Going Forth By Day

by Mary R Woldering

  Naibe knew she had to get away. None of the torment was over. The same storm that had worried her across the sands of the wilderness as she Ariennu and Deka had journeyed with Marai to Ineb Hedj haunted her anew. The image was stronger now that Marai wasn’t there to wrap her in his arms. Only the reason for the winded dark and its focus had changed.

  Just when Naibe thought her head would explode, she felt a calm creep tentatively through her. Bunefer was smiling and touching Naibe’s arm with her bare hand, as if the princess suddenly trusted her enough for skin contact.

  “What just happened?” the princess asked, a new sympathetic tone filled her voice.

  “A spirit vision, your Highness,” Naibe answered as she sighed and rubbed her eyes with one of her hands. “It’s an old one, though I can’t say why it has come back.”

  Bunefer took her hand away and shook it away from both of them, whispering a light prayer to dispel the evil energy that may have invaded it before she put her glove on again. “Perhaps I should let you rest some more,” she rose and beckoned to her retinue of handmaidens. “Until evening meal then,” she looked over her left shoulder as she departed, but Naibe didn’t notice.

  Naibe panted, relieved, but knew she would never be able to tell the princess what she saw even if she fully understood what the images meant herself. The child cried out “Mother” and he did look a little like her. If the child was not going to be Marai’s son, she didn’t want it. Even if having a child for the future king, who might in time be chosen as king himself, meant security for the rest of her life and a title to go with it, she didn’t want it. The only way to avoid that, since Ari and her potions that cleansed the womb were gone, was to escape before the prince ever sent for her. She hoped he wouldn’t desire her tonight.

  CHAPTER 19: LILITU

  At the evening meal, Naibe-Ellit met Prince Shepseskaf. She vaguely remembered his face as that of the man who had chosen Ariennu a week earlier. She danced a little for him when the other women danced, but tonight her heart really wasn’t in her work. When the evening finished, she retired to the shared women’s bedchamber, then lay awake for what she thought was several hours. She was incredibly tired and depressed about the state of her life. Fortunately, the prince didn’t send for her.

  By the middle of the night, when everyone else was asleep, she got up. If there were no guards, she would simply slip out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the estate. A plant-stuffed plaza that led to a gate in the rear servant’s area could aid her escape. If I go, where will I go? Wse can’t take me to his duty in the temple at Khmenu, far away. It doesn’t matter. I’ll find his boat, hide in it, and compel him to order his men to turn around and go to Per-A-At where he should be. He doesn’t want to serve under the Great One anymore. We could start over there. That thought alone kept her awake and ready despite her long day.

  Naibe crept quietly down the brick steps to the plaza level and then looked out toward the reflection pool. This one had the traditional pink and white sesen plants, which were now closed and resting beneath the surface of the water. They were waiting for a new day when the sun would rouse them and they would “Go Forth by Day”. She approached the water and pushed her toe into it, just to see if someone might be watching her. The water was still quite warm from the heat of the day.

  Its seductive warmth beckoned and for a moment she thought: maybe a swim before I break away. Shaking away the thought, she paused, half-horrified that she had allowed herself to be so distracted by her surroundings. At any moment she knew she would rouse the attention of the guards on duty. That she didn’t see them now meant they were walking the perimeter in pairs. They would be back soon enough and her plans would be in ruins. If guards found her wandering, they would quickly usher her back to the women’s area and order a handmaiden to attend to her until she slept again. Everyone was friendly enough here, but she felt trapped. She didn’t like this place at all.

  She stood at the edge of the pool thinking of Princess Bunefer, but keeping watch for the approach of any guards.

  Use your magic to waken my womb, she says. I don’t know what she thinks I could do. She’s a Hethrt prophet, and a high ranking one too, she thought to herself as she stole past a large potted tree, pausing to check if she was being followed. Don’t they have a dancing series for that? For fertility? I hear they can even cause a child to begin its growth without the seed of a man by dancing and jumping over an open flame. Something else must be binding her up. The young woman grumbled almost aloud.

