All the Broken Pieces

by Cindi Madsen

  She’s going to destroy you.

  Doing her best to throw on an indifferent front, she turned to leave and almost ran into Keira.

  Keira’s smile disappeared as she looked from her to Sabrina, then back to her. “What’d I miss?”

  “Ask Sabrina. I’m sure she’ll fill you in.” Liv walked away, too angry to care what else they said about her.

  …

  The momentary strength Liv had felt from standing up to Sabrina quickly faded, and she’d ended up sitting outside for lunch to avoid the drama with the popular group and the awkwardness with Spencer. Since it was in the high nineties, she’d basically sweated off her lunch as she ate it, and by the time she made it back to her locker, she felt depleted. It was only halfway through the day, and three and a half more hours seemed like a torturous eternity.

  Then I’ll tell Mom I want to go back to being homeschooled. I won’t have to worry about where to sit or what anyone else thinks. She grabbed her math book and slammed her locker door. Do I really want to go back to that life again? Sure, no one told me how disgusting my scar was—her heart gave a painful squeeze—but it was lonely.

  Look around. It’s not like I’m swimming in friends here.

  Because you’re not even trying. Wasn’t there a flyer for cheerleading tryouts on the wall?

  I’d rather choke on my own vomit than only get noticed because my butt’s hanging out of a short cheerleading skirt.

  “Great,” she mumbled. “Back to arguing with myself. Just what I need, more issues to deal with.”

  A girl sitting on the bench in the hall looked at her, face all scrunched up.

  Discouraged and confused, and needing to get away from the girl who’d heard her talking to herself, she tucked her books under her arm and strode down the hall.

  “Hey, Liv.” Clay jogged up to her. “I missed you at lunch.” He nudged her with his elbow. “I hope you’re not trying to avoid me.”

  “Not you. Life in general.”

  “On your way to the math class that you like?”

  “The very one.” Liv slowed as they neared the classroom. “Don’t you like any of your classes?”

  He shrugged. “I guess history is less awful than the rest.”

  She leaned in and whispered, “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

  The grin he gave her lit up his whole face, and it was impossible not to return it. “I thought you were going to be at the party Friday night. It would’ve been better if you were there.”

  Liv spotted Spencer coming down the hall. She didn’t want to stare, but she couldn’t help it. He always looked so grouchy. But the rare times she saw him smile, and the time she’d made him laugh in the playland—those moments stuck in her mind, making it hard to give up on him completely.

  He glanced her way, his usual serious expression on his face.

  Liv turned away, hoping he didn’t notice she’d been staring at him. “Sorry,” she said to Clay when she saw his expectant expression. “What were you saying?”

  “Just that you should come to a party sometime. You might be surprised how much fun we can pull off using our limited resources.”

  “Maybe I’ll catch the next one.”

  See, not everyone at school is hard to deal with. Clay went out of his way to find me, and I don’t even have to decode what he’s thinking.

  I can do this. I can stick it out. There are a lot of other people here besides Sabrina and her group.

  Maybe I’ll even get involved in something. Not cheerleading, but some other extracurricular activity. Something not physical.

  Or nerdy.

  Okay, so joining a group might have to wait.

  The people in the hall were clearing out. She jerked a thumb toward the classroom. “I better get to class. But I’ll see you later.”

  Big smile on his face, Clay did this charming head-nod/eyebrow-raise combo move. “Count on it.”

  Feeling much lighter than she had earlier in the day, she slipped inside Mr. Barker’s room. Spencer didn’t look up when she came in. His eyes were glued to the notebook in front of him.

  Fine, Spencer Multiple-Personality Hale. Be that way.

  Liv sat at the desk in the far corner, the one she knew no one else sat near. As Mr. Barker started the lecture, she glared at the back of Spencer’s head. The longer she stared, the angrier she felt. The least he could’ve done was say hi or wave. That’s it. This time, I really am done with him.

  …

  The instant Liv walked into chemistry, Sabrina started with the dirty looks.

