by Cindi Madsen
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to throw myself at you again.”
His shoulders sagged and he sighed. “It’s not that. I was on my way to apologize this morning, but you were busy talking to Clay. I assume you told him you’d go out with him.”
She nodded.
“I really wish you wouldn’t.”
“We already went through this.” Liv took a deep breath and locked eyes with him. “Everyone wants to find someone to hold hands with, to cuddle up to, someone who likes them for who they are. Clay’s made it clear he likes me, so I’m going out with him. I deserve to have that in my life.”
“I’m not saying you don’t. You do. I…” Spencer hung his head, his hair falling over his eyes. “I don’t.”
She put her hand on his arm. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Without looking up, Spencer shook his head. “Nothing. Just forget it.” Of course she couldn’t forget it, but his closed-off posture showed he wasn’t going to say any more, no matter what she did.
The silence grew uncomfortable again. She picked at her food until she couldn’t stand it anymore. “I hate this. I just want to go back to the way things were before I messed them all up.”
“You didn’t mess them up. I swear, it’s not you.” Spencer finally straightened, but he didn’t look her way. “You need a ride home, or is he taking you?”
“I can call my mom if it’s a big deal.”
“I’ll take you.” He shook his hair off his face and finally looked at her. “I’m done eating. You ready to go in yet?”
“Sure.”
On the walk to class, he didn’t say a word, and she longed for the carefree vibe they used to have. The rest of the day went about the same—short, stiff conversations. When he drove her home, he turned the music up loud. It didn’t feel the same as the times they had listened to the songs so she could experience each one; it felt like he was purposely keeping distance between them.
When Spencer pulled up in front of her house, she grabbed her bag and reached for the door handle. “Have a good weekend.”
“Liv, wait.”
Dropping her hand, she turned and looked into his big brown eyes.
“Let’s go to Prescott. We’ll hit the mall, grab dinner—get out of this place for a while.”
Staring into his cute face, she wanted to say, Let’s do it. But he didn’t want to take her on a date; he wanted to keep her from going out with Clay. Things were already strained, and the last thing she wanted was to end on a bad note, so she did her best to keep her voice even. “That sounds like fun, but as you know, I’ve got other plans tonight. We’ll have to go to Prescott another day.”
Jaw clenched, he shook his head. “I can’t believe you won’t just take my advice.”
“I can’t believe you won’t just explain what’s going on with you.” She crossed her arms. “Tell me exactly why, tell me everything right here and now, and I’ll consider not going.”
Each silent second felt like an eternity. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, and she thought that maybe, just maybe, he was finally going to let her in.
Then he threw his hands up. “Fine. Just go.”
“I will!” She flung open the door and climbed out.
“Liv…”
Bracing for another retort, she whipped around. “What?!”
“Just…be careful.”
“Funny, that’s the same thing Clay told me when I started spending time with you.”
He sighed, then leaned across the console and looked up at her. “You’ve got my number. If you get in trouble or you want me to come pick you up—anything—call me.”
“I’ll see you later, Spencer.” She closed the door and walked up the sidewalk.
Try as she might, though, she couldn’t get the concerned look he’d had on his face out of her mind.
27
Clay opened the door to the restaurant and Liv stepped inside. He hadn’t said much on the way over, and she hoped it wasn’t because Mom and Dad had scared him. Mom had grilled him about responsible driving, but other than that, it had been short, quick, and relatively painless. Or so she thought.
The hostess led them to a booth, motioned for them to sit, placed a couple of menus on the table, and said someone would be right with them.
After reading through the menu, Liv looked across the table at Clay. “Did my parents freak you out? Because normally you’re so chatty and you’ve hardly said a word.”
He lowered his menu and peered over it. “It’s been a while since I was on a formal date.”
“Formal does sound scary. We should take that part out of it.”
His features softened as he smiled at her. “I think that’s a great idea.”
It felt good not to be the one freaking out for once. Come to think of it, even the voices were quiet tonight.
What do you know? I just might have a shot at being normal yet.
As the meal progressed, conversation got easier. When they hit a lull, her thoughts drifted to Spencer. “Can I ask you a question?”
Clay leaned forward. “Ask away.”
“You and Spencer used to be friends, right?”
He tensed and gave a slow nod. “We were friends for a long time. Until he went off the grid. I don’t know what he’s told you, but he’s the one who stopped talking to us. We all tried. For months.”
“What happened? You must have some idea.”
Clay ran his finger along the edge of the table, avoiding her gaze.
Why is it so hard for people to be straight with me?
“You’re the only one he hangs out with,” Clay said when the silence got to the uncomfortable point. “Ask him about it.”
“We hang out some, but he doesn’t talk much—especially when it comes to the past. I know he was arrested. That’s what I heard, anyway. Something about a party.”
“He did get arrested. And this kid named Peter ended up in the hospital.”
That information gave Liv more questions than answers. “Who’s Peter? And how badly was he hurt?”
“He…” Clay looked down at his plate. “He ended up in a wheelchair. After it happened, he and his family moved. It was a really sad situation.” His mouth pressed into a tight line. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” The awkwardness was back and she had no one to blame but herself. Her mind spun over the few facts she’d managed to drag out of Clay.