  In the present, Marai cracked his eyelids open for a moment. To his surprise, the moon hadn’t moved much. Wserkaf, still connected to him, wasn’t struggling. Time hadn’t passed at a regular speed.

  Thank you little one within me for letting me see. I only wish I could comfort my beloved in some way. If I could speak back through time, somehow; if she could speak to me, he thought.

  As he sank back into the level of visualization again he saw that a lovely full moon had risen high into the sky early on that evening months ago. Its light bathed the plaza in sliver shimmers. As he watched, Naibe stepped back from the pool and leaned against the wall by the stairs that led to the sleeping areas for the royal family.

  Wseriri… Marai felt Naibe try to send a thought to the inspector. It was the way he himself used to send thoughts to her and the way she had only just begun to use in speaking to Wserkaf when they were together. Marai drifted to a dream of the past once more, lulled by the gentle nuances of Naibe’s thought-voice.

  See how sad I am, Naibe felt the warm night air surrounding her. As it did, she tried to imagine someone’s tender arms holding her. Were they the gentle and soothing arms of the inspector or perhaps strong and secure as Marai’s arms had been. Oh, Goddess in me. What am I to do? she begged her own soul for peace. Maybe I’ll dance my way out of these gates; fly up over the wall. Deka dreamed of flying away all the time. Why can’t I do it, too? She made a little side step, a silent sway. She wasn’t wearing her bangles or her belt – she wore a loosely tossed-on cloak to keep her nakedness from shining in the light. If she escaped, she would wrap it and tie it into a kind of dress. The moonlight made her feel so warm and so loved.

  Beloved… the whispers came back.

  Is that your voice Wse? Is it a memory of my Marai? she pleaded to know, but no answer came.

  Beloved to me,

  You will always be,

  Though time has torn us apart.

  Don’t be afraid, my sweet one

  Of what you become

  Never be afraid of what you are.

  Take great joy in all you do.

  She decided it was the voices of the Children of Stone that had stirred within her heart. Perhaps they were trying to console her again.

  Maybe, she thought. Maybe I’ll talk to them, maybe think of a different way than this. I’m so unhappy, she whispered through her thoughts, careful not to give her real voice to anything. Is that a guard standing in the shadows? Can he know I am out here? I feel so alone in my sad heart. She sighed, turning her face up to feel the full light of the moon. For a moment, she imagined the moon was Iah, the Kemet moon in his gentle form, not harsh Khonsu. The silver-gold light transformed into a vision that reminded her of the way Marai’s hair used to shimmer in the increasing dark when they were together. The ache in her heart had returned. Her walk outside tonight hadn’t helped her feel better. It had only distracted her from her attempt to escape. Now she knew any attempt would be foolish.

  I just don’t want this kind of life anymore, not with the prince; not anyone else. Not like this, her shoulders slumped. The Child Stone in her brow was silent, as if it reflected on why she might be so reluctant to bring joy to someone new when part of the wondrous gift they had given to her was to be so giving.

  Naibe knew Wserkaf didn’t hear her plea. The only response had been the little verse that sounded as if it was Marai’s voice. No one else answered her thoughts tonight. She looked up at the moon again and
waited until another thought inspired her.

  Talk to the children, his way, she smiled as she remembered her first words to Wserkaf the evening he took her into his arms. The Children are all we have without Marai, but now I don’t even know what’s become of the rest of them. Only the silence comforted her as she talked up into the sky, tonight. Then, she heard another voice

  “Sweet one, Naibe, hear me.” The words were Marai’s and they tore across time to reach the unhappy young woman. “I’m begging you. Show me you know my voice!”

