Serendipity

by Bentley, Stacey

  I ignore him and rush up the stairs to grab a toothbrush and pause when I pass my bedroom door. The fact that only a thin piece of wood separates me from the woman I want is killing me because I know I can’t have her.

  I walk downstairs with my shoulders slumped in defeat. I did this—I can’t blame anyone else. I toss a few more things into the bag and zip it closed while my parents just watch me, not saying a word.

  I grab the bag and a fresh hat. I pause in front of them. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing this to hurt you or anyone else. I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’ll explain everything when I get back.” I set my hat on my head and walk out the door, letting the screen slam behind me. I don’t look back as I get into my car and drive away.

  I drive around, not sure where to go. I’ve called Jake but he’s at Addison’s and I’m not even going to attempt to call Austin. He’ll just give me shit about what I did, and I don’t need that right now.

  When I get into Nashville, I find a cheap hotel and use the credit card that I keep for emergencies—and this situation definitely classifies as an emergency.

  I get into the room, toss my bag onto the bed and without bothering to look around the room, I turn to leave. I walk down the street, passing bars and clubs along the way but I need some place quiet right now. I find a hole in the wall that is the perfect for me to drown my sorrows. I pull the door open to find the place is near empty. A few patrons sit up at the bar and look at me as I walk in. I’m not certain but this may be a biker bar. Who cares—as long as they have alcohol, I’m not judging.

  I pull out a stool next to an older man with a gray beard that reaches down to his chest. He gives me a funny look, so I hold out my hand.

  “Dean,” I offer and surprisingly he takes it.

  “George,” he says and grips my hand tightly. “What brings you in tonight?” He asks.

  “A drink,” I say teasingly.

  “Well then you’ve come to the right place.” He turns and calls for the bartender. “Barb, get this man a drink,” he shouts.

  “George, if you don’t stop yelling at me, I’m cutting you off!” Barb walks over, rests her elbows on the bar and leans in. “What can I get for you, darlin’?” She asks. I almost don’t hear her—I’m too busy staring at the tattoos that cover both of her arms.

  “Jack and Coke, please,” I say as I look at all of the bottles on display behind her. What I wouldn’t give to have them all in front of me right now.

  She turns and grabs a glass and begins to fill it with ice, before pouring in the Jack.

  “Women troubles?” Georges asks, breaking me out of my trance.

  “You could say that. More like troubles all round.” I rest my elbows on the bar and tap my fingers, waiting for my drink.

  “Wanna talk about it?” He asks, not looking up at me. He picks at the corner of the label on his bottle of beer…looks like he has troubles too.

  “Eh, not really.”

  “All right, Dean but if you don’t talk about it, you’ll be ending up here more than a young fella like you should be.” He tips his beer back and finishes what’s left in one big gulp.

  Barb sets down my drink in front of me and I don’t waste any time in throwing it back as if it was a shot. “I just need to take the edge off and then I’ll be okay.”

  “That’s the spirit,” George laughs and pats my shoulder. He turns his attention to Barb who is stocking the small fridge behind the bar. “Barb, another beer and a drink for Dean here too. This time, less ice.” He winks at me. Barb flips him the bird but gets our drinks anyways. If I didn’t know any better, I would think George and Barb have something going on. The way they act around each other, reminds me of me and Phoebe.

  I can’t help but chuckle and think about Phoebe again. Barb sets our drinks down and this time, I take a few sips before it’s gone.

  “Two shots of whiskey,” George holds up two fingers and Barb nods in acknowledgement.

  “I’m okay for now,” I tell him.

  “I don’t know what your deal is but I’m pretty sure that you’re going to need a hell of a lot more than just one drink.”

  Fuck, he’s right. Barb sets down two shots, George and I raise our glasses and clink them together before we shoot them back.

  I’m piss-ass drunk by the time the bar closes. I stumble out and meander back to the hotel. I’m surprised I even remember its name but it’s hard to miss when it’s a one story building with only three cars in the parking lot. The place is probably crawling with bedbugs but at least it’s somewhere to sleep.

