by Erin Noelle
“Like I said, he took me to his sister’s house where I was able to calm down a bit. There wasn’t much I could do without talking to you or Mase, and I didn’t have my phone to call either of you.”
“What happened with you and Ash?” I had to ask even though I was scared of the answer.
“Nothing. Nothing happened. He was just a good friend to me. We cleared the air between us about everything that had happened, and I told him about everything that happened with Mason and Bentley and you.”
She looked up at me with huge crocodile tears in her eyes. I reached across the table and grabbed her hands in mine. “I. Am. So. Sorry. I never wanted to cause you any trouble. We were both feeling lonely and needing to feel loved.”
That’s when the tears began falling fast and furiously down her cheeks. I used my thumb to help wipe them away, but continued with what I needed to say to her. “Scarlett, look at me.”
Looking at her face broke my heart even more than it already was, I hated myself. “I do love you. Just like I know you love me. But we both know it’s different. It doesn’t make us awful people for what happened; it makes us human. It’s only natural for two people who adore each other as much as we do, to want to comfort one another when we feel like we did. We took it too far. We got caught up in the alcohol and in the moment, and we just didn’t stop it when we should have. We don’t have to let it ruin us though. I’m still Max and you are still Scarlett and we are still best friends. I’ll still be here for you for whatever you need, just like I know you will be here for me. Right?”
Even though she was still crying, she smiled and nodded her head. I got out of my chair and went to her, ignoring the other people in the restaurant that were now staring at us. Wrapping my arms around her, I allowed her to bury her head in my chest and cry out the rest of her tears. After several minutes, she lifted her head and pulled back to look at me.
“We’re gonna be okay, Maxi,” she said softly.
“What did you just call me?” I scoffed.
“Maxi . . . do you like it?” She was having a hard time trying to not giggle as she said it.
“It’s the worst fucking nickname I’ve ever heard for a guy, but if you want to call me that, I love it,” I answered as I kissed her forehead. “Now let’s get out of here and fix the rest of this shit. I need my sweetheart to be perfect.”
Scarlett and I left the restaurant and I took her to the reflection pool at Hermann Park. It was one of Evie’s favorite places to go when we would hang out, and I thought it would be a perfect spot for us to both to spend some time remembering the amazing person that was taken from our lives way too soon. We settled ourselves under one of the massive live oaks that lined the pool, and sat silently for a while, both lost in our memories.
After a while, I finally said, “I was scared I was going to lose you too.”
She turned to look at me and asked, “What do you mean?”
“My love for Evie was a true love . . . a pure love . . . an eternal love. I never even fathomed that I would be without her, so when I lost her, I just went into shock. I shut down,” I admitted. “It’s just since you’ve been back have I felt somewhat like my normal self . . . felt like I deserve to live again.”
She scooted closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder.
I continued, “I need you around to remind me that I need to keep going. Seeing you persevere and trying to move on with life, encourages me to do the same because I know that you loved her just as much as I did. I was so scared that I had lost you over what had happened, and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to live with myself. I didn’t get a say in losing Evie, she was taken from me . . . from us, but if I lost you over something that I directly controlled . . .” I shook my head as my words trailed off.
“Well, that’s not gonna happen Maxi, so stop beating yourself up over it. The same can be said for me, but I’m moving on and I’m not gonna let it affect us. We can’t do anything to change what happened; all we can do is learn from it.”
“Spoken as if it came straight from her mouth.”
She laughed, “Yep, she was a pretty smart cookie. She always had great life advice.”
“Like a fortune cookie,” I joked.
“Ooh, speaking of fortune cookies . . .”
“We just ate dessert and you are thinking of food?” I teased her.
“I could always go for some Gigi’s.”
“Come on, you and your Gigi’s. We will stop and get some to-go food and take it back to my place.”
“Perfect Maxi.”
FINDING ALL THREE
SAME CHANGES—THE WEEPIES
YOUR CALL—SECONDHAND SERENADE
HEART SHAPED WRECKAGE—KATHARINE MCPHEE & JEREMY JORDAN
I LOVE YOU—AVRIL LAVIGNE
NEVER BE THE SAME—RED
SCARLETT
Max and I left the park, stopped to get the food, and went to his apartment where I tried to call Mason again, but this time his voicemail picked up before the phone ever rang. I left another message asking him to call me, hating this impending conversation hanging over my head. However it went . . . whatever was said . . . I just wanted it over and done with. The anxiety leading up to it was going to kill me.
We continued talking about the Mason and Bentley thing, and even though Max felt that I was off the mark in thinking that Mason had chosen to move on and wanted to break things off, I knew what I heard that night. I had been drinking, but there was no denying her answering his phone at two o’clock in the morning and his voice calling out for her to bring him a towel. And for that to happen the night after the conversation we had . . . it was pretty obvious to me.