  Is it you, my love? she asked the air between herself and the moonlight. Oh please be you! She thought it was the spirit of Marai, who heard her begging for release from his world beyond worlds. The thought of him watching over, even in spirit, her made her feel a little better about staying at this palace for a short while. The prince had not yet asked for her. Maybe he doesn’t favor me. Maybe not all men do, she innocently stretched out her arms to encompass the light of the moon the way she embraced the sun on those lovely mornings in Wserkaf’s pretty home. Her cloak fell back from her nakedness and she felt the fire of dance and joy easily rising through her breasts. The world vanished as she breathed in and out, feeling rapture and ecstasy descending and ascending though her body so strongly that everything faded away and she floated up from the plaza, turning slowly.

  Flying! How high can I go? Away like Deka does? Away from here?

  Tonight, the fire was a gentle, abiding one that moved through every part of her body. The starlight became ropes of pearls that she imagined herself wearing. They flowed down from her hair, over her shoulders and draped the length of her body. More stars channeled down around and through her, then rose up, entering her and evoking. She twirled, and laughed a little because she suddenly understood who and what she was. Marai had called her “goddess”, but many men when they are enraptured by a woman cry out that word. Tonight she would prove it. She knew what she had to do tonight in order to fly away. It would take more magic than she had ever dreamed possible.

  “Pretty lady…” she was interrupted by a whisper that she heard from behind and to her right. Startled a little, she looked in the direction of the man’s voice. She lowered her head, suddenly shy. The prince had been watching her as she began her dance. Naibe-Ellit paused for only a moment, then turned to dance a little longer. Her hands drew down so much of the moonlight that it burst up her arms, circled her head and brow, bounced on her breasts and erupted from her sacred mount as she continued her ecstatic dance.

  Prince Shepseskaf stood frozen near the bottom of the steps that came down from his stateroom. He thought he had heard something in the middle of his restless night. When the guards didn’t respond, he got up, grabbed his blade, and crept down his steps to see who was wandering in his plaza. He knew at once he had stumbled onto something forbidden to the eyes of men. It was a beautiful young woman, the new and supposedly fertile concubine, in the midst of a “welcoming star” dance. The prince thought she was calling the spirit of a child to enter her womb. He didn’t dare go to her or seize her in such a heightened state. Even though some parts of the dance were secret, he had seen his wife and her attendants dance part of it. This young girl, at that moment, was woman of the Moon and Star, Lady of the Lapis Flower. She didn’t call the goddess down or call any child to enter her; she became the embodiment of sighs. In her heaving breath lay unendurable pleasure. When she exhaled, the prince sensed the genesis of all life. He knew at once he wanted her.

  How different this woman was from the forlorn creature he had seen at elder Count Prince Hordjedtef’s house. He had seen Lady ArreNu, and had been instantly beguiled by the color of her hair. The only thing this young woman had inspired that night had been worry. He remembered she had been mournfully staring at the sesen pool with the unguarded desire to drown herself in it. Tonight this same woman danced in his plaza and even floated slightly above the tiles in ecstasy.

  Does she do this dance for me? the prince wanted to think her spirit had called him from his bed to discover her while she moved. Perhaps, perhaps not, he reflected. Bunefer, his personal prophetess and long-time lover, had come into his home as wife some years earlier. Their passion for each other was unequaled. He desired no other woman. Only a daughter seven years old and a son who would have been aged eight if fever had not taken him had been given to them. Now that he had been named Crown Prince and she his official consort, it was their sacred duty to create more children. Is she the gift? he asked himself. My sweet bride tries her heka and her blessings, her circle, her fire, her special foods, her glorious dances, yet her belly fails to swell with life from my seed. She speaks of a gift of the goddess coming to our house. Is it perhaps this night-haired beauty?

