Fantasy of Frost

by Kelly St Clare

  There is a path out of the castle gates, which we follow, their guards lead the way and mine keep close behind us. The snow has been pushed into large piles on either side of the pathway. We huddle together for warmth and hurry down the path to the house. It is so windy my veil keeps untucking from my coat. I use one hand to keep my veil from blowing up as we stand in front of Fiona’s house.

  “Oh, you have the loveliest shade of hair,” Jacqueline says, making my heart stop. The veil must have blown up at the back.

  “I have always wondered what colour her hair is,” blonde-haired Fiona replies.

  “It’s black I think, but it seemed almost blue for a moment there. Who do you get the shade off?” she asks.

  I keep my tone casual. “My father. He had dark hair. My mother’s hair is a chestnut colour.”

  “Oh…I apologise,” Jacqueline starts, but I hold up a hand to wave off her apologies.

  “My father died shortly after my younger brother’s birth. Talking about him does not bother me. I did not really know him at all.” I had often wondered if my father’s death made our mother the way she was. If she had been twisted by grief. Thinking of how my life could have been different if my father had lived had occupied much of my childhood in the tower. And when the Tatum had married the twin’s father, Arlo, I had hoped he would protect me from my mother. It had not taken long for this hope to be crushed.

  We enter Fiona’s home. It is much cosier than the castle. Rugs and cushions brighten the rooms and coloured furniture splashes life into what would otherwise be a grey stone home. The whole house is warm and I wonder how as I don’t see a fire anywhere. It is bliss after our cold walk here. When I remark on the liveliness of her home Fiona explains most of the wealthier homes are like this.

  “The castle used to be much brighter when the King’s mother lived there,” Jacqueline adds.

  “She’s no longer alive?” I ask. I know this already from Kedrick.

  The two women shake their heads sadly. “She died not long after King Borin’s tragic accident. She was heartbroken.”

  “She died from losing him?” I ask with a furrowed brow. They nod and I see Fiona dab at her eyes with a piece of material. Remembering my grief after Kedrick’s death, I could imagine how this could happen, especially if you had spent your whole life with a person.

  “The three Princes lost both their parents within a short time. It hit them all hard. But if anyone had been uncertain whether Jovan was ready to rule, they were quickly reassured. He rules so ferociously it is easy to forget how young he is,” Fiona says.

  Jacqueline nods. “The death of his parents has changed him. He was always the more serious of the Princes, as you would expect of the eldest son, but he lost his heart the day his mother died and with Kedrick’s death, we all fear he will not find it again.” The women tense at the mention of Kedrick and swiftly change the subject without giving me time to reassure them I’m okay with talking about him.

  As they chatter, I reflect on what I have just heard. My heart squeezes in sympathy for the King, who has lost so many of his loved ones.

  “That whore Arla was so rude to you today, I was this close to acquainting her with the rug on the ground,” Jacqueline says, holding up two fingers. I nod in agreement, smiling at her passion. Having friends here has given me a new perspective of the court back home. It’s fun to gossip - when it is not about you.

  “I have heard this word whore before. What does it mean?” I ask.

  Fiona giggles. “It’s a woman who men pay to do the dirty with them.”

  My eyes widen. “Oh,” I choke out. Wide grins cover their faces at my reaction. I do not know the term ‘do the dirty’, but I have discovered most of the time when I do not understand a phrase or a word it usually ends up being another way of saying sex.

  Luckily, the servants pick this moment to bring in hot drinks and the sweet food they call biscuits, giving me a chance to recover.

  “I cannot believe what you said to her,” Jacqueline continues. It takes a moment to remember we were talking of Arla. She and Fiona laugh for a long while over re-enactments of the run in.

  “I have been wanting someone to put that bitch in her place for years. She will hate you for the rest of your life, but there are many women in that hall who will be kissing your feet for what you said,” she continues.

  “Who is she?” I ask.

