He takes a couple deep breaths before he has calmed himself enough to speak. “Do you love that girl?”
“I don’t know her. After I was with her, I thought maybe I did. Something in me changed. I felt like my old self again. She made me realize this world is worth fighting for. She was worth fighting for.”
“Then you fight for her son. Find a way to find her. You love her.”
“How do you know I love her if I don’t know that I love her?”
“Because if you didn’t love her you wouldn’t get this mad. If it was someone you could’ve walked away from, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But I want to tell you son you have a real twisted view of what makes a woman weak.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your mother will kill me for telling you this. She had always wanted to shield you boys and make everything a fairytale.”
My dad starts the long story of how my mom nearly died in an abusive relationship. He tells me she hid the abuse and even though he suspected she was being abused he couldn’t do anything unless she pressed charges. With a tear in his eye he went on to say, but that was the biggest mistake of his life because it nearly cost my mom her life.
All of this is hard to process. I’ve never suspected any of this, but I can see now why my mom always tried to protect us. And I can see that she never wanted us to view her as weak. She has only ever shown strength.
Feeling guilty, I walk back inside and wrap my arms around my mom. As I embrace her, a million thoughts run through my head. Who would want to hurt my mom? Who would want to hurt Nicola? Do I love Nicola enough to fight for her?
The seconds tick by and a final realization hits. Damn right, I love her enough to fight for her. Panic and a sense of urgency take over. If I am right and someone is hurting her, they will pay for it.
I need some understanding and I try to be as delicate as possible when I speak to my mom. “Why do you think victims hide the abuse? And why do they return?”
She sighs and I know she's back in those moments reliving the abuse so I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her. “Gavin honey, that's not an easy question to answer. I can only speak for myself, but the shame you feel outweighs the need to leave sometimes. I mean if you speak up the whole world is in on that secret. Often times I felt like I couldn’t leave, that I was trapped. I had no job, no friends, no house and no life. He was in control of everything, I didn't notice until it was too late. He closed me off from everyone and everything and I was so busy trying in vain to make him happy, to make myself good enough that I didn't notice all the light had left my life, until I was standing alone in the dark. I understand your need to go to Kentucky. It’s also where I ran to, all those years ago to clear my head.”
“I didn’t know mom,” is all I can say because I don’t want her to see the anger that’s building inside me.
“It’s alright honey,” she says as she kisses my cheek.
Chapter 15
Nicola
I’ve been working so hard these past few months to give these kids the best vacation bible school ever that I’ve hardly had time to blink. I went a little old school and planned a cakewalk, and even pulled out the old classic dunk tank. It seems a little outdated, but all of these activities are Allison approved. I even brought up the idea of pin the tail on the donkey, to which she politely declined. Honestly, I don’t think these kids care what’s involved as long as they can run wild with their friends.
The evening air is filled with laughter, and it warms my heart to see my daughter having this much fun with her friends. The water balloon toss is next on my schedule of activities. I must admit, Allison might have a little edge on the competition. She’s made me practice repeatedly with her until she could catch them perfectly. She had so much fun doing it, that now she wants to try and play softball. Although I think the lack of water might turn her off a bit, we sure did laugh when one of them would bust open. I think that might’ve been her favorite part. And honestly, I think I’m having just as much fun as Allison and the other kids.
“Mommy! Is it almost time for the balloons?” Allison is practically jumping as she runs up to me with a smile so big it looks like her face might start to break.
“Almost. I need to go to the car and grab the balloons, okay baby? I still need to fill them up so it’s going to be a little while.”
“Okay mommy,” she giggles as she runs back to the circle of giggling little girls with an update on the balloon situation.
I hurry to the car to get the balloons and realize that I’ve left the balloons at the house. Shit! I shut the door and jog towards Pastor Madden to let him know I’m running home to grab the balloons.
“If you’d like you can hand out the mason jars, they can catch fireflies until I get back. There aren’t too many out but it’s enough to keep them occupied until I make it back. I’m sorry!”
“Lightning bugs.” He playfully corrects me. I’m learning that Kentucky has alternative names for many things.
“Lightning bugs. Got it.” I laugh.
He shakes his head and pats the top of my hand, letting me know it’s no trouble at all. I thank him and head back to my car. It’s good living in a small town; I’ll be home and back here within fifteen minutes. Not wanting to keep the kids waiting I take no time starting my car and make the short drive home.
When I pull up the hill, I see Mrs. Mercer sitting on her porch and she waves to me smiling warmly. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful for her friendship and normally I would stop, but there’s no denying that she's a talker.
“Nicola!” Mrs. Mercer calls out, waving something in her left hand as she hurries towards me.
“Yes?” I reply, while opening my car door. I don’t have a lot of time for chitchat, but I certainly can’t ignore her. She’s helped me so much with Allison, and I seriously don’t think I could’ve made it this far without her. And I feel safer knowing I have a friendly nosey neighbor.
“This came for you today, although I’m not sure where it's from, there’s no postage stamp.”
