All the Broken Pieces

by Cindi Madsen

  One corner of his mouth turned up. “Yeah, I can tell by how you act whenever you think you might be bleeding.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “But don’t worry, the last thing I’d call you is fragile.”

  She didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

  He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. “I’m glad you gave me a chance even though I was a jerk. Being a loner kind of sucked.”

  “Well, you weren’t a complete jerk. You did help me gather my papers on the first day of school.” She took a tentative step toward him. “And everything after that has more than made up for the beginning.”

  He leaned closer, his lips moving toward hers. Her heart raced, and she automatically leaned into him.

  Then he gave her a hug so short she didn’t even know if it counted, and he stepped back. “See you tomorrow.”

  Before she could get out a word or try to put together what had just happened, he was halfway down the sidewalk. She’d been so sure he was going to kiss her, but she didn’t have enough experience to know for sure. His feelings toward her were a mystery; the ache she felt as he drove away, on the other hand, told her all she needed to know about how much she cared about him.

  22

  Liv sat at the edge of the pool, her feet dangling in the water. “Stick to where you can touch,” she said to Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth splashed her. “Come get in with me.”

  “I’m working on my tan. Stop splashing.”

  “You’re working on getting Andrew’s attention.”

  Liv leaned toward Elizabeth. “Shh. Not so loud.” She shook her head. “I should’ve never let you come with me.”

  “Then you’d just be the sad girl who came to spy on the lifeguard all alone.”

  “That’s already who I am. You’re way too noisy to be a good confidante.”

  “Is that how you treat your friends?” Elizabeth asked. “No wonder you don’t have any.”

  Liv kicked her foot, sending water over Elizabeth. She laughed as Elizabeth shrieked.

  “Oh, look how cute,” a snide voice said.

  Even before she turned, she knew it would be Jackie. As always, Amy and Sarah were standing with her.

  Jackie tucked her blue stripe of hair behind her jewel-and-ring-adorned ear. “The snitch has no friends so she has to hang out with her little sister. How pathetic.”

  It wasn’t like she’d called the cops or reported Jackie’s drug use; she’d simply told her that she wasn’t going to take part in something that could ruin her future. Jackie had been calling her a snitch ever since.

  Jackie glanced up at the lifeguard tower, where Andrew sat, looking cute as usual. “You still thinking you have a shot with him? That he’ll want to go out with a snitch?”

  Sick and tired of Jackie and all her crap, Liv stood. “You’re the pathetic one. You think you’re cool because you party? If I had a personality like yours, I’d probably need to get wasted all the time, too.”

  Jackie sighed. “It’s exhausting always having to listen to you preach about purpose and change and how we should try to make a difference in the world.” She stepped closer. “That’s why you didn’t have friends before I let you join my group, and why you won’t ever have any again. It’s also why Andrew will never go for you.”

  Jackie tilted her chin toward Andrew. “He’s into girls who know how to have a good time.” A cruel smile curved her lips. “I showed him one last night while you were sitting at home with your family.”

  “You’re such a liar,” Liv said.

  “Andrew!” Jackie yelled. When he looked their way, she waved. He grinned. The kind of grin she’d been hoping all day to get from him. Jackie looked back at her. “Gotta go. Unlike you, I have a life.”

  Jackie and her followers walked away. Mom had always taught her to stand up for herself; she failed to mention that sometimes making the right decision ends up making your life a living hell.

  I can’t believe I used to be friends with her.

  Feeling depressed, she turned to tell Elizabeth it was time to head home.

  But she wasn’t where she’d been a minute ago.

  “Elizabeth?!” Panic tore through her as she looked around. Her heart beat faster and faster as she searched the edges of the pool and still didn’t find her sister.

  Crouching down, she peered into the water again. Then she saw the pale skin and dark hair, arms and legs thrashing under the water. Sheer black horror took hold of her. Gaze on Elizabeth, she dove in. She gripped her sister around the waist and pulled her out of the pool.

