My Christmas Wish

by Ali Parker

  I groaned in frustration. “You make me sound like a monster.”

  “Look,” Mike said. “We’ve been best friends for a long time, and I believe you’re a good person deep down. But clearly, you’re up to something you shouldn’t be. Otherwise, why keep it a secret? Why risk your whole relationship with a woman you claim to love by lying to her and hiding things from her?”

  “And what if I’m doing something that will make our relationship stronger?” I asked.

  “Then you’re doing a shitty job at it, or else Charlotte wouldn’t be so pissed off at you,” he said. “And frankly, I’m pretty frustrated with you right now, and we’re not even fucking. I can only imagine how she feels.”

  I dropped my gaze, looking down at a loose thread on the arm of the couch. I picked at it with my fingers, trying to get my swirling thoughts in some kind of order. Maybe this whole thing had been a mistake. Maybe I was going about it completely the wrong way. Maybe I just needed to come clean.

  “So,” Mike said. “Are you going to fucking tell me or what?”

  I shook my head. “Sorry, man. I can’t. Not if you might run and tell Charlotte. It has to stay a secret for now.”

  Mike rolled his eyes. “Whatever, dude.”

  I knew how this made me look, but for now, I just had to keep going and hope everything worked out in the end.

  Chapter 12

  Charlotte

  After Talon left, I got cleaned up and went to spend the day with my parents. I didn’t tell them about anything that was happening with Talon. They didn’t need to be involved in my relationship drama. It would just make things awkward the next time Talon was around them, and I didn’t want that.

  I got back to the apartment just after the sunset, pulling my car into my assigned parking spot. I glanced up at the windows of the apartment and saw lights on. Talon was home, back from wherever he’d gone.

  I didn’t want to fight anymore. Fighting never solved anything between Talon and me. Although when I thought about it, we hardly ever fought in the four years we’d been together. There had been a few big arguments early on in the relationship, but that was normal for most couples. When people were getting to know each other, it was important to set boundaries and communicate their expectations. After that, it had been smooth sailing for us.

  Now, my problem was that I got too emotional when we fought, making it impossible for me to think rationally or listen to reason. My rational mind was telling me that everything was fine and that Talon still loved me as much as ever. But my heart was telling me to tear into him relentlessly until he gave up whatever fucking secret he was hiding from me.

  But I knew that wouldn’t fix anything. Every time I pressed Talon on the issue, he pulled back from me further. Or worse, we ended up in a fight like this morning. I felt bad about blowing up at him, but I couldn’t help it. When my emotions took over, I flew off the handle.

  I promised myself I wouldn’t do that tonight. I got out of the car and headed up the stairs, trying to keep calm and relax. A nice, peaceful night was just what I needed tonight.

  My neighbor, Zak, came out of his apartment just as I got to the second-floor landing. He was too handsome for his own good. He didn’t turn me on at all. He wasn’t my type. Still, I acknowledged that he was good-looking. I could understand the appeal to other women. The thing was, he knew he was attractive, and he acted like it. He walked around with this pretty boy swagger, like he was God’s gift to women.

  When he saw me, he flashed me a brilliant smile and eyed me up and down, not hiding his approval at what he saw. I ignored it like I always did.

  “Hey, Zak.”

  “Hey there, yourself, Charlotte,” he said. “You’re looking good on this fine evening. I was just heading out to the bar. How about you join me for a drink?”

  “Thanks for the invite, but I’m gonna hang out with Talon tonight. You know, my boyfriend?”

  Zak shrugged. “Forget your boyfriend. Spend some time with a man friend instead.”

  I rolled my eyes. Fucking Zak refused to accept my gentle brush off and bow out gracefully. So I brought out the big guns.

  I rolled my eyes. Fucking Zak refused to accept my gentle brush off and bow out gracefully. I had no choice but to be straight forward.

  “No thanks,” I replied.

  He smiled at me. “Come on. You know you want to.”

  No, I didn’t. Thankfully, at that moment, Mike opened the door and poked his head out. “Hey, Charlotte. Zak.”

  “Talon,” Zak said, nodding. “I was just inviting your girl out for a drink.”

  Zak had some balls on him. I had to give him that. Not that it made me any less disgusted by him.

  Talon gave Zak a hard look. It was a look that threatened violence. “Hitting on my girl, huh? What happened to the girl you were with the other night?”

  “Oh, her?” Zak asked, laughing. “I got bored of her already. It’s time to move on to greener pastures.”

  “Well, go graze somewhere else,” Talon said.

  “Calm down, big man,” Zak said, raising his hands in a placating gesture. “Charlotte turned me down.”

  “Don’t I look calm to you?” Talon asked.