Spencer couldn’t have been arrested because… He wouldn’t have hurt someone. There’s got to be a good explanation.
The waiter came and asked if they wanted dessert.
“I’m full,” Liv said.
Clay glanced at the waiter. “Yeah, I think we’re done.”
Liv stared across the table, wondering how done they were. After her questions, she didn’t know if he’d even want to go to the party with her anymore.
Way to blow it with the guy who actually likes you.
Clay lifted the black binder the waiter left on the table, and she reached for her purse.
He waved her off. “I’ve got it.”
Her vision shifted, the hazy image of the Jace guy from her dreams replacing Clay.
“I got it, babe,” Jace said. “It is our anniversary, after all.”
“The tip, too?” Liv knew how hard it was to be a waitress. And how much it sucked to get stiffed.
“I’ve got it covered. Also…” Jace slid a box across the table to her.
She stared at it a moment, then opened it and lifted out a silver charm bracelet. The heart caught the light; J + L was engraved on the surface. Tears filled her eyes. No one had ever given her something so nice.
Jace leaned in and put his hand on her knee. “I love you, Lin—”
“Liv?” Clay moved, bringing the real world back into focus. She couldn’t even pretend she wasn’t having full-on hallucinations anymore. That one had sucked her in so deep, she still felt the
excitement. The love. The same tears forming in her own eyes.
So much for normal.
Working to clamp down her emotions, she took a deep breath and focused on Clay’s blue eyes. “Sorry. What was that?”
“I asked if you were ready to go.”
She nodded and placed her napkin on top of the table. As Clay stood and extended his hand, she took it and he pulled her up. But when she got to her feet, he didn’t drop it. Hand in hand, they walked out of the restaurant.
Clay used his remote to unlock his gray Impala. He opened the door and looked at her. “I forgot to tell you how pretty you look tonight.”
A flutter went through her stomach. “Thank you.”
He squeezed her hand, then waved her inside. As he rounded the hood, she took a few deep breaths. Okay. Everything’s cool again. Just don’t screw it up now.
…
Clay pulled off the road and parked his car next to all the others. “This is the famous Gulch.”
The headlights cut a trail through the dark, but she couldn’t see much besides dry plants and dirt. “Wow. It’s…”
“Just a bunch of rocks, brush, and cactuses. But down where the river used to run it looks kind of cool. Mostly we come here because it’s far enough from town that no one bothers us.”
The ride over had been bumpy, but the conversation had gone pretty well. They’d talked about school, people who’d be at the party, and the few bands she knew. Of course talking about music reminded her of Spencer. Even being out in the desert reminded her of catching lizards with him.
They got out of the car and met in front of the hood. With the sun down, the October night was the perfect temperature. Hundreds of stars lit the inky sky and the full moon cast enough light to see by. The moon always calmed her—something about the way its soft glow broke through, like there was still hope, even surrounded by darkness.
Clay held out his hand. “Be careful for cactuses. When we get closer to the fire pit and The Gulch, it’s not as bad. Oh, and snakes. Watch for those, too.”
Her gaze shot to the ground. “There are snakes here?”
“Don’t worry. We hardly ever see any.” He stepped closer, his hand still extended. “Are you going to leave me hanging?”
She grabbed his hand. “Lizards are one thing, but snakes?”
“I won’t mention the scorpions, then.”
Tightening her grip, she moved right next to him.
“Don’t worry, the bad snakes rattle first.”
“That’s supposed to be comforting?”
He laughed. “Stick with me and you’ll be fine.”
The fire served as the center of the party. As they neared it, Liv recognized several people from school. Sabrina, Candace, and Taylor were in the middle of the action, laughing and flirting with a group of guys she hadn’t seen before.
“Armstrong’s here!” Jarvis yelled, slapping Clay on the back. He handed Clay a thick, amber-colored bottle.
She shouldn’t have been shocked. She was at a high school party, after all. What did I think they would do out here in the middle of nowhere? Of course there’s alcohol.
Clay took a giant swig, then handed it back. They stood talking to his friends, and he brought her into the conversation here and there, asking questions and making jokes. And for the first time since she’d moved there, she didn’t feel too hot or nervous and fidgety when everyone looked her way.
After a couple minutes, he grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers through hers. “Come on. I want to show you The Gulch.”
Liv waved to the others and then headed into the dark with Clay. It took her eyes a moment to adjust from the bright lights of the fire to the pale light the moon provided. Whenever a shadow moved, she scooted closer to Clay, hoping they wouldn’t see any snakes.
He stopped a few feet before the ground dropped away. “I’m not even sure this is a gulch, but it looks cool.”
Even though the light was dim, she could see where the stream had cut a trail. Pale orange striped through the darker red rock. The Gulch wasn’t very big—probably about five feet tall and ten feet across. The bold colors stuck out, looking like someone had spent hours painting them into the brown desert. Unlike the land surrounding it, no plants grew on the hard rock walls.
“It’s really cool,” she said.