  He recalled Bunefer telling him that evening: ‘The stars are in the correct position for a momentous conception!’ she had started. ‘The merits of this grouping will last for only a few days. We should try again. I have seen a vision of the ancestors smiling on us this time, and this new concubine is gifted too. She has seen there will be two children in our home soon!’ He didn’t want to admit it, but her obsession had become his own lack of desire. He loved her more than his own life, but couldn’t call her to his arms at night. Even the other woman, though pleasant and skilled, seemed as distracted as he was when they had been together: she by the death of her traitorous husband, he by the childlessness of his wife. Now, as he watched this young woman dance, he felt puzzled that he had become so aroused. His heart melted for her in a feeling much more like love than lust. Until now, only his sacred bride had been able to create that feeling in him. The prince took a step forward as Naibe turned and drifted blissfully back to the ground to stand beside him. Their fingers touched, tip to tip and when they did, he felt a slight spark of energy.

  Beautiful! his thoughts whispered. She reacted as if she heard them and swayed gently in front of him with seemingly sightless but fathomless eyes. They were no longer light brown, having become wells of dark, flashing golden fire. Together with her eyes, the spark from her fingertips drew him, like oddly tingling and pleasant static, as she pulled him gently out into the light. Her fingers locked over the top of his fingertips and she began to dance with him as if they had practiced all of the steps. Both Shepseskaf and Naibe swayed and moved among the urns that served as pots for tall garden plants.

  No guards! No one hears us. It’s an enchantment… he smiled, happy to drift away in the fantasy she was creating. Much later, he remembered very little of how it began. The world he knew fell away from his feet and he let her sweet sorcery sweep him into her dream. Her breath evoked his heart into singing to her. Their lips touched, mouths open and wanting, but all he recalled was seeing shining and stars issuing from her brow and the curious little place that glimmered like lapis with perfect golden veining in it. That part burned with its own fire and the more he thought of it, he remembered the sound of children laughing, sighing and singing.

  Suddenly, as if lightning had struck near both of them, he saw her lying and moving passionately beneath him on his sumptuously cushioned couch.

  Lady, his thoughts cried. How? He asked, but the image shimmered greatly, faded, and became a dream-vision. He felt he was with a woman, enjoying and craving her touch, but he couldn’t see her face. Beloved one, my goddess! he whispered into her hair. As his eyes cleared for a moment, he saw his wife where the new concubine had been; young Naibe wasn’t there. A dream? he asked himself. With another flash of memory, he remembered true lightning outside. It streaked across the heavens to the very tips of the three pyr akhs and arched down them. The temple statue of his great-grandmother, Hetepheres as the lion-woman, leapt and roared triumphantly.

  Naibe-Ellit had bowed her head to his chest from above, spent and exhausted. The errant question of how they were suddenly his bedchamber didn’t stay long enough for an answer. Why can’t I remember? he kissed her closed eyes. How did this start when I was only watching her dance? Why does it feel like a dream? The shimmering
intensified. Confused, he pressed her to him and was about to say her name then he realized he was with his beloved Bunefer, and still deep in the throes of passion. Her ecstatic calling swept through him like a wildfire. He gasped, startled that the changing vision hadn’t unmanned him. In another flash his thoughts revealed young Naibe holding his head to her breasts, one of her legs clasped over his back. Before he could do anything, it was Bunefer again, underneath him with her legs wrapped around his back as well.

  Shepseskaf could no longer tell who he was with or what he was doing. His reality spiraled away between the visions of the two women and darkness and numbed oblivion took him.

  The sound of a woman’s scream snapped Prince Shepseskaf to his senses. It was bright morning. Someone from the women’s bedroom shrieked a protective spell. Beyond that, women were sobbing bitterly.

  “Help! Help us! Bes save her! The evil…” More panicked yelps followed. Guards rallied and more bare feet scampered to the prince’s chamber doorway.

  The woman in Shepseskaf’s arms stirred, turned, and smothered him with joyous kisses, laughter, and tears. His wife shook almost violently as he held her. She gripped him, unable to let go of him. For a moment, his heart seized as fragments of the evening replayed in his thoughts. This time, he wasn’t confused over what he remembered. The joyous face of his beloved Princess Bunefer filled his memory of the evening instead of sharing it with the mysterious goddess-like woman who had been illuminated by night-long flashes of heka-light.