  He did look calm, although it was more like the calm before the storm. One wrong word out of Zak’s mouth, and I had a feeling Talon would break this little douche bag in two. As childish as it might be, a thrill went through me at seeing Talon so protective and possessive over me. He was my big, strong man staking a claim to me, and it kind of turned me on.

  If anything, the fact that he was so jealous was a good sign. Obviously, Talon still cared about me. Enough to fight for me anyway. It was sweet.

  I put a hand on Talon’s chest. “Let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.”

  He kept his eyes locked on Zak’s for a few seconds longer, silently warning him to stay the fuck away from me. Zak finally shrugged and looked away. Talon nodded, and we went inside.

  When the door was closed, Talon wrapped me in a warm embrace. “I fucking hate that guy,” he said.

  “You and me both,” I said, laying my head against his powerful chest. “But I’m glad you didn’t kick his ass.”

  Talon laughed. The deep sounds echoed through his chest like the rumble of distant thunder. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

  “Because it would be a pain in the ass to clean his blood out of your clothes,” I said, looking up at him and grinning.

  He laughed even harder at that. His eyes met mine, and it warmed my heart to see humor twinkling in their icy blue depths. It was a lot better than the distant, closed-off look they held this morning.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said.

  “No, I’m sorry. I got a little carried away.”

  His arms squeezed me tightly. “No need to apologize,” he said. “I just hate it when you don’t talk to me.”

  I nodded. “And I don’t like it when you don’t talk to me. You can tell me anything, you know? Good or bad.”

  He smiled. “I know. But there’s nothing to tell.”

  I looked up at him. “You promise?”

  “I promise.”

  “And you’d never lie to me, right?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “No. Well, not about anything important.”

  I pulled away from him, breaking our embrace. I felt a twisting feeling in my stomach. “What does that mean?”

  His eyes widened. “Nothing. But I mean, no one tells the truth about everything.”

  I shook my head. “Wow, are you serious right now?”

  “It’s not a big deal,” he said.

  “Isn’t it?” I asked. “Tell me something you’ve been lying to me about. Right now.”

  He smiled. “All right. If it will help you understand.” He paused like he was thinking. “Okay, there’s one thing I can think of. But if I tell you, you have to promise not to get mad.”

  “Yeah, fine,” I said. “Just tell me.”

  “Okay, so you remember
those jeans you bought me for my birthday?”

  I nodded. “The green denim ones?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “I hate them.”

  “What? You said you liked them.”

  “I know,” he said. “I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. They’re too tight around the crotch.”

  I laughed. “I get it. You have a big dick. Calm down.”

  He chuckled. “No, I’m just saying, they bind me up in my nethers, and they’re not comfortable. Plus, I’m sorry, but I hate the color.”

  I shook my head, smiling. “I like those pants. And they weren’t cheap.”

  “See? I appreciated the thought and everything, and I didn’t want to disappoint you. So, I lied.”

  She nodded. “Well, you still should have told me. We could have returned them.”

  “I know,” he said. “But you were so happy. I didn’t want to spoil it.”

  “That was sweet, but I’m not some delicate flower. You don’t need to lie to me to spare my feelings. I can handle the truth.”

  He laughed. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “You’re not mad right now?” he asked. “Not even a little bit?”

  I frowned. “Well, maybe a little.”

  He laughed. “You see?”

  “I mean, I’m not mad, exactly, but I’m a little bummed out that you didn’t like them. And I feel silly for thinking I’d gotten you this great gift.”

  “Right,” he said. “So, it was simpler to just pretend I liked them and leave it at that. Some things are worth lying about, even to the ones you love. Especially the ones you love sometimes.”

  I nodded, but inside, I felt like this conversation had never been about the green pants at all. It was like he was justifying hiding this other big secret from me by using the pants as an example. That bothered me.

  And even worse, he’d straight up admitted to lying to me about some things. If he’d lie about the little things to protect my feelings, why wouldn’t he lie about the big things, too?

  Chapter 13

  Charlotte

  The next morning, I dragged myself through my morning routine, getting ready so I could get some last-minute Christmas shopping done. With just two days before Christmas, I was cutting it close, but I didn’t have time to get it done before this.

  I walked out of the bedroom, and Talon was watching a college football game on TV. He glanced over at me and smiled.

  “Looking good, gorgeous,” he said.

  “Oh, please,” I said. “I always look good.”

  He laughed. “I can’t disagree with that. You going to meet your parents?”

  “I’ve got a hot date,” I said.

  He raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh, really? Am I invited?”

  I smiled and shook my head. “I’m meeting Katie.”

