The Horseman's Heritage

by Jacki Bentley

  "Good,” he said, smiling like a fool. “I've always wanted you to be happy, babe. Whatever it takes. But a man has to have his moral standards, you see. Can't let a woman seduce him too easily,” he teased.

  With feather-soft fingers, she came up on her knees again and stroked through the hair of his chest. He chuckled. Somehow she'd wormed back into his arms, drawing him down to her.

  Her touches caused small shivers to course through his body, stoking the fire that already swept through his blood. Okay, she was going to kill him.

  Ashley observed Reese as if he were a challenging, scientific puzzle under the scope. He meant it. He wouldn't let her have him this morning. His words about her happiness had the ring of deep truth.

  "Let me make breakfast for you, Ash."

  "Hold me,” she asked. “Just stay here and hold me a while first."

  "My pleasure.” He lay down beside her on the sofa.

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  Chapter Eight

  I've never been so hungry,” Reese said an hour later. “Traveling all night takes energy.” He had his shirt and jeans back on now. Still in his bare feet. Ashley found herself staring at his handsome feet and pissed at herself for it. She'd slipped back into the yellow dress.

  A cowboy song about the white line getting longer and the saddle getting cold played on her kitchen stereo.

  Ashley couldn't think for sexual frustration. Crazy, bossy man had won.

  "Delays at the airports?” she asked with a calm tone far from reflecting her true feelings.

  "Yes."

  The maddening male stared at her as though he couldn't get enough of the sight of her.

  Ashley felt no hunger for food. Difficult to eat when one saw the imminent end of a precious stolen time with her lover.

  She sighed. This wasn't much better than her norm. Waking up alone with sheets tangled around her and the dream of him fading despite her efforts to hold it.

  At her sigh, he looked up from his food, a question in his eyes.

  "You okay?” he asked.

  Holding back tears, she nodded. “I'm ... fine, fine.” Just waiting to see how you respond to your stolen daughter.

  She realized she could not continue with the deception she had begun so cowardly and impulsively on the phone. That would be mean.

  Talkative this morning, for him, for any male, Reese had made plans for the day, a movie, a museum, lunch at a nice restaurant if she liked. The things a normal couple could do on a Saturday.

  "How do you feel about fast food?” she asked.

  "For lunch? Fast food?"

  She saw his reluctance in his expression.

  "Fancy restaurants and children don't mix."

  After a pause he said, “Oh, right. You're babysitting. I forgot. Well then, we'll adjust our day. Children have different eating and entertainment needs than two adults."

  He grinned with humor, directed at himself and the plans he'd made for them.

  "When do you think the little one will be up?” he asked.

  "Let's let her sleep a little longer,” she answered. She should have said, It's our child here with me. Our own child who requires a different sort of day than two adults. Our child who wants and deserves to know her other parent. If you don't mind, can you become a part of her life? A braver woman would say all that.

  "Ash?"

  He looked at her with puzzled eyes. He sensed her unease.

  The logical, easy opportunity to speak up with the whole story passed. Coward. They went on to discuss other things. Feeling guilty all the way, Ashley relished this time together to talk of nothing in particular.

  They still sat eating breakfast pancakes when the reckoning she'd dreaded came.

  "Mommy?” A sleepy little voice yelled from the bedroom.

  "I thought I heard stirring noises in the other room,” Reese said. With an expectant smile, he twisted around on his stool to face the doorway.

  "In the kitchen, sweetie,” she answered. Ashley looked at Reese as he raised his large frame from the kitchen barstool.

  She was puzzled. Searching his face for masculine dread of a day spent with a small child, she found no such expression. Ashley frowned. A hard man, who didn't like, or have time for small children would bear such an expression, wouldn't he? But his look was open, even a look of anticipation. Oh, God, no. It couldn't be. She must be mistaken. She'd based so many choices on believing he didn't like or want children in his life.

