Shotgun Honey Presents: Both Barrels (Volume 1)

by Dan O'Shea

  “You have a strong will,” he said.

  I thought about the pants I was wearing, wondering if there was another pair they could get me. I didn’t say anything.

  “You are here because of Count Zalingas,” he said.

  “I’m here because your sunsnukis brought me here.”

  Whatever smile he’d had vanished like a vamp in the smoke. “Not that language. Not here.” He was growling now as he said it. “I’ll not stand for it.”

  I wanted to tell him he could remain seated, but I wanted to be able to walk out of there soon. And I didn’t know how many he had with him. So I sat there.

  “We did not assassinate Count Zalingas,” he said.

  I nodded. “The decapitation? You’re saying that was natural causes?”

  “The Amija. They want war.”

  “With you? Seriously? No offense, but it wouldn’t take the whole Amija to drop you like a bag of last week’s meslas.”

  He tensed. I tensed. It was like a little dance we had going on. You know, without the kontaktas and the phone calls and the herpes medication.

  I’m not saying he wasn’t my type. Hell, guy like that is everyone’s type. Homo, hetero, beasto, whatever.

  Then he relaxed, and I started to breathe again.

  • • • •

  “I have her in the tara,” I told Prince Kreivas. “I’ll bring her to you in the morning.” I moved to the side, letting the lens catch the image of the container behind me, the lined tara we used to transport the kaliniai.

  “You’ll bring her now,” he said.

  “It’s not safe now, sir. There’s no protection between me and the district.”

  “Don’t be such a vaikus. Be here by the morning hour.”

  “Sir, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I’m told there’s more going here than I was lead to believe.”

  “Just bring the sunsnukis here, and we’ll sort it out.”

  “But, sir…”

  He disconnected.

  • • • •

  The first two-thirds of the trip were fine. An old woman outside Kaimas asked whether I fancied a drink. I did not. The sky was clear and the moon was bright. I hummed something I was making up as I went along. As the road curved to the border, a minstrel offered to sing me a song for ten, a handie for five.

  When I got to the edge of the Painiava Woods, a vilkas and three men stepped in front of me. Another vilkas was behind me, near the container I was guiding.

  The vilkas in front, the bigger one whose face was covered with white hair, hands black, said, “I think that is ours.”

  I slid the tamsablade from its sheath. “This? OK.”

  I stepped off the path as the three men came for me. Punch. Stab. Duck. Slide. Slice. Slice. Dodge. Slice.

  The vilkas in front smiled at me, nodded. Then the vilkas in the back set something on the tara. Beep.

  I watched them both sprint into the edge of the woods. Beep.

  I turned away when I heard a click, a tiny metal snap. Then a bright heat took over, a thumping boom.

  • • • •

  I came to reaching for the communicator, thinking the beeping would explode, again. I looked at the tara, charred fragments.

  I heard Prince Kreivas. “Report. You’re late.”

  I looked around. Morning.

  “I was attacked,” I said.

  Kreivas swallowed, shook his head. “That’s terrible. The prisoner. What of the prisoner?”

  “The tara has been destroyed.”

  “Dievas almighty,” he cursed. “You’d best get here as soon as you can. This will need some cleaning up.”

  I stood, took the prince’s crest from my chest. Laid the piece on the ground near the rubble.

  “They knew I was coming,” I said. “They were waiting for me.”

  “Yes, yes. We can talk about all that when you’re here.”

  “The tara was empty.”

  “The what?”

  “Empty.”

  “The sunsnukis?”

  “She was not inside, sir.”

  “Why the fuck not?”

  “Because I thought someone might be using me, sir. I don’t think they killed Zalingas.”

  “Of course they did. He was killed by their weapons. The council decreed.”

  “Yes, sir. I know. It was made to look like that.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “You mean what gave you away?”

  “What?” He stood. I was looking at the part of his gut hanging over his belt. He sat back down, leaned into the camera. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying someone staged it, someone wanted the blame placed here. Someone trying to start a war. To continue an ancient war.”

  “You do not want to go down that path,” he said. “I can guarantee you of that. You need to come in and we will have this all sorted. I will explain to you what happened. You do not want to get yourself in the middle of this.”

  I nodded, saw the patrols riding toward me.

