A New Hope

by M. L. Ray

  “I remember sliding down the trunk of the tree as I looked at myself and what I’d become, and it just all became too much. When it started to get dark, I dried my tears and headed for the closest busy street. I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing, I just walked right out into traffic.”

  “Oh, Jenna, I’m so sorry…,” Trey began, tears filling his own eyes for the young girl who’d thought so little of herself.

  “I didn’t get hit, but a local police officer saw me and intervened. When he found out I’d been in the state hospital, he arranged for me to go back there. My favorite counselor was still working there, and arranged for me to go to a private facility for young women in Denver. I’ve been there off and on for the last several years as I tried to get my life and my thoughts back together.”

  Jenna looked up at Trey, not liking the look in his eyes, which she attributed to pity. “I don’t need or want your pity…”

  Trey reached out a hand and took her arm, stopping her from storming away, “Jenna, it’s not pity. It’s admiration, if it’s anything. You’ve been through so much, most of which should have never happened to you in the first place. But look at you now; you’re a survivor. And you’ve still got so much of your life in front of you. You didn’t give up.”

  “Now you sound like my counselor,” Jenna told him, shrugging away from his touch. It felt too good. Can’t dwell on those types of things, they only lead to disaster! I can’t let my guard down, because letting people get close to you only leads to more heartache and my heart has enough scars for this lifetime.

  “Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe your counselor was right?”

  Chapter 7

  “I know Teresa was right. That’s the only reason I’m even in Cathedral Hills today.” It grew silent on the bridge as Jenna looked around her at the mountains and trees. She had always loved nature and even though she’d been stuck in the city for the last several years, that love had never died!

  “I forgot how beautiful and peaceful it is here,” she commented softly, closing her eyes and listening to the call of the birds in the trees.

  Trey watched her face relax as the serene surroundings worked their magic. He didn’t break the silence; instead, he watched her and offered up a silent prayer for wisdom going forward.

  After fifteen minutes, Jenna opened her eyes and looked at Trey, “Sorry. I’m probably keeping you from work.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Trey told her. “About you going back into Ridgway…”

  Jenna immediately felt tension invade her shoulders as she sat up straighter and looked at the sun, which had already risen high in the sky and was on its way downward. I’ll never make it to Ridgway before dark now!

  Trey didn’t wait for her to speak, but forged ahead, “Listen, I can understand why you might not want to sleep in your old house, especially right now. But I really wish you would reconsider staying here, at least for tonight. Michelle will want to see you, I know she will.”

  Jenna watched him and part of her longed to stick around and let him prove to her that her friends hadn’t abandoned her all those years ago. Her entire thought process about that time was tied to the feelings of abandonment and being alone. If that wasn’t the truth…who knew what good things might come of that in her healing process!

  “…stay at the house. Michelle will be back in a few days…”

  “What?! Where’s Michelle?” Jenna asked, only having heard the last bits of his ongoing conversation.

  “She’s up at Camp Red Bird. She’ll be back Saturday afternoon.”

  “But that’s two days away. I hadn’t planned on staying here that long.”

  “Well, I seriously doubt I’m going to get the paperwork necessary to finalize your father’s mortgage and the excess life insurance before Monday or Tuesday anyway. Even if they sent it out tomorrow, the overnight services don’t deliver up here on the weekends. I won’t get it till Monday at the earliest.”

  Jenna hid her dismay as the reality of his words sunk in. This was one of the things that went along with small mountain towns, but was rather inconvenient at the moment! “Where were you suggesting I stay?”

  “At the house. I realize that you don’t want to sleep in your father’s place right now. Maybe after you have a chance to look through things you’ll change your mind, but for now, you’re welcome to use the guest bedroom at the house.”

  Jenna assumed he was talking about his childhood home and wondered why someone like him was still living at home, but she held her question inside, not wanting to embarrass him. And Michelle still lives at home? I guess that answers my question about whether or not she ever got married!

  Trey was watching her closely, and was debating with himself over whether or not he should tell her that he was offering her the spare bedroom in his own home. His parents’ home had been one of the many in town to be destroyed in an avalanche several years back. While no lives had been lost during the natural disaster, a half dozen homes situated at the base of the mountains had been demolished.

  Rescue crews, working side-by-side with the residents of Cathedral Hills, had managed to salvage quite of bit of stuff from each of the homes, but the structures themselves had been knocked off their foundations and had been completely ruined. Insurance money had paid to rebuild them, and his aging parents had decided to purchase property right next to the church and build a small retirement home there.

  Trey had, in turn, purchased the now vacant land from his parents and build his own log cabin on the property. It was a large A-frame structure with a huge loft area that included two bedrooms, a full bath, and a large open area that looked out over the great room below.

