My Life So Far

by Chloe Rayban

  I now have my hands over my eyes. But I take a peek long enough to see that Becky’s come FIRST!

  I’m practically crying with excitement as I watch her accepting a cheque for the prize. It’s for five thousand pounds – the kind of money Mum wouldn’t even pick up a mike for. But Becky is totally, totally knocked out about it.

  I text her instantly:

  !!!!!!!!!! x a million!

  HBWXXXXXX

  Wednesday 16th July

  The Palazzo Albrizzi Hotel, Rome

  Soon as I’m awake I check for a text from Gina. There isn’t one. I lie in bed staring up at my ceiling, which is painted with a scene of goddesses and cherubs being kept barely decent by a load of flimsy clouds. I wonder whether this is good news or bad.

  No text could mean:

  a) She’s having such a brilliant time with Shug she hasn’t had time to think of texting me.

  b) She’s not having such a brilliant time and doesn’t want to admit it.

  I order up my breakfast in my room. It comes on a silver tray with antique china and a coffee pot with a knob shaped like a dolphin. I eat little curled Italian rolls with ace black cherry jam. After that I fill the bathtub with really hot water and loads of bath foam. It’s a massive affair standing on four gilded lion’s feet so it takes ages. Then I have a soothing soak.

  Hang on – my phone’s ringing. I leap out of the tub. It could be Gina!

  ‘Hi?’

  It’s not. It’s Mum

  ‘You OK, babes?’

  ‘I was till you got me out of the bathtub. Now I’m dripping all over the floor.’

  ‘Oh babes, I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s OK. I’ve a grabbed a towel.’

  ‘Now, listen. You’ll have to get moving. Carlo wants you and me to be on the set by eleven.’

  ‘Oh, I thought maybe we could go sightseeing and check out the Colosseum and –’

  ‘But that’s where they’re shooting, babes.’

  ‘Oh? Are we going to watch Oliver?’

  ‘Kind of.’

  11.00 a.m., in a dank smelly bit at the back of the Colosseum

  I don’t actually see much of the Colosseum, just a gloomy corner with a few arches which has been roped off behind sheets of tarpaulin. It’s a typical film set – people everywhere looking bored out of their minds drinking coffee out of paper cups and one tiny little bit of action going on under the lights.

  ‘There’s Oliver,’ says Mum, pointing to where all the attention is focused.

  Oliver’s in a passionate clinch with a girl who looks as if she’s just swept off the Ancient Roman equivalent of a catwalk. She’s wearing this flowing robe thing that’s kind of half torn off at the top so it’s just decent. Oliver is in full centurion costume. God, he looks a plonker in that plumed helmet!

  When they finish the take, he comes over and gives Mum a big kiss and then turns to me.

  ‘Hi, Holly! Glad you could make it. This is really good of you.’

  ‘Hello, Oliver.’ I give him a kiss too.

  ‘Carlo will be over in a moment to go through what you have to do. But maybe you should get over to Wardrobe first.’

  ‘What?’ I stare at Mum.

  ‘OK, listen, Hollywood. There’s this girl about your age. She doesn’t have to do a lot – nothing really. And the girl who’s playing it has fallen sick. And since you’re here anyway, I thought –’

  ‘Mum! You are NOT going to get me in the movies.’

  ‘No! This is just to help out. And Carlo was so impressed by the way you delivered that sonnet at the wedding.’

  ‘Mu-um!’

  ‘It’s only one incy wincy little scene.’

  11.30 a.m.

  The thing I have to act has an official name. I’m being ‘impaled’. It’s kind of like being stabbed but more dramatic – the spear has to come out the other side. So what I’m doing in Wardrobe is having half a spear stuck on my front and the other half stuck on my back. They’re going to slosh the blood on afterwards.

  It takes for ever, which gives me time to learn my lines, or rather line, which is: ‘AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!’

  It’s a good thing I mastered that sonnet. All that studying will really come in handy.

  12.00 noon onwards, starring as a Christian virgin

  I’m on set at last. I don’t look as if I’ve just stepped off a catwalk. I have a long matted wig and loads of hair stuck on to my legs so it looks like I’ve got fetlocks.