  Elizabeth sputtered and coughed.

  “Are you okay?” Liv asked, wiping Elizabeth’s hair off her face.

  Elizabeth coughed again. “I slipped, then I couldn’t get up, and I thought I was going to die.”

  “I’m so sorry. I just turned for a minute.”

  Andrew ran up and squatted across from Elizabeth. “Are you okay?”

  Liv shoved him. “You should stop flirting with girls and pay attention to the pool. She could’ve drowned.”

  “I saw her right before you dove in.” Andrew put his hand on her shoulder. “You did a good job getting her out.” He returned his attention to Elizabeth. “Feeling better?”

  She coughed again, nodded, and looked at Liv. “Are you going to say something or should I?”

  “Thanks for your help, Andrew, even though you were too late.” Liv eased Elizabeth to her feet and wrapped a towel across her shoulders. She put her arm around her little sister, thinking she’d never take her for granted again, and headed toward the locker rooms.

  Elizabeth shook her head. “You finally had your chance and you yelled at him.”

  “That’s because I found out he’s an idiot. Besides, you’re more important.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” Elizabeth’s puzzled expression caused her to add, “Plus, he and Jackie have something going on. There’s no reason to chase after a guy who’s obviously not into me.”

  Elizabeth put her arm around Liv’s waist. “Any guy who doesn’t see how great you are is an idiot.”

  “Thanks. I needed to hear that.” She sighed. “You know, you’re very mature for your age.”

  “That’s because I hang out with you. And since we’re being honest, I got that line off a movie I saw on TV the other day.”

  “Well, it works.”

  “I may be little, but I got your back.”

  Liv grinned. “I got yours, too, sis.”

  …

  Liv smiled as she opened her eyes. My sister can be a pain, but she always comes through when I need her the most.

  But then the last of her dream evaporated, bringing the painful reminder that Elizabeth was just a figment of her imagination.

  Unfortunately, the building headache and the hollow feeling in her chest weren’t.

  Liv showered, dressed, and went downstairs, following her typical morning routine. Mom already had breakfast out—oatmeal and orange juice today. She told her good morning as she stuck two pieces of bread in the toaster.

  Ask her about your sister.

  I can’t. I don’t have a sister.

  Liv picked up her spoon. Her fist clenched, the handle digging into her palm. You know something’s not right. Stop hiding from the truth and ask her! The voice echoed through her head, making it impossible to ignore. It was the voice that usually preached about being smart and bold and independent, but it had never had such strong control over her before. Her fingers wouldn’t uncurl, like her body had decided not to budge until she confronted Mom.

  The toast popped up, and Mom grabbed it and placed it on a plate.

  Liv licked her dry lips. “Why didn’t you guys ever have another kid?” It was one of those questions that was rude to ask, she knew, but it was also rude to lie to someone with no memory.

  Mom dropped the plate. It clattered against the counter and fell into the sink. From the crashing noise she knew it had broken.

  “
Oh, drat,” Mom said, her voice shaky as she peered into the sink. “I better clean up this mess.”

  Liv was on her feet before she knew she was going to stand. Don’t let her ignore the question. “Well? Why?”

  Mom leaned her hands against the counter and her shoulders slowly deflated. “I told you that the doctor said we couldn’t… It’s a miracle we have you. That’s enough for me. For me and for your father.”

  “You never thought of adopting?”

  Still, Mom wouldn’t look at her.

  “Mom. Come on. We must have talked about this before the accident. I want to know more about our family.”

  “I’m happy with the family I have now. Aren’t your father and I good enough?”

  Guilt mixed in with determination, and she faltered now that the voice wasn’t driving her forward and her body seemed to be her own again. “Of course you are. I just…” She didn’t know how to finish, so she let the words hang in the air.

  “You’re going to be late if you don’t hurry.” Mom took Liv’s pillbox off the counter, dumped Wednesday’s contents into her hand, and extended them to her.

