A Rehearsal for Love

by Alexandra Warren

  Before I got dressed, I checked my phone and saw there was a missed call from Amerie, a missed call from Blaise, and then a text from Todd. I hadn’t talked to him since the last tour stop, and even though things had gotten slightly awkward between us after the exchange between him and Blaise, I still considered him a good friend.

  “Hey Rookie. I’m in your city for that audition this weekend. You coming? - Todd”

  I could only stare at the message, knowing I didn’t have a definitive answer. I had done tons of research, read article after article about dancing during pregnancy. And while most actually encouraged dance during pregnancy, the type of dancing that would be required for an audition didn’t exactly meet those requirements beyond the first trimester.

  But I was in the first trimester, meaning I could actually get out there and dance if I wanted to even if I didn’t end up actually getting the part. And I suppose it wouldn’t make much sense for me to even take the part if I did get it considering I wouldn’t be available for the full duration of the assignment. But did that really even matter?

  I wanted to dance while I still could. It could be my last opportunity to dance for awhile and…

  Before I could even talk myself out of it, I fired off a quick reply.

  “Yep, I’ll be there. See you then. ;) - Malia”

  Blaise

  “Thank you, Number 87.”

  The girl smiled, giving a little wave as she did a slight jog out of the room. I waited until she was completely out of sight to rest my forehead on the table, trying to relieve the migraine I had been having for what felt like weeks even though it had only been days. But I couldn’t focus on anything, couldn’t think straight. And when I did try to think, it turned into this; throbbing pain right against my temple.

  “Bro, are you sure you’re alright? We can do this without you if you need to go chill out.”

  As tempting as the offer was, I turned my head to the side so that I could reply, “I’m good, Knox. Just got a little migraine.”

  He gave me a look of disbelief, shaking his head before he asked the assistant to bring in the next auditionee. It was another girl, similar in stature to the one that had just left. Pretty, petite, exactly what Knox was looking to cast as far as females were concerned.

  I fell back into my chair, pulling the hood of my jacket over my head, as he asked her the same basic questions he had asked for the first 87 dancers; where she was from, how long she had been dancing, what song she was auditioning to, and then he let her have at it. But as I watched the girl dance, all I could think about was Malia.

  I remembered when I first met her by chance on the street when the studio was just getting ready to open. I remembered the smile she wore every time she showed up for a session, whether it was for the group or something personal. I remembered her easygoing attitude outside of dance and her fierce personality once the beat dropped. I remembered her eagerness to get better so that she could follow her dreams and the excitement she wore when she finally got that opportunity.

  And even if it wasn’t my intention, it probably seemed as if I was trying to strip that from her. From finding more opportunities, from following her dreams, all because I didn’t think it was fair for her to get rid of the child we had created together. The longer she stayed away, avoiding my calls and dodging my texts, the more I felt guilty for being so selfish. I just wished she would hear me out, and give me the opportunity to make up for it, or at least be there for her in the process.

  The room erupted into applause, snapping me out of the daze I was in thinking about my pretty little dancer.

  “Thank you, Number 88,” Knox announced, dismissing the girl and making a few notes before inviting the next auditionee inside. I rested my head back on the table, not even caring how tacky it probably looked when the next dancer walked in.

  And I didn’t bother looking up until I heard, “Yo, Ms. Malia. What’s good?!”

  My eyes were wide as Knox left the table to give her a hug which she smiled and accepted. But then she looked at me and… the smile was gone. The light was gone. And that hurt like hell.

  Clearly Knox hadn’t picked up on it as he continued the conversation as normal. “You know the part is yours, no questions asked. If you want it, that is.”

  She waved him off, replying, “Nah. Let’s be fair, Knox. I wanna dance. Prove myself worthy.”

  Knox only shrugged. “Alright. Well what are you dancin’ to, babe?”

  She looked right at me, glaring as she answered, “We Found Love. Rihanna.”

  “Cool,” he replied obliviously, returning to his spot next to me at the table and giving me a little shoulder bump as if he was pumping me up. But I couldn’t be pumped up with so many thoughts running through my head, mainly about her health and the baby.

  Does the baby still exist?

  I mean, she wouldn’t be here dancing - auditioning - if it did. But then again, if she had gotten an abortion, she probably wouldn’t be able to dance so quickly after. Or maybe she was… pushing herself to the limit, proving that dance was above all.

  I didn’t get a chance to make sense of things by the time the music was starting. And once it did, I was completely captivated by the woman that had stole my heart long before I even realized it. There was an effortless fluidity to every move she made, letting the lyrics of love drive her through. I tried my best to remain neutral, nodding my head to the beat and making it look as if I was actually evaluating her performance.

  But I wasn’t.

  I was watching her face, reading her emotions, and feeling sick as fuck as I weighed the possibility that for whatever reason she had chosen this song to communicate with me.

  “Bro, she is fuckin’ incredible,” Knox whispered near my ear before leaning back to his upright position. And I couldn’t have agreed more as I watched Malia drop to her knees, rolling her neck with her hands covering her face before popping back up for the chorus.