  Then I shut the communicator on the prince, turned back the way I’d come, planning to stop at that little village for some bacon and eggs.

  I took a deep breath, thinking, yup. This is what it feels like to be royally fucked.

  AFTERWORD

  Ron Earl Phillips

  There you have it, 29 stories of crime. You did read them all, right? You didn’t cheat and jump to the end just to read what I had to write? Well that won’t do, jump back in there. I’ll be here when you get back, and you’ll thank me when you do.

  Done?

  For those of you who said ‘yes’ and really haven’t, I’m not going to throw you any spoilers. It’s not going to happen.

  So, how do you end a book like this? A book of 29 short stories from writers of various walks of life telling stories that range from hardboiled to wistful remembrance of a life once lived to those who are just trying to hang on to what they got.

  With a simple thank you, of course.

  18 months, almost to the day this book is complete, I discovered two new friends and a website was created.

  The story has been told, and repeated, maybe even rinsed a time or two. Kent Gowran announced that he was starting a new crime flash fiction blog, and not even really knowing Kent I raised my hand and said “Me! Pick me! Me!” I wasn’t even sure if he was looking for help, but there I was volunteering and Kent said ‘yes’.

  Sabrina Ogden was the other fool to volunteer in Kent’s great adventure, and the three of us read your stories and published what we liked. None of us knew what we were doing and being thrust together under the fire of stories and deadlines only one of two things can happen. Friendship or failure.

  I’m thankful it was friendship.

  Over the last 18 months, we have published well over 200 flash fiction stories from over a 130 writers. It’s been an adventure, to say the least. You people have the most twisted minds and I am constantly amazed how such similar notes can take so many turns all within the confines of a mere 700 words, give or take.

  This collection would not exist without the continued effort of our writers, their willingness to trust us with their stories. So to the 29 writers whose stories you just read, and the 200 or so before them, thank you.

  Finally, to you the reader, it is an odd relationship we and you have, neither exists without the other. A symbiotic relationship that allows imaginations to grow, stories to flourish and our writers a venue explore.

  If you’ve cheated and jump to the end to read this final note, go back now, without haste and read all the stories, then read them again. That’s what I’m going to do.

  Ron Earl Phillips, 2012

  BIOGRAPHIES

  Patti Abbott has published more than one hundred stories in various anthologies, zines, and literary journals. Her e-collection, MONKEY JUSTICE (Snubnose Press) debuted in 2011. She won a Derringer Award for her story “My Hero” in 2009. She is the co-editor of the e-anthology DISCOUNT NO
IR (Untreed Reads). Forthcoming stories will appear in PANK, MYSTERICAL-E and several anthologies. She lives outside Detroit.

  Hector Acosta is proud to have his first published work appear in this collection. Pieces of his flash fiction can be found at Shotgunhoney.net, and he’s currently working on a novel length Thursday Malone story. That is, if his overly hyper dog will let him.

  Cameron Ashley is Crime Factory’s Chief Editor (ww.thecrimefactory.com). His stories have featured in numerous anthologies (including D*cked, The One That Got Away, Noir At The Bar) and online journals. He lives in Brunswick, Melbourne.

  Ray Banks shares his birthday with Chuck Barris and Curtis Mayfield and screeched into the world on the same day that Roberto Rossellini took his leave. He has worked as a wedding singer, double-glazing salesman, croupier, dole monkey, and various degrees of disgruntled temp. He writes novels (like the Cal Innes series) and short stories (like this one) and keeps a fairly clean online abode at www.thesaturdayboy.com.

  Trey R. Barker’s short fiction has appeared in all manner of venue, from magazines to ezines to anthologies...and on the radio. The best of his stripped-down crime fiction can be found in the archives of Shotgun Honey, ThugLit, and Hardluck Stories. Down and Out Books has recently made Barker one of their stable of houseboys and repubbed the first Barefield novel 2,000 Miles to Open Road as an ebook. Next came the short novel Road Gig. Next up is the 2,000 Miles follow up Exit Blood, all available from Down and Out Books. Currently, when not arresting miscreants on the roads of northern Illinois, he’s hard at work on the next Barefield novel, a handful of short stories, and something a bit more mainstream.

