A Christmas to Remember

by Jenny Hale

  “Good morning,” he said to her first. She was rinsing her plate at the sink, so she only turned her head to look at him, her hands still under the stream of water. She searched his face for any sign of how he felt seeing her, but he just looked like he normally did when he was greeting the whole family. She smiled nervously.

  “Did I miss breakfast?”

  She nodded.

  “Have you eaten?”

  She nodded again, too worried to speak. She was annoyed with herself because she’d promised herself at the Ashford Estate that she’d say something if he put work first but with the kiss looming in her consciousness, and without the champagne and the proximity to him, she felt too nervous to say what she was thinking. She was worried that he was going to let her down, upset her, that he hadn’t changed, but what she feared most was that the kiss had been a mistake. She dried her hands and turned around. He was acting weird. He wasn’t stressed out, yet everything about his behavior told her he was going to work. He’d gotten up at the same time he always had—she’d heard him, thinking he was coming downstairs but then he never showed. He’d showered first. He’d spent the morning absent. He’d come downstairs at the usual time when he would leave for work. Carrie was on pins and needles waiting for an explanation.

  “Good morning,” he said to Joyce and Sharon who were wiping down the counters. Then, he turned back to Carrie. “I’d like to ask you to do something for me.”

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Would you come to the brewery with me? Bring the kids. I want to show you and the family around. Then maybe we could take the kids to see Santa.”

  “Oh, that would be lovely!” Joyce said from behind Carrie.

  Carrie had been too stunned to speak. Adam had said he wanted to show her the brewery. Had she heard him correctly? He must want her there for the children. Or perhaps he was just being polite.

  Joyce walked around the island and patted his arm, smiling.

  “I haven’t ever shown you where I work,” he said, “so I thought it was about time.”

  “If Carrie can get the little ones around, I’ll organize the big ones,” Joyce winked. “Would you like some breakfast, honey?” she asked Adam. Joyce looked positively thrilled. As she finished clearing the dishes, she was almost bouncing with excitement.

  Carrie was still trying to process what had just happened when Adam came up beside her, standing closer than he should. He looked down at her, warmth in his eyes, and she could feel the splotches coming. This time, they weren’t coming from nerves, they were coming from the excitement—a thrill like she’d never felt before. The way he was looking at her was the same way he’d looked at her last night, but there was something more real about it in the daylight, making it less dreamlike and more genuine. She took in a breath to steady herself. He reached into the cabinet above her head and pulled out a plate.

  “What time would you like to go?” she asked, trying to hide her excitement.

  “As soon as everyone’s ready.”

  Carrie pulled her car up behind the camper and put it in park. Adam had driven everyone in the camper because Walter had trouble getting in and out of the car, and the snow had piled up significantly on the curbs. She’d followed behind with the children. As she walked around the car to unbuckle the kids, she tried to keep her emotions even. The book on stress that she’d read while waiting to meet the Fletchers was still on the seat of her car. She resisted the urge to open it and find an answer for the way she was feeling. Truthfully, she knew she wouldn’t find answers in there. Life was too complex, too specific to find answers to her kind of questions.

  When she opened David’s side, she was taken aback by what she saw. He was working diligently to unbuckle himself, his usual serious expression replaced by a huge grin, causing the dimple on his right cheek to show more than usual. “Are you doing okay?” she asked as David fumbled with the buckles.

  “Yes!” he said. “Can you get this one?”

  Carrie unclipped the last buckle and David hopped out onto the icy city street, nearly losing his balance and slipping. She caught him. “Wait there on the sidewalk while I get Olivia,” she said, thrilled to see such excitement in David. “You’re a very happy boy today.” She walked to the curb as she waited for the traffic to pass so she could open Olivia’s door. Adam had parallel parked up the street since he had the large camper and needed more room. They were all walking down the sidewalk toward Carrie’s car.

  “I get to see Daddy’s work!” David said.