  “Her father is one of the King’s advisors.” I think of the row of men who sit at the throne table. I remember the one with blonde hair and watery blue eyes from the meeting room I had instinctively disliked.

  “Does he sit fourth from the King’s right?” I ask.

  “That’s him.” Fiona nods.

  “What has she done to earn the dislike of so many of the women?” I prod. It is a bold question, but I am comfortable the pair will not consider this rude.

  “She’s a nasty social climber. She’s slept with everyone,” Fiona says, which I find a tad hypocritical. “She has been after Jovan for years. Before King Borin died there was talk she and Jovan were together.” The venom dripping from Fiona’s words is startling, she is usually so passive.

  “They still are together, if you ask me,” Jacqueline adds. “Why else would she be organising the ball?”

  “Jovan is going to marry her?” I ask. They both stop talking to stare at me and then laugh for so long I get irritated.

  “I forget how innocent you are,” Jacqueline gasps. I frown, remembering when Kedrick called me prim.

  “Sleeping with someone here does not mean you want or need to marry them. I bet that is exactly what Arla wants, though. But it is quite common to have several partners before you marry or sometimes even have multiple lovers at once. Everyone does it, it’s considered quite normal,” Fiona says.

  I gasp as one of the castle’s mysteries pops into my mind. “Is that why there are always different females around the castle in the mornings?” They barely nod before launching into another bout of laughter. My mouth drops open with my shock of what has been happening in the castle under my very nose.

  “It is very different on Osolis,” I say in a weak voice. They both laugh again before Jacqueline erupts into a narrative of her past lovers.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The two women don’t want to miss dinner because they expect Sanjay and Roman will be back. I’m not sure I will ever be able to look Roman in the face again after Jacqueline’s stories.

  Both are there upon our arrival at the hall, as well as Adnan, Rhone and Malir. I discuss my wrist with Malir. Much of the stiffness has gone now. The strength is much slower to come back, but I have seen some small progress.

  Towards the end of the meal we all sit talking, having much to catch up on after our week of separation. I take the chance to corner Rhone about learning to drive the sleds.

  “No,” he says.

  “Why not?” I ask, with my hands on my hips at his flat refusal. “I have watched you working several times with your team. I know Leon and he responds to my instructions. And my wrist is fully healed,” I add as an afterthought. I try not to think about my other new injuries, he doesn’t need to know about those.

  “She has you there, Rhone,” Sanjay says. His mouth snaps shut at Rhone’s look.

  Rhone looks back at me. “It’s not that simple. It can be dangerous. You’re only just healed, you don’t want another broken wrist.”

  I nod. “I would be safe in your wise hands.” I bite my cheek once I’ve said it.

  He snorts, not falling for my flattery.

  I do not push him any further tonight. This Kaur tree will take some work to knock down. Malir looks at me with a wink.

  Roman moves to talk with me and though I answer his questions, I do so without fully facing him, mumbling one word replies. When he finally asks me what the problem is, Fiona understands the situation immediately and bursts out laughing, telling the whole table about Jacqueline’s reminiscing of prior bed partners that day.

>   My face is on fire as the table teases me.

  “She can’t look at him without being reminded of Jacky’s description of what’s between his legs,” Sanjay yells out. Mortification floods through me at the many heads turning our way. Roman laughs with the rest of them and waggles his eyebrows at Jacqueline who shakes her breasts back at him. It is too much and I excuse myself to retire to my room.

  “Look we’ve scared her off,” Sanjay calls to my back. I turn around and lift my middle finger into the positon Sanjay himself had taught me last month. I leave the room to their booming laughter and the sound of their fists hitting the table.

  A smile tugs at my mouth as I rush up the stairs to see Kaura, who has been alone all day. My smile falters when she does not come to greet me. I look through the furs on my bed and under the table and chair anyway, but she is nowhere to be found. I rush out the door, startling my guards.