  Frank Bill has been published in Granta, Playboy, Oxford American, FSG Work in Progress, The New Haven Review, The New York Times, Talking River Review, Plots With Guns, Thuglit, Beat to a Pulp and many other outlets. His first book, Crimes in Southern Indiana was released by Farrar, Straus & Giroux in September 2011 and his first novel, Donnybrook, will be released by FSG in March 2013.

  Nigel Bird has been experimenting with longer fiction recently. His teacher noir novel is called In ‘Loco Parentis’ and his novella’s entitled ‘Smoke’. In spite of that, his love of the short form burns strongly and his 3 collections and anthology appearances are a testament to that. When not involved in the business of writing he is either teaching or spending time with his beautiful family over on the East Coast of Scotland.

  Paul D. Brazill was born in England and lives in Poland. He has had stories published in various magazines and anthologies, including The Mammoth Book Of Best British Crime 2011 and 2013. He has also published -13 Shots Of Noir and Snapshots as well as the novelette Red Esperanto, which is published as Rosso Esperanto in Italy. The novellas Guns Of Brixton and The Gumshoe will be published in 2012. He has edited two anthologies - True Brit Grit and Drunk On The Moon.

  Jen Conley’s stories have been published in Thuglit, Needle, Beat to a Pulp, Shotgun Honey, Out of the Gutter, Big Pulp, Talking River Review, SNM Horror, and others. In 2011, “Home Invasion,” published in Thuglit, was nominated for a Best of the Web Spinetingler Award. Born and raised in New Jersey, she lives in Ocean County where she teaches middle school and writes in her spare time. Visit her at jen-conley.blogspot.com or follow her on twitter, @jenconley45.

  Garnett Elliott lives and works in Tucson, Arizona. Recent stories have appeared or are slated to appear in Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, Beat to a Pulp: Round Two, Needle Magazine, Blood and Tacos, Pulp Modern, and Battling Boxing Stories. He is co-author of the story collection Vin of Venus, along with David Cramner and Paul Brazil, available as an e-book selection on Amazon. Look for his novella “The Shunned Highway” later this summer in Alec Cizak’s Uncle B’s Drive-In.

  Peter Farris is the author of Last Call for the Living. He lives in Cobb County, Georgia.

  Matthew C. Funk is a social media consultant, professional marketing copywriter and writing mentor. He is an editor of Needle Magazine and a staff writer for Planet Fury and Criminal Complex. Winner of the 2010 Spinetingler Award for Best Short Story on the Web, Funk has online work at numerous sites indexed on his Web domain and printed in Needle, Speedloader, Grift, Pulp Ink, Pulp Modern, Off the Record and D*CKED. He is represented by Stacia J. N. Decker of the Donald Maass Literary Agency.

  Glenn Gray has numerous stories published both in print and online. He lives in New York.

  Chris F. Holm’s work has appeared in such publications as Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, and THE BEST AMERICAN MYSTERY STORIES 2011. He has been an Anthony Award nominee, a Derringer Award finalist, and a Spinetingler Award winner. His first novel, DEAD HARVEST, is a supernatural thriller that recasts the battle between heaven and hell as Golden Era crime pulp. Its followup, THE WRONG GOODBYE, was published September 2012.

  Naomi Johnson is a retired financial analyst whose short stories have been published at CrimeFactory, A Twist of Noir, and Southern Cross Review as well as in the anthology, Pulp Ink, and in Encounters magazine. She denies all responsibility for the subsequent demise of that last publication.

  Nik Korpon is the author of Old Ghosts, By the Nails of the Warpriest, Stay God and Bar Scars: Stories. His stories have blackened eyes at Out of the Gutter, Needle Magazine, Black Heart Magazine and a bunch more. He lives in Baltimore. Give him some danger, little stranger, at nikkorpon.com.

  Julia Madeleine is a thriller writer and tattoo artist living in the Toronto area. For a year she lived in the country on a 30-acre property in the middle of nowhere which became the inspiration for her novel, No One To Hear You Scream. Find out more about her books at www.juliamadeleine.com

  After growing up watching virtually every episode of Law & Order and The Twilight Zone ever recorded, Joe Myers finally realized that he couldn’t draw his comic books as fast as he came up with the stories and started writing them down. Since then, he wrote his first novel at the age of 17 and his work has been published in Shotgun Honey, The Escapist, and even earned a “not half bad” at a contest one time. When he’s not writing stories or doing freelance illustration, Joe can be found collecting old t-shirts, jackets, and being licked to death by his two dogs.