  Liv hesitated, looking at the mix of shapes and colors. She recalled one of the first dreams she’d had with Elizabeth, when there’d been a similar pillbox on the dresser. She’d taken the assortment Mom was holding as long as she could remember, never questioning exactly what they were for.

  In researching mental diseases, it talked about medications. Maybe some of these pills were supposed to treat bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. If they are, they’re so not working.

  “What’s this gray pill for?”

  “It’s Neoral,” Mom said. “Your immunosuppressant.”

  “So it would suppress my immune system? I thought my immune system was already weak.”

  “It helps after surgery, with… It’s important to take.”

  “What about this red-and-yellow one?”

  “It’s an antibiotic. To help with the weakened immune system.”

  “And this circular white one?”

  Mom sighed. “We don’t have time to go over all your medications right now, Olivia. Just take them and finish your breakfast.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing. You better be ready to go in five minutes, or you’ll be grounded, and that means no spending time with Spencer or anyone else.” Mom stormed out of the kitchen, leaving the shards and toast in the sink.

  It was unlike her to leave a mess.

  The evading, though…

  Mom was a pro at that.

  23

  Clay stepped next to Liv as she headed for the doors of the school. “Long time no see. I mean, I’ve seen you, but I haven’t really talked to you.”

  “I guess Sabrina lifted the ban, so now people can talk to me again.”

  Clay gripped her arm and gently turned her to face him. “That’s not why I wasn’t talking to you. I couldn’t care less what Sabrina says. I just thought you and Hale were a thing. But I heard you guys are just friends.”

  “Well, if that’s what you heard, it must be true.”

  “Is it?”

  She hesitated a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. Spencer and I are just friends.” Unfortunately.

  “But why’d you choose to start hanging out with him all the time instead of, let’s say, a nice, funny guy who tells great knock-knock jokes?” Clay grinned. “That’s supposed to be endearing, not conceited, by the way.”

  Liv smiled back at him. “It came across as a little conceited.”

  “Dang it,” he said, snapping his fingers. “I’ll get right to the point, then. You and I should go out on Friday.”

  “Friday?”

  “You have other plans?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  His face dropped, making her chest squeeze.

  Why am I saying no? Obviously Spencer’s not interested, and Clay is. He’s cute, and he made it clear he actually wants to go out with me.

  And I’m dying for some lip action.

  She could feel her cheeks flush. Okay. Weird random thought. But now that she was picturing kissing Clay, she wasn’t totally opposed to it. A small voice inside her head whispered, Just say yes.

  “Can I get back to you?” she asked. “I’ve got to talk to my parents first.”

  “Sure thing. Just let me know.”

  Spencer stepped up on the other side of her and put his hand on her back. “Hey.”

  “Oh, hey,” she said.

  Clay looked from Spencer—who was putting out an icy vibe, eyes narrowed—then back to her. “I’ll see you later, Liv.”

  “Later.” She waited until he’d gone a few steps, then twisted to face Spencer. “What’s up?”

  “We either have to reschedule our plans for after school, or Katie’s got to come.”

  “Uh-oh. Are she and Hailey fighting again?”

  “I think my mom’s worried about sending her to the neighbors’ house all the time. I told her I’d take care of her. Honestly, Katie’s a pretty good little athlete.”

  “I like spending time with Katie. She…” Liv stopped herself before she said, reminds me of my sister.

  “She what?”

  “She should definitely play with us,” she said quickly, trying to recover from the stinging reminder that she didn’t have a sister.

  Spencer stuck by her side. “Something’s bugging you. What’s up?”

  “It’s nothing,” she muttered.

  He draped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close. “What was that?”

  Looking up at him, her thoughts changed to the mystery that was Spencer. One minute he was distant, then suddenly he was inches away, wearing an expression of concern, focusing all his attention on her.