  Talon nodded. “You switching teams on me? I love it. In that case, I’m definitely coming with you. I’ll just sit in the corner and watch.”

  I rolled my eyes and laughed. “No, you pervert. We’re going to the mall to get some gifts.”

  “You’re not done shopping?” he asked.

  “Not quite,” I said. “I still need to grab a few things for you, which means you can’t be around.”

  “You don’t have to get me anything,” he said. “Just wrap a bow around you, and that’s the only present I need this year.”

  I groaned. “That’s so cheesy.”

  It was cheesy, but it still made me feel good.

  He laughed. “It’s not cheesy if it’s true.”

  “It can be both, I guess,” I said. “But it’s nice to know I have that to fall back on if I can’t find anything for you.”

  “Seriously, I don’t need anything,” he said. “I feel like I’m on the naughty list anyway. And not the good kind of naughty.”

  I bobbed my head back and forth. “Well, I was just gonna buy you a lump of coal. And maybe some green pants.”

  He laughed. “I’m never going to hear the end of that, am I?”

  “Absolutely not,” I said. “That’s what you get for lying to me.”

  “Okay, I guess that’s fair. Well, if I get green pants, I will love them and wear them, just because they’re from you.”

  “Oh, yeah? Then I’m definitely going to find a pair and call your bluff.”

  “Damn,” he said, chuckling. “When will I learn to shut my big mouth? No wonder I have to hide things from you.”

  My smile faltered, and the humor evaporated from the room. I knew he was trying to be funny, but it hit way too close to home. I also felt like he’d let slip a nugget of truth with that joke. Despite all his assurances to the contrary, maybe he was hiding something from me.

  I sighed and shook my head. Part of me wanted to pursue it, but I would rather just get out of here and go shopping with Katie. My mood hadn’t been ruined entirely yet, but if I kept talking to Talon about this, I knew I would lose my shit, and we’d end up in a huge fight.

  I didn’t have the energy for that right now, especially when I knew it wouldn’t fix anything. No matter how much I yelled or screamed, he wouldn’t come clean with me. If he were hiding something, I’d just have to figure it out on my own. Talking or fighting about it was an exercise in futility, and I was done butting my head up against that brick wall.

  I gave Talon a quick goodbye, and I left.

  It was a cool, wintry day in San Diego, and I inhaled the chill air as I drove to Katie’s. The frosty air invigorated me, making me feel alert and alive. I felt better now than when I left the apartment, although the uneasy feelings churning in my stomach were far from settled.

  I picked up Katie, and we headed to the mall. The place was packed with people looking for last-minute gifts like I was. The stores weren’t as picked over as I thought they would be, but the employees walked around with dead-eyed stares, like combat veterans who had been through some serious shit.

  I was looking for something for Talon, but this year, it was difficult to know what to get him. He’d always been a guy with simple tastes, and he never talked about the things he wanted or needed. Whatever I bought for him, I was sure he would like it, just because that was the kind of guy he was. Still, I wanted to get him something special. Something that showed him I cared about him. Not something expensive, but something personal and thoughtful. Something that showed him I knew who he was and what he liked.

  Of course, he’d been so distant lately, and I just wasn’t sure what he was thinking or feeling these days. We’d mostly made up after our big fight, and we’d talked a little bit about my concerns, but we still hadn’t talked through everything. I knew there was a bigger, deeper discussion that needed to happen at some point. I just didn’t know how to get Talon to open up so we could have that conversation.

  The whole situation had me on edge, and I was still feeling weird about things. As much as I didn’t want to bring up my problems with Talon to Katie, it was impossible for me to stay silent.

  “Talon is lying to me about something,” I said.

  Katie looked up from the rack of dresses. “This again?”

  “Yes, this again,” I said. “Nothing has changed since the last time we talked. If anything, I’m more worried than ever.”

  “If nothing has changed, why are you even more upset about it now?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said, sighing. “Before, I guess I just had suspicions that he was hiding something important from me. Now, I’m almost certain of it. It’s just little things he says and does that make me think I’m right.”

  “You still don’t have any proof, right?” Katie asked. “It’s all still in your head?”

  “It’s not just in my head, Katie. Something is wrong, and it’s driving me crazy.” Without warning, I was almost in tears. Powerful emotions swelled up in my chest, making it hard to breathe.

  “Come here,” Katie said. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, and I leaned my head into her shoulder, s
omehow holding back the tears that threatened to spill out of me. Katie rubbed my back, comforting me.

  “Listen,” she said. “I know you’re worried, but I still think you need to pull yourself together and try to calm down.”

  She let me go, and I pulled away. “It would be easier for me to calm down if Talon would just talk to me.”