On a Whim

by Nadia Aidan

  “Maia—”

  She tried to pull out from under his arm, but he held fast, forcing her attention back to him.

  “I already told you I wasn’t out on a date. Besides, that has nothing to do with me moving in. I came up with the idea because I think it would be best for you and the baby. It would only be temporary. After the baby’s born, I’ll stay for just a few more months until you are settled.”

  She stared at him wide eyed. “You’re serious about this.”

  “Of course I am.”

  There was a moment’s pause, as if she was pondering his statement. “Well, I think it’s a crazy idea.”

  “How so?”

  “Well for starters, we can’t keep our hands off of each other.”

  He frowned down at her. “That’s not true. We just haven’t tried—”

  Despite the weight of his arm, she rolled out of the bed to wrap one of the blankets around her.

  “We have tried. These past months have been us trying to keep our hands off of each other, and yet, here we are. Every time we say we’re done, we end up right back here.” She drove her point home as she pointed at the rumpled bed that still wore the scent of their lovemaking.

  He rolled out of the bed to drag his clothes on.

  “So it will just take us some time to get used to being platonic friends and parents.” He was surprised he could even look at her as he said the words, because despite how much he was committed to moving on, even he didn’t think he was truly strong enough to keep his hands off her. When it came to Maia, platonic wasn’t a word he used in the same sentence with her name. He shoved a hand through his hair. Damn. He hadn’t expected this to be so difficult.

  “You don’t even believe we can manage a platonic relationship. I can tell from the look on your face.” She had him there, but he knew at some point they would have to learn how to keep their hands off of each other if they were ever going to move on and find healthy relationships. It just wasn’t going to happen overnight, or anytime soon for that matter.

  “That’s why we can’t live together,” she said, breaking through his thoughts. “I agree. It would certainly ease my mind to have you here in case there was an emergency.” Her eyes turned sad then. “But frankly, it would break my heart in the end, pretending to be a real couple, a real family, when I know we’re not.”

  Her words triggered something foreign inside him and he wasn’t prepared for the tightness in his chest, or the fact that it was a struggle to breathe.

  He needed to get out of there so that he could think, so that he could examine his feelings for the woman before him who seemed to keep him on an emotional rollercoaster. Or was it him? One minute he wanted to date other people, then the next he was falling back into bed with her. He knew what the problem was—his head wanted one thing, but his heart and body still wanted her.

  He stalked across the room towards the door, needing to escape now. He had to get out of there so he could really clear his head. “I just remembered. I need to finish up a couple of of things at work.”

  “Chad—”

  “I’ll call you later,” he interrupted. He couldn’t talk to her right now, not when he felt as if he was right back at square one with her. He needed some time away from her, some time alone, then he would know how to handle his next steps with her.

  Moving in together would definitely be best for their child, but she was right, he wasn’t sure he could pretend either, at least he wasn’t sure if he could pretend, and still be able to walk away unscathed, if at all.

  He left Maia standing there in her bedroom and headed to the office to tackle some work. Hopefully by the end of the day he’d have a clearer head.

  * * * *

  Hours later, Chad sat at the bar of Fusion, one of Atlanta’s hottest night clubs, his head more muddled than it had been when he’d left Maia’s, especially with all the drinks he’d consumed.

  Chad wasn’t really into the club scene, but with nothing better to do than go home and wallow in his thoughts about Maia, and how when he’d originally agreed to have a baby with her things had seemed so straightforward, when now they couldn’t be more complicated.

  No, he wasn’t into wallowing, so he’d decided to join Dylan at the ESPN party for one of their clients. When he’d arrived, Dylan had given him a knowing look, taking in his drawn face, and the weariness he knew was evident in his eyes. But even if his friend hadn’t been able to guess what was wrong with him, the way he’d begun knocking back drinks should have been a sufficient hint.

  He was on water now, deciding it would be best if he sobered up, so that when the party ended he would be fit to drive home. As he nursed his third bottle of water, he scanned the crowd, tipping his head in a slight nod when Dylan made his way over to him.

  “Decided to sober up, I see?” Dylan took the seat beside him. “Does that mean we’re feeling better?”

  “Not even close.”

  Dylan grinned. “Let me guess, Maia.”

  Chad shot him a sideways glance. “As usual.”

  Dylan signaled to the waiter for another beer before he responded. “And as usual, I don’t know what happened this time, but you think after all these years you two would get it together.”

  Chad stilled. “What do you mean?”

  Dylan paid for his drink and grabbed the bottle to take a quick swig. When he was done, he gave a slight shrug and said, “Exactly what I just said. You and Maia have been playing this game since college. Isn’t it time you both stopped.”

  Chad frowned. “I’m not the one who’s playing games.”

  “So call it quits then—for good.” Chad betrayed himself when Dylan’s words struck a nerve and he looked away.

  Dylan flashed him a knowing grin. “That’s what I thought. You’re both playing games, but neither of you is strong enough to walk away.” Dylan stood to his full height then, and the look he gave Chad was devoid of any trace of the humour he’d shown just moments ago. “I know Maia can be difficult. She has a lot of issues and a crap load of baggage that probably gets in the way, but she loves you, and I know you love her. If either of you didn’t, you would have been done with each other a long, long time ago. But it’s not about you two anymore. You have a baby on the way, and you need to figure this out before it gets here.”