  Across the breakfast bar, Reese watched for the little one who'd called for her mom in her just waking state. Would she cry when she found her mom, Ashley's sister, wasn't here?

  He hadn't thought through how having Ash's niece along would change their weekend, but a surprising enthusiasm for the adventure enveloped him. Denying himself children did not stop him from enjoying those of other people.

  "Mommy?” she asked again. Ashley came around from her side of the breakfast bar and walked to the child.

  A tiny, tiny little girl with yellow-blond hair and walnut brown eyes walked through the kitchen doorway, scuffing her little cartoon mouse jammie feet. Her eyes were wide-awake and looked at him with suspicion. The large eyes held guarded curiosity. Then she turned to Ashley.

  "Mommy,” she'd said again. He stiffened. The first time he heard the word, Reese assumed the little girl to be still more asleep than awake, not yet reconciled to her surroundings. But this child was wide-awake now.

  And God help him, the little one knew her mother. She had bright, intelligent big eyes. Something in her gaze made him think more of an aged adult. Her eyes were old. Reese turned his gaze from the little girl to Ashley, searching her face for answers.

  Damn, damn, damn, the woman wouldn't look him in the eyes. His stomach sank with dread.

  "This is not your sister's child,” he whispered. He began to pace, agitated then stopped himself. He didn't want to upset the child.

  Ash's eyes flashed to his now. He couldn't breathe. Time seemed to stretch to hours like a rubber band. She wasn't this little girl's aunt, she was her mother. This was Ashley's child.

  He stepped close to Ash. “You're not her aunt, are you, Ashley?” He whispered the question harshly, his throat trying to lump up around the words.

  "No,” Ashley replied, shaking her head and looking up at him with bright tears sparkling in her eyes.

  The knowledge that Ashley had misled him yesterday slammed into his gut with the force of a sledgehammer. Why would she lie to him? Say she had her sister's child with her?

  "Oh God!” Another man gave her what he wouldn't, couldn't. This was the child he had denied her. Pain burned through him like a jet engine flame. He felt the explosion tearing at his insides. He didn't know if the pain was more from her deceit, or the idea of the other man. Both. Both. The other man, worse. Blinding. He forced himself to breathe in and out.

  He had no real right to question her life. Or her decisions after they'd parted ways. He'd given up that by not coming to her sooner.

  But damn it all to a fiery, gaping hell, if there was another man in her life, what had that episode in the living room just now been about? He froze.

  "Why?” he demanded.

  She shrugged, her eyes turned away. “Did you brush your teeth, sweetie?” Ashley asked the little girl as she gave her a morning hug. He didn't even know her name. Couldn't be ‘sweetie'. At the little girl's distracted headshake, Ashley continued, “Go do that then, please.” Ashley's voice shook with the words. Reese had too much of his own pain to worry about hers just now.

  What a fool he'd been to hope they could start over.

  He guessed she meant to protect the child by sending her from the room.

  With stubborn chin jutting, the little one clearly hadn't finished her business here. Reese could see that through his blinding pain and building anger. This little girl should have been his. If only he'd had the guts to face the prospect of ever losing another child, she would be. He had no damn right to the dark
jealousy he felt roaring through him.

  The child ignored her mother and stared at him, her gaze sharp and bold.

  "Who're you and why are you eating our pancakes?” The little one spoke with astounding precision and control of the language.

  "I'm ... I'm a friend of your mommy's,” Reese answered the child's question in careful, measured almost normal tones.

  Ashley hadn't wasted much time in starting the family he'd denied her. A year, if that long. His pain coalesced to the full and unreasonable anger now. He called upon every scrap of civilized behavior to banish the images of her in the arms of another man making this baby. He should have come to get her back sooner.

  "You didn't waste much time, when I refused you children, did you? Did you even wait, what? A whole year?"

  She gave him no answer, just stared defiantly back. Then, suddenly, her front seemed to crumble. She shook her head and lifted a placating hand toward him.