  I’m tied to this pole in the boiling sun and Oliver’s getting ready to do his bit. He’s on horseback and he has this massive spear which is just like the one ‘going through’ me. He’s getting geared up to ‘impale’ me. But they have to use a body double for the actual charges because Oliver doesn’t ride that well. I sure hope this body double knows what he’s doing.

  First charge – I’m practically sick with fear.

  Second charge – I’m cowering.

  Third charge – I’m flinching.

  Fourth charge and after – I’ve become so blasé I’m not feeling scared at all.

  So it takes six takes before I get the ‘AAAAAAHHHH!’ to sound convincing enough.

  6.00 p.m.

  I’ve been released from the set and had my wig and fetlocks peeled off and I’m looking round for Mum. Apparently she’s gone shopping. She wasn’t even watching when I did my ‘AAAAAAAHHHHHH!’

  9.00 p.m., Emilio Bianchi’s in the Piazza delle Sirene

  Emilio Bianchi’s, apparently, is the most fashionable restaurant in Rome. It’s in a square which has an all-time ancient fountain in the centre. It’s decorated with naked ladies and bearded gods and dolphins which have cascades of water sloshing over them.

  We’re in an open air bit that’s fenced off from the square with a little hedge of scented plants. It’s refreshingly cool after the heat of the day. The air is filled with the whistling sound of swallows and half of Rome seems to have come out to stroll. I sit watching all these young Italian people going by. They all seem to be in couples, walking hand in hand.

  There’s a boy and a girl sitting on the edge of the fountain. They’re eating watermelon. She’s feeding him segments and they’re killing themselves laughing as the juice drips down his neck.

  All the leading members of the cast are with us. Carlo and Mum and Oliver are sitting together. On the far side of Mum there’s this Russian girl, Svetlana, who we saw this morning in the clinch with Oliver. She’s amazingly beautiful with green eyes, glossy tanned skin and long blonde hair to die for. She keeps leaning over to speak to Oliver and kind of swooshing her hair over Mum.

  My eye keeps going back to the boy and girl. He’s splashing water over her now and she’s shrieking with laughter. Suddenly I’m back in Elwyn’s garden. I’m screaming with laughter as cake and cream is flying . . . My train of thought is interrupted by the strident sound of Mum’s voice.

  ‘Can you just not do that?’

  It seems Mum has been swooshed enough. She’s on her feet. Svetlana’s standing too. She’s a good foot taller than Mum. Oliver’s getting to his feet and trying to calm things down.

  Carlo’s called a waiter over and there’s a lot of fuss with plates and knives and forks and glasses being repositioned. Mum is now reseated next to Oliver and Svetlana is sitting beside Carlo.

  I glance over at Mum. Uh-uh! I’ve seen that thunderous look before.

  Thursday 17th July, 7.00 a.m.

  The Palazzo Albrizzi Hotel

  I wake up early. The hotel is very quiet – no one’s around yet. Which is not surprising, because I discovered from Mum yesterday that she’s booked the whole hotel. There are no other guests apart from us.

  I log on on my laptop and check whether Sid has installed the Pet-U-Love Vu-Cam. He has. When I dial up the address the Vu-Cam provides me with a tiny square up in the corner of my PC screen with a very small Tru-Vu of Brandy.

  He’s lying asleep on the rug. There’s a glimmer of light coming from under the music room do
or, so I guess Dad’s working.

  7.10 a.m. (1.10 a.m. in New York), edited highlights from the Pet-U-Love Vu-Cam

  There’s movement in the corner of the screen. Brandy is twitching and wagging his tail. He must be dreaming.

  7.30 a.m. (1.30 a.m. NY time)

  Brandy gets up, yawns and shakes himself, then lies down again.

  (Sorry about this – as a medium the Vu-Cam is rather low on plot.)

  7.45 a.m. (1.45 a.m. NY time)

  Brandy is on his feet again. Dad’s feet have emerged from his music room and gone towards the bathroom.