  “It’s nothing I want to get into right now.”

  Spencer studied her for a moment.

  Self-conscious, she dropped her chin and pulled her hair forward. If Spencer had any romantic feelings for her, she wouldn’t think about Clay. But if friends were all she and Spencer were going to be, she needed to keep herself from falling any harder for him.

  It was starting to make her crazy. And the last thing she needed was one more thing to make her feel crazy.

  …

  Liv’s body was warm from the sun and the exercise. Playing volleyball with Spencer and Katie hadn’t been as much of a disaster as she’d thought it’d be, so she was feeling pretty happy about life, too.

  On their way inside, Katie surprised her with a huge hug. “Spencer’s so much happier when you’re around. He was so grouchy for-ever. But now he’s almost back to normal.”

  Liv smiled and squeezed her back.

  Spencer shook his head. “Katie, do you remember how we talked about things we should keep inside our heads? Especially when other people are around?”

  Katie made a zipping motion across her lips. The invisible zip only lasted a few seconds, though, and then she was talking nonstop again. On their way to the kitchen, she managed to cover a story about her friend Hailey and some show she’d seen on TV last night. She opened the fridge door and handed Liv a cold root beer.

  “Thanks, Elizabeth,” she said.

  Spencer froze, his hand on a soda; Katie stared. Both of them wore confused expressions, and she hurried to correct her unconscious mistake. “Katie. Sorry. I’m not sure why…”

  But she knew why. And it made tears lodge in her throat. She forced a smile onto her lips and silently chanted, Don’t cry, don’t cry.

  Without a word, Spencer put his hand on her back and led her down the hall.

  He opened the only door on the right, set his soda on the nightstand, and then tugged the navy blue comforter on his bed up over his pillows. “Have a seat.”

  Liv sat on the foot of the bed, and he walked over to his dresser and put his iPod in the docking station.

  A pile of crumpled clothes was in the corner of the room; the wall opposite the bed had a bright orange poster. A basketball with flames was ce
ntered in the middle, and black names and numbers were scribbled across it.

  Soda in hand, she gestured to the poster. “You’re into basketball?”

  “My dad took me to a Suns game a couple years ago and we got the poster signed by some of the players. I used to play a lot when I was younger. Not so much anymore.”

  “That explains your quick marshmallow-catching reflexes. So are you going to play for the school once the season starts?”

  “Nah,” he said, continuing to mess with his iPod. “Even if the coaches were impressed by my mad grocery-catching skills, I’d rather be at school as little as possible.”

  “Then why do you stay after every day?”

  “I just have to take care of some stuff.” The music started and he turned the volume up. “Today, we’re going with Green Day.”

  Spencer walked across the room and sat next to her. “Time to start talking. Earlier today you seemed down, then just now with Katie you looked like you were about to cry.”

  Liv sighed. “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Try.”

  “Why should I?” she asked, crossing her arms. “You never explain anything to me.”

  “Um, hello? Volleyball, the art of building a fire, how to get to the slide in McDonald’s…should I keep going?”

  “I mean personal stuff. And my thing, well…it’s going to sound completely crazy.”

  “Okay, now you have to tell me.” Spencer covered her hand with his and squeezed it. “What’s going on?”

  She mentally weighed her answer, going back and forth on how much to tell him. She’d already made herself look crazy enough last night at dinner. But Spencer was the only person she could confide in, and not talking about Elizabeth felt almost like a betrayal to her, somehow.

  “Katie…she reminds me of someone. I have these dreams…” Liv blinked away tears, hating that they came so easily. “The dreams seem so real. There’s this little girl—in my dreams she’s my sister—and her name is Elizabeth.”

  “Oh. So when you said Elizabeth…?”

  “Yeah. I slipped and called Katie the wrong name. When I see Katie, when I see any brunette girls around her age”—she shook her head and forced out the last few words—“I miss her. I miss Elizabeth.”