Dirty

by Ella Miles

  Two breaths.

  “I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

  More compressions.

  Then, coughing.

  “Caspian!” He’s alive.

  I ease off him, letting him get some good breaths in.

  “Thank god, you’re alive,” I cry. Tears are streaming down my face. “I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

  “Liar,” Caspian teases.

  More tears. “I can’t believe you let me do that. What were you thinking? I could have killed you! You should have stopped me.”

  “I couldn’t exactly stop you with the cuffs. And I would have deserved it.”

  “No! You don’t deserve to die.”

  He tries to comfort me but can’t because he’s still tied up, but I can’t leave him for a second right now to grab the key from the bathroom.

  So I lay my head on the uninjured side of his chest. I need to get Michi to help me get him to a hospital soon, but right now I can’t move him.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper as tears stream from my eyes to his chest.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for; you saved me.”

  “No, I didn’t. I almost killed you.”

  “No, you killed Dante. You killed the pain in me for what I let happen to you. You let go of your own trauma. And now, we can survive so much stronger. We helped each other heal.”

  I nod, not believing he is comforting me right now after I just killed him.

  “I almost let you die; you almost killed me. I saved you; you saved me. I think we are even now. We can move forward and decide our future without anything holding us back.”

  I know his words are true. And I wish he was right. That we are even now. But we aren’t even close to even. He might have been selfish, but everything he did was for Clara Conti, a woman who deserved his love. I may love Caspian Conti, but I don’t deserve to be loved in return. I don’t know if he heard any of my words when he was out. I hope he didn’t because I don’t want him to love me in return.

  He may have hurt me, but I’m the real monster.

  17

  Caspian

  Gia almost killed me. Sometimes I wish she had. Then the pain would finally be gone.

  She has taken care of me these last few weeks. Life has been normal. My wounds have healed, and we don’t talk about that night at all. We don’t talk about Dante or the pain we caused each other.

  All we do is heal, together. It’s taken time, but we are finally healed. At least as healed as we can be.

  But we can’t continue like this.

  “We need to talk,” I say to Gia. She’s sitting next to me on her patio chair reading. The last time we talked out here, it ended in her stabbing me. This time, I hope it ends better. But I’m still dreading the conversation I’m about to have because it’s the beginning of the end.

  She looks up from her book, her eyes big. “Maybe we should go somewhere else to talk first. The last time we talked out here, it didn’t end well.”

  She kisses me softly on the cheek. “What’s up?” she says more calmly.

  “I have a plan to kill Dante.”

  She folds her book and puts it on the end table before turning her feet to the side to give me her full attention.

  “When?”

  “Next week.”

  She nods then smiles. “Good, I can’t wait to have him out of our lives for good.”

  “I need your help though.”

  Her smile brightens. “Anything.”

  “I want to fake your death. That will make him suffer the most. You may not realize he loves you, but he does.”

  “He does not love me.”

  “Not in the typical sense. He loves owning you. He loves hurting you. He would hate if anyone else were the one to break you.”

  She thinks for a moment. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  I suck in a breath I’ve been holding. I want to fake her death not only to make him suffer but also because it will keep her safe if my plan fails. He can’t come searching for her if she’s dead.

  “And next week after I kill him, you can finally be free.”

  Her body freezes at the word free.

  I give her time to recover, not pushing her to understand what she’s feeling in her head.

  “What do you mean by free?”

  “I mean you can leave. Go home to your family. Start your new life away from here.”

  She nods slowly, like she can’t believe the words she’s hearing. She stares at the ground for the longest time, before staring back up at me.

  “I love you, Caspian.”

  Fuck.

  My worst nightmare happened. She can’t love me. I will break her when she finds out I’m incapable of love. Clara took my heart with her when she died. I haven’t loved since. I can’t.

  “When I kill Dante next week, I will have Michi pack your things and make sure you are on a plane to see your brothers in the US.”

  I stand up, needing to be done with this conversation. If I stay and talk, it will only make this worse.

  “Seriously? That’s all I get. I tell you I love you and you leave? This can’t be happening!”

  “I told you I would hurt you. I don’t love you. In one week, you should go.”

  Her face drops like I just told her her puppy died or something else horrendous. All I did was tell her I didn’t love her.

  “No. I’m not leaving. You love me too you big jerk, even if you won’t say it now. You wouldn’t have saved me if you didn’t care about me. You wouldn’t have let me hurt you if you didn’t love me. You wouldn’t do everything to protect me if you didn’t love me. You love me!”

  I stand firm. “I’m incapable of love, Gia. Even you. I’m sorry. I know I said you would never be free, but I meant that figuratively, not literally. You will never be free of your past.”

  “You love me.”

  I grab her body and jerk her to me. “No, I don’t. I never can. I’m sorry for being nice to you. For saving you. I knew I would hurt you. I was afraid you would fall in love with me, but I couldn’t stop it and keep you. I’m selfish, but then you already know that. I used you to get what I wanted from Dante. That’s it.”

