A Kiss by Candlelight

by Joanna Mansell

  She could see that a place like this would appeal to a great many people, though. A small, self-contained kingdom—quite an ego-trip for whoever owned it! He really would be lord of all he surveyed.

  But Cathryn hadn’t yet succumbed to its charm. Perhaps the island would appeal to her more in the spring, when it would be covered in daffodils, and the trees and grass would be freshly green, instead of the rather jaded shades of late autumn.

  She walked slowly back down the hill, and then made her way towards the beach. The island had a very rocky shoreline except for this small stretch on the landward side, where there were patches of sand and tiny rock pools. She wandered around for a while, picking up a couple of shells and stones with interesting markings. Then she grinned. She was acting like a child! She supposed no one ever really grew out of beachcombing, though.

  It was hunger that finally drew her back to the house. She realised that she hadn’t had a decent meal since she had left London. As she approached it, she saw that Nicholas was sitting outside, perched comfortably on the low wall that bound the patch of grass that passed for a front garden.

  ‘Enjoy your walk?’ he asked as she drew nearer.

  Cathryn shrugged. ‘It was all right, I suppose.’

  ‘Getting to know the place?’

  ‘There’s not much to know, is there?’ she retorted. ‘I mean, basically it’s a hummock stuck in the middle of the sea!’

  If Nicholas was disappointed by her reply, he didn’t show it. ‘Some people take to it straight away, others take a lot longer,’ he said comfortably.

  ‘And I dare say some never take to it at all,’ she said pointedly.

  ‘We can’t all like the same things,’ he replied in an unruffled voice.

  Cathryn studied his relaxed features. ‘It certainly seems to agree with you,’ she commented. ‘You’ve been in a much better temper since we’ve been here. I keep expecting you to make some really nasty remark, and you don’t.’

  ‘Was I really that bad before?’ Nicholas asked in what seemed like perfectly genuine surprise.

  ‘You weren’t exactly a fun person to have around!’

  He seemed to consider her reply. ‘Perhaps I’m more myself when I’m on this island,’ he suggested at last.

  ‘You mean that I’m seeing the real Nicholas Ellis?’ she enquired with some scepticism.

  ‘Something like that. I’m not usually a pill-popping invalid,’ he added, with an unexpected grin.

  Cathryn’s brows drew together. ‘You really have changed since we’ve been here. You’ve even started to make jokes!’

  ‘Believe it or not, I’m reputed to have quite a sense of humour. It’s just that I seem to have lost it these last few months.’

  ‘Well, I suppose that driving over a land-mine has got to have some side-effects,’ she said philosophically. She seated herself on the wall beside him, and then lifted her face to the sun. ‘Mm, this is nice,’ she murmured. ‘I love Indian summers. They make the winter seem shorter.’ She had briefly closed her eyes against the glare of the sun. When she opened them again, she found that Nicholas was looking at her in a way that she found vaguely disturbing. ‘Er—how much longer are we going to stay on the island?’ she asked, suddenly wanting to keep the conversation moving along safe lines.

  ‘Another day. Maybe two, if the weather holds,’ he said. His gaze became thoughtful. ‘Why don’t you like it here?’

  ‘I don’t know. Perhaps it’s just too peaceful and quiet.’

  ‘Are you really that much of a city girl? Were you born in London?’

  ‘No,’ Cathryn admitted. ‘I was born in a small town about fifty miles away. I moved to London when I got my first job, and I’ve lived there ever since.’

  ‘What about your family?’ asked Nicholas. ‘Or don’t you have any? You’ve never mentioned them.’

  ‘You’ve never asked before now,’ replied Cathryn. ‘I didn’t think you were that interested! But, if you really want to know, I’m an only child and both my parents are still alive.’

  ‘Then you see them often?’

  ‘Not often. But I go back home when I can, and I keep in touch by phone.’ She looked at him curiously. ‘Why do you want to know?’

  ‘People’s backgrounds are often a clue as to what makes them tick.’