  She’s such a bitch. She talks crap about me, then acts like I’m the one who attacked her.

  Liv glared right back, holding her head high, even though there was still a tiny part that wanted to win Sabrina over.

  I don’t need you. Clay likes me, and you and Spencer can just get over yourselves.

  When she glanced at Keira, though, a pang went through her chest. Out of everyone here, Keira had been the nicest. She thought they were friends, and she didn’t want to give her up. But apparently, Keira was going along with Sabrina, which meant she was willing to give her up.

  What did you expect? They’re all the same.

  Telling herself she didn’t care, and feeling a mix of relief and sorrow about letting it all go, she settled into the empty table behind Keira and Sabrina.

  Mrs. Smith went on and on about how fun today’s experiment would be, but Liv seriously doubted making elephant toothpaste was going to be the pick-me-up she needed. It wasn’t even real toothpaste. Just breaking hydrogen peroxide into oxygen and water. Apparently it looked like toothpaste, but larger, and for some reason, that made Mrs. Smith really happy.

  “Now put on your goggles,” Mrs. Smith said, giant grin on her face, “and let the fun begin.”

  Of course I got the scratched goggles, Liv thought as she put them on. If only they were scratched up enough to block my view of Sabrina’s perfect shiny hair and frilly red top.

  Mrs. Smith frowned in her direction. “Liv, you don’t have a partner?”

  Several faces turned to stare at the odd girl out. None of them had put on their goggles yet, so she felt like even more of a loser.

  “You can work with Sabrina and Keira, if you’d like.”

  If looks could kill, Sabrina’s would’ve dropped her on the spot.

  “It’s fine. I don’t mind working alone.” I’ve got a couple warring voices in my head to keep me company, anyway. I’m sure they’ll be real helpful.

  Liv read the first step on her lab handout and got to work on the experiment. Once the potassium iodide was dissolved, she poured eighty milliliters of hydrogen peroxide into a graduated cylinder. Next, she added forty milliliters of Dawn detergent to the cylinder, then picked it up to swirl the ingredients together, like the directions told her to.

  Her arm spasmed and the foamy mixture flew out of the cylinder.

  Several foamy drops splattered onto the back of Sabrina’s shirt.

  Mrs. Smith had specifically warned them that the high-grade hydrogen peroxide would bleach clothing.

  Mouth hanging open, she stared, not sure what to say or do.

  Sabrina glanced back, eyebrows knit together. She scowled at Liv.

  “What are you looking at?” Liv said, surprised at how bold and snarky she sounded.

  Sabrina rolled her eyes, gave an exaggerated sigh, and faced front.

  Liv’s eyes remained fixed on Sabrina’s back. White spots were already forming where the mixture had hit the red shirt. She kept expecting Sabrina to notice, but with all the ruffled layers, she must not have felt it.

  I should tell her before it completely ruins her shirt.

  No way. She deserves it. Plus you know she’s going to freak if you tell her.

  It had been an accident, none of the mixture had gotten on her skin, and it wasn’t like Sabrina would tell her if the tables were turned. Besides, there was a tiny part of her that got a thrill at what she’d done t
o Sabrina. Okay, make that a big part. Her body felt lighter than it had all day, and her lips twisted into a smile that was all genuine satisfaction.

  If she’s going to hate on me anyway, I might as well give her a good reason.

  …

  After school, Liv sat on her usual bench to wait for Mom. The minutes were dragging, and after what seemed like a forever-long day filled with a whole lot of downs, she was eager to get home. The heat wasn’t helping her mood, either. She took a swig from her water bottle, but the warm liquid didn’t do much to cool her down. The clang of someone pushing open the door sounded, and she automatically glanced toward the entrance. Spencer.

  Twisting away from him, she dropped her gaze to her book. The Great Gatsby was as annoying as her day. People playing games. A stupid girl and a stupid boy.

  When a shadow crept across her page, blocking her light, she leaned closer to the book.

  “You know he’s a jerk.”