  As soon as I lay my head on the pillow, images of Phoebe run through my head. I can’t believe I was so stupid to give into Devon like that. What I thought was going to be a quick farewell fuck ended up costing me every-damn-thing.

  It’s been a whole day since Dean left. No phone call or anything and I can tell Emily and Keith are getting worried. Meals aren’t the same—Emily tries to make conversation but no-one really wants to talk.

  Emily and I finally made salsa and she tried to even cheer me up by doing a dance but it was no use. I feel like I’m running on autopilot.

  The only time I seemed to enjoy myself and forget about my worries is when Emily and I sat down to watch ‘Dirty Dancing’. I got lost in the movie but by the time it ended I was in tears again. I’ve watched the movie a million times and never once did I cry… until I realized what love is. Is what I’m feeling love? It can’t be!

  “Phoebe, why are you crying?” Emily asks. I’m not sure what to tell her. The story isn’t a sad one, it’s a happy one but what Baby and Johnny had to go through breaks my heart.

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” I sniffle back the tears.

  “You love him.” She says as a statement, not a question.

  Do I tell her? Do I tell her what I saw in the stable, after he and I had our moment at the lake? I can’t. This is his mom, and I’m pretty sure it’s crossing some kind of line telling her those kinds of details.

  “It’s okay, Phoebe. When it’s true love, it will find a way.” She wraps her arm around me and pulls me in to her. I cry on her shoulder for what seems like hours and she doesn’t say a word. I don’t have to tell her, because she already knows.

  I finally turned my phone on after a day and I’m flooded with text messages and missed calls. My parents must have called Jake and Austin because they’ve both been blowing up my phone. I wasn’t expecting a call from Phoebe but I was hoping she would at least give me a chance to explain.

  My mom called a few times and I know she’s worried but I just can’t face her right now. The disappointment in her eyes when I was leaving made my heart drop into my stomach. Ever since Phoebe came along, I’ve experienced so many emotions that I never even knew were possible.

  I play it safe and call Jake back. I know that if I talk to him, he’ll have some advice for me, plus he won’t tell my parent’s where I am.

  “Dean?”

  “Hey Jake.” Shit, for the first time in over ten years, I have no idea what to say to my best friend.

  “Man, where in the hell are you? Your parents called me and they’re worried sick about you.”

  “I’m in Nashville, can you meet up? I need someone to talk to.” I pull back the curtains and let some light into the room, but mostly I want to check to make sure my car is still there. I’m not in the greatest part of town, but it’s not like I had much of a choice on my budget.

  “Hell yeah. Tell me where you are and I’ll leave in ten minutes. I’m at Addy’s and there’s something I need to talk to you about too.”

  I tell him to meet me at a restaurant nearby. I need something to eat and maybe have a couple of drinks. When I get off the phone I hurry to take a shower, I probably smell like ass. I’ve been in bed for almost fifteen hours and for the first time in my life, I flat-out cried.

  When I get to the restaurant I sit in the parking lot and wait for Jake to show up. He pulls into the spot next to me and when we greet ea
ch other, he pulls me in and gives me a hug. I’m a little freaked out by this display of affection—I don’t think I’ve ever hugged my friends before. My eyes start to water but I squeeze them tight, hoping I won’t let my emotions show.

  When we sit down, I immediately order a beer. I don’t plan on getting drunk but right now anything to numb me—just the slightest bit—is more than welcome.

  Not wasting any time, I tell Jake about my royal fuck-up and, crazy as it sounds, it actually feels good to talk about it.

  “Damn, I don’t even know what to say,” he says as he plays with his napkin.

  “I knew I could count on you for help,” I tease and order another beer.

  “Dean, I’d love to help you but I don’t know how to. Devon is fucked up for doing that, but you messed up pretty bad too. If you told Phoebe you were done with Devon, than you should never have gone back there.” He leans is elbows on the table and folds his hands.

  “I got that far, now I just need to know how to fix it.”