  The last part stings the worst. I can see the devastation in her eyes. The drop in her body. The loss in her face. I hurt her worse than Dante ever did, and it kills me. But this is for the best. This must end. If she stays in my life, she will end up dead. And she deserves a man who can love her like she needs to be loved. Not constantly saved by a selfish asshole like me.

  Gia looks at me for one more moment with tears in her eyes. But she doesn’t let them fall. I’ve watched her many nights in Dante’s room where she was able to hold back her tears, despite the pain she was in. She’s had plenty of practice holding her tears in.

  I want her to stay, to fight because I don’t want to lose her, but I need to let her go.

  She makes the right decision. She walks out the door. Most likely to sulk in the bedroom or in Michi’s room.

  I give her a minute before I head inside and grab a bottle of whiskey and then head back outside. I’ll drink myself into oblivion and pass out on the couch. I’ll be doing a lot of that in the near future.

  I may not love her, but it won’t stop me from missing her. I’m not good at missing people. I’m destructive and cruel. But after Dante’s dead, it won’t matter because I’ll have nothing left to live for.

  Gia’s gone.

  The words float around in my head but don’t really land. She’s not gone. She can’t be.

  But she will be soon, and when she is, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not sure I will survive without her in my life. I’ve grown used to her light-heartedness. Her beauty. Her smart mouth.

  I will miss her too much.

  “Caspian!” my body falls off the chair and lands with a thud. Damn it, that’s going to leave a bruise in the morning.

  I open my eyes and see Adela standing over me, but there appears to be f
our of her.

  “What?” I snap, annoyed she brought me out of my sleep. When I’m asleep, I don’t have to remember Gia is leaving me in less than a week.

  “Gia’s gone,” Adela says.

  “No, she’s not. She’s in my bedroom.”

  “Caspian, she’s gone.”

  I shake my head as I sit up carefully, trying to not puke.

  “She ran out. She looked upset. Did you fight?”

  I nod. It was close enough to a fight.

  Adela’s body shakes, and she finally has my attention. “Where is she? Who followed her?”

  “I’m so sorry, Caspian. I was on duty. But I’ve had an upset stomach all day, and I stepped away from the feed for a few minutes. You were with her; I thought she was safe.”

  “Adela, what happened?” My heart freezes as I already know what happened.

  “Da—” She doesn’t get the word out. I know. Dante took her.

  I jump up and race inside, grabbing my gun and running to my car with Adela on my heels. I don’t know how Dante found out she was here, but he did. And I will do anything to get her back.

  “Caspian stop! You’re drunk! Let me drive,” Adela yells.

  “Get in the car. I’ve never been more sober in my life.”

  Adela frowns but jumps in the passenger seat. She starts calling in any member of the team she can get ahold of to help us as I drive to Dante’s place.

  Gia ran out because of me, and now she’s his. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose another woman I love.

  Love.

  Shit, I love her. I didn’t think it was possible, but now that she’s gone, I’m lost forever.

  18

  Gia

  My arms are tied behind my back as the light tickles into my eyes again. I don’t have to open my eyes fully to know where I am. I can smell the rotten flesh, taste the blood, and feel the cold floor beneath me.

  Dante stole me, again.

  And now I’m back in the same room of his house; I swore I would never return. But this time, I will escape after I kill Dante.

  The door opens, and I feel Dante’s presence before I see him. He smells of sweat and blood and fear.

  I stare at him as he walks in without a word, and I’ve never seen his face redder. His nostrils flare wide, and his teeth grind together, striding toward me.

  I won’t cower in the corner though, no matter how much my head hurts.

  I stand slowly, even though my hands are tied behind my back, I’m ready for a fight. He will not touch me again.

  Dante chuckles, watching me. “You think you are going to be able to stop me?”

  “Yes, I will. And by the time I leave here, you will be dead. If not by my hand, then by Caspian’s.”

  He smirks. “Oh yes, Caspian. The man who stole you. I thought he stole you because he wanted you as his slave. But you look very well taken care of.”

  I frown. I don’t want Dante talking about Caspian.

  Dante walks closer to me, and I stand tall, ready to fight as best I can if he touches me.

  “I have a feeling we will be meeting your new lover sooner rather than later. He won’t like that I get to touch you, not now that he’s had you. He will realize what a good prize you are.”

  “I’m not a prize. I’m a person.”

  Dante shrugs. “No, you are mine.” His hand clenches tightly around my arm, and I wince at the touch. Before a touch like that wouldn’t have affected me, but now it’s all I can think about. The pain shoots through me, making me realize how weak I am compared to him. If Dante wants to rape me, there isn’t much I can do to prevent it.

  “And this time, when I’m finished with you, I will kill you before any man has a chance to take you again.”

  I shiver at his words. He’s wrong. He will be dead long before me.

  The door slams open, and Caspian stands in the doorway. His gun is drawn, and it’s pointed at Dante. I knew Caspian would come for me. He hurt me worse than Dante ever thought about hurting me, but he will do anything to protect me, even if he doesn’t love me.

  Dante chuckles. “Nice of you to finally show up. I thought you were supposedly the best at security, but I was able to snatch her up with ease. It took you hours to even realize she was gone. I almost thought you weren’t coming, which would have been tragic, because then I would have had to hunt you down and kill you for taking what’s mine.”