We then tried to tackle my living situation issues. I knew that living at Ash’s house was not a long term option, but thought I would be okay if I stayed for a week or so until I figured out what I was doing. I had given up my student housing for the spring semester, I couldn’t afford an apartment on my own, and I didn’t have any other friends that were an option. It appeared more and more that my only option was to move back home and to try to come back in the fall. I shook my head wondering what the admissions office at the university would think of me. I came to school for fall semesters, and then had a mental breakdown each December that kept me from continuing in the spring. I highly doubted they were going to go for that again.
“Why don’t we get a place together?” Max asked.
I looked up at him with what I’m sure was the strangest look ever. “What did you say?”
“I said why don’t we get a two bedroom place here? You can afford the difference of what I pay for this. We are close friends; what’s the problem?” he answered with a serious look on his face.
“Max, after what just happened . . .”
“What? Do you really think either of us would allow it to happen again? I’m more sure now that nothing would happen than if we thought of this before. We both know what’s at stake.”
“What is everyone gonna think?” I asked worriedly. It really did kind of make sense. He was the only person other than Mina that I would even consider living with, and I knew that we would never again cross that line, but still . . .
“Who Scarlett? Ash or Mason? Because the way I see it, they are the only people that have to know about this. It’s no one else’s business. If they choose to tell other people, then we will deal with that then. But I really don’t fucking care what anyone else thinks if it’s a situation that works for both of us.”
I could tell he was a little frustrated with me. “Why are you upset with me?”
“Because Scarlett, you’ve gotta stop caring so much about everyone else and what they think. You’ve gotta start doing things to make you happy.”
I sighed and slumped over on the couch. “God, you sound like Ash.”
“I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean but if he said anything that I just did, he’s a pretty smart guy,” he said laughing.
Groaning, I rolled my e
yes at him. “Okay, Mr. Parker. You’ve got a deal. You’re so sure of yourself that this will work . . . have you ever lived with a female before?”
“My mom,” he retorted quickly.
“Doesn’t count.” I countered.
“Damn.”
“Well, get ready. Just remember three months from now when you’re ready to strangle me, this was your great idea,” I warned him.
“Won’t happen sweetheart. Remember, we are gonna make you perfect.”
“I’m far from perfect, Maxi, and always will be.”
“No one is perfect until you fall in love with them. And you sweetheart,” he said as he touched the tip of my nose, “need to learn to love yourself.”
“Okay pot.”
He started laughing hysterically as he stood up and walked across the room. “Point taken kettle. I’m gonna call the leasing office and get you a room to sleep in.”
The next few days passed quickly as Max and I began setting up our new apartment. Ash was none too thrilled about the living arrangements when I first told him, but after explaining to him the conversation Max and I had shared, I think he understood, especially since my only other option was moving back with my parents or grandparents. Ash helped us move Max’s things to the new apartment, and both of them went with me shopping for my bedroom furniture. They got along great, talking about music and sports, and I felt so happy when we were all together.
I still hadn’t spoken with Mason. His phone had been off permanently, and the voicemail box was full. Max had tried calling the rest of the band mates, but none of them answered either. I tried not to think about it much, and being with Max and Ash helped, but it was really hard at night. I couldn’t understand how he could change his mind so quickly, just want nothing to do with me or have nothing to say to me. I thought I at least deserved an explanation. I mean I knew that I had been no angel . . . okay, that really wasn’t the right word to use . . . I knew that I hadn’t been the best girlfriend, but I wanted to discuss what happened. How do you just get up and walk away from someone you claimed to have loved so much? I knew that our relationship had been strained with the miles between us over the past month, but he just dropped it. Dropped me. No looking back. It really fucking hurt.
The night before Mina and Noah’s wedding, I went to the rehearsal with Max as planned. Everyone was in an upheaval because Bentley had called and cancelled Jobu’s Rum’s gig for the reception the day before. They were able to book a DJ last minute, but they really had wanted live music. That’s when I had another one of my great ideas. I slipped away and called Ash, asking . . . no, begging him to play an acoustic set at the wedding. After several minutes of him rattling off the reasons why he shouldn’t and couldn’t, he finally agreed with the caveat I would sing at least one song with him. I was so excited I skipped back into the party anxious to share the good news.
Mina and Noah were thrilled with the idea of Ash performing, and the mood of the entire wedding party calmed immensely after that issue had been taken care of. We had a wonderful evening eating fancy food, drinking wine, and laughing at kid pictures of the bride and groom. It had been a week since I had last talked with Mase, and even though I was worried sick about him and still completely heart-broken, I told myself to forget about it and to concentrate on celebrating the weekend with my friends’ union of love.
The following day, I went to the wedding venue early with Max. He had to be there since he was a groomsman, and I wanted to help with anything that was needed. Mina was holding up great. She was in an excellent mood, her stress level seemed to be minimal, and everything was going just as planned. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her form fitting Vera Wang gown, and like I did at most weddings since I was a little girl, I couldn’t help but fantasize what my wedding would be like one day.
