All I Need (Hearts of the South)

by Linda Winfree

  “Sounds wonderful.” Even she picked up the tremor of fear in her voice.

  He reached for her hand. “It’s just today, all right? That’s all.”

  “Yeah.” She wrapped her fingers around his and held on. “Just today.”

  * * * * *

  “Long Lonesome Road?” Savannah squinted at the street sign. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah.” Emmett grinned. “When we went to enhanced 911 a few years ago, every road in the county had to have a name. The guys responsible for that got a little desperate after a while. There’s an Old Lonely Road, Smokehouse Road, Honeysuckle Trail. My personal favorite? Honeypot Trail.”

  She laughed and let her hand linger along his nape. Under her easy touch, he seemed less tense this evening than he had earlier in the day. At the least the muscles under her hand weren’t taut and vibrating.

  He hooked a left into a long paved driveway. Against a backdrop of pines and cypress trees lit by the setting sun, a small gray contemporary rose on stilts, blending with the surroundings. Savannah smiled at the picture it made. “Oh, that’s gorgeous.”

  “Isn’t it great?” His excitement was infectious, and her smile widened as she slid from the truck.

  A blonde in trim black slacks and a pink silk blouse leaned on a snazzy Lexus. She looked up from her phone with a bright smile at their approach.

  “Hey, stranger. Long time no see.” She lifted her cheek for Emmett’s quick kiss and brushed a hand down his arm. “You look great.”

  “Probably a hell of a lot better than the last time you saw me.” A grin played about his mouth, and he drew Savannah forward. “Ivy, this is Savannah. Savannah, my friend Ivy.”

  Friend, her ass. This one was an ex as well. Savannah curved a slightly possessive hand around his biceps and nodded at the younger woman. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” Brimming with professional enthusiasm, Ivy waved at the house. “Let’s go take a look.”

  She led them up a wide set of steps, talking about the storage beneath the house and the various amenities. “It’s only two bedrooms, but I know you don’t want a big house. It does have two bathrooms and a separate laundry room. The kitchen is a little small; however, the living area is a nice size and there’s a huge deck, plus the dock outside. I think you’ll love the swing. The house is set above the five-hundred-year flood plain, so it didn’t sustain any damage in last year’s flood, unlike a lot of the places around it.”

  She punched in a key code on the lockbox at the glass French doors on the front of the house and swung them open. Around the corner, Savannah glimpsed the river below the sloping yard, lazily rolling along in a dark brown slide.

  Ivy was right—the living area was large, with a nice view of the trees and water. The younger woman flipped on the lights, revealing a country blue-and-mauve paint scheme, and a small grimace twisted her mouth a moment. “The colors are a tad dated, I know.”

  Emmett glanced around, pulling his attention from the view outside. “They are?”

  Savannah smothered a laugh. He was hopeless. “Yes, they are. Paint can fix that.”

  He rested his hands at his hips, gaze trailing back to the yard below. “I could put my kayak in from the dock.”

  “Yes, and you have easy access to the boat ramp and the nature trails up the road.” Ivy gestured toward the door to their right. “I think you’ll like the master suite too. It’s large and has a great view of both the river and the wooded lot next door.”

  Even painted blue and pink, the bedroom was inviting, with large windows on two walls inviting nature into the space. The sun, sinking behind the trees, bounced final rays of red and gold light across the hardwood floor.

  Ivy’s brows came together in a pained expression. “Swapping out the paint would make a big difference, but it has tons of potential.”

  “It does. Gray would look wonderful in here.” A fantastic shade of gray paint to go with that gorgeous wood trim, a bed with a white down duvet and soft sheets, and the two of them wrapped up naked in those sheets with light spilling into the room from just such a sunset. The images came a little too easy, and her chest went tight, anxiety crawling under her skin.

  This was too real.

  “Ben says you’re prequalified on the lease.” Ivy swiped her thumb across her phone screen. “What do you think, Emmett?”

  He cast a quick glance at Savannah. She swallowed hard. This was way too real, and she couldn’t breathe. “It’s a great place.”

