The Seven Year Secret

by Roz Denny Fox

  She blew ripples on her coffee before sipping. “I haven’t thought about it at all,” she lied. Of course she had. She’d logged on to the Internet from time to time, looking for any information linked to hurricane detection—and Connor specifically. It irked her that she hadn’t been better prepared for his homecoming. Her focus was on donating a kidney for Liddy Bea, so she hadn’t ever been aware that Connor was in Miami. He’d obviously been there for a number of months by the time she saw the article in her dad’s business magazine.

  He studied her carefully. “Then this grilling has little or nothing to do with my job.”

  “Not true,” she snapped. Hanging her head so that her hair obscured her face, she admitted warily, “I don’t know what to have Liddy Bea call you. How’d I explain who you are, where you’ve been and why you suddenly showed up?”

  “Try the truth.” Connor stood and rammed both hands deep in his pants pockets. “Or I suppose you could wait until she puts two and two together. Thanks to your saving that elephant, she’s already connected me with her dad. How do you think I felt that day at the hospital when she asked if I knew her father?”

  Shoulders hunched, Mallory pulled out a chair and threw herself down. “She must have developed a curiosity about fathers at school,” Mallory said morosely. “Probably from seeing her friends’ dads. But she’s never asked me any direct questions about you.”

  Connor felt a surge of the anger he thought he’d gotten rid of. “So how did you explain her grandmother Lydia? Davis said you two visit her grave.”

  Mallory’s hands tightened around her coffee cup. “I never made a secret of the fact that you existed. I mean, I didn’t say I found her in a cabbage patch, Connor. When I thought she was old enough to understand, I explained that her grandma Lydia, her daddy’s mother, had died during a hurricane.”

  “Well, that’s something at least.”

  Mallory sat up straight. “Don’t take that tone with me, Connor. You weren’t around. I never heard a word. I faced each day the best way I knew how.”

  “You never heard from me because your mother played God.”

  “She did. And I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. But you know what? Once I learned Mother was so ill, I’m not sure I could have gone against her wishes. Having a child, loving that child with every part of you, can lead to irrational decisions at times. I won’t judge my mother for loving me, Connor.”

  “Not even if her selfishness altered the course of your life, Liddy Bea’s and mine?”

  “The past is gone, never to be resurrected,” she said sharply. “I’m not the same person I was seven years ago. Nor do I want to be someone who can be that badly hurt again—if, for instance, another man I care about walks out on me. I rely on myself now.”

  “Is this your way of saying you’ve had second thoughts about my offer to split parenting over the summer?”

  “Second, third and fourth thoughts, Connor. I keep changing my mind. One minute I think, okay, this’ll be fine, the next minute I don’t see how we can make it work. A big question for me is, what course will you take if I decide to restrict your access to Liddy Bea?”

  “You should’ve considered that before you landed on my doorstep in Miami, flashing baby pictures around. I don’t want to take you to court to establish my rights as a father, Mallory. But I will if you try to cut me out of Lydia’s life.”

  “Haven’t we all been hurt enough?”

  “I hate to think that establishing a connection with my child would hurt any of us.”

  “You’re a harder man than I remember, Connor.”

  He inclined his head, continuing to stare her down.

  She sighed hugely. “I don’t want to throw Liddy Bea into the middle of a nasty custody fight. We both know you’re her father and I’m her mother. I guess the arrangement you proposed is the best thing to do, for now, anyway.” Liddy Bea, unaware of the portent of what she was interrupting, rushed into the kitchen, her face flushed from recent sleep.

  “I want juice, Mommy.”

  “I’ll pour it.” Connor offered. “Do you have a special glass?”

  Liddy nodded. “I have a Hello Kitty glass. A cup and plate and a bowl, too.”

  He followed her pointing finger, opened the cupboard door and saw the line of kitty faces grinning out at him. “Dr. Dahl warned me I should bone up on a blue dog and certain kitty paraphernalia.”

  “Para…who?” Liddy batted big, beguiling eyes.

  “It’s a big word that means junk. What kind of juice?” Connor’s voice echoed from the depths of the fridge.

  “My favorite’s grape. Mommy, did you buy grape juice at the store?”

