The Empire State Cat's Christmas Gift

by Nic Tatano

  “I’ll get there shortly, your honor. Anyway, Mr. Brent, you start to think of it as your cat and all of a sudden realize it belongs to your neighbor. But you’ve been feeding it and playing with the little furball for weeks. So is it now your cat?”

  Brent furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

  “Does the cat now belong to you?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “So, when Cynthia Riggs brings her pet project into your office, that’s different.”

  “Of course. You can’t compare an invention to a stray cat.”

  “But both the invention and cat are properties of the owner. Now, let’s say the owner of the cat is getting upset that you’re trying to steal the kitty by bribing it with treats—”

  Spence got up again. “Objection! Giving someone else’s cat a little food does not constitute stealing it. And treats are not a bribe. They are a reward for being a good cat.”

  Tish turned to him. “Oh, but they’re high end expensive treats that the cat absolutely loves and now she’s got someone else to pamper her and entertain her with a bunch of cat toys. He’s luring her in.”

  He started moving toward her. “He’s not luring her because he loves little animals. Maybe he happens to like this particular cat. And here’s a wild concept…maybe the cat likes him as much as the owner.”

  Tish narrowed her eyes at Spence. “Maybe the guy should get his own damn cat.”

  “Maybe he would get his own damn cat if he weren’t so damn busy. And I would think the cat’s owner would be happy that someone else is being nice to her pet. Perhaps he might have even bought an ID tag for her collar in case she got lost since the owner forgot to do it.”

  She folded her arms. “Maybe the owner was too busy—”

  Bang!

  The sound of the judge’s gavel brought the argument to a screeching halt. “Okay, enough with the cat metaphors or whatever the hell this is. Thirty minute recess and I want to see both attorneys in my chambers. Now.”

  *

  Tish looked down at the ground as she stood next to Spence in the judge’s chambers. Neither said a word as they waited for her. Finally, she entered the room, closed the door and took a seat behind her desk. “Okay, what the hell is going on with you two?”

  Tish looked up at her. “Your honor, I’m just trying to do my best for my client—”

  “Oh, bull.” She leaned back and looked at the two of them. “It just hit me while you two were having your cat argument. You guys fight like a couple. You’re in a relationship.”

  They both looked away for a moment.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” The judge rolled her eyes. “Good Lord, can this trial get any stranger? Why the hell didn’t you tell me before we got started?”

  “I wanted to,” said Spence, “but Tish wouldn’t let me.”

  Tish nodded. “Your honor, if I’d told you then you’d take him off the case and Brent would have gotten the delay he wanted. I couldn’t do that to my client who, as you know, doesn’t have any more time to wait. I didn’t want to face the man I…my boyfriend in court. But I had no other choice.”

  Judge Winston shook her head. “Hell, talk about a no-win situation. But I need to know about this relationship. You two living together?”

  Spence shook his head. “No, your honor. We’ve been dating a few months.”

  “So…have you two—”

  “Not yet,” came the response in unison.

  The judge leaned back and smiled. “Interesting that you answered in stereo with a yet at the end. Which means you’re going to.”

  Tish blushed like never before. “Your honor, we haven’t seen each other socially since the trial started. We didn’t want the media to know.”

  “Well, thank God you were both smart enough for that. Now what the hell is the deal with this argument about cats?”

  Tish told her the story of Socks. “I thought using it would be a good way to illustrate how Brent stole the invention.”

  Spence turned to her. “You shouldn’t bring our personal lives into the courtroom. If the judge picked up on it others might have as well. And I’m not trying to steal your cat.”

  “But you’re not playing fair in this trial.”

  “This from the woman who compared my client to a movie villain. And what the hell did I do?”

  She moved closer, hands on her hips. “You know damn well what you did.” She turned to the judge and started waving her arms. “He acts like my client’s friend, being nice to her. Then he leans on the jury box and uses that boy-next-door thing he’s got going with the tousled hair, the beautiful olive green eyes and that sweet smile which makes your heart flutter, acting like the greatest guy in the world. And all the women melt.” She looked sideways at Spence. “Especially that stacked brunette in the front row who is way too young for you but has been staring at you during the whole trial.”