Clay downed whatever he had in his cup and wrapped his arm around her waist. Liv twisted toward him, enjoying the way his arms automatically encircled her and pulled her closer. Smiling up at him, she locked her hands behind his back.
He doesn’t pull away. Spencer would be pulling away right now, making me feel like an idiot.
She shook her head. Stop thinking about him.
“Something wrong?” Clay asked.
“No.” She dropped her arms and stepped back. Now she was the one pulling away.
“Want to go hang out with the group for a while?”
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
He took her hand in his and they headed back toward the murmur of voices and the glow of the fire. Walking up, Liv saw Keira, who flashed her signature smile—always warm and open. She loved that about Keira.
She made her way over to her one good girlfriend and said hi. Keira introduced Samuel to her—Clay already knew him, apparently. He was cute, and the way he looked at Keira, eyes full of admiration, made it clear he was already smitten.
Good. She needs someone who appreciates how awesome she is.
“I’m going to go get us some drinks,” Samuel said, smiling at Keira.
“Sounds like a good idea,” Clay said. “I’m sorry, Liv, I should have asked you earlier if you wanted a drink. You want me to grab you a beer?”
She shook her head. “No, thanks.”
“How about a soda? I think they’ve got some Coke.”
“Sure.”
Clay squeezed her hand, then he and Samuel walked toward the truck with all the coolers in the back.
“So, how’s it going?” Keira asked.
Liv stuck her hands in her pockets. “Um. Good.”
“Uh-oh. What was the ‘um’ for?”
Nothing got past Keira. Liv glanced around, then lowered her voice. “Well, at first it was hard to get going, but it got easier, and I’m having fun.”
But I can’t stop thinking about Spencer.
“No way,” Keira said.
I didn’t say that out loud, did I?
But Keira wasn’t looking at her anymore. Liv followed her line of sight and saw the very guy she’d just been thinking about. Spencer?
Natasha appeared out of nowhere and cut him off. Spencer said something to her and nodded at what she said back.
Misery squeezed Liv’s heart into a painful knot. He came here for her.
Why her? Why not me?
Spencer looked off to the right, then slowly swung left, scanning the crowd. She couldn’t stop staring at him. She watched until his gaze landed on her.
From this distance and with the fire it was hard to tell, but she swore his face brightened.
She lifted her hand and waved.
He stepped toward her, leaving Natasha in the middle of her arm-gesturing story. Liv kept her eyes glued to him as he walked toward her. All around him people pointed and stared, but he didn’t seem to notice.
When he finally stepped up to her, she shot him a big smile. “Hey. I thought this wasn’t your scene.”
The light from the fire danced on the lenses of his glasses. He glanced around, blew his breath out, then shook his head. “It’s not. Not anymore.”
Dying to know why he came, she almost asked. But then she thought better of it.
“So, how’s your first party going?” he asked.
She shrugged. “The Gulch is cool.”
His face dropped. “Of course he showed you The Gulch. So that probably means…”
“What?”
He kicked at the dirt with the toe of his shoe. “Nothing.”
“You could drive a girl cr
azy with all your ‘nothings.’”
A grin spread across his face. “What if the girl’s already crazy?”
She opened her mouth to respond, but Clay arrived first. “Oh good,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Spencer. “You’re here.” He handed her a big red cup and put his arm around her. Tension filled the space between him and Spencer. She stood there, unsure whether to try to get them talking, or not say anything, or—or just something to stop the weirdness.
“I’ll catch you later, Liv.” Spencer turned to leave, then abruptly reversed and eyed the cup in her hand. “What are you drinking?”
“Soda.” Liv looked to Clay. “Pepsi or Coke?”
“Coke,” Clay said.
“And what else?” Spencer jabbed a finger at Clay. “Did you put anything else in there?”
“No.”
“Because of her heart, she can’t have alcohol. So if you put anything in there, you better come clean.”
Now she was back to feeling fidgety and way too hot and definitely not normal. She shot Spencer a look she hoped told him to stop there.
“I know it’s supposed to be a secret, but he needs to know how serious this is. You could end up in the hospital. Or worse.”
Clay looked at her, the concern in his eyes clear. “I didn’t realize you had a heart thing…I swear I didn’t put anything else in there, though. It’s just Coke.” He turned to Spencer. “Isn’t that your trick, Hale? Slip a little alcohol in to help the girl relax?”
The muscles in Spencer’s jaw tightened. “You might have her fooled, but I’ve seen how you get at parties, and I’m not going to let you take advantage of her.”
“I just want her to have a good time, and before you showed up she was.” Clay dropped the arm he had around her and stepped up to Spencer. “Just leave.”
“Leaving’s your thing, isn’t it? When everything goes bad, you run.”
Anger flashed in Clay’s eyes and he clenched his fists. People had gathered to witness the confrontation, forming a circle around them.
Sensing that a fight was seconds from starting, Liv wedged herself between them. “Stop it.” She twisted to Spencer. “Thank you for making sure I’m okay. Right now I’m hanging out with Clay, and everything’s fine, so why don’t you give us some space?” When he didn’t back down, she put a hand on his chest. “Please.”