  “Oh, baby, I forgot. Can you drink cherry this time? I’ll write down grape so I’ll remember to buy it when I go out again.”

  Connor, already pouring the cherry, set the glass on the table next to Mallory’s cup. “Your mom and I are going out to eat tonight. We’ll stop on the way home and get grape juice. Is there anything else you need?”

  “Can I go out with you?”

  Connor gnawed on the inside of his lip. “I…uh…well, kitten, your mom and I were planning on doing some grown-up talk.”

  “Darn. I never get to go out and eat unless Grandpapa takes me. Mommy goes with Dr. Robinson all the time, and I have to stay home.” Liddy crossed her pudgy arms and stuck out her lower lip. “It’s not fair.”

  “Liddy Bea, drink your juice.” Mallory tugged out an adjacent chair for her daughter.

  Alec Robinson’s name hit Connor between the eyes. Perversely, he wanted to show Liddy Bea that he wasn’t anything like the other man. “I guess your mother and I can talk another time. I think it’d be nice if the three of us went out and celebrated my job change, kitten.”

  “We could have, like, a party,” Liddy said, suddenly enthusiastic.

  “Connor, I—” Mallory’s objection was interrupted when her daughter jumped in and said, “And we can cel’brate you moving in with us. Huh, Mommy?”

  Two pairs of eyes suddenly pinned Mallory. She stuttered and stammered and in the end, she capitulated. “Okay, fine. After your evening exchange, Liddy Bea, we’ll go out and toast Connor’s move to Tallahassee. Uh…and his being our new roommate.”

  Connor smiled crookedly as he hoisted his cup of cold coffee and clinked it against Mallory’s, then Liddy Bea’s glass. A smooth-as-silk toast fell from his lips. “To my new job and to the two prettiest roommates a guy could ever hope to have.”

  Tension vibrated between the adults. If looks could kill, Mallory’s scowl would have him being measured for a pine box.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CONNOR SPENT THE REST of the afternoon making arrangements to have his equipment and belongings packed and shipped.

  “You’re nuts,” Paul Caldwell told him. “Cutting all your ties in Miami doesn’t seem smart to me. To say nothing of saddling yourself with a sick kid. That reeks of financial meltdown.” Paul didn’t specifically mention Connor’s broken engagement to Claire, but Greg Dugan had no such hesitancy when he got on the line.

  “What kind of jerk breaks his engagement over the phone?”

  “Is that what Claire said I did?”

  “Well, yeah. Maybe not in those exact words. But at lunch, she announced you two had split. And Janine said you phoned Claire right before noon.”

  “Claire called it quits, Greg. Not that it matters who broke up with whom. In the long run, it probably saved us both. We were doomed as a couple. It turns out we have different goals.”

  “I picked up some of your conversation with Paul. So you’re jumping from the pan into the fire, is that it? You’re reconciling with the mother of your kid?”

  Connor glanced into the laundry room where Mallory stood folding a load of white clothes she’d taken from the dryer. For the last two hours she’d ignored him. He gave a short laugh. “I’m moving my project to Tallahassee because I have a daughter I’d like to get to know better. If her mother and I rem
ain civil to each other, it’ll be a miracle. Anyway, the move is permanent from my perspective. I wish you and Paul could join me. You’ve been a big help with my project.”

  “My family’s here, plus I have a teaching fellowship for September. And Paul’s really into the Miami babe scene. But thanks for thinking of us. Jay won’t miss you.” He laughed.

  “That’s a fact. When do you think you can begin shipping my equipment?”

  Greg named a date about four days out.

  “That’ll work for me.” After detailing instructions for packing the more delicate instruments—the ones he’d bought with earlier grant funds—Connor signed off.

  Next, he notified his landlord of his plans and prevailed on him to ride herd over the movers he intended to hire for his personal belongings. Once the man agreed, Connor dialed the moving company. He felt as though his cell phone was attached to his ear by the time he’d finished shelling out his credit card information.

  “It’s six o’clock,” Mallory announced, stepping to the door of the dining room as he hung up from his last call.

  Connor snapped the cuff of his shirt back to look at his watch. “So it is.” Rolling his head from side to side, he linked his fingers overhead and stretched. “Is six significant? Oh, does Liddy Bea have to eat at set times?”