  7.50 a.m. (1.50 a.m. NY time)

  Dad’s feet, now naked, go back in the direction of the bedroom. Brandy spends some time standing outside the bedroom door with his tail wagging.

  8.00 a.m. (2.00 a.m. NY time)

  Dad’s feet, now in outdoor shoes, make for the front door followed by Brandy. Dad’s walking Brandy at 2.00 in the morning!

  I’m intrigued. After breakfast, I take my laptop with me down to the Albrizzi pool so I can keep updated. Three whole hours go by.

  11.00 a.m. (in New York this is 5.00 in the morning!)

  The loft door opens. Brandy and Dad return. Some walk!

  12.15 p.m.

  Mum hasn’t appeared yet. We’re meant to be going sightseeing. I’d better ring her and find out what she’s up to.

  ‘Hi, Mum! Everything OK?’

  ‘Fine.’ I can tell from her voice that things aren’t.

  ‘Only fine? What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s just that Oliver’s got to spend all day on the set. I’ll hardly see him.’

  ‘Well, what did you expect?’

  ‘I know. I guess I shouldn’t have come. But maybe it’s a good thing.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘That Svetlana girl. Didn’t you see the way she looked at him?’

  ‘Mum! You can’t be jealous. You only just got married.’

  ‘Oh, I’m not jealous. I know I can trust Oliver.’

  ‘Sure you can.’

  ‘But they do spend a lot of time together.’

  ‘Well, they’re bound to. They’re working together.’

  ‘Look, I’ve got to go now. My car’s arrived.’

  ‘But aren’t we going sightseeing?’

  ‘No, I’m going to the set. I feel I ought to be there.’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘Oh babes, you can have a nice time by the pool till I get back.’

  6.00 p.m. (9.00 a.m. LA time)

  I get a text from Gina at last:

  Guess what

  we’re meeting up at the

  recording studio

  Shug’s going to introduce me

  to his band!

  Gina L. x

  So that puts me in a really good mood. This means that she and Shug are most definitely an item.

  I vow to totally ban all thoughts of Shug and Gina from my mind. TOTALLY.

  Friday 18th July

  The Palazzo Albrizzi Hotel

  I wake up to find that this total ban doesn’t apply to dreams.

  In my dream, Shug has invited Gina to do a duet with him

  – I know for a fact she can sing really well. They sing this number called ‘Gina’ that Shug has specially written for her. The song goes straight to Number One.

  9.00 a.m.

  Mum rings down to say she plans to spend another day at the set. So, great, I get to spend another day at the pool.

  I’ve now got to know the Albrizzi pool in all its fascinating detail.

  For your information:

  It’s 2 metres 50 in the deep end.

  One length takes precisely 2 minutes doing breast stroke,

  1 min. 45 crawl.

  If you leave your sunlounger for more than thirty

  seconds, you get fresh towels.

  They don’t serve Coke. They serve Pepsi.

  11.00 a.m. (5.00 a.m. NY time), further edited highlights from the Pet-U-Love Vu-Cam

  It’s a precise repeat of yesterday. Once again Dad and Brandy have returned at 5.00 in the morning NY time – after three whole hours. You can’t walk a dog in the middle of the night for three hours. Where have they been?

  7.00 p.m.

  They should be awake by now in LA. I might as well know the worst so I text Gina. I make it really casual to show I don’t care.

  Hi Gina!

  so how did it go with Shug?

  HBWx

  I get a text back almost immediately.

  Shug who?

  Gina L.x

  Weird!? I text her again.

  But I thought you two

  were an item

  HBWx

  Her text comes back:

  we were till

  I chucked him.

  Gina L.x

  why?

  HBWx

  he kept on going on

  about this other girl!!!!

  Gina L.x

  Another girl! Typical! That’s Shug all over. Men!

  7.30 p.m.

  I am brooding over this when Mum comes storming along the poolside looking for me.

  ‘Holly, we’re leaving. We’re going back to New York.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve had enough of this!’

  ‘What’s Oliver done precisely?’