  A floor to ceiling fireplace occupied the southern wall, covered in pieces of moss covered sandstone that Trey had collected himself from the nearby mountains. Hard wood floors, covered by large area rugs, and big comfy pieces of furniture sat around the great room, and on the opposite wall from the fireplace was a huge television. Trey loved living in the mountains, but the new technology and electronic gadgets were some of his favorite and he had incorporated as many of them into his home as possible.

  Due to the difficulty in getting internet and television service year round in the area, he had opted for having a satellite dish installed on the roof, providing both television access, and satellite internet. During the harsh winter months, there were many days where he would conduct his banking business from the privacy of his own home, as the internet connection at his house was more reliable than the one at the bank!

  The main floor included two additional bedrooms, each with their own private bath, a large gourmet kitchen, a mudroom that included the laundry, and the great room. A wrap-around porch, complete with dueling porch swings finished the structure and every time Trey arrived home, he was reminded of how blessed he truly was. I wonder if Jenna will like my home? It’s a lot different than the single-level country house my parents’ raised us in!

  Jenna thought about Trey’s offer and, having no other options, she finally nodded her head. “I guess I don’t have any other choice. Are you sure Michelle won’t be upset if she arrives home and finds me there?”

  “She’d be mad if she got back to town and found you’d left again without seeing her. Your other friends will most likely feel the same way as well.”

  Jenna gave him a small smile, “Don’t worry about that! Missy is planning a get together tonight over at the Diner.”

  “And you were going to stand her up by leaving?” Trey asked, not even bothering to hide the note of accusation in his voice. She needs to remember her actions have consequences and do affect others!

  Jenna blushed and then shrugged, “Yeah, I guess I was. But don’t judge me too harshly. I’ve spent the last six and a half years under the impression that everyone in this town wrote me off! I can’t just undo all of those emotions and such because you said I was wrong to think that way!”

  Trey softened his facial features and
stepped closer to her, “Jenna, I’m not asking you to do that, but I am asking you to give us a chance to help correct your thinking.”

  Jenna looked up into his brown eyes and let her eyes slowly drift over his facial features. Truth be told, she’d never felt this connected to a member of the opposite sex. In fact, she hadn’t even felt this connection to Teresa, and she considered her the only true friend she had. What is it about this man that seems to speak to my soul?

  Shaking her head to dispel the questions she wasn’t sure she wanted answered, she turned and picked up her suitcase, “I’m ready whenever you are.”

  Trey smiled at her, took the suitcase from her hand and then grasped her hand in his free one before she could pull it away, “Come on then. I’ll run you over to the house before I head back into work.”

  Jenna shook her head, “No. How about I take a walk over to my old home and look around for a bit while you finish working? I can stop by the diner and say ‘Hi’ to the girls and then join you at your house?”

  Trey considered her plan and then offered a compromise, “How about I join you at the Diner? I have to eat too. And then we can both head on out to the house?”

  “Okay.” Jenna took a breath as they stepped off the bridge and headed back into town. Why did you say you wanted to look around your old house? Are you crazy? Jenna kept up the running dialogue in her head as she dropped Trey off at the bank and then walked the other two blocks and turned onto Aspen Street. As she neared the end of the street, she caught her first glimpse of her childhood home and stopped to stare.

  Chapter 8

  Nothing has changed! Well, nothing appears to have changed about the house! The white clapboard home, with its majestic roof line, dormer windows decorating the second story, and dark green shutters framing each window, was both a welcome sight and a curse. A white picket fence surrounded the front yard, with a higher wooden fence protecting the back yard.

  The Colorado Blue Spruce tree that her mother had planted when she was still a little girl had grown into a majestic pine tree that seemed to be acting as sentry for the property as it rose above the house and cast its lengthy shadow across the front door.

  Trey had stopped her at the front of the bank while one of his assistants grabbed the key to the Baxter home from his office. Trey told her the bank had been paying for the upkeep on the premises, but as she gazed at the perfectly manicured lawn, well-tended flower gardens, and the freshly painted exterior of the house, she finally started to realize how much the bank had done for her. I shouldn’t have any trouble selling this! Even if I only sell it to someone for a summer or winter retreat, I should be able to get rid of it in a short amount of time!

  She stepped up onto the small porch, dropping her suitcase off by the front door, before she wandered over to the chairs that had been placed on either side of the large picture window that looked into the living room of the home.

  She let herself drop into one of them and she sighed as she sat back and contemplated what she was about to do. The words of Teresa came to her mind – You need to learn to distance yourself from the situation, remove the personal emotions, and see it for what it truly is, not what you’ve made it out to be.

  She closed her eyes and told herself over and over that this was just a home she was about to enter. There was nothing inside that could physically hurt her, and she’d already dealt with the negative emotions attached to the things that had happened in this place. She could go in and observe her surroundings, knowing she was safe from further heartache! Pull yourself together, Jenna. How are you ever going to help other young women face their pasts if you can’t even face your own? It’s just a house. Focus on the good things you remember about this place instead of the bad.