  The judge laughed a bit. “Ms. McKenna, do you even hear yourself?”

  Spence turned to Tish. “I would not have been leaning on the jury box if you hadn’t complained about me leaning on your table. And I did not flirt with the jury, your honor.”

  “I agree,” said the judge.

  Tish rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on judge, he’s damn cute with a killer personality, he knows it and he’s using it against me.”

  Spence turned to her. “Oh, and I suppose that little trick you pulled on me this morning was fair?”

  The judge furrowed her brow. “What little trick?”

  “She took off her glasses!”

  The judge threw up her hands. “Okay, now I’m totally confused. How the hell is that a trick?”

  Spence pointed at Tish with both hands. “Look at her, your honor. She’s got these spectacular eyes and she knows that I’m powerless against her when she takes off her glasses and gives me that seductive look. Then in that sultry voice of hers she says your witness sounding like a phone sex call. Then, and oh, this was soooo well done that no one in the courtroom could see it but me, her hair clip conveniently falls out when she takes off her glasses, so when she bends down to get it she shakes out her gorgeous honey blonde hair like she’s in a damn shampoo commercial. I’m surprised she hadn’t set up electric fans to blow it around and that it wasn’t in slow motion.”

  The judge slowly nodded. “Ah, now I get it. Every man’s fantasy with a woman like her.”

  Tish’s face tightened. “What do you mean, a woman like me?”

  “Totally professional look, all buttoned up, ultra conservative, like the cliché prim and proper librarian who takes off her glasses, lets her hair down and reveals herself to be gorgeous.”

  Tish wrinkled her nose. “You think I look like a librarian?”

  “She didn’t say that,” said Spence. “You missed the whole point.”

  Tish whipped her head toward him. “I wasn’t asking you.”

  “The judge said you were gorgeous, if you’d bother to listen. Then again, you’ve never been able to take a compliment. It’s your only fault.”

  The judge snickered a bit. “You guys should have your own reality show. The Kardashians have nothing on you two.”

  Tish stood up straight and stuck her nose in the air. “Judge Winston, I would appreciate it if you would ask Mr. Capshaw not to flirt with the jury during closing arguments.”

  Spence shook his head. “Again, I didn’t flirt. And Judge Winston agrees with me.”

  “Then stop being so damn attractive!”

  “What would you like me to do, put a bag over my head? Blindfold the jury? Oh, how about this… I’ll get a bullhorn and deliver my closing argument from the hall.”

  Tish turned back to the judge. “He’s using his appeal with the women on the jury against me. He’s beyond cute and he knows it.”

  Spence was still looking at her. “You’re beyond beautiful and you don’t know it. But the men on the jury sure do.” He turned to the judge and pointed at her. “See, n
ot even a smile. Can’t take a compliment. I rest my case.”

  The judge waved her hands. “Okay, enough. I don’t care that Mr. Capshaw is attractive to the female jurors and it doesn’t matter if Ms. McKenna wants to leave her glasses off to distract her opponent. And by the way, Ms. McKenna, he’s right, I have caught a few of the male jurors staring at you, so it’s a two-way street.”

  “Men don’t stare at me, your honor. They never have.”

  “There it is again,” said Spence. “I think she must have one of those circus mirrors in her house that makes everyone look ugly. You should see her on a date, Judge. I tell her she looks beautiful and she disagrees with me, says she’s nothing special.”

  The judge laughed a bit, leaned forward and folded her hands. “Okay, stop it. I do have a few last questions and I don’t want to hear any arguing, and I only want to hear from one of you at a time. Now, Ms. McKenna, while you two were dating, did Mr. Capshaw treat you well?”