  Reese said no more. He couldn't in front of the child. None of this was the pretty little urchin's doing. God, she was cute. Looking back and forth like she was watching a match of tennis.

  Ashley watched with fatal fascination as Reese smiled at Mandy, a sad smile that broke her heart.

  "Ash?” he prodded.

  She wished so hard it could be different, that she could put back the broken pieces of their relationship and make it better. But, what would she do? Could she ever make the man want a family with her? Could she have forced him to want his child back when Mandy was just a tiny beginning? No.

  If she had it all to do over again, could she give Mandy up for the chance to marry Reese?

  No. It was unthinkable. She banished the thought before it fully formed in her mind. What would she have changed?

  Ashley sat back on a barstool. He looked to her as if to ask why. She read it in his gray eyes as surely as if he had spoken it aloud.

  "I've got to go now, Ashley. We'll talk later."

  The words seemed forced, jerky. Then the sad expression disappeared and his look darkened like a storm cloud.

  All arrogant male again, he dominated the room with his height and broad shoulders. The look of uncertainty and pain she glimpsed at his realization that Mandy was her child was completely gone now.

  She stood and her knees somehow held. “Where are you going...?” The two hours she'd hoped to have with him weren't up. Tears stung her eyes. She looked at her kitchen clock. Cheerful pink and lavender flowers mocked the state of her jagged life.

  Reese had made no bargain for time with her. She should realize by now that the sleep patterns of a small child were as unpredictable as the weather on a good day.

  "Don't know."

  Ashley steadied herself against the counter. She had expected anger, the deep self-righteous anger of which Reese Caldwell was capable, but not this. She had not expected the pain she'd witnessed in his beautiful eyes. Her stomach ached violently for him—for herself, for Mandy.

  She wanted to say, If you allow me, I can show you how to love our child. It's so easy to do. So much better than the freedom to go to the movies or to a fancy restaurant whenever you want.

  As she watched, he strode toward the door, slowly, then faster as he neared the exit. There was no holding back her tears. Breathing was difficult, talking impossible.

  "Reese, wait...” she tried.

  He froze, his hand on the doorknob, but he didn't look back.

  "Let me explain. Please. Please.” Her words came out as a weak whisper. After the closeness they had shared an hour ago, it seemed impossible they could be so far apart now.

  He just shook his head and walked on.

  Seconds later, as she watched from the open doorway, his sports car growled to life in the early morning quiet. The car's deep rumbling seemed to shake the ground.

  A fancy car, the kind of car he'd always driven at home in Coldstream, Texas.

  A two-seater.

  Not a family sort of car.

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  Chapter Nine

  Reese found a straight stretch of lonely, Sunday morning highway and pushed the red sport coupe. The car was not a perfect substitute for a gallop on the back of a good horse, but it was close. Damn close. The rapid forward motion cleared a man's thoughts as nothing else and provided a taste of much needed control. The kind he needs when life tries to drop him feet first through a trapdoor into hell. But if he didn't slow down, his license was as good as gone.

  For God's sake, he'd known Ashley wanted children. He remembered the happy look that lit her face when she'd talked about the kids she wanted.

  He'd been unwilling to give her children.

  God forgive him, he'd let her talk and plan their children for a solid month before he'd had the guts to destroy her dream. His pride always surfaced at the thought of Ashley carrying his child. A part of him had wanted it as bad as she did.

  She misunderstood his silence, so he'd finally told her he didn't plan to have children of his own. I won't have children with you, honey. The words sounded hateful to him now.

  He'd planned to tell her of his marriage to Natalie, his high school sweetheart. That he'd lost his son and pregnant wife on the same day. He clinched his jaw even now at the thought of forming the words. The stark memory of new graves jarred through his mind. Shadows of losing a wife he'd been fond of and a child he'd loved desperately still lingered. They'd made a place for Gabe even though they'd found no little body to bury. God, he could never allow himself to have other children and risk losing them, too.