  “Kaura is not in my room,” I say to the guards in a panic. I rush back down to the food hall, half running to the table of my friends, ignoring the stabbing in my side. The clanging of my guard sounds close behind me.

  “Kaura is gone,” I whisper as their concerned faces turn to me. “I left her in my room this morning and she’s not there now.” The table hushes.

  Adnan, who is standing at the end of the table next to me, puts an arm across my shoulders. “Its okay, Olina, we’ll find her. You’re sure she wasn’t in your room?” I nod, dread heavy in my stomach.

  Malir stands up. “Rhone and Sole, check outside. Sanjay and Fiona, check the upper floor. Jacqueline and Roman, you’re on the lower floors. Sadra and I will check the guard’s quarters. He turns to my guards. “You four take Olina to check the kennels, smithy and kitchens.”

  My group has no luck finding Kaura, I return to the hall nearly in tears. I glance up at Ashawn who is looking at me curiously and without any trace of guilt on his face. It was not him this time. I hope Arla did not take her to get back at me. I debate telling my guards to go and search her room, but decide to wait until the others return. I don’t even know if she has a room here, though if she and Jovan are together I would think it likely. Searching her room would be overstepping my position and would turn her into a real enemy.

  Sanjay, Fiona, Jacqueline and Roman come back half an hour later with no Kaura. Several women have approached me during this time to ask what the problem is. It is nice of them to ask, but their sympathy is making my tears well up.

  Malir and Sadra return empty handed. I stand up, trying to control the urge to pace.

  “Rhone and Sole may have her yet, Olina. Don’t worry. We will find her,” Sadra says, rubbing my back. “If not, I will make Malir order all the guards out to find her.” I force a chuckle past the nervous jumping of my stomach.

  I stand up when I spot Rhone and Sole. My heart sinks as they shake their heads at me. I sit down and cry under the barrier of my veil. It is not as silent as I would like and the delegates hover uncertainly, never seeing me like this before. Malir gestures to the guard and starts reeling off orders to him. It looks like Sadra was serious. Others approach from around the food hall to ask if they can be of any help. I take a shuddering breath in, remembering the thug threatening to slit her throat.

  A bark sounds from the front of the hall and I nearly fall out of my seat trying to get to it.

  I push through the people surrounding our table and see King Jovan standing in the archway with Kaura in his arms and a shame-faced Cameron by his side. I twist my head to look up at the throne table. He must have been gone this whole time and I had not noticed.

  The King pushes Cameron forward when he sees me moving towards them. I slow down as the boy reaches me. He promptly burst into tears.

  “Lina, I took your d-dog,” he sobs around tears. “I was hiding from Nanny and it must have been your room ‘cause I saw the puppy and thought I would just p-play with her and put her back ‘fore anyone knew.” He wipes his nose on his sleeve before continuing. “I didn’t know she was your dog, Lina. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m s-sorry.” He bursts into fresh tears. “I’ll never do it again!”

  I pick Cameron up and carry him to a table where I wipe his face with a cloth. I hold him as I say, “Thank you for your apology, Cam, it is hard to admit when you do something wrong, you’re brave to do so.” I wipe fresh tears from his face. “You’re right. I was very worried when I thought Kaura was missing, but I’m relieved to know she was with a friend.” I tap him under the chin and lean down to whisper in his ear. “The King would not have been happy to find you out of the nursery. Nod your head if he was angry.”

  Cameron makes a noise half way between a giggle and a sob and nods his head.

  I smile, staying close to his ear. “I will sometimes need a Nanny for Kaura when I am away. Nod your head if you will help me.” He nearly hits me in the head with the vigorous nodding of his head.

  “I’ll look after her whenever you want me to!” He yells. I thank him and place him on the ground as his father, Tomi, takes him away with an apologetic look directed at me.

  I walk eagerly towards the King, who stands watching and holding the wriggling Kaura.

  “Thank you, Jovan,” I whisper to him and fresh tears of relief trickle down my face, dripping underneath my veil to the floor. His eyes flick to the falling tears, but he does not mention them.