  The question took the steam out of her and she exhaled some tension. She looked down at the floor and answered in a soft voice. “He treated me like a queen, your honor.”

  “Only because you deserve it,” said Spence.

  Tish bit her lower lip.

  “And Mr. Capshaw, did she treat you well?”

  He slowly nodded. “She’s as classy as she looks, your honor. And it’s kinda nice that she has no clue she’s beautiful. The opposite of high maintenance.”

  “Every man’s dream, huh? I guess along with the librarian thing you’ve got no shot, Mr. Capshaw. Anyway, back to the problem at hand. Here’s what’s going to happen, and so help me if either of you deviates from this you’re both going to spend tonight in a cell, and not together. You two are going to take a deep breath, go back to the courtroom and Ms. McKenna will wrap up her cat question or whatever the hell it is in less than sixty seconds. Then we’re going to adjourn for the day so you both can calm down before closing arguments.”

  “Yes, your honor,” they said in unison.

  The judge stood up. “Oh, since I was a lawyer before I was a judge, one last thing about attorneys dating other attorneys.”

  “You don’t have to tell us it’s a bad idea,” said Tish.

  The judge held up her left hand revealing a wedding band. “On the contrary. For me it’s been the best fourteen years of my life.” She started to leave the room, then stopped. “Oh, Ms. McKenna?”

  “Yes?”

  “Mr. Capshaw said you wouldn’t let him tell me you were in a relationship. Good job getting him trained to obey already. You’re way ahead of the curve on that timeline.”

  *

  Spencer simply wanted to get as comfortable as possible when he returned to his office after dinner. He swapped out his dress shirt for a sweatshirt, took off his watch, and kicked off his shoes. The closing argument needed some polish.

  But he wanted to see Socks before he got going. He needed the cat for a little while after such a stressful day. The confrontation with Tish had worn him out emotionally. And the image of her taking off her glasses and shaking out her hair was burned into his brain, making it impossible to concentrate.

  He shook the bag of treats, poured a few in a bowl and Socks appeared a minute later. She quickly devoured them and then made a leap onto his desk. Spence scratched her under the chin. “Your ears must have been burning today, kitty. We talked about you in court.”

  Socks suddenly spotted his antique watch sitting on the desk and took a swat at it. Spence quickly grabbed it and put it in a drawer. “Whoa, that’s expensive. Not a cat toy.”

  And then it hit him.

  What he’d seen when he leaned on the jury box.

  The transit worker…

  His eyes went wide as his jaw dropped. “I’ll be a sonofabitch. The damn Kobayashi Maru. Brent is changing the rules of the game. He thinks he’s Captain Kirk.”

  He picked up the phone to call the private investigator, then shook out a few more treats on his desk. “Socks, you’re a genius. You may have just saved another life.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  “Trust me, I guarantee you’ll be sleeping in your own bed on Christmas Eve.” Angelo the contractor smiled at Tish as he led her and her friends through the construction work of her new and improved house. “Actually, we’re done with the living room and dining room so if you want to put up a tree and decorate we’ll get our equipment out of the way.”

  Tish shook her head. “Not really in the mood this year.”

  Madison took her arm. “You don’t want to decorate for Christmas? You live for this time of year.”

  “Really, Tish, we’ll help,” said A.J. “I realize it’s just a week away but we can get it done. C’mon, let’s put up your tree.”

  Rory agreed. “It will get you in a better mood.”

  Tish looked at the floor. “Somehow I don’t feel like celebrating.”

  *

  Spencer leaned back in the chair next to Ariel’s hospital bed on Saturday night as they watched the movie while sharing a pastrami sandwich from the deli. “I think I’d almost like to switch places with you.”

  She took a sip of creme soda. “Trust me, one day of this hospital food and you’d be begging to switch back. Thank you so much for smuggling this in.”

  “Got tiramisu for dessert.”

  “My kind of get well card.” She studied his face. “You look like you need to be in bed yourself.”

