A New Hope

by M. L. Ray

“Ouch! Guess that’s not my best idea.”

  She re-wrapped her ankle and then slowly made her way down the stairs. She started a pot of water for some tea and then sat down at the kitchen table. She picked up the phone and dialed her parents’ number. Her mother answered and after a brief conversation about her ankle and other mundane topics, Michelle asked to speak to her father.

  “Michelle? How’s your ankle, sweetheart?”

  “It’s doing much better, dad. I was wondering if you had some time to talk this morning? And before you say anything, I’d kind of like to keep this just between us for now. I know that will hurt mom’s feelings, but I have some questions and I need answers.”

  “I don’t have anything scheduled until later. Why don’t I swing by the house and see you so you don’t have to get out on that ankle?”

  “That would be great. I’ll make sure the front door is unlocked. Come on in when you get here.”

  “I’ll see you in half an hour then.”

  Michelle hung up the phone, made her tea, and then used the downstairs bathroom to quickly shower and change her clothes. Her suitcase was still in the extra bedroom she had used the first two days after her accident, and she was just exiting the bedroom when she heard the front door open.

  “Michelle?”

  “I’m in the kitchen,” she hollered back.

  Michelle lowered herself into a chair and placed her crutches against the wall, smiling at her father as he walked in.

  “Morning, sweetheart. I must say, you’re looking much better than the last time I saw you.”

  “Thanks, dad. Help yourself to coffee or tea. The water’s hot and there’s sugar in the cupboard above the coffee pot.”

  Terrene Cottrell fixed himself a cup of tea and then seated himself across from his only daughter. “So, you said you wanted to talk to me? Your mother was more than a little agitated that she wasn’t invited along.”

  “I’m sorry about that. I’ll call and apologize to her later, okay?”

  “She’ll get over it.”

  Michelle nodded her head and then looked at her dad, “I’m sorry I’ve been so mopey since I came home. Several things happened this past year and I just couldn’t deal with them any longer.”

  “Michelle, you know I’m always willing to listen to you. Does any of this have to do with Tyler Jameson?”

  “How did you know? Oh, that’s right – you were up at the camp when he was bringing the horses down. Did he saying something to you?”

  “No,” Terrence shook his head, “I didn’t pry either. Your name came up several times, and each one of them, Tyler was all ears. Your mother and I also happened to run into Missy at the diner Saturday night and she might have mentioned that Tyler was back in hopes of fixing what had gone wrong between you two.”

  Michelle sighed, “Leave it to Missy. I guess I should probably back up a few years.” She told her father about running into Tyler while in Denver at a conference, and how they had continued to see each other about once a month, whenever he could find the time.

  “I didn’t realize I was in love with him until he dislocated his shoulder at the same competition where another rider broke his neck before they could free his hand from the ropes.”

  “It would be natural to be afraid for his safety after witnessing something like that. Did you discuss your fear with Tyler?”

  “No. But it wasn’t just that.” She told him about Celia and the tragedy surrounding her young life. “She was doing so well, or so I thought. She was attending the help meetings, and going to church with me on Sundays. She’d been raised in the church and I thought she’d recommitted her life to the Lord. She seemed happier, but still had moments of severe depression. Normally, she would call me and we would talk about it until she could find a way out.

  “If things didn’t start to turn around in her head, then she always had the anti-depressants she could fall back on. She didn’t like taking them, and I never pushed her to.”

  “And you blame yourself for her death because of that?”

  “That and other things. I should have been home the night she died. I was behind on some paperwork and so I stayed a few hours late to get caught up.”

  “Did you expect her to be home by herself?” Terrence asked, trying to figure out what part of this story was really eating away at his daughter’s spirit.

  “She was supposed to be at a meeting. I fully expected to beat her home, even though I’d worked late.” Michelle gave him a brief overview of what she’d found upon arriving at her home, and the ensuing funeral and conversation with her supervisor.

  “Michelle, let me ask you something. Do you think there was anything you could have personally done to prevent this young woman from taking her own life?”

  “I could have been there!”

  “And she could have still locked herself in the bathroom and cut her wrists while you were in the kitchen, or the shower, or outside sitting on your deck...”

  Michelle swallowed, “Yes, she could have.”

  “So, let me ask you again. Is there anything you could have done, short of watching her twenty-four-seven that would have prevented her from taking her own life?”

  Michelle thought for a moment and then shook her head, “No. Celia was so depressed, and she’d tried it twice before.”

  “So, what’s really bothering about this situation? I sense that Tyler is wrapped up in your thought process somehow.”

  Michelle was quiet for a few minutes and then finally asked, “What if I’m no stronger than her?”

  Terrence was shocked by the lack of self-confidence he heard in his daughter’s words. Michelle had always been sure of herself and her decisions. Somehow, she had allowed the weakness of this woman Celia, to transfer itself to her own character, but that wasn’t reality. It was a lie!

  “Michelle, you are not that person. Did you crumple when you and Tyler fought? No. You kept on living. Did you crumple when Celia took her own life? No. You kept on living. In fact, you demonstrated your strength by leaving a bad workplace situation and coming home.”