I take it from her absentmindedly and decide to read it later, I really need to get back and start filling the balloons. I tell her I’m in a hurry, and that we must catch up soon, within a few minutes I’m back in my car and headed towards the church, balloons on the passenger seat. When I pull up, I can see all the kids running around the large field grabbing for fireflies. I giggle at the way they’re jumping around, innocently swatting at the bright bugs.
I reach for the balloons and my hand falls on the envelope in the seat beside them. I figure it won’t hurt to take a moment to read it now that I’m back at the church.
My Nicola,
You’ve been away from me far too long; you can only imagine how upset I must be.
Your man,
Jason
My chest caves in with fear I’m trembling, and at a loss for words or action. I thought we were safe! How did he find us? My stomach heaves as I realize there was no postage stamp. He’s here. Somewhere in my town!
I shoot out of the car. Pushing off of the side like a runner’s block in a dead sprint towards the open field, I scan every inch for Allison in this sea of tiny bodies. No luck. I haven’t seen Jason either, which is the only shred of hope I have to hold onto at this point. At least his height and light blonde hair would certainly stand out in this crowd.
Gavin
I got back into town yesterday. The time with my family was refreshing and therapeutic in a way. I have one month left on my leave from the department, and that gives me one final month to find Nicola. I’ll do what I can in that time, and if worse comes to worst I’ll just have to try and let it go. She’s been gone for some time now, but I still expect to see her face every time I walk into the bar. Instead of working at the bar today I decided I’m helping my grandpa out at the church. He rarely ever asks for anything at all so I can’t really say no.
On my drive back from Chicago, a thought hit me. I might not know a
lot of people in this town, but I know someone who does. After this party, I'm going to talk to my grandpa about Nicola. If anyone would know her or her whereabouts, it's him. Well, Jean also. But over the past months, Jean has tried to avoid any talk of Nicola. I've tried pressing her more times than I can count, but from what I've gathered she made a promise to her friend and she plans to keep that promise. Hopefully my grandpa's loyalty lies with me. And I know if I finally admit to him that I'm in love, he’ll help me locate her. He's a sucker for a good love story. It makes sense. He loved my grandma his entire life.
He approaches, smiling, and says to me, “The kids are out collecting lightning bugs, could you let them know they have five minutes left before the next activity?”
The thought of a hundred loud kids make me itch but I shake my head and walk towards the fields.
Whistling as loud as I can, I yell out: “Five minutes! Catch all that you can. After you’re done take a marker and put your name on your jar or I can help you if you need help. We’ll count each one and let you know who the winners are tomorrow.”
The kids all scream and shout as they take off running towards the trees, all but one little girl. She’s sitting on the pavement, staring into her empty jar in a way that twists my heart into a huge sad knot.
Shit! I hadn’t planned to interact with the kids, but I can’t ignore this sad little face. I approach her smiling so she isn’t afraid. I can only imagine how my tattooed arms and crazy hair would scare her. “What’s with the long face?” I speak as soft as I can.
She looks up, shrugging her shoulders and then places her head in her hands as though she's about to cry.
“Do you need help catching them?”
“It’s not that,” she whispers.
“So what is it?” I question.
“They die. If we catch them, they die.” she cries out. Her bottom lip pouting out. That innocent face makes my heart hurt.
Not wanting the sweet little blonde haired girl to be sad, I quickly think of what to say. “Well, you just won your own prize.”
“What do you mean? I didn’t catch anything,” she looks at me skeptically.
“I know. Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You can’t tell your friends, but you can tell your parents if you must. Most grown-ups know this secret, but we can’t share it with kids unless it’s the right kid.”
Her sad blue eyes turn hopeful as she excitedly asks, “Ok. I promise not to tell!”
“Did you know that the kids who catch and release a firefly can make a wish? And whatever you wish for will come true.”
“Are you lying?” she questions suspiciously.
“No, I’m not. All you have to do is say the wish out loud. Their ears are so small so make sure they hear you.” I tell her that so that I can hear her wish. Whatever this little girl wishes for she’ll get. Even if I need to paint a horse, put a horn on it, and call it a unicorn I will.
She gets up, runs to the trees, and quickly grabs her first firefly. She closes her eyes and blows the lightning bug off her hand and then wishes, “I wish the monster never ever hurts me or my mommy again!”
Well since monsters aren’t real, I know this is a promise I wouldn’t have to break. “You know monsters aren’t real.” I remind her.
The sadness again touches her eyes and she lowers her head and says, “He is, if he’s your daddy.”
What the fuck? My chest tightens as it hits me, I'm not sure that I can keep that from happening. Shit! This is why I stay away from children. When I told her about wishing on fireflies, I didn’t see this coming.
But what I do know is if some man is beating his kid and their mom, there are ways to make him go away. “Does your daddy hit you?” I question gently trying to hide the sudden anger that's rising inside me.
She shakes her head no and then offers up this information. “He used to hit my mommy. We left, but I hear things outside of my window.”
“Allison!” I hear shouted behind me, and the sound of the voice hits me like a ton of bricks.
I turn to see Nicola in a dead run, sprinting towards us. She sees me standing here, but doesn’t acknowledge my presence. I’m not offended, as she looks terrified.
“Come on baby.” Nicola says picking up who I assume to be her daughter.