  Carrie unbuckled Olivia and carried her across the original cobblestones and over the snow bank to the sidewalk, setting her down easily so she didn’t fall. Her little pink snow boots provided little traction on the ice. Carrie looked up at Shockoe Brewery. It was nestled in an old, historic area of the city. Spanning two buildings, the exterior was painted a bright white with dark green awnings on every window and above the front door. Every window had a spruce wreath with bright red bows and white twinkle lights. An oval lighted sign with curly writing, saying “open” was positioned in the window next to the door.

  The Fletchers had caught up with them, and Adam walked around to the front of the group. He opened the large, wooden door for them to enter. The whole place oozed refinement. The hostess perked up at the sight of Adam, smiling nervously in his direction. As she started thumbing through menus, he politely told her to hold off. Carrie was impressed by his presence. Adam was different there than he was at home with her. With Carrie, he was softer, gentler, whereas at the brewery, he was still pleasant, but he was more matter-of-fact with his commands. Until then, she’d never realized how friendly he’d actually been with her since the very beginning.

  The hostess immediately put the menus back and stood at attention, ready to fulfill any request he had. The wall of glass with the brew kettle was bigger in real life than what it had seemed in the pictures. An entire wall behind the hostess, opposite the front, had Salty Shockoe bottles from floor to ceiling, all kinds of different labels and sizes. The wall was arranged in a way that it looked artistic—as good as any painting she’d ever seen. The tables were thick, lacquered dark wood with deep pink orchids in the center of each one. The formality of the orchids against the casual beer design was like chocolate and popcorn—sweet and salty—mirroring Adam’s own personality in many ways.

  David pushed forward and grabbed Adam’s hand, and Adam showed his surprise. The little boy was still smiling wide, his eyes darting from one side of the restaurant to the other. “Is this your work, Daddy?” he asked. Before Adam could even answer, he asked, “Where’s your desk? What phone do you use?”

  Adam let out a quiet burst of laughter and scooped David up into his arms. “Would you like to see my desk first?” he asked.

  Carrie could barely focus on what Adam was saying because she was too busy dealing with the elation that she felt at seeing him with his little boy. David had always seemed just like his daddy to Carrie, but what she didn’t know was that all he needed was to be given time with Adam doing what Adam loved to do. She’d never seen David so happy, and she’d never seen Adam so relaxed with one of his children before. They were both in their element, and no one could have planned it—not even her. Watching the two of them feed off of each other was like magic, something bigger than all the strategies she’d learned being a nanny. Carrie blinked to keep the wetness in her eyes at bay. It hit her right in the heart.

  “Why don’t you all go up to the bar and have a seat while I show David my desk?” Adam said, still holding David whose thick winter jacket had caused his cheeks to become bright red in the warmth of the brewery. “Drinks are on me,” he winked. Then he called to the bartender, “Can you get a pot of coffee going, Tom?” The bartender nodded, waving them all over. Carrie had a stab of fear as she saw Adam take his son through the door to his office. Was Andy back there? Would he see her, and the spell would be broken, causing him to realize that what they’d shared at Ashford really wasn’t what he w
anted? She turned away from the door and tried not to think about it.

  The bar and tables were still quite empty since it was barely brunch time, so they all took a seat, filling the bar. Carrie shrugged off her coat and hung it on the back of her chair. Olivia had climbed into the chair next to her, between Carrie and Joyce. She, too, took her little coat off and put it on the back of her chair, her pink snow boots swinging above the floor. Carrie let her eyes wander the substantial bar where she was sitting—its brass accents and beautiful grains. Behind the bartender, she saw more beers displayed like artwork, and she wondered if Adam had done the decorating or someone else. The colors on the labels flowed like a rainbow wave from one side of the display to the other, each placement clearly meticulously thought out. Her eye caught one particular bottle, causing her to smile. It was the Christmas bottle with the holly leaves that Adam had made for her.

  While they all drank coffee, Olivia had milk—Tom, the bartender, was teaching her how to spin a quarter on the shiny surface of the bar. He held a quarter up on its side while Olivia flicked it, sending it spinning across the surface. Adam returned, holding David’s hand. “David just met Andy and most of the office staff,” Adam said, letting David crawl up onto a barstool and gesturing to Tom for another cup of milk.