  “But why did God let her die? I prayed for her, and prayed with her, she prayed…”

  “God didn’t let her die. Michelle, suicide is a very tricky subject. Not only does it take away the life of the one committing it, but it wreaks immeasurable harm and emotional damage to those left behind. In the case of your friend, it doesn’t sound like she was dealing with her depression very well.

  “Depression steals one’s ability to think clearly about things. It affects different people, in different ways and oftentimes carries with it symptoms of physical pain and anguish.”

  “I saw that in her. Some days she could hardly drag herself out of bed.”

  Terrence chose his next words carefully, wanting to help Michelle, but also knowing that she needed to come to her own conclusions in order to fully receive the help he could provide. “Michelle, let me ask you another question. Do you think Stevie will go to heaven when he dies?”

  “Of course he will. He’s the nicest young man I’ve ever met.”

  “As are most children born with Down Syndrome. But Stevie has the mental capacity of a five year old. Does he fully understand the difference between right and wrong?”

  “Well, sometimes. I mean, I remember he likes to do things in order, and it seems like his mom and dad were always having to keep an eye on him.”

  “That’s right. Stevie understands what’s allowed in certain situations, but only from a habit position. He doesn’t really understand why he shouldn’t do something. Now, I believe that he will go to heaven because he has a diminished mental capacity, and cannot make a decision to follow Christ. Not like you and I can.”

  Michelle nodded her head, “That sounds right. Why are you asking me about Stevie?”

  “Well, like Stevie, you friend Celia was probably not in a good mental state when she decided to take her own life and follow through on that thought. The human mind is based upon a
need to survive. Taking one’s own life is counterproductive to that goal. It’s not a natural way of thinking.”

  “So you’re saying Celia wasn’t in her right mind when she took her life?”

  “No. I have to believe that God is one of mercy and since Celia had a relationship with him when she was in her right mind, he will judge her based on that, not on her depression induced actions.”

  “As for your concerns about whether or not you’re like her, you do not suffer from severe depression. You have a desire to live and prosper and help others. Loving others goes along with that. It’s a tremendous gift from God that should never be taken for granted.”

  “That’s exactly what Tyler said. He told me last night that my ability to love others was a gift and not a curse.”

  “He’s right. Do you love him?”

  Michelle didn’t even hesitate before she nodded her head, “Yes. I’ve loved him at some level since I was a senior in high school. I was so afraid of losing him, that I became this harpy demanding woman who wanted him to forego his dreams and stop bull riding. That’s why we quit seeing each other a year and some ago.”

  “And now he’s retiring and he’s back for you. So, I have one last question for you. What are you going to do with Tyler Jameson?” Terrence didn’t wait for a reply, he simply got up from the table, kissed his daughter on the top of her head and let himself back out of the house.

  He hadn’t realized that Michelle’s faith had been so fragile. Just like Jenna, she had been through a very traumatic experience and rather than running to God for help, they had felt abandoned by him. As he headed towards the church and his office, he began putting together a sermon series that would deal with those exact issues. It seemed his flock was in need of being reminded that God was always there. In every situation. In every failure and in every victory. God would never leave them.

  Chapter 38

  The night of the Harvest Party arrived, and Michelle still hadn’t been able to talk to Tyler for more than a few minutes on the phone. One of the horses had come up lame, and with Peter gone looking for Brooke, he had needed to stick around the ranch and change the bandages on the horse every two hours.

  The good news had come earlier that afternoon when he’d called to say the horse was doing much better and he would love to see her at the party. He realized she wasn’t up to dancing, but they could sit together and enjoy the live music just as well.

  Jenna and she had spent hours brainstorming ways to incorporate both of their dreams into the ranch and camp scenario. Jenna had even contacted her favorite counselor and friend, Teresa Martinez, and she had given them some great information on the paperwork they would need to get State grants and she also advised them they were going to need a resident social worker with a doctorate on staff to even be considered for a residential facility.

  Michelle, not having even met the woman but loving everything she’d had to say, had jokingly told her she should move to Cathedral Hills to fill that position. She’d realized when it grew strangely quiet that she might have just said something profound.

  Jenna hadn’t let any grass grow under the suggestion and seconded her opinion that Teresa should at least consider their offer.

  Teresa had acknowledged that she hated her new job and hated living in Missouri. There weren’t any mountains, and everyone seemed to talk with an accent. She’d actually been thinking about moving back to Colorado, but hadn’t even finished her first month at the new job and didn’t want to be hasty.

  “Pray about it,” had been both Michelle and Jenna’s suggestion, spoken at the same time, which had caused all three women to start laughing. After assurances that she would indeed pray about her future, they had disconnected the call and Jenna and Michelle had simply looked at each other.

  “We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?” Michelle asked, still having trouble believing how fast things were coming together.

  “I think we are. With the money I have left over from my parents’ life insurance policies, we can have the renovations on the bunkhouse started immediately. Stephanie’s dad said he could start them next week if we wanted.

  “And Trey already spoke to his board of directors about coming alongside our efforts and they loved the idea. The national bank office has been encouraging the smaller branch offices to get involved in their communities. This project fits the bill perfectly.”