  He jerked his chin at Ivy. “Put in the offer.”

  Savannah made herself inhale slowly. He was leasing a house. All she was doing was giving him an opinion on the place. It didn’t mean anything. If she kept telling herself that, maybe sooner or later, she’d believe it.

  “Awesome. I’ll let you know something as soon as I can, probably within the next day or so.” She squinted at her phone screen. “Um, listen, I have another showing across town in ten minutes. If you want to hang around and look at the grounds, that’s fine, but if it’s okay, I’m going to take off.”

  “No problem.”

  After her departure, they walked down to the dock, newly repaired and fresh wood showing through the stain. An arbor on one side held a wooden swing, and it was easy to envision lazy mornings with coffee or ending a long day with a glass of wine there.

  She could see a life of todays wrapped around this house, around Emmett. Sheer insanity, but there it was.

  “What time are we supposed to be at Clark’s?” She tried to keep the nerves out of her voice as they walked back up the yard to the driveway. Maybe dinner wasn’t such a great idea. She needed some time to wrap her mind around her own emotions.

  “Whenever. He’s not a stickler about time.” As they reached the base of the steps, his phone rang, and he scowled at the screen. His shoulders slumped, the overall line still tight with renewed tension. He dropped to sit on the steps and lifted the phone to his ear. “Yeah.”

  She didn’t have to think too hard to figure out who was on the other end of the call. Savannah caught his irritable gaze and signaled toward the driveway, a silent inquiry about his desire for privacy. He shook his head and gestured at the steps next to him. She settled one step above him, knees next to his arm.

  “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. I’ve heard it all before and nothing ever changes.” He dropped his head forward, forehead resting on his hand. “You’re quoting Scripture at me? Seriously, Dad? How about ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’? Or ‘each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself’? Even better, ‘fathers, provoke not your children to anger’. I can do this all day, but it won’t get us anywhere.”

  Savannah leaned in to press her lips to his nape, her hand on his shoulder. Stress radiated off him.

  “Dad, what do you want from me?” He listened a moment, then pulled the phone away from his ear and punched the end call icon, cutting the tinny male voice off midword. Eyes closed, he pressed the phone to his forehead. Silence stretched over them. Savannah stroked her palm down his arm and back up.

  A sound that was half-laugh, half-sob shook his body against hers. “He wants me to forgive him. Again.”

  She dropped a kiss on his neck. “Have you forgiven him at all?”

  “You sound like Clark.” His shoulders lifted and fell with a long, slow breath. “I don’t know how. He’ll only do it again. Look at Mama—she forgives him every single time, and he hurts her all over as soon as some sweet thing smiles at him. He missed Landra’s high school and college graduations, and both times he was off chasing tail. He quit on me a long time ago, but I’m the problem.”

  A palpable anger vibrated in him, and the deep breaths were an obvious attempt to gather himself.

  “I don’t deny I was an awful kid, Savannah. I was angry all the time. Mama couldn’t control me, and he didn’t even try. But I was his kid, and I outgrew most of it, I swear I did. I was a good cop, and I tried to be a good man. He never gave a damn.”
The words spilled from him, full of anger and pain. “Hell, I almost died and he never even showed up, not once. Not that first night, not when I was in ICU, not when Mama was sleeping by me every night. He had a new woman on the side then, and she was all that mattered. I can’t be what he wants, and he can’t love me.”

  His voice cracked over the words, and he heaved a harsh sigh. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

  “Nothing.” She wrapped him in a tight hug. “Nothing is wrong with you. You are a good man, an amazing man, and he’s too blind to see who you are.”

  He stiffened in her embrace, and she pulled back to catch a glimpse of raw pain flashing across his face. She gripped his chin and turned his gaze to hers. “What is it? What did I say wrong?”

  “You didn’t say anything wrong.” He shook his head, his eyes completely shut off from her. “It’s not you. It’s me. It’s all me.”

  She couldn’t stand the hurt and defeat in his voice. “Emmett, would you just say it, whatever it is?”

  “I can’t.”