  He remembered the pain and disappointment on Ashley's face when he's spoken those words. Her complexion had bleached white and she stood, looked at him long and hard, took off his ring, then ran from the restaurant.

  Now he learned he'd taken the woman for granted in more than her address.

  As the aimless miles flashed by, he found himself in Amish country—judging from the horses and black buggies.

  He tried to decide what the real problem was here. It sure wasn't that pretty little girl who reached for her mama's hand to comfort her as he'd run blazing out the door. Bless her heart. She was innocent in all this. A gift from God.

  His gut told him there was no father in the picture now or the episode between him and Ash on the living room couch would never have happened. As he calmed down, he realized he knew Ashley that well.

  He stopped the car by the side of the road and stepped out, inhaling the fresh country air. The endless flat land of Ohio felt like home. A crop he recognized as soybeans turned golden brown at the touch of the crisp fall air, nearing harvest.

  So why run from a woman he'd finally acknowledged to himself he would do anything to have in his life again, go through or over any hurdle for? A woman worth fighting for with every last drop of his blood.

  He would have no problem raising another man's child. That didn't trouble him. Not the problem.

  He'd thought he knew Ashley so well three years ago. With all the arrogance he was capable of, he'd thought she'd give up her dream of children for him, for what they had together. He'd been a selfish, selfish fool, believing the fire between them in the bedroom was enough to bond them. Thought she would accept his offer of permanence and commitment without babies. He'd been asshole confident she'd choose him over motherhood.

  Hah! She was about as sweet and gentle as a riled-up rattlesnake. He grinned, then laughed aloud. Damn, he admired her for that, too, for taking what she wanted most in life. Finding some blond, brown eyed man to make a baby with.

  After all, he'd made her choose him or children.

  Maybe he was just plain mad at the world and fate.

  Angry because some other guy slipped his body between her legs and gave her something he hadn't offered her?

  He got back in the car and examined every possibility while he drove.

  Dear God, could that little girl be his? Ashley wouldn't betray him to that degree would she? He wouldn't believe she would deceive him to that extent.
He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, between his eyes. He held them there as long as he dared while flying down the road a seventy miles per hour. There were stupid tears trying to force their way out of his eyes. She was too small to be old enough, wasn't she? Didn't look a thing like him.

  Whatever the facts of the situation, it shouldn't be this way. Didn't feel right. Something about the little girl ... brought a memory. Not of his son, Gabe. She looked nothing like Gabe.

  Don't worry, Dad. Things will be fine. You'll see."

  Reese looked at the passenger seat but saw no one there. He shook his heard to clear it. In the past five years since his son had died, a few times, he'd imagined he heard his son's voice. This time the words echoed stronger in his ears, more resonant, as if Gabe sat in the car with him. He only just stopped himself from calling his son's name. Hellfire he was loosing his mind. Too much stress.

  "Listen to your heart,” Gabe's voice said. Then, as quickly as he came, Reese knew he'd gone again.

  He took a deep breath and drove a few miles before his thoughts turned back to Ashley's daughter.

  Many single women turned to modern medical technology for the children these days. Maybe Ash had?

  Nothing wrong with that.

  Far preferable than another man in her bed.

  Ashley was a scientist after all. Clearly that could've been a logical choice for her. He liked that idea better. Much better.

  He embraced denial and knew he did so. Hell, he welcomed it.

  In his mind, he saw again the look in Ashley's eyes just as he'd turned to leave. A look without hope. Damn, damn, damn. She'd expected him to respond with anger, known he wouldn't understand her choice. Hellfire, she'd expected him to storm off in a masculine fit of anger.

  He'd caught a glimpse of something else in that moment. Deep fatigue. She was too tired to function well.

  Blood and bone tired.

  He had to go back to her and ask her why.

  "Women.” He swore with force and feeling, hitting the flat of his palm against the steering wheel. “Oww!” He shook off the pain in his hand.