  “I have a couple ideas that I think might work but it’s going to take some hard work on your part.”

  “I’ll do anything.” I state flatly and I mean it. Everything and anything within my power to fix this, I’ll do it. After finishing my fifth beer, I start to feel a little light headed but I listen to Jake and take in everything he’s saying.

  Three days later…

  I got the call from the owner of the condo yesterday and everything’s been approved, just a couple more weeks and I will be living in my own place. Emily has been letting me help her cook, and Keith has let me help a little on the farm—anything to take my mind off the fact that Dean is gone. I’ve never ridden a horse before—unless you count the pony I rode at a carnival when I was seven—so to say that I’m a little terrified would be an understatement.

  And that brings us to now. It’s too hard for me to go into the stable so Keith brings Lady out for me. She’s an American Quarter Horse, and Keith tells me that Emily used to ride her and assures me that she is perfect for beginners.

  “Now, don’t panic. As long as you stay calm, Lady will stay calm.” He helps lift my leg over so I’m sitting astride her. Once I’m seated correctly, my nerves kick into overdrive.

  “Keith, I don’t know if this is such a good idea.” My hands start to shake as Keith passes me the reigns.

  “You’ll be fine. I’ll even hold on to her, and we’ll go slowly. I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promises and I believe him.

  He leads Lady out into the open field past the fire pit. Lady is so calm and gentle, and I’m beginning to see why people ride. There is no way to describe the feeling you have when you’re seated on top of an animal, high above the ground, striding along in the open with the breeze blowing through your hair. Granted, Keith is helping me today but if I kept up riding, I’m sure it would feel like the most freeing thing ever—almost as good as running.

  I make an attempt to call Phoebe once a day, even though I know she’s not going to answer. I miss her so damn much that just hearing the sound of her voice on her voicemail is enough to make me smile. I feel like I’ve been in hell the past few days. Nothing is helping the pain that I feel. She should be moving into her condo tomorrow, so I plan to go back home.

  I’ve talked to my mom a couple of times but she assures me she won’t tell my dad where I am. She told me that Phoebe isn’t doing well, and it breaks my heart to know that I’m the one that caused her all this pain.

  I haven’t done much of anything. Yesterday I went out to the Piggly Wiggly and grabbed a few things but other than that, I’ve been wallowing in self-pity. I don’t even know if I want to go back home. Everywhere I turn, I’ll be reminded of her—especially my bedroom.

  I can’t believe today is finally here. When I look back, the time at the Montgomery’s has passed in a blur. Dean hasn’t come home and I couldn’t be more grateful to him for keeping his distance.

  I’m carting last minute items downstairs when the doorbell rings. “Can you get that, Phoebe?” Emily calls from the kitchen. When I step into the living room, I can see through the sheer, white curtains. My mom and Ben are standing on the porch waiting to be let in. I throw open the door and leap into my mom’s arms, throwing her slightly off balance.

  I’m in such shock because she never told me they were coming. “Mom!” I screech and hug her as if I haven’t seen her in years.

  “Pheebs, I’ve missed you so much,” she squeezes me tightly.

  I pull back and her smile turns into a frown when she sees where the stitches were on my forehead. Pushing back my bangs, she runs her thumb over what will soon be just a faint scar. “Mom, it’s fine. I’m fine,” I assure her with a smile.

  “I know, baby, I’m just glad you’re okay,” she says, looking over her shoulder at Ben.

  “Hi, Ben,” I say.

  “Hi, Phoebe, you look well,” he extends his arm and holds out his hand for me to shake. I reach for his hand but thankfully the awkward moment is cut short when Emily runs from the kitchen and into my mom’s arms—much like I had.

  I laugh as the two women hug as if they are old friends. I take my mom upstairs, sit on the bed and tell her everything from my first day until now. She seems understanding why I’ve been acting the way I have been. It feels good to get everything off my chest, and if there is anyone who would understand, it’s my mom.

  “Phoebe, I’m sorry you had to go through that without me. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. If you would have told me over the phone, I would have jumped on the first flight,” she takes my hands in hers and frowns when she sees the brace.

