryside and took gondola rides all through Venice. They ate more kinds of pasta than she knew existed, drank Chianti, and spent the rest of the time doing what newly married couples do.

  When they returned from Italy, Antonio moved into the loft. After dinner on their second night back, he handed Grace an envelope. "It's a wedding gift from my parents.""

  She took the envelope from him, slit the flap and pulled out a thick, sealed document. She scanned the large type heading above the fine print, then looked at Antonio. "It's the deed to the loft next door. I don''t understand."

  "There's another letter in the envelope--an offer from your landlord to sell us this place. Once you sign it, we'll own both units and we can knock them together into one big space. We can build actual bedrooms and a studio for you and--"

  Grace felt the blood drain from her face and she pushed back from the dinner table. "Antonio, how could you do something like this without talking to me? I thought we were partners and would make decisions together. Doesn't it matter what I think?""

  "I, yes, of course it matters what you think. I just thought...I thought this would be a nice surprise. But if you don't want to do it, we won''t."

  "So, if I don't sign the letter, then we won't own this place. It will still just be a lease, in my name?"

  He nodded. "Is that what you want?"

  The walls began closing in on her. "I don't know what I want." Grabbing her coat from the rack, she stormed out of the house.

  She couldn't believe the nerve. The loft was her place, her refuge--not his. Sure, they were married now but the lease remained in her name so that, in case he ever decided to leave her, she'd still have a place to live. Too many times in her life she'd been forced to leave the place she called home, and that was not going to happen again. Ever. And if they bought her loft together, he could force her out. There was no way she was signing that letter. He could just move in next door, to the place his parents had bought for him. They could be neighbors.

  Suddenly, she laughed. She didn't really want that. She just wanted to know, needed to know, that if he changed his mind about being married to her, she still had a place to call home.

  Before she knew it, she found herself in front of the gallery. She let herself in and went back to the studio. In the corner was a painting she'd been struggling with but was finally making some progress on, thanks to Vinni. She donned a smock and picked
up the paintbrush. Painting always had a way of calming her down, and these last few weeks had been an emotional roller coaster.

  It was after three o'clock in the morning when she slipped into bed next to her husband. Antonio was asleep, and though she was tempted to wake him, she let him sleep.

  She awoke just before nine o'clock the next morning and padded into the kitchen.

  Antonio handed her a cup of coffee and held the letter from her landlord in his hand. She'd signed it when she came home earlier that morning.

  "Are you sure?" he asked.

  "Absolutely. I'm sorry I got so upset last night. It's just that...this place is like a security blanket for me. And in case you hadn't noticed, I don't adapt well to change."

  "No, I should be the one apologizing. I had noticed that. I just didn't think of it, and I should have. This was your home long before I moved in, and I should've discussed my ideas with you. I promise I won't be so arrogant in the future. Okay?"

  She smiled at her husband, sitting across the center island in the kitchen. "Okay."

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  After finalizing the loan documents and securing the necessary permits, the renovations got underway in March. They began by knocking out the wall between the two units and framing out the rooms. They set up their bed in a corner that wasn't being renovated, and curtained it off with bed sheets in order to keep the dust out.

  Grace spent her days at the gallery during construction working on a collection that Vinni promised to show in the fall. It was a very exciting time for her. The culmination of a long-awaited dream.

  Antonio was putting in long hours as well, and they often met for a late dinner and collapsed into bed afterward. In early summer the renovations were complete, and they were able to start moving their things into place and shopping for furniture to fill the rest of their newly expanded home.

  One Saturday after working a show at the gallery, Grace returned home, excited to see the new furniture that had been delivered that day. She heard music coming from the back of the house and followed the sound back to her studio. When she saw the scene before her she froze, every bit of air draining from her lungs.