  “Within reason. Her exchanges need to be more regimented. It’s time for another, and you did say you wanted to do this one. If you’re backing out, that’s okay, but she’s counting on you to read to her.”

  “I’m not backing out. I had no idea it’d gotten so late.”

  “That’s why our splitting up Liddy’s care isn’t practical, Connor. I can’t go off to work, trusting you’ll remember her exchanges. What if you forget?”

  “Once I’m responsible for doing them, I’ll keep better track of the time. My watch has an alarm, and if need be, I’ll set it for each exchange, at least until remembering becomes automatic. Shared parenting will work if we want it to, Mallory.” He hooked his thumbs loosely in his belt loops. “Are you hoping I’ll screw up?”

  “Let’s say I have grave reservations.”

  “Why are you so angry with me, Mallory? If anyone’s been wronged, it’s probably me. Don’t I deserve a chance to prove myself?”

  “I’m sorry, Connor. Everything’s been out of whack since I decided to find you. Fredric warned me you might want to take a more active role in Liddy Bea’s life. I naturally thought there wasn’t much chance of that. I figured if you’d wanted to look back at what you left behind in Tallahassee, you’d have done so way before now. So I went to see you—and found you were engaged to Claire. Considering all of that, how could I predict you’d turn your life, and mine, upside down by quitting your job and moving here?”

  “You couldn’t predict that I’d want to be a father to my daughter? Really? When you probably know the real me better than anyone alive, Mallory?” He gazed on her with great sadness as he spoke.

  Unable to deal with the truth in his statement, she turned and walked to the dining-room window. Leaning her forehead against the cool glass, Mallory blinked away threatening tears. Tears for all the lost years.

  Connor hesitated only briefly, then closed the distance between them. War waged inside him—should he touch her or not? He seemed to have little control over his hands as they curved lightly around her upper arms. Turning her, he pulled her face against his chest.

  Memories of all the good—the right—moments they’d shared washed over him in successive waves. The perfect way she felt in his arms. The times he came home late after working two jobs and did nothing but hold her. Even her perfume acted as a balm.

  “It’s pointless trying to fight a past we can’t change,” he said gruffly. “For Liddy Bea’s sake, can’t we take the parts that did work and build on them?”

  His rough voice was little more than a low rumble against Mallory’s ear. She’d forgotten how secure and safe she used to feel being held by Connor. A hodgepodge of nostalgic moments flooded back, paralyzing her. The faint scent of his aftershave and the slight abrasive scrape of the starched cotton shirts he preferred added to the images already floating in her mind. She didn’t trust herself to speak. Instead, she knotted her fingers in his shirt.

  For an instant, his arms tightened. Then he wedged a space between them. “Listen. Liddy Bea’s calling us. She’s going to be really confused if she comes in here and finds us in a clinch. My aim is not to make life more difficult for either of us, Mallory. All I want is a chance to get to know my child.”

  Mallory shivered as the words sank in. Connor wasn’t asking to resume their relationship. That wasn’t what he wanted at all. Her mistake. And one she wouldn’t repeat. Stepping away from him, she discreetly blotted her eyes on her sleeve. “Forgive me. I’m not usually the weepy sort. I guess I’m still shaken from the shock of finding out that you can’t be the donor we were hoping for.”

  “Don’t apologize, Mallory. Living in the same space, we’re bound to stumble once in a while.”

  “No. For our situation to work, Connor, we need to set ground rules. I’ll tackle that tomorrow. Do you mind booking into a hotel tonight? You can drop us off after dinner and take my car. I shouldn’t need it tomorrow.”

  “What if you have an emergency? Never mind. I’ll come in after dinner and watch you get Liddy Bea off to bed, then I’ll phone a cab. I agree we can probably use a breather while we sort this out. But can we tell her tonight who I am?”

  “Please, Connor. I need time to get used to sharing her. Coming, baby,” she called, hearing Liddy Bea yell for them again.

  “How long?” Connor pressed as he dogged Mallory’s steps down the hall.

  “Two weeks,” she said off the top of her head. “By then, I’m sure we’ll have established a routine. Kids need routine.”