  Taking one last breath, Jenna pushed herself from the chair and made her way back to the front door. Using the key Trey had given her, she unlocked the door and then pushed the door open. She stood on the threshold of the doorway, letting her gaze take in the familiar décor as a wave of emotion swamped her.

  She slowly stepped inside the house and slowly began to walk through the downstairs rooms. The living room hadn’t changed at all, and as she approached the fireplace mantle, with its myriad of family pictures, she noticed none of the furniture was covered with dust, as she would have expected. Someone’s been taking care of this house. But, who would do that?

  She looked at the pictures of happier days. Her mom with her arms wrapped around her shoulders up by Silver Lake. Her parents on their tenth anniversary trip to Las Vegas. Jenna smiled as she remembered the fuss her mother had put up about her father’s choice of destination.

  She hadn’t known at the time she was fussing that the trip included show tickets to see her favorite female singer perform. Jenna remembered how happy her parents had been when they returned. Life had been so simple then. Her mother had continued teaching first and second grade in town, while her father had gone back to managing the guide service he had started the same year she was born.

  Jenna put the picture back on the mantle and wandered through the rest of the downstairs. When she came to her father’s office, she started to step inside, and then stopped herself. Maybe I’ll check out the rest of the house and save that room for later.

  She turned around and headed for the large wooden staircase, pausing at the bottom as the images of the last time she’d been in this house flashed through her mind. She saw herself falling down the stairs and could hear the angry, bitter words her father flung at her. Amazingly, the words didn’t have the same impact they would have had several months ago. I’m finally getting past that! Jenna smiled and started up the steps.

  At the top of the landing, she turned and entered her bedroom, amazed to see that it looked just like it had when she’d left. Father didn’t change anything! She wandered around the room, trailing her fingertips over books, her desk, the lamp that sat on the round table next to her bed.

  Bending down, she peered beneath the bed, smiling as she found the leather box tucked away there. She pulled it out and then sat down on the floor as she ran her hands lovingly over its mottled surface. Flipping the catch open, she lifted the lid and looked at the contents.

  Memories assailed her as she looked through the various keepsakes she had stored there from the time she was a little girl. Pictures taken with school friends, a pine cone she had collected as a memento of having climbed her first fourteener with her dad. I was only nine and so proud of myself. Dad had been proud of me that day as well!

  Putting those items aside, she pulled out a locket that had broken, but she had saved in hopes of getting it fixed one day. At the bottom of the box, lay a small cluster of dried roses, given to her by her father upon the occasion of her first church solo. The red of the roses had faded to a much deeper color, but as she closed her eyes, she remembered the pride she had seen reflected in both of her parents’ eyes that Sunday morning.

  Jenna had been fifteen at the time, and after being pushed by her friends to try out for the solo part in the choir’s number for that week, she had proudly lifted her voice in the midst of family and friends. She still remembered the song – His Eye is on the Sparrow – and as the words to the song came back to her memory, she felt the sting of tears behind her closed eyelids.

  *****

  Trey hadn’t been able to concentrate after arriving back at the bank. When Mrs. Withers had inquired about Jenna, and he had told her Jenna’s destination, the censure in the older woman’s eyes had helped him decide the correct course of action.

  He’d only been about twenty minutes behind her, and he was slightly alarmed when he arrived at the Baxter residence to see her battered suitcase still sitting next to the open front door. He entered the house, calling for her softly, “Jenna?”

  He wandered through the main floor, expecting to find her in her father’s office digging through paperwork, but she wasn’t there. When he heard a slight movement on the wooden floors above his head, he headed for the stairca
se. As he reached the landing, he turned to his right, having been in the house enough times to know where her old bedroom was located.

  He stopped in the doorway and observed her as she sat upon the floor, looking through a box she held on her lap. She seemed peaceful and lost in pleasant memories, so he casually leaned against the doorjamb and watched her.

  Her brown hair fell down her back, having fallen out of the ponytail that had secured it at the nape of her neck earlier in the day. The soft waves of her hair hung almost to her waist, and Trey was fascinated at the variety of colors he saw as the light from the window shimmered over her.

  When the soft sound of her singing captured his attention, he pushed off the doorjamb and took a step closer, wanting to hear the beautiful voice he remembered from the past. Jenna had been given the voice of an angel, but it wasn’t until she had entered high school that she had realized her true gift. He had been sitting next to his sister that Sunday morning years ago when Jenna had made her debut with the church choir.

  As she started to sing louder, he realized she must be remembering that day as well. She’s singing the same song! Walking even closer, he wanted to listen, but he didn’t want to startle her or cause her to stop singing.

  Chapter 9

  Jenna was completely unaware that she was being watched. The words of the song spilled forth, and as she finished the first verse, she raised her head slightly and allowed the full force of her voice to come forth. Her voice was raspy due to her unshed tears and years of silence. She hadn’t sung since she’d left Cathedral Hills, closing that part of her life away as well!

  I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free. For His Eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me. His Eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me.