Un-Nappily in Love

by Trisha R. Thomas

  She’d almost jumped for joy while poor Christopher lay on his stomach, his back was riddled with itchy red hives—reactions to the shots the doctor had given him. Proof.

  “Let’s go.” Anticipation seeped from his pores. He followed silently.

  She had him right where she wanted him. She couldn’t be swallowed up in regret about the past. All that mattered was here and now, their future.

  The doors closed on the elevator. The fluorescent light now gave her a good look at his clean-shaven face. He still looked so young, so boyish, and yet he was more of a man than any she’d ever met, including her father. Larry Lassiter had been too weak to handle a woman like her mother. All those times he’d tell Sirena she was just like her, it meant he couldn’t handle Sirena either. But Jay could. He was strong enough to handle anything. That’s why she knew, in the end, it was all going to work out.

  “Who else knows about Christopher?” He finally broke his silence as they rode up.

  “My father is the only one. At the time he didn’t think I’d make such a great mother, so he was more than willing to take him off my hands. It was a sealed adoption. That way no one could ever do a background check on me.”

  “Why was it so important no one knew? People, women, have babies every day. No one cares.”

  “I cared. I was only nineteen. I was on the rise. You think a major label would’ve signed me for a record deal knowing I was pregnant? Come on, you can’t be that naïve.”

  He shifted his eyes and sighed like she was a hopeless case.

  “I’m not trying to hear your holier-than-thou bullshit, Jay. Not this time. You think I was going to be sitting at home, holding a baby while your ass was traipsing across the country, getting your groove on city by city?”

  The doors opened in time. She could tell when she’d touched a nerve. His cool demeanor cracking in tiny pieces. No doubt this was a conversation she didn’t want to have, but it had to happen so they could move forward.

  “I’m sorry for every lie I ever told you. You remember now, don’t you? When I told you I was pregnant, what did you say to me?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “You said, ‘Are you sure it’s mine?’ ”

  “Keep your voice down.” Jake looked around. “What did you expect me to say? I find you on the floor with Tommy, how was I supposed to know what was real or not? Then you disappeared. I was broke, Cee Cee. You broke my heart,” he finally confessed.

  “Well you broke mine too. So I guess we’re even.”

  He shook his head, no. “Just tell me where he is. What does he know? Does he know who I am?”

  “I haven’t told him anything. He’s my little brother, plain and simple. I wanted you to know who he is, and that you have a son. And that we can be a family in our own way. I’m not going to agree to be his mother unless you agree to be his father.”

  “What?”

  “My dad had an accident. He’s not going to be able to take care of Christopher anymore. We can … I thought you and I …”

  “Stop. Stop. Wait a minute, Cee Cee, listen to me, stop with the plans.” Jake realized he was the one who needed to lower his voice. “One step at a time, okay?” He washed a hand over his face. “Take me to Christopher. Right now. That’s about all I want from you.”

  “No. Forget it.” She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, which rose and fell in panic. “You have to promise first.” She never cried, not real tears anyway. Yet her heart was beating wild and frantic with fear. She knew she couldn’t control it. She stuck her fingers to her eyes to try and put a stop to the useless emotion. “You have to promise you’ll at least give us a chance. Or you can forget this whole day ever happened. Turn around and walk right out of here. Go!”

  “Excuse me,” the nurse interrupted with her hands raised. “This is a hospital, children are sleeping. Y’all need to take that outside.” The nurse raised her eyebrows with awareness. “Oh my goodness, tell me you are not Sirena Lassiter. Oh, please, I’m so sorry.” She clutched the cross hanging around her neck. “I only started my shift about fifteen minutes ago, but I was told your baby brother was here. He’s doing just fine, room 612, straight down on your—”

  Jake had already started in that direction. Sirena grabbed his sleeve. “No. Wait.”

  “Hey, wait a minute now. Do I need to call security?”

  Sirena waved the nurse off. “No. It’s fine.”