  ‘Well, my background’s very ordinary. I had a happy childhood, and nothing very dramatic ever happened to me. The only problem was that my parents had me quite late in life. Like a lot of older parents with an only child, they were very over-protective. That’s fine when you’re a kid and you’re the centre of attention, but not so good as you get older. I knew that if I wanted to be independent, then I was going to have to get away. They didn’t like it, or approve, when I told them I was moving out,’ she admitted, her brows drawing together as she remembered what a difficult time it had been. ‘But I think, in the end, they understood that I wasn’t going because I didn’t love them. And I really couldn’t have stayed at home any longer. It sounds an awful thing to say, but they were suffocating me with love and kindness.’

  ‘If they were that overprotective, you must have been fairly naive and inexperienced when you first came to London.’

  ‘Well, no one would have looked at me and marked me down as sophisticated,’ she agreed drily.

  ‘That kind of girl’s easy bait for a certain type of man,’ Nicholas commented.

  Cathryn was suddenly wary, wondering where this conversation was beginning to lead. ‘I suppose so,’ she agreed after a short pause.

  ‘So—who was he?’

  She decided it would be safer to pretend ignorance. ‘What are you on about?’

  ‘You’re not naive now, Cathryn,’ he said firmly. ‘You know perfectly well who I mean. The man who convinced you that you don’t like sex.’

  ‘I really don’t know how we got on to this subject—’ she began stiffly.

  ‘We got on to it because I’m interested,’ he interrupted her. ‘And because I think you need to tell someone about it. My guess is that you’ve never told anyone. If your parents are as old-fashioned as you say, you certainly couldn’t discuss it with them, and you don’t seem to have any friends.’

  ‘I’ve got friends,’ Cathryn said hotly. ‘Good friends.’

  ‘But you’ve never talked to them about this, have you?’ he challenged her.

  ‘There was nothing to say!’ She glared at him fiercely, but he stared right back at her and she was the first one to look away. ‘At least, nothing very original,’ she muttered. ‘I was stupid and I was inexperienced, and I got hurt. It’s something that happens every day. Hundreds—thousands—of people could tell the same boring tale. I thought I was in love, but he was only interested in the chase. When he’d got what he wanted—and he wasn’t even very good at it—then it was goodbye, Cathryn, and on to the next one.’

  ‘Poor Cathryn,’ Nicholas said softly.

  But she didn’t want his sympathy. ‘I got over it,’ she insisted. ‘And at least it taught me that men really are a different species. You don’t catch women needing to mark notches on their bedposts just to boost their egos!’

  ‘You’re right about the male ego,’ agreed Nicholas, to her amazement. ‘It is a pretty frail thing.’

  ‘You’re willing to admit that?’ she said disbelievingly. ‘I never thought I’d hear a man say that!’

  ‘Why not?’ He gave the very faintest of grins. ‘Just because we’re male, that doesn’t make us perfect. And a lot of women don’t appreciate how much a man has to rely on his physical responses. A woman can always fake it. A man never can, and that makes us peculiarly vulnerable.’

  ‘You’re putting that forward as an excuse?’ Cathryn said in some disgust.

  ‘Not an excuse—just an explanation. If a man fails in bed, then it’s embarrassingly obvious to both himself and whoever he’s with. And I suppose that fear of failure is always there, even if it’s tucked away at the very back of the mind.’

&n
bsp; Cathryn’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Even yours?’

  ‘Even mine,’ he agreed equably. ‘And to some men it’s a very real and constant fear. They might not even be aware of it. They might seem outwardly brimming with confidence. It’s still there, though, locked away in their subconscious. And when that happens, every woman they meet turns into a sort of challenge. They need to prove to themselves over and over that everything’s fine and still functioning adequately.’

  ‘I suppose I never thought of it that way,’ Cathryn conceded grudgingly.

  ‘It doesn’t excuse their behaviour, of course,’ Nicholas went on. ‘But in a way, you can almost feel sorry for them, because they find it very hard to form any kind of meaningful relationship. As you said, if s always goodbye, Cathryn—or Sue, Lucy or Jenny—and on to the next. They think they’re notching up sexual conquests, and can’t see that it’s actually a weakness.’

  ‘It’s still pretty rough on women, when they run into a man like that,’ pointed out Cathryn.