  Mum bends down so that no one can hear what she’s saying. ‘That Svetlana girl. He’s bought her this massive present behind my back.’

  ‘So? Maybe it was her birthday or –’

  Mum looks at me pityingly. ‘Hollywood. Don’t be naive.’

  ‘But Mum, I’ve hardly seen any of Rome yet.’

  ‘Hollywood, as far as I’m concerned we’ve done Rome. Period.’

  ‘But –’

  Mum turns on me with glaring eyes.

  ‘If you say so,’ I mutter.

  ‘Your things have been packed. They’re already in the car.’

  I knew better than to try and argue with Mum when she’s in this sort of mood.

  ‘OK, I’ll get dressed.’

  So that was Rome. Nice. As far as it went. I did see a bit of the Colosseum. And a fountain with statues. And the Albrizzi pool. I saw a lot of the Albrizzi pool.

  Still Friday 18th July, 6.10 p.m. NY time The Plaza Residenza

  I follow Mum as she staggers into the apartment with her ‘tragic’ look on her face and slumps on the sofa.

  Vix comes out of the office. ‘OK, tell me about it,’ she says.

  ‘You think you know a guy. You trust him. And then behind your back . . .’ Mum smothers a sob.

  Vix raises her eyebrows at me from behind her back with an ‘I-told-you-so’ look on her face.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  Mum shakes her head, too stricken to go on. She takes herself off into her room and closes the door.

  ‘So what happened?’ Vix asks me.

  ‘I don’t know. There was this girl who was acting with Oliver. I guess she was kind of flirting with him, but I don’t think it was serious.’

  7.00 p.m.

  Mr Bateman arrives even though it’s out of office hours. When I open the door to him, he says ‘Hello, Hollywood’ and strides past me. Mum emerges from the bedroom. She looks all blotchy as if she’s been crying. She shuts herself up in the office with Mr Bateman and Vix.

  If Mum is going to pay a lawyer to work out of hours, it’s serious.

  9.00 p.m.

  Mr Bateman has left, but Vix and Mum are still holed up together. It seems Mum is going to throw herself into her work in order to get over this.

  As I pop in and out doing sympathetic dutiful daughter things, like bringing aspirin and cups of camomile tea and finding Mum’s pashmina for her, I hear exotic names like Bombay . . . Tokyo . . . Buenos Aires . . . It seems Mum is continuing with her Heatwave tour. Well, I guess she does have the rest of the world to cover.

  10.00 p.m.

  But enough of Mum. I have other things on my mind. I do have two parent
s, and I’d like to know what the other one is up to.

  I check my stock of blueberry jelly beans and then I call up Abdul.

  He arrives jangling his keys.

  ‘It’s late, Holly. Where do you want me to take you?’

  I shake my head. ‘Nowhere right now. Sit down, Abdul.’

  He sits and catches sight of the jelly beans.

  ‘Uh-uh!’

  ‘This is a case of surveillance. I want someone followed.’

  Abdul raises his eyebrows. ‘And who would this person be?’

  ‘My dad.’

  Abdul leans over and dips into the bag. He takes a jelly bean and chews on it thoughtfully.

  ‘Now, I’ve heard of dads surveilling their daughters. Doesn’t happen that much the other way. What’s he up to?’

  ‘That’s what I want to find out. Every night at 2.00 a.m. precisely he walks the dog.

  ‘Yeah? So?’

  ‘For three whole hours.’

  ‘I see,’ says Abdul. ‘Doesn’t sound much like your dad.’

  1.45 a.m., South Mercer

  Abdul and I sit parked a block down from Dad’s and wait.

  At two o’clock, sure enough, out comes Dad with Brandy.

  Abdul waits till they round the bend then follows at a safe distance. We track Dad and Brandy to the gumball machine. Dad puts in a coin and gives Brandy his dog treat.

  ‘Sure is tense so far,’ says Abdul.

  I ignore his comment. Dad has turned back and is crossing the park. He’s outside Al’s. Al’s come out. He’s shaking him by the hand and slapping him on the back and they’ve disappeared inside.