  Andy was there. Would she be coming out to say hello? Or more awkward, would she be joining them all for a drink? Carrie could feel the anxiety rising. She was almost certain that she hadn’t imagined the moment she’d had with Adam when they’d put the kids to bed, and she prayed that his kiss last night had been more than just the champagne and the magic of the evening. He hadn’t made any further moves. Was she supposed to do something? Anything more and she felt like she’d be throwing herself at him, or worse, she’d make a fool of herself. Adam told Tom that they were going to finish having their drinks at a table, so they walked over to an empty one with enough seats to accommodate everyone. They all sat down, Carrie holding her coffee mug with two hands, pretending to keep warm but really hiding her jitters. Adam sat down in the empty seat beside her.

  Beside their table was a Christmas tree stretching up to the second-floor balcony. Carrie hadn’t noticed before now, but the second and third floors were open balconies, the original steel beams showing at the top. The whole building looked as though it had originated as some sort of warehouse or tobacco facility, the exposed brick giving way to patches of cement with artsy murals painted on it. The beams themselves at the ceiling still showed their rusted bolts, amidst the most gorgeous chandeliers Carrie had ever laid eyes on. Each one was so large that if she were standing beside it on the floor, it would be bigger than Adam’s dining table. Olivia crawled onto Adam’s lap, facing him, the lights from the tree causing a golden shine on the waves in her hair. Olivia was so small that she could crisscross her legs and still fit on Adam’s lap. Adam looked more confident with David. With Olivia, he looked as though he were worried he’d break her. He gently held her hands as she wriggled herself into a comfortable position.

  “I’m going to paint your face,” she said, holding one finger in the air with imaginary paint on it. “Close your eyes, Daddy.” Adam looked around at the others at the table as if he were asking what to do. Joyce winked at him and smiled, so he closed his eyes. Olivia dragged her finger down his nose. “That is…” She pursed her lips in thought. “Purple. What color would you like the end of your nose to be?”

  With his eyes still closed, Adam said, “How about green?”

  “Yes! Green would look very nice.” Using her make-believe paint, she rubbed the end of his nose with her fingertip. “Now I’m going to put some eyebrows on…” She moved her finger along the bottom of his forehead. “…and I’m going to paint your cheeks pink.”

  As Carrie watched the exchange between Adam and his daughter, she couldn’t believe how far they’d come. There he was at work, and he was completely in the moment. Olivia didn’t even realize the magnitude of this outing. Her daddy had not only taken time off work, but he’d invited his whole family out to see where he spent so much of his time, something he’d never done before. And now, he was sitting with Olivia on his lap as if it were a normal, everyday occurrence. He was making memories.

  Olivia and David seemed so comfortable with him now, so relaxed. Carrie wondered how it had even happened. With all her other families, she’d always had a set list of strategies to help the children overcome whatever issues or obstacles they had, but this time had been different. It had taken a ton of tiny moments, all kinds of thoughts and feelings, and acting on those. Life wasn’t about things she could read in her books; it was about living it, and making it happen.

  When Olivia had finished “painting” his face, Adam took her tiny hands in his and addressed the family. “I have an announcement to make,” he said, “which is why I’ve brought you all here today. I just need to go get Andy.” He lifted Olivia off his lap and stood her on her feet next to Joyce. “I’ll be right back.”

  Carrie’s mind immediately went into overdrive. Why did he need Andy to make an announcement to his family? My God, she thought, is he really seeing her? Had that kiss been some kind of fling, a crazy night before he committed to Andy Simpson? Was he going to propose or something? Her mouth had dried out completely, and she couldn’t get a breath. Attempting to hide her complete panic, she looked around at the people sitting with her, but no one seemed to notice that she was losing it. Walter was talking to Bruce; Sharon and Eric were helping David get the straw paper off his straw; and Joyce was coloring with Olivia. Their faces blurred in front of Carrie as she tried to get her emotions in check. Adam Fletcher was never hers to have, she told herself. Even if she did feel like she finally belonged, all dressed up at that party, it hadn’t been real. He’d slipped. He’d been spooked. He wasn’t ready for commitment but now he was. She wasn’t sure which of those had been the case, if any, but now, she sat on the edge of her seat, waiting for Adam to announce whatever news he had regarding Andy.