  “So what does that mean for us?” Michelle had asked, always amazed that her brother actually liked working with numbers all day. She didn’t even like balancing her checkbook and only did it when absolutely necessary.

  “It means that the bank is going to start accepting charitable donations that will go directly to the facility. We do have to come up with a name for it. And pretty quick. I checked into the paperwork for next year’s grant funds, and the forms are due next Friday.”

  “That soon? I hope we can get everything finished by then.”

  “We will. Have faith.” Jenna didn’t mention to Michelle how bizarre it was to hear those words come out of her. Less than two weeks prior she’d thought her faith long ago buried and dead. Coming back to Cathedral Hills had been a miracle, and now it was time to pass that miracle on to others in need.

  Michelle grabbed her sweater and then made her way down the stairs. She had figured out how to use only one crutch, a decision her other arm was immensely grateful for.

  Trey and Jenna were going to the party and had agreed to take her with them so that Tyler could have plenty of time to finish his chores.

  As Michelle reached the landing, she thought Jenna looked beautiful in a borrowed dress from Michelle’s closet. Trey was all spiffed up in black jeans, a button down western shirt with pearl buttons, and his hair combed neatly.

  Jenna was busy applying a coat of lip gloss in the hallway mirror, so she didn’t see the small jeweler’s box that Trey tucked into his pocket. But Michelle did. She smiled at him and then winked when he caught her eye. The look of confusion on his face had her laughing softly, only increasing his scowl.

  “Ready to go?” she asked cheerfully.

  “Sure.” Jenna turned and then took the arm that Trey extended to her. When he bent his head and whispered in her ear, her blush was intense and immediate, causing Michelle to laugh again.

  Tonight is going to be so much fun! She figured by the time they returned home tonight, she’d have a new sister-in-law in the making and she was thrilled with the idea.

  *****

  Trey and Jenna disappeared as soon as they arrived at the high school gymnasium. Michelle had assured them she was going to join the girls over by the punch bowl until Tyler showed up and didn’t mind at all.

  The women were chatting away, the topic of conversation going back and forth between how cute Trey and Jenna looked together on the dance floor, and wondering if Peter had found Brooke yet. He’d been gone for three days now, but no one had heard a word from him. Tyler had left him a few messages, but each time he’d called, his phone had gone straight to voicemail.

  “I bet he forgot to take it off airplane mode,” offered Stephanie by way of excuse.

  “That sounds about right,” Taylor offered.

  “Well, let’s just hope he decides to use his phone soon and calls to let someone know what’s happening. Tyler is just about sick with worry,” Missy offered.

  “How do you know that?” Michelle asked, no jealousy in her voice, just curiosity.

  “He came by the diner to talk to dad yesterday for a few minutes and I asked.”

  “There you go. Why didn’t we think to do that?” Stephanie said with a laugh.

  “He’s been dealing with a sick horse for the last few days. I wish my ankle had been better and I could have helped him out.”

  “Yeah, I just bet you wanted to help him out. So what’s up between you two, anyways?”

  Michelle was stopped from answering when Tyler snuck up behind her and leaned over her shoulder to kiss her on the cheek, “What a
re you women gossiping about now?”

  “We do not gossip!” Missy informed him with her hands on her hips. “We were just wondering when Peter was going to call with an update.”

  “Soon enough I suppose. He must not have anything to report, or he would have called by now. I secured us a table up by the stage. You ready to join me, or you still getting your fill of local news?” Tyler asked, tongue-in-cheek, knowing his comments would get Missy’s hackles up.

  “Calm down, Missy. He’s just pushing your buttons. And to answer your question, I could actually use a breath of fresh air. I forgot how hot and stuffy this gym gets.”

  “Your wish is my command. Hold on,” he advised her before he swung her up into his arms and headed for the nearest exit. He carried her across the grass until they reached the practice football field where he set her down on the bleachers.

  “We didn’t need to come all the way out here,” she told him laughingly as he sat down beside her.

  “Sure we did. I didn’t want anyone to disturb us.”

  Michelle looked at him in the moonlight and dim lightning that spilled over from the parking lot, “Did we need privacy for something?”

  “I missed you these last few days.”

  “I missed you too,” she told him, meaning it.

  Tyler fussed with his pocket for a moment and then he lowered himself to one knee in front of her, ignoring her gasp of surprise as he took her hand in his free one.

  “Michelle, I don’t want to miss you anymore. I want you to be there when I come in from a long night in the barn. I want to be there to wipe away your tears when one of your clients breaks your heart. I want to have children with you, and laugh and cry with you.

  “Would you do me the honor of saying you’ll marry me? I love you more than words can say.”

  Michelle could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she watched him open the small jewelry box and display a gorgeous diamond ring. It wasn’t huge, nor was it one of the fancier cuts, but she knew without asking it had been purchased with her in mind.

  “Michelle, darlin’ I’m dying here. I’m used to the excitement being over in eight-seconds or less, and by my count, it’s been at least fifteen seconds and you still haven’t answered me.”