  Without looking up, she said, “I hate it when people refer to themselves in the third person.”

  “I’m a jerk, too.”

  “I know you are. That’s what I just said.”

  “What happened with your friends?”

  “See, when you say friends, I’m not really sure who you mean. You’ve made it clear you’re not my friend.”

  “I mean the girls you’ve been hanging out with,” he said. “You didn’t sit by them at lunch.”

  “I’m sick of rude people, I’m sick of drama, and I’m starting to think I’m just going to go back to home school.”

  Spencer sat next to her. “Don’t do that. You’ll go crazy. Besides, it makes kids socially awkward.”

  “I’m not exactly excelling in that department anyway.”

  He was quiet for a moment, then he leaned close enough that the tips of his hair brushed her cheek. “You ever gonna look away from that book?”

  “Not until you’re gone.” It took all her self-control to keep staring at the novel. “See, if I don’t look at you and start thinking that we’re friends, I won’t be as disappointed when you go into jerk mode.”

  “I admitted I was a jerk.”

  “I know. And I agreed with you.”

  His hand grazed her leg as he reached for the book. He pulled on it, yanking it out of her hands.

  Nose in the sky, she crossed her arms and twisted away.

  “Why’s your mom coming into the parking lot the wrong way?” Spencer asked.

  Liv turned to see.

  And saw nothing. She pushed Spencer. “Argh! What do you want?”

  His glasses reflected her angry expression. It definitely wasn’t her most flattering look. Not to mention her hair was still a frizzy mess. “You were the one who said you wanted to go home the other night,” he said. “I just did what you asked.”

  She clenched her jaw. “Don’t even pretend you were totally innocent. We had a good time, then you went all weird on me.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “So you had a good time?”

  That maddening touch of arrogance irritated her even more. “Until I told you I have no memory of my past, which you obviously couldn’t handle.”

  “I swear it wasn’t that. I was thinking about something else. I had fun with you. More fun than I’ve had in a long time, actually. Then because of…some stuff, I decided it was best if I didn’t get too close to you. But then today…let’s just say I changed my mind.”

  Liv studied his sincere expression. Her frustration faded, but the confusion was still there. “I have no idea what to make of you and your multiple personalities. Or the fact that you can’t ever just say anything in a normal way so that I can understand what it means.”

  Spencer locked eyes with her. “I had fun the other night, and I hope that you’ll forgive me so we can hang out again sometime. Is that clear enough?”

  Liv sat there, trying to decide how to respond. If he hadn’t grinned, she might’ve been able to keep her steely resolve. But she was a sucker for that smile. “Clear as mud.”

  16

  Tuesday, Liv stayed away from Sabrina and her group, avoiding everyone except Keira as much as possible. After she got her lunch, she eyed the so-called popular table, wishing she could sit by Keira without having to deal with Sabrina.

  Spencer stepped next to her. “Still in a fight with the girls?”

  Keeping a tight grip on her tray, she sighed. “I’m not sure. Fight’s not really the right word. More like fed up. Some of the girls are cool, but I’m not sure it’s worth dealing with the snide remarks and backhanded compliments from the rest of them.”

  “There’s lots of room at my table.”

  “Wouldn’t that mess up your loner rep?”

  Spencer gave her a half smile and shrugged. “I’m not too concerned.”

  They crossed the cafeteria to his usual table and sat facing each other. “Wow. You’re not even going to put your headphones in?” Liv twisted her spaghetti around her fork. “Now I really feel special.”

  “The blood thing,” Spencer said. “Is that because of your accident?”

  Fork halfway to her mouth, she froze. Looking down at the red tomato sauce, her appetite disappeared. “Really? You’re going to talk about blood while I’m trying to eat?”

  “Sorry. I was just curious.”

  She shook the noodles off her fork. “Salad it is.”

  “Okay, no more blood. We’ll talk about something else.”

  “How about we talk about you for a change?”

  Spencer shook his head. “I’m not that interesting.”