  I give her hands a light squeeze. “It’s okay, Mom, really and you’re here now, that’s all that matters.” I smile.

  “I know, Phoebe. I’ve been talking with Emily and she seems to think you and Dean are in love,” she gives me a questioning glance.

  “I wouldn’t go that far. I mean, I’m not even sure I know what it feels like to be in love. I have feelings for Dean that I’ve never had before and when he touches me…” I stop there because right now, I’m supposed to be pissed at him—correction, I am pissed at him—but the way it felt when he touched me is something I don’t think I’ll get over.

  “I know it hurts now but trust me, and you’ll feel better when you do, just give him a chance. I don’t want you to miss out on such a great thing like I almost did with Ben.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think I can,” I croak, blinking back the tears.

  She wraps me in her arms and whispers in my ear, “These things have a way of working themselves out.” She pulls back and stands, lifting me from the bed. “Enough sadness, let’s go see your new place!” I nod. Keith, Emily, and Ben are standing in the kitchen talking and pause when we walk in.

  “Everyone ready to go?” Keith asks.

  “Yes, sir,” I say as I tug on my boots. I catch my mom’s gaze and I know what she’s thinking. She knows what my shoe collection consists of and cowgirl boots were definitely not something I would have added previously. Instead of saying anything, she looks back and forth between me and Emily, and shakes her head, smiling.

  The condo looks different from my first walk through. Even with boxes littering the floor, it feels more like mine. I had a moving truck pick up all my boxes from my storage unit and drop them off yesterday. Keith had volunteered to meet them here so I could have some ‘girl time’ with Emily.

  We spend the best part of the day unpacking my things. When our pizza arrives, we sit on the floor exchanging stories. It’s such a good feeling to see all of the people I love in one place, getting along like one big happy family.

  My mom told me that Phoebe is getting settled in her new place so I’m moving back home today. I plan to stay in the loft—I’m afraid I’ll never be able to set foot into the house again. When I pull into the empty drive a wave of anguish washes over me, and I can feel the perspiration forming as I rub the back of my neck. My stomach is in knots ju
st looking at the house. I reach into the back seat and grab my duffle bag and head straight to the barn. I know the loft is going to take some TLC, but it’s better than nothing.

  Climbing up the old wooden steps, I inhale slowly and push open the door to what will soon be my new ‘home’. I half expect to see it a mess like how I left it but it’s completely cleaned out and there’s even a small refrigerator in the corner.

  When I hear my dad’s truck pull in, I toss my bag down on the floor and run down the steps. I meet them in the driveway as they step out. Fuck, even seeing them reminds me of my Angel.

  My mom rushes over and hugs me as if she hasn’t seen me in months, and when she lets go my dad does the same. I stiffen when he wraps his arms around me. I can’t even tell you the last time my dad has showed any kind affection towards me.

  “It’s good to have you back, son,” his voice rumbles from deep within his chest.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I say as I give in and wrap my arms around him, hugging him back.

  I pull away and look between my parents confused. “Uh, what happened to the loft?” I ask.

  “Do you like it? Your dad cleaned it up the other day for you,” my mom says with a huge smile, anticipating my answer.

  “Yeah it’s great, but why?” They look at each other and share a knowing glance.

  “Well, we thought you could use your own space. You’re old enough that you shouldn’t have to be living in your parents’ house and this way, we can use your room as a guest room,” my mom says.

  “Wow, thank you.” Shit, I guess I’m not the only one Phoebe’s changed by coming here.

  “You’re welcome. Now, let’s get you some food. Did you eat anything? You’re look like you’ve lost weight,” my mom says, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the house. I dig the heels of my boots into the ground to stop her.

  “Yeah, I ate. Thank you though. I think I’m going to get a sleeping bag and get my room set up.” I think this is the first time that I’ve ever lied to my parents. I haven’t eaten since I’ve went out with Jake—I’ve been on a liquid diet, so to speak.