  It almost seemed impossible that she could be dancing with so much intensity and be with child. It was like I was watching my hopes of being a father dwindle with every pop she made, every roll of her body, every twist, and glide, and…

  Shit.

  I caught a lump in my throat just as she was hitting her finishing pose. And while it felt like I couldn’t breathe, Knox and the other choreographer both shot up from their seats to give Malia a standing ovation.

  “Yo, babe. That was fantastic! Blaise taught you well.”

  She offered him a half-hearted smile, her hands on her hips as she replied between breaths, “Yeah, he… he sure did. Taught me a lot.”

  Then her eyes flashed over to me and I was practically frozen in place when she added, “Can’t thank him enough for… everything he’s done for me. Everything.”

  “Malia, I…”

  She cut me off with a quick, “Thank you guys for the opportunity.” Then she darted out of the room.

  I was stuck in my seat as I tried to figure out my next move. But there wasn’t much to figure out once I heard Knox yell, “Bro, are you kiddin’ me right now? I don’t know what in the hell happened with ya’ll, but you need to go talk to her!”

  It was as if his voice was the gun at the starting line of a race as I popped up from my chair and followed her out of the room, hoping I’d be able to catch up to her before she disappeared into the crowd of hopefuls who were waiting in the hallway for their turn. Lucky for me, she hadn’t gotten too far; stopped by another one of the dancers to talk. But as I got closer and realized who the dancer was, my original intentions for the conversation slipped my mind and were quickly replaced with new, more objective ones.

  “Malia, you were…”

  She cut me off, crossing her arms over her chest as she filled in the blank, “Incredible? Outstanding? Fantastic? I already know. And I already told you thank you. So if you don’t have anything else to say, I’d like to get back to the conversation you so rudely interrupted.” Then she rolled her eyes, turning back ar
ound to Todd as if I wasn’t even there.

  I couldn’t believe how cold she was being towards me. It was a side of her that I had never seen before; a side I honestly didn’t know she had for anyone other than her mother. But then I thought about all that had occurred and it hit me that I was the one that had brought it out of her. The anger, the attitude; it was all my fault. And while with any other woman, I probably would’ve just chucked it up as a loss and moved on, that wasn’t even an option when it came to Malia.

  So I took a deep breath, interrupting again with..., “Pretty, we need to talk. Right now.”

  This time she grunted as she spun around and replied, “Well you can wait. I’m talking to Todd.”

  Todd put his hands up as he insisted, “Yo, Rookie. If ya’ll need a minute, I…”

  But Malia cut him off the same way she had done to me. “No! He can wait. Now what were you saying?”

  Todd looked completely uncomfortable as he scratched his head before he answered, “Uh… I honestly don’t even remember.”

  Then he quickly added, “Look, I’m gonna go run through my routine before it’s my turn to audition. I’ll… catch you later, alright?”

  Malia looked defeated, having no choice but to reply, “Yeah… yeah, okay.”

  And once Todd was gone, I knew I had to move in quickly before Malia found something else to be fake busy with. Still, that didn’t mean she wasn’t gonna try, snatching her bag from the ground and taking off towards the exit. But I was right on her heels, snagging her at the elbow and detouring the both of us towards the door to my apartment. Thankfully she didn’t pull away until we were behind closed doors at the bottom of the staircase.

  It had been awhile since the last time we were together, so I couldn’t help myself in taking the opportunity to just look at her. But I was quickly brought back to reality once she said, “You got me here. Now talk.”

  I nodded, suddenly at a loss for the substantial words I thought I had. “Um… how are you?”

  “I’m fine,” she answered in a snippy tone, cocking her head to the side and challenging me to come with something better.

  So I did.

  “How was the… procedure? I’m sorry for not being there with you.”

  Well... I thought I did until I watched Malia’s attitude turn into pure confusion.

  “Procedure? What are you talking about, Blaise?”

  “Oh, they just gave you the pill to take?” I had done enough research on the process to know those were the usual two options.

  But still, Malia looked confused as she asked, “The pill? Who gave me a pill?”

  “Amerie told me you went to the doctor. I’m assuming you were there to get an abortion.”

  She looked away, biting her lip before she crossed her arms and replied, “Well maybe you shouldn’t assume so much. I was there to… confirm, make sure everything was okay, and get resources on how to move forward.”

  Wait what?

  “So you’re still pregnant?”

  There was no missing the hint of a smile at the corner of her lips when she answered, “Yes, Blaise. I’m still pregnant.”

  But it didn’t make any sense, especially considering..., “You danced so hard during that audition.”

  “Which is perfectly fine through the first trimester. Trust me, I read everything I could get my hands on. And I wasn’t really auditioning for anything long term. Just wanted to dance while I still had the chance, you know?”

  I nodded, not really sure how she felt about her dance career being put on hold, especially since that was the sole reason she was even considering the abortion in the first place.