  The concern and anxiety blended into a hot flow of disappointment. “You are so frustrating.”

  “Never heard that one before.” He rubbed at his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Leave it alone tonight, please? If I say it, it’ll only make things worse, and I can’t deal with that right now.”

  “How are we supposed to do this with secrets between us?”

  With a harsh laugh, he shrugged. He wasn’t giving. Whatever hurt him was locked up tight, and as much as she wanted to poke and prod, the only way to go was to let him work through it. He wouldn’t give in to pressure any more than she would.

  She sifted her hand through the thick strands of his hair. “Think it’s possible we’re too much alike?”

  His only reply was another shrug. A frustrated scream built in her throat, and the worst part was she wasn’t even aggravated with him. He needed something from her, and she couldn’t give him whatever it was. Somehow she knew that what he needed didn’t lie within her. Unease tightened her whole body.

  With weary movements, he pushed to his feet and held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s go get something to eat. Clark’s lasagna is unbelievable.”

  She stared at his extended hand. They were going to play the game, put on pageant smiles and ignore the problem to do another day. As much as she hated that paradigm, she understood it.

  Pushing would destroy the fragile them they had. He’d be gone, and she didn’t want that.

  Filled with an unexplainable sadness for something she didn’t understand, she took his hand and let him pull her to her feet.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Clark’s home, an elevated Southern-plantation style, lay one lot up the road, separated by another wood line. A handful of vehicles—Amy’s BMW, a Jeep, a silver Honda covered with cheeky stickers—lined the drive. Accent lighting cast pleasing pools of gold on the walkway and steps, and Emmett visibly relaxed as soon as he stepped from the truck. Jealous pique pinched Savannah with hot little fingers. He was completely open and real with Clark, and she wanted that for herself.

  A fat gray cat walked down the stair rail and jumped to sit on Emmett’s shoulder as he took the first couple of steps. He rubbed the cat’s neck and ushered Savannah ahead of him up the steps. “Hey, Barkley.”

  At the top of the steps, he didn’t knock but let them in through one of the double sets of French doors. Somehow, Savannah had expected something modern and eclectic to go with Clark’s easygoing personality. Instead, they stepped into comfortably elegant Southern tradition, lots of white crown molding, built-in shelves painted the same glossy white, and fat furniture with floral and striped fabrics that echoed the deep red on the walls. Eucalyptus and lemongrass wrapped a warm welcome around them.

  “Yo, Clark.” Emmett tipped the cat off his shoulder, and with a twitch of his tail, the feline jumped onto an armchair and curled into a miffed ball.

  “We’re all in the kitchen.”

  They passed through a formal dining room with dark furniture, brown walls, and more of the white trim to a huge kitchen, white cabinetry contrasting with cobalt-blue walls. Rich scents of tomato and cheese hung in the air, and an appetizer board loaded with cheeses, nuts, and fruit anchored the kitchen island.

  “Hey!” With a wide-eyed Hamilton tucked in one arm, Amy wrapped a quick hug around Savannah’s neck. From his stool next to the island, Rob lifted his beer in greeting. Troy Lee and his blonde sat across from him, and Pantone, the paramedic with great reflexes and absolutely no filter, leaned on the edge of the island, nibbling on a small bunch of grapes.

  Clark clapped Emmett on the shoulder. “What do you want to drink?”

  “I need a beer. Or a Scotch. Maybe both.” He glanced over his shoulder at Savannah. “You?”

  “Water’s fine.”

  “Hey, Emmy.” Pantone wrapped her arm around his waist as he reached across the island for a slice of Brie drizzled with honey. She pinched his ass and he elbowed her to the side. She laughed and gestured at Savannah. “Since the rumor about you and the doctor here seems to be true, what about the one I heard today, that you’ll be back in uniform soon?”

  Savannah tried not to bristle. Did everyone know him better than she did? He was hers, and more than Pantone’s casual touches on him, her evident intimacy with him annoyed Savannah to no end.