  “Let her go, Dante. Then we can work this out man to man,” Caspian says, his eyes searching me for signs of any trauma.

  I’m fine, I mouth to him.

  His shoulders relax when he realizes my words are true. Dante, on the other hand, hasn’t loosened his grip on my arm. I can’t move. And I don’t know how good of a shot Caspian is. Can he shoot Dante while missing me?

  “You seem to be missing your partner though. Where is she?” Dante says.

  “I’m here alone,” Caspian answers, and my eyes widen. I don’t want Adela here, but I’m not sure Caspian can take Dante and his men out on his own.

  Dante chuckles. “You’re a terrible liar, Caspian.”

  My heart stills at Dante’s words.

  Dante’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it from his pocket casually, not acting like his life is currently in danger.

  “Do you have her?” Dante asks.

  There’s a pause.

  “Good,” Dante says ending the call. “It appears my guards have your sister. They are under strict instructions to kill her within three minutes if you don’t arrive to save her. My insurance that I remain alive.”

  Caspian’s eyes widen in fear. Sweat drips down his face as he tries to decide if Dante is lying or not. He can’t risk Dante not lying though.

  “You’re lying,” Caspian says, and my heart stops. He can’t choose me over Adela. He has to save her first.

  “Stay here, and we will find out,” Dante says.

  “Adela’s pregnant,” I whisper through tears. She can’t die. She has a husband who loves her. She has a baby on the way. She has a future. She deserves to be happy and live.

  “Please, save her,” I continue. I don’t add first. I doubt there will be time to save us both.

  Caspian swallows down tears I see in his eyes. He looks at me, and then Dante, and then back to me. His eyes tell me he will be back, soon. And then he disappears before either of us have a chance to change our minds.

  “Now that he is taken care of, where were we?” Dante asks.

  “Your guards won’t kill Caspian. He’ll fight them off. He’ll save Adela. And then he will be back to kill you. So I suggest you spend your time running as far away as you can.”

  He turns me toward him, his disgusting cock pushing against my stomach.

  “I hired new men. I have faith they will be able to handle Caspian. You should have said your goodbyes.”

  Dante’s cocky as he says his words, but he’s never been more wrong. He doesn’t know how Caspian feels. He doesn’t realize Caspian needs his revenge for killing his wife.

  I struggle against the rope tying my arms together as Dante smirks, his slimy hands groping my body.

  Please hurry back, Caspian.

  No, I need to find a way out of this. I can.

  “You’re nothing but a coward. You always have been. I’m surprised you don’t have four men in here holding me down like before. You can’t even rape me like a man.”

  Dante’s eyes are searing into mine. “You want a fair fight?”

  “Yes.”

  His grin widens. “Then, let’s fight.”

  He pulls out his knife, and I close my eyes afraid he’s going to stab me. Instead, my arms pull free of the rope.

  I’m in so much shock I don’t anticipate the kick to my ribs. It knocks me over, and I hit the wall before sliding to the ground.

  “It doesn’t matter if you are tied up or not. I’m stronger than you, slave. I will win. I will rape you. And then, I will kill you. Submit now, and I will make sure your death is painless.”

&
nbsp; His words drive me, just like before. I want revenge and here is my chance to take it.

  I’m stronger than Dante. Not physically, but mentally. I’m a survivor. I’m scrappy. And I know more about his world than he realizes.

  He kicks me again, and my body recoils.

  Think.

  I need a solution. A way out.

  I need a weapon. He’s still holding the knife. I won’t be able to snatch it from his hand. But I bet he has a gun.

  And there is only one place a guy like him would keep a gun. In the waistband of his pants where he can access it quickly.

  Stand, I command myself.

  I do.

  Dante kicks me again, but I don’t let him knock me down no matter how much pain I’m in. As I stand, he grabs me, forcing my arms down to my sides.

  I frown as I try to wiggle out of his grasp. His mouth comes down on mine, slobbering roughly over my mouth.

  “You’re mine, bitch. Don’t forget it.”

  He tosses me down on the bed and jumps on top of me. I freeze. My mind goes to my happy place with Caspian, as my survival mechanism sets in.

  No.

  Focus on the gun.

  He grabs my shirt and starts ripping it open as his mouth comes down on my body. It takes everything in me to not fight him off. To let his mouth take my nipple in his mouth. I need him close to me and not holding my arms down, so I can reach his gun.

  I move my hands slowly, trying not to draw attention to them being free as Dante bites down hard and making me tear up.

  But I can’t wait. I won’t let him rape me.

  I grab for the waistband, find the metal gun, and shoot him in the leg.

  Dante curses as he falls off of me. I scoot my body out from under him and stand to point the gun at him. Dante holds his hands up as he writhes in pain.

  “You don’t have the balls to kill me,” Dante says.

  I smirk. He doesn’t know I was the one who killed Roman. That I would kill him in a second without thinking if I didn’t think Caspian needed this more.

  Caspian may not love me, but I love him. And we need to know that Adela is safe before we kill Dante. We may need him to get her back.