  ‘Yes, it is. But since it’s virtually impossible to change human nature, women are just going to have to go on coping with it as best they can.’ Nicholas’s gaze rested on her thoughtfully. ‘How did you cope, Cathryn?’

  ‘I just sort of muddled through it. And in the end, I got over it.’ She lifted her head a little defiantly. ‘I’m a lot tougher than I look.’

  He shook his head, though. ‘No, I don’t think you’re tough. A little disillusioned, perhaps. And you’ve definitely got some scars that haven’t quite faded yet. But whoever the bastard was, he knocked something out of you. Perhaps it’s time we tried to put it back again,’ he suggested softly.

  Her ears instantly pricked up. ‘We?’ she repeated warily. ‘How did this suddenly turn into a double-act?’

  ‘It’s not something that you can put right on your own,’ Nicholas pointed out with a returning touch of humour.

  ‘Nothing needs to be put right!’ Cathryn insisted very firmly. ‘I’m fine the way I am.’

  ‘You’re not doing too badly,’ he agreed. ‘But things could be a lot better.’

  ‘How?’ As soon as she’d said it, Cathryn knew that she shouldn’t have asked.

  ‘For a start, you could admit that you like to be kissed.’

  ‘Kissed by whom?’ she said scathingly. ‘By you? It was OK, you know, but hardly earth-shattering.’

  To her amazement, he didn’t react to her rudeness. ‘We could try again,’ he suggested, his green eyes glinting. ‘I’d like to be able to say I made the earth move for you!’

  Despite herself, the corners of Cathryn’s mouth curled into a smile.

  ‘You’ve a nice mouth when you smile,’ Nicholas murmured. ‘In fact, it even looks nice when you’re in a bad mood.’

  He leant forward a little, and Cathryn immediately moved back. ‘Remember what the doctors said,’ she warned. ‘No excitement!’

  ‘Then how about a very unexciting kiss?’

  But Cathryn wasn’t sure that such a thing existed, as far as Nicholas Ellis was concerned. And she didn’t think this was a good time to find out!

  ‘It’s getting chilly,’ she said, jumping a little too briskly to her feet. ‘I think it’s time we went back to the house.’

  Although it was the very last thing she had expected, Nicholas nodded in agreement and stood up. He followed her up the path and through the front door. At the end of the hall, though, he stopped her from going through to the kitchen by sliding an arm lazily around her waist.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she squeaked rather unnecessarily, because it was very obvious what he was doing.

  Nicholas didn’t even bother to answer. Instead, he took a slow, deliberate kiss from her, his lips moving over hers almost thoughtfully, as if gauging his own reaction as well as hers.

  ‘Mmm,’ he murmured at last. ‘Not unexciting at all.’

  Cathryn had to agree with him about that. Not that she intended to tell him to his face, of course! He seemed to have a fairly high opinion of himself, as it was. She didn’t intend to add to it.

  ‘I suppose it was all right,’ she said stiffly.

  ‘No more than “all right”?’ he mocked lightly. ‘Then how about this?’

  And ‘this’ turned out to be a kiss of a very different calibre. More urgent, more demanding—more everything! Cathryn thought with a gulp. Then, for quite some time, she didn’t seem capable of thinking anything at all.

  When the kiss finally came to an end, she experienced an odd surge of relief mixed with disappointment. Then her nerves began to jangle out a warning all over again, because it wasn’t over at all. Nicholas had simply moved on to other things.

  With an expertise that shook her a little, he had her jacket undone, and the thickness of her jumper yielded easily to the hands that slid beneath it.

  ‘Don’t do that,’ she said furiously.

  But his hands didn’t retreat an inch. ‘Why not?’ he asked huskily. ‘You’re very nice to touch.’ His fingers eased upwards and tickled the underside of her breast. ‘Touching can be fun,’ he added persuasively. ‘And at this stage, it’s really very innocent.’

  But Cathryn was suddenly afraid to concede anything at all to him. ‘Remember the doctors’ orders,’ she reminded him again sharply.

  ‘I’m still not overexcited,’ he assured her, with a gleam of pure wickedness. ‘You’d know if I were,’ he purred meaningfully.