  “I wouldn’t know what kids need, Mallory. But I damn sure intend to learn.”

  “Another thing, Connor. Please don’t swear. I’ve noticed you have a tendency to swear more than you used to.”

  “Not a lot,” he said, growing defensive at her sudden attempt to push him aside and take charge. “Your dad swears quite a bit.”

  She nervously raked her hair back over one ear. “He has other bad habits, too, like smoking cigars. He tries to curb them for Liddy’s sake. I’m only asking you to consider what effect little things like that might have on an impressionable child.”

  “That’s reasonable. Now, what if we want to date?”

  “D-date?” The word sounded strangled.

  “Yes. Liddy Bea said you often go out to eat with Dr. Robinson.”

  “Oh, that. She’s too young to realize those are working dinners.”

  “But Alec’s old enough to know they’re not dates, right?”

  Mallory felt her cheeks grow warm. “The hospital board of directors expect Alec and me to host the hospital fund-raisers. We have a number of those each year.”

  Studying the red splotches that suddenly appeared on Mallory’s cheeks, Connor decided he’d said enough on the subject of Alec Robinson. Changing tack, he stepped aside and motioned for Mallory to continue on to Liddy’s room.

  “Before you repeat the steps of Liddy Bea’s exchange, let me see if I can remember them. First, we wash,” he said, stopping at the hall bath.

  She nodded. “Infection of any kind is a major threat to Liddy. We can’t avoid every germ, of course, especially given her age. Just take my word for it—infections around shunts are nothing we ever want to deal with.”

  “No, I shouldn’t think so.” He dried his hands on a paper towel as they walked down the hall.

  Both mustered grins for Liddy Bea as they entered her room. She’d gathered a host of stuffed animals and books near the rocking chair where Mallory had sat with her earlier. “Ready to muddle through this with me, are you, kitten? I hope I don’t end up all fumble fingers.”

  “It’s a cinch,” she bragged. Then indecision spread over her face. “Well, I probably
can’t do it all alone. ’Cause I’m not tall enough to reach the hook Mommy put in Uncle Mark’s wall. At Grandpapa’s, we used Grandma Beatrice’s hat rack. I had a step stool, and I could hook my bag on it all by myself.”

  “I could have brought the hat rack,” Mallory said. “Maybe I’ll have Dad drop it off. It moves easily, so we can do an exchange in any room.”

  Faced with connecting the tubing to Liddy Bea’s shunt, Connor dug deep for the wherewithal and hooked her up. He managed by telling himself this unpleasant procedure did the work of her kidneys, and thus kept her free of poisons that would otherwise ravage her tiny body. He pulled it off without a hitch.

  “Very good.” Smiling, Mallory praised him. “Since you two look as if you’re set for a month with all that reading material, I’ll go shower and change clothes so when you’re done we can head out to dinner.”

  Liddy Bea climbed up onto Connor’s lap with minimal assistance from him. She handed him a book called Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. It was filled with silly alphabet rhymes, and in minutes he joined in her infectious laughter.

  Mallory poked her head back into the room, a puzzled look on her face. “Ah, it’s the book bringing the house down around my ears. I couldn’t imagine what you two found so hilarious.” She lounged against the door frame, lazily rubbing one bare foot on the opposite leg.

  Connor’s eyes cut to her legs. Long and tan and smooth. He swallowed his laughter. “I thought you were going to shower,” he said, finally forcing the words past dry lips.”

  “I am. I was getting a towel when I heard you and decided you two were having way too much fun.” She shrugged. But a crimson-polished, manicured toenail continued to slide up and down her calf.

  Connor gripped the book so tightly, Liddy Bea couldn’t turn the pages. “Mommy,” she sighed. “You’re ’rupting our story.” Her observation refocused Connor’s attention on the child.

  “Yeah, Mom,” he scolded Mallory. “Stop ’rupting us.” He thought to himself that could be corrupting rather than interrupting. He’d been near to salivating, and he hadn’t experienced those edgy feelings over a woman in too long—including the year or so he’d spent with Claire. He realized that with more than a little shock. He should’ve known sooner, he supposed, feeling profound regret for having wasted her time.