  “Oh, come on. How about the basics? Like brothers and sisters?”

  “One sister. I live with her and my mom. Dad’s been out of the picture for a while.” He took a drink of his water. “How about you?”

  “It’s just me and my mom and dad. They’re both doctors. Or were. My mom’s not working right now, and it gives her way too much time to worry about me.”

  Spencer’s gaze drifted behind her. “If you weren’t in a fight with the girls before, you might be now. We’re getting some dirty looks.”

  Liv glanced over her shoulder. When she saw the girls staring—Sabrina had an especially angry expression—she smiled and waved, then faced Spencer again. “Better or worse now?”

  “I’d say shocked.” He tilted his head, a smile playing on the corners of his mouth. “Just when I think I’ve got you figured out, you surprise me.”

  “Well, I’m just surprised you didn’t decide to revert back to your cold personality today. I’m not exactly sure what to make of you.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s your opinion so far?”

  Leaning forward, she raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

  Spencer grinned, and she hoped that meant he did.

  They talked through the rest of lunch and left the cafeteria together. Spencer said he had to grab something out of his locker. Unsure whether that was an invitation to join him, she told him she’d see him in class. As she walked toward Mr. Barker’s room, she was feeling pretty good about life in general.

  Clay stepped up beside her. “So you and Hale? What’s that all about?”

  “It’s not really about anything.” Liv turned to face him. “We share a class, we see each other around. We’re friends. Getting to be friends, anyway.”

  His eyebrows drew together, and it looked like he was waging some kind of internal struggle. “Just be careful. One day he’s your friend, the next he’s not.” With that, he kept walking down the hall.

  …

  “So I had this idea.” Spencer sat on the bench next to Liv. “We write out a list of things you need to experience, and then we do them, checking them off as we go. That way, you make up for all the things you missed out on. Or don’t remember doing, anyway. And you might as well tell your parents that I’ll bring you home after school. That way they won’t have to worry about it.”

  “My mom’s a professional worrier,” Liv said. “She’ll find a
way.”

  He pulled out his notebook. “Okay, we can cross off McDonald’s. I think bike riding should wait until your coordination gets better.”

  She glanced over his shoulder as he jotted down the list.

  1. McDonald’s

  2. Catch a lizard

  She read it twice to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. “I don’t want to catch a lizard.”

  “That’s what you do when you’re a little kid. It’s fun, I swear.”

  “Yeah, but I’m a girl, which means I don’t really want to catch scaly, crawly things.”

  “I taught my little sister. If she can do it, you can do it. Now, shh. I’m trying to think.”

  3. Sports: baseball, basketball, volleyball

  He tapped the pen to his lip. “You know how to swim?”

  “I don’t think so.” Swimming meant a bathing suit, which meant scars on display. “Better move that one to the end.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I asked you to.”

  “These aren’t in any particular order. We’ll go through them however we feel like doing them. You’ve missed so many good movies. And music.”

  4. Movies: Lord of the Rings trilogy. Matrix trilogy. The three Spider-Man movies.

  “That’s a lot of trilogies.”

  “This is just a start. We’ll add more movies as we think of them.”

  5. Music: 30 Seconds to Mars, Radiohead, 311, Green Day, Shinedown

  “I like a mix of old and new rock and alternative. Once I get a feel for what you like, I’ll be able to add more to that list, too. Oh, yeah, I still have to put swimming on here.”

  6. Swim

  7. Bike

  8. Drive

  “Your handwriting is really sloppy,” Liv said. “I can hardly read it.”

  Spencer glanced at her, then wrote another item on the list.

  9. Teach Liv to give a compliment once in a while.

  He used the pen to point at i “Is that clear enough?”

  “There’s plenty I could put on a list for you.”

  “This is about you, though. Call your mom and tell her you’ve got to go lizard hunting right now.”

  “Now?”

  “Look at this list. It’s already pretty long. We should get started, and right now”—he tipped his head to the sky—“it’s a perfect day for lizard hunting.”