I sat with Ash during the beautiful, flawless ceremony, and I could tell he was nervous about the reception by the way he kept running his fingers through his hair and popping his knuckles. I tried to calm him down several times by holding his hand or patting his leg, but realized it was no use. Once he got up on the stage with his guitar, he would be fine. I was actually quite looking forward to it; it had been a while since I had really heard him sing.
The DJ played some nice background music while everyone ate and the cakes were cut, but right after the first dance and parent dances, Mina told him it was time. My heart swelled seeing him sitting up on that stage. He had lost the jacket and tie from the tan suit he was wearing, and his neck buttons were unfastened with sleeves rolled up. I knew I had a goofy ass grin on my face, but Max had to make sure and point it out to me.
He walked up next to me and bumped his shoulder into mine. He stood there next to me and quietly watched Ash setting up his amp and chair as well. When he was finally situated, he sat down and looked out into the crowd. When his eyes found mine, he flashed me his charm-the-birds-out-of-the-tree smile and winked. And the butterflies went wild.
He grabbed the microphone and began speaking, “Aristotle once said ‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.’ Tonight I would like to congratulate Noah and Mina for finding the other half of their soul, and I would like to wish all of you the same fate. Because you will never know true happiness, you will never understand immortal love, and you will never experience absolute perfection until you do. Tonight I play for my other half, hopefully one day my better half.”
He chuckled at himself before beginning his version of Secondhand Serenade’s Your Call. I was frozen to the floor, with my mouth open, gaping at the words that had just come out his mouth. Max leaned into me and whispered, “See, I told you you’re perfect.” Then without asking, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor.
The lyrics to not only the first song Ash sang, but every song thereafter, dug deeper and deeper into my heart. I danced a couple of times with Max and once with Noah, but mainly just sat, watched, and listened. His voice was so serene, so tranquil . . . almost as if everything was a love lullaby.
I knew beforehand that he had expected me to sing one song with him, but it still caught me off guard when he called me name over the speakers asking me to join him for the last song. I wasn’t sure if it really was such a good idea, seeing how emotional I was with Mason’s disappearance and the reemergence of the feelings I had for Ash that I thought I had so carefully locked away. It seemed his voice was the key that opened it right up. However, everyone was staring at me expectantly so I made my way toward him.
Thankfully, there wasn’t a second guitar, so I only had to sing with him. As soon as he began with the opening chords, a huge lump formed in the back of my throat. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to physically do this, but when it was my turn to join him in the duet of Heart Shaped Wreckage, I found my voice and lost myself in the music. During my section of the second verse, he put down the guitar and stood up next to me. We faced each other, completely absorbed in each other’s eyes, and sang the remainder of the song acapella to one another.
“Look at this heart shaped wreckage
What have we done?
We have got scars from battles nobody won
We can start over, better, both of us know
If we just let the broken pieces go.”
At the end of the song, he closed the small gap between us, cupping both sides of my face in his hands and kissed me like our lives depended on it. As his lips seared mine and our tongues danced in harmony, he poured his soul into me, and I drank the ambrosia that led to all three things for me—happiness, immortal love, and perfection.
MASON
Despite everyone telling me to stay away from the wedding over and over again, I just couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if she was going to be there or not, but I had to at least try. Bentley had taken my keys so I couldn’t take my bike, even though I hadn’t had anything to drink or taken any pills since the night before. I felt like complete shit, and I almost didn’t recognize the image that stared back at me in the mirror
. I hadn’t bothered shaving that entire week, and the circles under my eyes from staying fucked up for seven straight days and nights were so dark that it almost looked like I had been in a fight. Maybe I had been in a fight? I couldn’t fucking remember.
I called Boone and begged and pleaded with him to borrow his car. I told him that I needed to get some things from my apartment in Houston before we left the next week to go on tour, and that I obviously couldn’t bring it all back on my bike. Luckily he agreed, and I raced to get out of town before he had a chance to talk to Bentley and tell her what I had done. She was a stupid fucking bitch anyway. Every night during the week I had brought a different girl home with me, couldn’t tell you what any of the looked like much less their names, but every morning she was back at my apartment, trying to take care of me. I hoped she would eventually get the picture that I didn’t leave Angel for her; I really wanted no piece of that craziness ever again.
I knew that I was gonna be late, but I was hoping that I could at least apologize to Noah and Mina about the last minute cancellation, congratulate them, and of course, see Scarlett. My mother had always told me that I had impeccable timing when I would walk in her room watching her snort a line of coke, and it seemed my virtue of being at the right place at the right time, or the wrong place at the wrong time depending on how you looked at it, had stayed with me. As I walked up to the outside tent, I saw my worst fears being acted out right in front of my face—Ash and Scarlett singing to each other about mending their broken love and then ending it with a kiss for the history books. Fuck. Me.