  He just taps under my chin with a finger like I did to Cameron. Like I am a child. And then chuckles when I lightly punch him in the arm. I grab Kaura off him and hug her to my chest, relief making me light.

  “You are too attached to that dog,” the King says as he walks with me back to my table of friends.

  “I am not,” I say with some heat in my voice. He chuckles, I have reacted as he wanted me to. I roll my eyes, still too upset to engage in bickering with him.

  “Did you enjoy your day out of the castle?” he asks. I remember I was at Fiona’s earlier. It seems so long ago after the stress of the evening.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Most of it was nice,” I hedge.

  The King laughs. “Ah, yes. I overheard a few of Sanjay’s comments.”

  I turn my head up to the side and respond with silence, halting as we reach the table. The King looks down at me out of the side of his face, grinning. This time he struggles to control his expression.

  I smile behind my veil. Like Rhone, he seems years younger when he smiles. I have not seen him this carefree in my entire time here.

  The King returns to his seat after receiving congratulations for finding her. Everyone fusses over Kaura, who looks a bit confused at the attention. I have no doubt she spent a day being stuffed with food. I will have to talk to Cameron about this before he cares for her.

  Back in my room with Kaura asleep on top of my chest, I think of how the attitudes of the assembly have changed towards me in the course of a few months. But then, I can feel how I am changing the more time I spend here; adopting their phrases, asking more questions, joking with people and letting too many people call me Olina. All of these changes might have made me feel as though I was losing myself, when in fact the opposite was true. I was beginning to feel the dangers of becoming too comfortable on Glacium.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  All the women can talk about is the upcoming celebration they refer to as the snowfast ball. I do not care for the idea, I imagine it will be like my mother’s plays. So beyond latching onto it as a reason there cannot be a war going on, I ignore its approach. Instead, I chip away at Rhone about learning to use the sleds.

  One day during lunch he explodes upwards from the bench.

  “Okay,” he roars. “I’ll do it. You could fucking convince a stone to give you water. But I’m not teaching you until we leave for the first sector.” He storms out of the room and I do an excited dance. The others chuckle at my reaction. I have never heard Rhone swear, but I do not care because I’m getting what I want. Feeling some emotion will be good for him.

  I finish my drink and take
Kaura to the nursery for Cameron to look after. She has grown in the last month and she is to my knee now. As Malir predicted, she has become more responsive to my training and she can do many tricks, obeying me to a fault. I do not think this is because I am a good trainer. More because she is loyal to me and I am persistent from having too much time on my hands. I make my way back down to the food hall to meet my friends.

  Footsteps echo down the hall.

  I look up to see the King striding my way. He doesn’t look happy. I contemplate ducking into another hallway, but he raises an eyebrow as though he knows what I’m planning to do. My hopes he is not angry with me for some reason, disappear when he grabs my arm and drags me into the closest chamber. It is a smaller room with beautiful rugs strung up around the walls.

  “What are you doing?” I ask. My immediate thought is he has somehow found out about Jacqueline seeing my hair. My muscles tense with his man-handling, though I do not feel too afraid he will hurt me.

  “That is my question for you,” he says, leaning down so his mouth is directly in front of my own. Still gripping my arm, he whips his hand up, causing me to flinch and rips off my veil. The wooden band clangs onto the floor. I glare up at him as my hair loosens from its coil at the back. The braid falls down over one shoulder

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “You want to learn to handle the sleds. Your ribs are not fully healed.” One of his fists clenches in anger. “Do you ever think?”

  I’m baffled by his fury. “I do not know why you are so angry. He will just be showing me the basics.”

  “I am angry because you obviously expect everyone else to constantly pick you up when you’re injured.”

  “I do not-” I begin to respond, pushing him away.

  He continues. “Rhone has had a fair few overturns.”

  “He has?” I ask, distracted. I cannot imagine it.