  “Tomorrow.” He accepted a Sam Adams from Clark with a grateful nod. Clark passed a heavy tumbler of water into Savannah’s hold. “Picked up my uniforms this afternoon, and Calvert and I worked me into the duty rotation half-time.”

  “Landra is going to die.” Pantone grinned around a grape, more affection than malice in her words. “I want to be there when you tell her.”

  “She already knows.” A grimace twisted his mouth as he lifted the bottle for a sip. “She’s not happy, either. Trust me, I heard all about it.”

  Troy Lee dropped his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “What did you do to piss Calvert off? He’s partnering you with Walker, according to the schedule.”

  “Nothing. He loves me.” If anything, Emmett’s grimace deepened. “I don’t get it.”

  “I figured he would put you with Chris or maybe Campbell.” Rob set his beer aside as Amy passed Hamilton into his easy hold. He propped her against his chest so she could watch the goings-on, although her lids drooped a little. “Maybe it’s not about you. Maybe it’s about Walker.”

  “Listen, I’m just glad to be back in a car.” Emmett rested on his forearms on the island next to Pantone. “I’m not going to complain.”

  “Wait until you see the inside of Walker’s unit.” Disgust colored Troy Lee’s voice. “It’s a pigsty.”

  “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Clark set out a stack of heavy pottery plates and pulled two pans of lasagna from the oven. He turned to lean on the counter, arms crossed over his chest. “Em, a word? What is this I hear about us singing at church homecoming?”

  “Yeah.” Pantone reached back to pinch him again, and he swatted her hand away. “Where do you get off volunteering all three of us?”

  “Quit doing that. It stings and it leaves marks.” He spread his hands, laughter lightening his eyes. “What was I supposed to say? I can tell Miss Ella no, but she, Miss Maureen, and Mrs. Lenora cornered me, at work, with Calvert right there.”

  “We’re gonna get on that stage and the roof will fall in.”

  Savannah watched from the edges, her chest hurting. Amy slipped an arm around her waist. She’d been so stupid, wanting to be his friend, his lover, without any emotional risk, and both of those required trust and openness. They really had neither, had gone the wrong way about the whole thing. She’d been so arrogant, planning to move forward from her own grief on her own terms, and now she was stuck in a mess she didn’t know how to get out of. She couldn’t extricate herself without hurting both of them.

  And she didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already had been.

  Amy squeezed her
waist. “Hey, Clark, how long before we eat? Do Savannah and I have time to walk down and look at your dock?”

  “Definitely.” He gestured at the pans. “Those have to rest a few more minutes, and we’re waiting on Mackey. He’s on his way.”

  “Mackey’s hanging with us?” Emmett popped a walnut in his mouth.

  “Yeah, we took pity on him.” Pantone levered to a standing position. “Your sister, who has snakes in her head, was going to dinner with Haley and was getting a piece of him in the parking lot when I left the hospital, and I don’t mean in a good way.”

  “Come on.” Amy drew Savannah toward the bank of doors at the back of the room. “Let’s go look at the river.”

  Outside, cool damp night air wrapped around them. A set of wooden steps meandered down the steep slope to the dock, where a quad of Adirondack chairs sat in a semicircle. The night breeze rippled through a deep-throated wind chime. Under and around the dock, the river murmured and whispered along its way. Savannah sank down on the edge of one chair and rested her mouth in both hands. She pulled in a couple of deep draughts of air scented with river and pine.

  Amy relaxed into the chair next to her. “What’s wrong?”

  Hands still covering her mouth, Savannah shook her head. Everything was too close to the surface, and if she spoke, she might break down and cry. Her sister sat with her in silence broken only by the music of wind and river. After a few moments, the emotional fracture seemed fairly under control, and she sucked in another deep breath. “Oh, Ames, I’ve screwed up so bad.”

  “How?”

  She rubbed her hands together, trying to piece together all the clues. “We’re sleeping together, and he’s such a good guy…and oh my God, his relationship with his dad…and he’s leasing this house next door and he wanted me to look at it with him. I cannot do this, and I can’t get out of it, either.”

  “I’m not sure I see the problem.”