  And that was true, since he was standing extremely close now. His fingers lightly tickled again, and Cathryn closed her eyes a little desperately. This could so easily get out of hand, and there was no one around to stop it.

  You can stop it, said a small voice inside her head. If you want to, it added maliciously.

  I do, she breathed. I do. But it didn’t sound very convincing, not even to herself. For some reason, this man seemed to be able to get to her. It was ridiculous, really, because in a lot of ways he was still a stranger. But he didn’t feel like a stranger when he touched her, and perhaps that was the most unsettling thing of all.

  Nicholas seemed to tire of waiting for her to sort out her confused thoughts. To amuse himself, he began a series of light, nibbling kisses around the nape of her neck, pushing back the collar of her jacket so he could more easily reach her warm, soft skin.

  Unfamiliar tingles curled their way down Cathryn’s spine, and she was finding it just a little difficult to breathe.

  You didn’t come here for this, she told herself, a trifle frantically. You’re meant to be looking after this man! He’s an invalid, not long out of hospital...

  But he certainly wasn’t behaving like an invalid! And if he continued like this for much longer she had the feeling that he was going to forget all about the instructions that the doctors had given him.

  She managed to push herself away from him. ‘I think we ought to stop this right now, and instead have something to eat,’ she said in a distinctly shaky voice. ‘We haven’t had a proper meal since we’ve been here. Are you hungry?’

  ‘Definitely,’ he confirmed, his eyes glinting very brightly. There were lines of amusement around his mouth, but something in his voice warned her that part of him was taking this very seriously indeed.

  ‘I’ll go and see what’s in the cupboard,’ she muttered, anxious to escape.

  ‘I think that you ought to stay exactly where you are for a few more minutes.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘So I can do this,’ Nicholas answered smoothly. He moved in on her again with unexpected swiftness, taking his weight on his good leg so that he could more easily keep his balance. In fact, it was Cathryn who ended up completely off balance—and in more ways than one! His assault on her this time was all the more deadly because he was no longer teasing her. No more light kisses or playful tickling. His kisses were fierce enough to take away her breath, and his hands shifted over her with open enjoyment, savouring the warm softness they found, touching and taking with hungry delight.

  ‘Still not
interested in sex, Cathryn?’ Nicholas murmured in her ear.

  Instantly, she stiffened. His words had reminded her all too vividly that men did this sort of thing just for a game. And she wasn’t playing a second time!

  Nicholas sensed her tension at once, and raised his head. ‘Wrong thing to say?’ he said ruefully.

  ‘No, it was exactly the right thing,’ Cathryn replied coldly. ‘For a few moments there, I almost forgot that you’re no different from all the rest.’

  Nicholas looked at her steadily. ‘No different at all?’ he challenged her softly.

  But all of Cathryn’s defences were back in place again now. She forced the persuasiveness of his kisses out of her mind, and answered him in a very clear voice. ‘The only difference I can see is that the last man I knew wasn’t very good at this, while you are. But then, you’ve probably had a lot more practice.’

  For just a moment, his green eyes gleamed brightly in warning. Then the light died away again, and he drew back from her.

  ‘I suppose I asked for that,’ he said in a cool voice. ‘And you’re right, I’m not offering any more than all the rest.’ He paused, then went on, ‘I suppose I ought to apologise.’

  She certainly hadn’t expected that. ‘Apologise?’ she said, her eyebrows shooting up.

  ‘I shouldn’t have started this. I don’t know why I did.’ He began to look rather restless now, moving back another couple of paces and frowning slightly. ‘I certainly never intended anything like this when I asked you to drive me down here.’

  ‘Didn’t you?’ Her mouth curled in clear scepticism. ‘Perhaps you had it in mind all along. In fact, ever since you accused me of being interested in your brother!’

  At that, Nicholas’s gaze swung round to fix on her unswervingly. ‘What the hell do you mean by that?’ he demanded.

  Cathryn stared straight back at him. ‘It’s a well-known fact that there’s always a lot of rivalry between brothers. Perhaps you don’t want Charles to have anything that you haven’t had!’