“Where we going mommy?”
“He’s here.” Nicola says in a voice filled with fear.
“Mommy, you don’t need to worry,” the look on her small face is hopeful. “I know about the fireflies and how if you wish for something instead of killing them, than your wish comes true. I wished that dad couldn’t hurt us.”
Not many times in my life have I ever felt so stupid or bad. In this moment though, I feel both profoundly, as Nicola tries to make sense of what her daughter is saying. I simply want to announce that I’m a complete idiot, but don’t think it’s the right time.
“Allison, listen to me. We need to run. Please, just run. Don’t stop; don’t look back. Just get to the car.”
“Nicola?” I question.
“I’m sorry Gavin.” she says, and takes off in a run holding Allison's hand.
Allison pulls away from her mom and squares up to me as she screams out through tears, “You said the wish would work.” Nicola captures her small hand again quickly urging her towards the car.
It’s like a knife piercing through my heart and I take off in a run myself, and in no time, I’ve caught up with them. I want to reassure Allison that her wish will come true, that her and her mom will be safe, but this knot in my stomach makes me pause.
Chapter 16
Gavin
I’m silent on the short run to Nicola’s car and not sure what to ask first. I didn’t know Nicola had a daughter. I can make a good guess now that this is probably why she left. I did say I didn’t want children and it’s bothering me knowing how that made her feel. I push all of this to the back of my mind for the time being.
Nicola flings the door open and tosses Allison into her car seat without even losing her pace. I jump into the passenger seat, hoping that in the heat of the moment she won’t take time to protest.
“I’m going with you.”
Nicola’s hands shake as she tries to start the car. “Please God. Please Start!” The engine clicks in an impish attempt to turn over as Nicola tries to reason with her sad old car and the universe.
I pull the keys from my pocket and hold them up, “We can take my car.”
“Come on baby,” Nicola reaches her hand back to her daughter. Allison's eyes are as full of fear as her mothers are, but she remains eerily calm.
“Where is it?” Nicola asks.
“Right there.” I point to my Mustang a few cars over. There’s an unease stirring inside of me.
As we get closer to my car, Nicola squeezes my hand. For a quick moment, I smile, feeling a familiar warmth that had gone when she stopped coming into work. But then I see a stranger, a man, nearing my car as well. Nicola stops moving for a moment, inhaling sharply, and everything makes sense. Her, usually warm hazel eyes are stricken with terror as she looks from me to him and she pleads in a timid voice, “Take Allison and run Gavin. Run!”
This is the second time in my life I’ve heard the words Run! Gavin. Run! And it’s the second time in my life I will ignore that command. I discreetly pass Nicola my keys and I whisper, “No, my parents address is on the registration in the car. You go there. They’ll know what to do. I’ll call later.”
Nicola wavers for a moment, I can see in her eyes that she wants to protest but instead she lets go of my hand, runs to my car, and I take a few steps in the direction of the man. I spend a moment sizing him up. He’s tall, about my height, with a similar build. But his shirt is a size or two too small. Maybe he thinks it’ll makes his sad little muscles look bigger. When I was a cop, I saw his type every day. I know him for the little dicked bastard he is. Scumbags like him get off on the fear and pain they create.
He’s walking slowly, looking
around every now and then as not to draw any attention to himself. But when he sees Nicola reach for the car door, he lifts his hand from his pocket, exposing the heavy metal of a gun and he speaks with callous, “I’ll blow those tires out, stop moving.”
Nicola instinctively pushes Allison behind her and he keeps talking, “Unlock the doors, give me the keys, and get in.”
Nicola doesn’t move but she’s scanning the crowd, hoping for an escape plan, but even I know there is none right now. She has a far better chance if she goes with him, at least for the time being. He would put a bullet in their backs if they tried walked off. I can see it in his eyes. “Jason, I won’t fight but Allison stays here.” Nicola’s voice shakes as much as her hands; the desperation in it makes me flinch.
“Allison needs to see what happens when naughty girls disobey, she goes too.” He nods his head towards the car, “Get in.”
“Please Jason. Whatever you want, just not Allison.” In these few seconds, I can tell that he revels in the power he has over her; I want to clock him with his own gun.
“Come here and give your daddy a hug,” he ignores Nicola’s plea and bends down, throwing his arms open wide, like a normal loving father but his eyes betray him.
Allison looks at her Mom first. Nicola seems to know that the only option is to go to him and gently shakes her head yes. Allison hangs her little head but walks to him obediently, she’s apparently just as aware of the implications if she doesn’t listen to him. My fists clench at the thought of his past with these two. I can feel the skin burying itself underneath my fingernails.
I try to make sense of this situation, scanning the area around me. The tension in my stomach lessens when I see my grandfather with a phone to his ear, gathering the children in a hushed manner. Okay, so the local police should be here soon and the children will be tucked away, that’s a start.
The instant Allison reaches him he whips her around, holding her tightly in front of his body. I can hear her whimper as he clamps down on her tiny shoulder, his other hand wrapped tightly around the piece still concealed by his pocket.
Gavin (Made From Stone Book 2) Page 8