  Her chest tightened when she saw Adam and Andy come out of the office door and walk toward them side by side. She was beautiful, smiling, her hair falling loose and wavy over her shoulders. They looked like the perfect couple together, Carrie thought against her will. Everything about the both of them was perfect. Andy turned to Adam and smiled wider, and a wave of heat rushed over Carrie. She knew what kind of smile that was. It was an excited, anticipatory smile. It was an I’m-fond-of-you smile. It was the kind of smile Carrie had given Adam when she’d tried so hard not to. Her chest felt hollow, yet she could hardly get a breath as if her lungs were filled with water. She tried to see if they were standing closer to each other than normal. Andy was awfully close. Carrie was still scrutinizing when, to her horror, she saw Adam’s face. He was grinning at Andy! It was the same kind of grin that happened right after his little laugh he always did. It was a content, almost reflective smile.

  “You all remember Andy,” he said, his gaze shifting to the table. “She’s a consultant with whom I’ve been working to expand Salty Shockoe across the East Coast.” He turned to the staff and beckoned them over. Tom, the hostess, and a few others stood behind the Fletcher family. Carrie had to work to slow down her breathing. She was about to hyperventilate.

  He looked directly at Carrie. What was his expression? Was it apologetic? Was he silently apologizing for kissing her? She wanted to run out right then and there, but she couldn’t move until she heard it out of his own mouth. So many emotions were slamming around inside her head: She was terrified that he loved Andy, angry that he had kissed her if he wasn’t available, totally disappointed at the thought of Adam being with someone else, worried for the children—how would they handle someone new in their lives? Despite all her emotions, her face was blank, blank with the weight of them all.

  “In life, sometimes, we need a partner…” he said.

  Oh, God.

  “I’ve realized I can’t do this alone.”

  Her fears made the hair on the back o
f her neck stand up. She worked to control her breathing as she looked down at the table, not wanting to face what was being said right there in front of her. Maybe because she was curious or because she liked to torture herself, she looked back up at Adam.

  “As you all know, I have been very busy with the expansion project. I know my work has consumed far too much of my time, and I need someone I trust to help me with this. That’s why I’ve hired Andy to manage the expansion. I will be overseeing the project, but it will be Andy who will be in charge of managing the whole thing. Her help on this phase of the business will not only be of huge benefit to the brewery, but it will give me more time to spend with you all.” He winked in the direction of the twins. “Congratulations, Andy.”

  Everyone clapped, snapping Carrie out of her thoughts. He hadn’t said he was marrying Andy. He hadn’t even mentioned anything about being with her. Before she could process anything else, an unfamiliar man came forward and kissed Andy on the cheek. “I’m proud of you,” he said to her.

  “This is my husband, Jack,” she introduced him.

  Husband.

  The entire table had gone about talking, but Carrie sat there stunned. Relief flooded her, filling every part of her body. Andy was married. All the thoughts she’d had and pushed away, all the potential moments she imagined she could make with Adam and the kids, they came floating back, her hopes rising up into the air with all the possibilities. All the looks Adam had given her, all the signals, had they all been real? Did he find her attractive? Did he like being around her as much as she liked being around him? Having Andy to focus on the expansion would allow him more time to be with everyone. With her?

  He turned and looked at Carrie. She knew that look. This time, she knew without a doubt that it was meant for her. She wasn’t misreading it. He was letting her know how he felt. But now, she had so many questions: She was leaving in almost a week to return to North Carolina—what about that? The children would be with their mother again, and Adam wouldn’t need her anymore. How did he feel about her? What was he thinking? Did he want her to stay? All the questions were bouncing around her head still as everyone else broke into excited chatter.