  But regardless of any of that, I still felt the need to tell her, “I’m so sorry, pretty. I should’ve been there for you. Should’ve kept my word. I fucked up. I overreacted. And I was selfish as hell for making you go through any of this alone. You’re not alone, Malia. I’m here for you; for you and for our child. Whatever you need, I got you. No questions asked. I… I love you, Malia. And I love what we have, what we’ve created. And I refuse to let that go.”

  The words had rolled off of my tongue so fast that I hardly had a chance to digest them myself. But I could tell they had resonated with Malia as she looked on the verge of tears when she replied, “I don’t know what to say, Blaise…”

  I grabbed her hands, pulling them to my lips and kissing her knuckles before I told her, “Just say we’ll be okay.”

  She tensed up, biting her lip as she said in a softened tone, “Last time one of us said that, that wasn’t exactly the case.”

  “And I take full responsibility for that, pretty. I’m so sorry.” It honestly felt like I couldn’t say those words enough. But I needed her to understand how serious I was; understand that what we had wasn’t the same ol’ shit she was used to, that we were worth fighting for.

  I needed her to understand that...

  “We’ll… be okay.”

  “We will?” I asked, trying to hold in my shock. I mean, it was the only thing I hoped to hear, but that didn’t mean I actually expected to hear it.

  And I certainly didn’t expect her to crack a smile when she affirmed, “Yeah, we will.”

  Before I could even think twice, I pulled her into an embrace, nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck as I inhaled her natural scent that brought instant euphoria. And she let out a little giggle in response that brought about an equal rush of excitement.

  “Malia, I missed you so damn much. And I’m so happy you decided to keep the baby, even though I fully support you if you decide to change your mind.” There was no way I was putting myself in that trap again.

  She sighed, pulling away so that she could look me in the eyes when she replied, “My mind is made up, Blaise. It has been for awhile now. I was just… afraid. Thinking maybe I was still that same girl from before who didn’t have anything except a mother who gave shitty advice. But I’ve come to the conclusion that this baby is the exact blessing I needed. More of a blessing than dance could ever be.”

  The way her face lit up as she spoke of our child made me more proud than any choreography she had ever completed, any audition she had ever nailed.

  But I still couldn’t help myself in adding, “Well I hope that baby blessing some way, somehow includes me.”

  This time she gave a real smile as she replied, “Of course it does. I mean, do you really think I wanna do this alone, Blaise?”

  I pulled her back in, wanting to squeeze her even tighter, but unsure of how much pressure her belly could withstand. Either way, that wasn’t gonna stop me from telling her, “You’ll never be alone again, pretty. I can promise you that.”

  “You promise?”

  “I do,” I replied confidently.

  She bit her lip again, looking around before adding, “Even if things get hard, even if I do something you don’t approve of, even if…”

  I cut her off, knowing there was nothing that could stop me. “Yes, Malia. All that included and more.”

  She let out a sigh of relief, her eyes twinkling as she said, “Well… I should probably go tell Knox that I can’t exactly take the part, huh?”

  With the excitement of the moment, I had almost forgot the auditions were still going on. But even that wasn’t enough for me to cut our time short now that I finally had her back.

  “Eh… he can wait. I wanna know more about your first appointment.”

  Malia rolled her eyes mockingly. “Oh God. Don’t tell me you’re gonna be one of those Dads?”

  Though I wasn’t exactly thrilled about already being placed in some category of overprotective fathers, I had no shame in answering, “Absolutely, pretty. This is my son we’re talking about.”

  Malia tossed her head back with a laugh, completely amused as she replied, “Excuse me? I just know I didn’t hear that right…”

  “What? Let me guess, you want it to be a girl?” Though I knew whatever we had would be the most beautiful baby in the world, I could definitely see
a little chocolate drop with a head full of hair dancing her way out of the womb. And it almost seemed like Malia was thinking the same thing, smiling as she ran her fingertips along my cheek and observed my features; the features that would soon be meshed with hers to create our little human.

  Just the thought of it gave me goosebumps.

  “I just want it to be a happy and healthy baby who gives me a happy and healthy pregnancy. The gender doesn’t really matter.”

  I nodded, licking my lips as I thought about a pregnant Malia with widened hips and fuller breasts, and... “You’re right, pretty. Regardless of the gender, I’m just happy the baby is with you. You’re gonna be an amazing mother.”

  She looked proud of that fact as she added, “And you’re gonna be an equally amazing father, Blaise Anthony.”

  Father.

  I had always considered myself a number of different titles; son, boyfriend, dancer, choreographer. But I had strong feeling the title of “father” would be more fulfilling than any of the others.

  And while I may have helped Malia advance in her career as a dancer, that paled in comparison to the blessing she was now giving me.

  Epilogue

  a year and some change later...

  Malia

  “There’s Mommy’s princess! Come here, sweet girl!”

  I couldn’t help but smile as my chubby-cheeked baby girl shimmied her way out of her father’s arms so that she could meet my open ones with a hug. It had only been a few days since I last saw her, but that felt like a few days too long as I landed kisses all over her face that made her giggle.

  “Hey, what about me?” Blaise asked as he watched me and our daughter have a moment.

  My smile expanded as I slung baby girl against my hip so that I could tease, “What about you?”