  “I’m totally fried. Between the case being dumped on me at the last minute and all the stuff going on in the courtroom with Tish, I just want to curl up, go to sleep, and then wake up from this nightmare.”

  “Well, it’s in the hands of the jury so it won’t be long now. I cannot imagine they’ll deliberate very long.”

  “They’d better come back with a verdict before Christmas.”

  “I’m sure they want it to be over as well. Speaking of the holidays, what are you going to do about the gifts you have for Tish? Or are you going to get something else in light of recent developments?”

  “Sticking with the last one I bought. Going with my gut.”

  “I think she’ll love it. And hopefully it will help her put all this behind you guys.”

  “I really miss being with her, Ariel.”

  “I’m sure she misses you. And I’m sorry I’m not the most exciting date for a Saturday night.”

  “Hey, you’re important to me too.”

  “I know. And so are you.” Ariel took another bite of her sandwich. “Oh, anything new from Kayla?”

  He shook his head. “Not yet. And we’re running out of time.”

  “Well, if there’s anything to your suspicion, that woman will find it.”

  *

  Tish poked at her food as Christmas carols filled the air of the restaurant.

  A.J. elbowed her in the ribs. “Hey, Mrs. Grinch, you gonna sit there all night looking like you got coal in your stocking?”

  She looked up and smiled. “Sorry, guys, I don’t mean to be a wet blanket. It just feels like this was going to be the perfect Christmas and this damn trial has ruined everything.”

  Madison looked at her from across the table. “How has it ruined everything? What’s actually changed between you and Spence? He’s still the same great guy.”

  “Working against him in court…he acts like I’m just another lawyer.”

  Rory took her arm. “Well, in court you are. And you guys can’t let the media think otherwise or the whole thing will blow up in your face.”

  “He’s done an amazing job defending Brent… It’s just surprising to see him working for a sleazeball and presenting such a solid case. I dunno, it’s sort of guilt by association. And when he objects to something I do, I take it personally. I can’t help it that I get so focused. He’s such a damn good lawyer.”

  “You have to separate your boyfriend from the lawyer,” said Madison. “You know damn well Spence doesn’t want to be involved in this case, so don’t blame him. And you
wouldn’t want him to let you win.”

  “Well, beyond the fact that he’s doing such a great job…the other problem is the jury absolutely loves him. Why does he have to be so damn charming and cute?”

  “Because he is charming and cute,” A.J. said. “Big part of the reason you love him.”

  “I haven’t said I love him.”

  Madison rolled her eyes. “Yeah, big news flash. Sweetie, you’ve been in love with him for a while. Have you already forgotten what you engraved on his Christmas gift? And speaking of which, are you going to give it to him?”

  “I haven’t decided.”

  A.J. shook her head. “Grinch.”

  “I’m not a Grinch!”

  “No tree, no decorations, maybe no gift for your boyfriend. You ain’t exactly Kris Kringle, honey. Get off your ass and get in the Christmas spirit.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Christmas Eve

  Spencer handed Benny an envelope and a bottle of scotch with a red bow on it. “Merry Christmas, Benny.”

  “Hey, thanks.” He looked at the bottle. “Oooh, the good stuff.”

  “I figured you deserved a little something extra for introducing me to Tish.”

  “Part of my job.”

  “Speaking of your job, I hope you’re not here all day.”

  “Nah. Once I’m done with the morning coffee crowd I’m heading home. We do a big Christmas Eve dinner. I’m surprised you’re working today.”

  “Well, one of the courthouse workers who takes food to the jurors told me it sounded like they might be close to a verdict, so I’m going to hang around. And the judge told me to be available just in case. It would be great to get this damn case out of the way for the holidays.”

  “No kidding. Speaking of which, you give Tish her present yet?”

  “No. I was hoping to do it after the verdict but since we’re out of time I’ll give it to her tonight regardless.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to see each other till the case was over?”

  “It’s Christmas Eve, Benny. And I’ve got a plan. Which involves a cat.”