  Andrew Nette is a writer, film buff and pulp scholar based in Melbourne, Australia. He is one of the editors at Crime Factory. His short fiction has appeared in a number of on-line and print publications. His debut crime novel, Ghost Money, is set in Cambodia in the mid-nineties and published by Snubnose Press in 2012. His blog, www.pulpcurry.com explores crime film and literature, particularly from Asia and Australia.

  Dan O’Shea is a Chicago-area writer. His first two thrillers, PENANCE and MAMMON, will be published by Exhibit A. Drawing on Chicago’s settings and history, the novels explore the city’s culture of corruption, but with a national, even international flair. Dan is also the author of OLD SCHOOL, a collection of short fiction published by Snubnose Press. Dan has been a professional business writer for many years. A few decades of having to write about the US tax code drove him to write about killing people. Dan is represented by Stacia Decker of the Donald Maass Literary Agency. Learn more at www.danielboshea.wordpress.com

  Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, motorcyclist, cigar aficionado, amateur photographer, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He writes in the horror and thriller genres in both prose and comics. His first novel, Deadliest of the Species, won the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a first novel. He is currently working on the series The Pack for Evileye Books. You can learn more about Mike and his work at www.mikeoliveri.com.

  Tom Pitts received his education firsthand on the streets of San Francisco. His work has appeared in Shotgun Honey, A Twist of Noir, Punk Globe, Flash Fiction Offensive, Darkest Before the Dawn and others. His novella, Piggyback, will be released by Snubnose Press in October 2012. Read more of his work at: http://tom-pitts.blogspot.com/

  Thomas Pluck writes unflinching fiction with heart. His stories haveappeared
in Shotgun Honey, PANK magazine, Crime Factory, Spinetingler, Plots with Guns, Beat to a Pulp, McSweeney’s, The Utne Reader and elsewhere. He edits the Lost Children anthologies to benefit PROTECT: The National Association to Protect Children. He is working on his first novel. He lives in New Jersey with his wife Sarah. You can find him as @tommysalami on Twitter, and on the web at www.thomaspluck.com

  Keith Rawson is a little-known pulp writer whose writing has been widely published both online and in print. He is the author of the short story collections The Chaos We Know and Laughing at Dead Men (SnubNose Press)and Co-Editor of the anthology Crime Factory: The First Shift. He is also a regular contributor to LitReactor and Spinetingler Magazine. He lives in Southern Arizona with his wife and daughter.

  Kieran Shea divides his time between 38°58’22.6’N- 76°30’4.17’W and 39°17’N -74°35’W and is working on a novel.

  Steve Weddle is the editor of NEEDLE: A Magazine of Noir and a founding member of DoSomeDamage.com. His website is steveweddle.com.

  Holly West’s short fiction has been published in NEEDLE: A Magazine of Noir and online on Shotgun Honey. She recently completed her debut novel, DIARY OF BEDLAM, a historical mystery set in 1678 London based on the unsolved murder of Sir Edmund Berry Godfrey. She lives, writes and reads in Venice, California. Find her online athttp://hollywest.com.

  Frank Wheeler JR is a fiction writer, reviewer, and author of THE WOWZER, from Thomas & Mercer, 1 May 2012. He is represented by Stacia Decker from DMLA. He lives with his wife on the plains of Nebraska in a small town surrounded by corn and cows. You can find him on his website: frankwheelerjr.com

  Jim Wilsky is a central Illinois native with a lifelong passion for writing and storytelling. His short story work has appeared in online magazines such as Beat To A Pulp, Yellow Mama, Shotgun Honey, A Twist of Noir, Rose & Thorn Journal, All Due Respect, Pulp Metal, Plots With Guns, Mysterical-E, Midwest Literary Magazine, The Medulla Review and others. His first novel, Blood on Blood, co-written with Frank Zafiro and published by Snubnose Press, was released in August 2012. He is supported and strengthened by a wonderful wife and two beautiful daughters.