  Dylan raised his bottle in the air, as if he was giving a toast, then disappeared back into the crush of people on the dance floor.

  Chad stared after him with a dark scowl. Dylan had no idea what it was like dealing with Maia, how confusing and convoluted this all was. But at the same time, he knew Dylan was also right. It was time he and Maia figured this out. She’d told him she loved him, something he’d never expected to hear from her—ever.

  He wasn’t so optimistic to believe they would soon become this one big happy family, but he knew, without a doubt, there was still hope for them. They both just had to be brave enough to finally take a chance on each other.

  * * * *

  After Chad left, Maia decided to run some errands and take a walk around the neighbourhood to clear her head. The sun was just setting when she made her way back home, and though the walk had helped her sort through her thoughts, her head was no clearer about Chad’s proposition before his abrupt departure earlier.

  Three months ago he’d said he was done with her, that they were through, and yet, here he was suggesting they move in together for the sake of the baby, even though they both knew there was no way their relationship would somehow manage to remain platonic. Their physical attraction to one another had always been intense and instantaneous, which was one of the reasons they always ended up back together—and back in bed.

  Maia let out a long breath as the beginnings of a major headache begin to throb at her temple. One minute Chad wanted her, the next he didn’t—it was hard to keep up with him, and yet, she understood what drove him, because it was the same thing that drove her. Love.

  He still loved her, no matter how much he wished
otherwise. And she still loved him, despite her baggage, despite what it would mean to truly open herself up to a man again and risk her heart. After her ill fated marriage with the wrong man ended in disaster, she’d promised herself she’d never marry again, she’d certainly never gotten close enough to another man to risk her heart—except for Chad. For years, she hadn’t recognised her feelings for Chad, thinking it was just a heavy case of lust. It wasn’t until he’d officially ended their relationship before she’d left his cabin those months ago that she’d truly known. What she felt for Chad was the real thing—and it wasn’t going away.

  He talked about them moving in together, but she knew he wanted more. The question now was did she have it in her to free herself from her past and finally lay her demons to rest, so that she could have a future with the man she loved—the father of her child.

  Chad was just leaving the club when his cell vibrated in his pocket. He frowned. It was just past midnight. Who could be calling him so late? He pulled his phone from his pocket, a sense of unease settling over him when he saw the familiar number flash across the screen.

  Maia.

  Like him, she was an early bird, usually getting to bed by nine in order to rise at the crack of dawn. She’d never been a night owl, so he knew midnight was well past her bedtime.

  His phone stopped buzzing, and he was just pressing the button to call her back, when she rang him again.

  “Hey,” he said on the first ring, plugging his ear with one finger against the din of the music as he walked out of the club. “Isn’t it late for you?”

  There was a long pause, and her next words made his heart constrict with fear. “Chad. It’s the baby.”

  “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m having these pains a—and I just know. I know something’s wrong.”

  He could hear the distress in her voice as she choked back tears and Chad quickened his steps as he made his way to his car.

  “Maia, I’m going to call for an ambulance to come get you because they can get to you faster than I can. I’m just going to click over for thirty seconds, don’t hang up, okay?”

  He waited for her to assure him she wasn’t going to hang up before he called for an ambulance on his other line.

  When he clicked back over, he was relieved to hear her on the line and within minutes the paramedics were there.

  He could hear her talking to them from the phone, and he knew it would only be a few seconds before she would have to get off the phone.

  “Maia, tell them to take you to Piedmont. I’m only about a mile from there. I will meet you there, okay?”

  “Okay,” she said softly. “They’re telling me I have to go now.”

  “Alright, sweetheart. I’ll meet you at the hospital,” he said as he gunned the engine racing down Piedmont Street, straight to the hospital.

  “Chad?”

  He stilled. “Yes, sweetheart?”

  “I love you.”

  He smiled weakly. “I love you too.”

  The line went dead after that.

  Within minutes he was pulling into the emergency room parking lot. His hands shook as he bolted out of the car, and he released a long breath, trying to calm himself.

  He prayed that by the time Maia arrived he’d be in control of himself. But most of all, he prayed that Maia and their child were going to be alright.

  Chapter Seven

  Bright morning rays of sunlight filtered through the hospital’s heavy curtains to stream across the bed where Maia slept. She stirred awake with a slight yawn, her eyes squinting against the harsh glow. For a moment she forgot where she was, until the events from the night before slowly came back to her.

  She touched her hand to her belly just as her gaze landed on Chad. He’d stayed by her side all night until he’d fallen asleep with his head resting atop the bed near her hip. With a small smile, she weaved her fingers through his hair.

  “Chad,” she whispered, gently caressing his face until his eyes opened and her heart thudded at the sleepy smile he gave her.

  “How are you feeling?” He asked as he lifted his head from the bed and stretched.

  She was just about to tell him she was doing fine when the door to her hospital opened and a middle aged woman with a sweet face and a kind smile walked in.

  “Good. You’re both awake.”

  The woman crossed the room to shake Chad’s hand. “Mr. Buchannan.” She turned to Maia to place a gentle hand atop her shoulder.

  “Mrs. Buchannan.”

  Mrs. Buchannan?

  Maia glanced at Chad, who didn’t even miss a beat as he smiled back at her.

  Okay, so clearly she’d missed a few things while she’d been out.

  “I’m Dr. Mietzner. Dr. Chalk was the one who admitted you, and I’ve had a chance to look at your chart and his notes.”

  Maia turned her full attention to the woman. Once she’d arrived at the hospital, everything after that had happened in a blur. The last thing she’d remembered was the doctor telling her he was going to give her a very mild sedative to help her sleep, after assuring her, she and the baby were going to be fine.

  “Last night, Dr. Chalk said the baby—that everything was fine, b—but—”

  Dr, Mietzner halted her words with a reassuring hand against her shoulder.

  “I assure you, the baby is fine, Mrs. Buchannan, and so are you.”

  “But the cramps?”

  “Common in the first trimester.” She glanced down at the clipboard in her hand. “Dr. Chalk noted that your husband mentioned you’d thought you felt the baby kick earlier that day.” She looked up from reading the chart, a warm smile on her face. “It’s still a bit too early for that. You were probably experiencing cramps then, they just weren’t painful. But cramps are very normal at your stage, even into the second trimester as your ligaments begin to stretch. The only time you should be worried if you have regular intervals of reoccurring abdominal pain or any unusual bleeding.”

  Maia relaxed as she returned the doctor’s smile. “Thank you.”

  The woman nodded. “You’re welcome. You’ll be released within the hour.” She crossed the room to open the door. “Congratulations,” she said warmly and then walked out.

  As soon as the doctor was gone, Maia turned to Chad. “Mrs. Buchannan?”

  Chad didn’t even have the decency to appear apologetic as he curled his lips into a grin.

  “What did you expect me to tell them? I would have had to go through all of this red tape just to stay with you.” He shrugged. “Besides, when they asked if you were my wife, you’re the one who said yes.”

  “I did not!”

  “You did too.”

  “Well that’s because I was heavily sedated—”

  “You were mildly sedated, and it was before you were given anything.”

  She glowered at him. “I was under tremendous stress—could hardly think straight.”

  He grasped her hand in his, his eyes turning serious, even as the grin remained fixed on his face. “Or maybe you’re starting to realise the notion of us being married isn’t so strange after all.”

  She stared at him, her own expression turning serious as well. “I never said it was.”

  Still holding her hand, Chad sat down on the bed beside her. “After last night, I know I can’t do this anymore. It was pure hell racing across town, not knowing if you and the baby were going to be alright. I should have been there with you last night, at home with you.”

  “That’s crazy. You had no way of knowing anything would happen since I was fine all day. Besides, you can’t be with me twenty-four seven.”

  His eyes darkened. “But right now, I’m hardly with you at all.”

  She looked out the window, unable to bear the heavy weight of his stare. “You know moving in together is a bad idea. We’ve never been good at keeping our hands to ourselves, and our attempts at breaking up haven’t been so successful.” She gestured towards her baby bump as evidence t
o that.

  “I’m not going to let you stay alone.” He sighed, dragging her attention back to his face. For the first time since she’d awoken, she noticed the changes in him. His weary eyes, his haggard face. As trivial as it all seemed now, last night had taken its toll on him, in more ways than one. She glimpsed in his eyes a steely determination, and knew then that Chad had reached the end of his rope with her. For their entire ‘relationship’, she’d succeeded in keeping him at arms length, and shutting him out, but not anymore. It was there on his face. But she was tired of pushing him away. Besides, she didn’t want to anymore. It was finally time. Time to tell him the truth so that maybe she could leave her past where it belonged and for good, so that she could have the future she deserved to have.

  She tightened her hand around his as she leant her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. In an instant she was plunged back in time, to a life she rarely allowed herself to think about. She blew out a shaky breath the moment the fear began to wrap itself around her, the same fear that had been her constant companion for the most hellish year of her life.

  She didn’t know where to begin or even how to begin, so she just decided to start speaking, and hope the words would somehow sort themselves out.

  “My parents were good parents, good people, but when I got to my teens, I decided I was done with all their commands, all their rules. I’d always been headstrong, a bit rebellious, but even so, I never did drugs, I didn’t run with the wrong crowd—“ She opened her eyes then, to stare out the window, her gaze fixed on the barren trees. “My only mistake was marrying the wrong man. I was sixteen, and convinced I was in love. He was much older, and I soon realised whatever feelings he had for me, were certainly not love. The abuse didn’t start until after I ran away from home and we got married.” She stopped when Chad’s hand tightened around hers, but she didn’t look at him, she couldn’t.

  For so long she’d blamed herself for falling for her ex-husband, a man who knew nothing but cruelty. And when she’d gotten over the blame, that’s when the shame had set in. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have stayed for so long?