  Jake started walking again. She ran up ahead of him and blocked the doorway of Christopher’s room. His sad dark eyes did something to her heart. He was disappointed in her, yet again. He easily pushed past her because she’d already given up.

  Quincy slowly rose from his short stool. “ ’Sup, man,” he said, puzzled by Jake’s arrival. Sirena came in right behind him. “Hey, man, I didn’t know that was your wife.” Not sure what was going on, he searched their faces.

  Jake barely looked in his direction, instead leaning over Christopher, who was sleeping from all the antihistamines. It’d been a long day for the little guy. Jake touched his face as if he couldn’t believe he was real.

  “Hey, man, are we cool?”

  “Tell him to get the hell out.” Jake refused to talk directly to Quincy.

  “Give us a minute,” she said, almost too politely.

  For a few seconds her bodyguard didn’t move, not sure if there was some secret code he wasn’t picking up on.

  “Just go,” she snapped.

  Quincy put his fingers to his lips. “All right. Take it easy,” he whispered.

  Just go, she mouthed. She didn’t want Jake disturbed.

  Look at him, she thought, taking it all in. The satisfied wonder on his face, like a kid getting the first real toy he ever wanted. Nothing else would do. No other gift could be greater. He kept his eyes on Christopher, studying every curly strand of hair on his head, then his eyes, his nose, those soft lips and strong chin, confirming what he wanted to know. Could he really have a nine-year-old son?

  “His birthday is June eleventh. I held him all day, staring into his sweet tiny face, thinking he looked just like you. I mean, he does, when you were his age. Don’t you think?” She was winging it now. She had no idea what Jake looked like as a child. In fact, what she really knew about him could fill a thimble. All she knew for sure was that he was the only man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. “I never had a single day of morning sickness—isn’t that weird?”

  What she’d felt was worse than morning sickness, like something had crawled inside her and she couldn’t get it out. By the time she’d gone for her abortion, she was told that the fetus was too far along.

  “He was no trouble at all. Seven hours of labor. The nurses said it was the shortest labor they’d ever seen for a first child.”

  Actually, seven hours had gone by quickly once she’d been hooked up to a morphine drip; before that she was cursing and wishing for death to take her out of her misery. Once she was infused, she could no longer feel the lower half of her body. Everyone in the room yelling, push, and all she could think of was getting back in the studio. Putting her lyrics to the music waiting for her after a five-month hiatus.

  Later, she lied and said she was in rehab, because that’s what famous people did. Being addicted to a substance, having a breakdown was more acceptable than giving birth. No one would admit it, but it was true. You could always come back after a stint in the loony bin, but being a mother was forever. It changed everything.

  “You can touch him, Jay. He’s real.”

  He put out a hand and laid it on Christopher’s chest. The boy stirred but still didn’t wake up. Sirena felt like shaking him awake. Now would be a good time to show off his good manners, his smarty-pants pronunciation of every word, his honesty and innocence, the things Jay would appreciate.

  “So what now?” he asked, still having his eyes on Christopher.

  “That’s up to you,” Sirena offered. The underlying message was simple: She now had something he wanted and he’d have to
go through her, literally, to get it.

  “Let’s go outside,” he huffed. He grabbed her by the arm and half pulled her. Quincy caught a glimpse of them coming out like it was a hostage situation and she put up a hand for him to stay back.

  It was negotiation time. She figured she had one shot and she’d better make it good.

  It’s a Jungle out There

  “What are you doing out here?” Pauletta knocked on my car window where I sat, parked in the garage. “Suicide’s not worth it, child.”

  “Mom, seriously.”

  “Well, how am I supposed to know? This generation takes everything so seriously. Nothing’s that bad where you need to off yourself.”

  I pushed the door all the way open and threw one leg out, about all I could manage. “I wasn’t going to turn the engine on. I just needed to decompress. I had a hell of a day.”

  “Yes, I know. The minute Jake walked into the house with that boy, I knew there was trouble.”

  “Boy? What boy … Christopher?”

  “Umm-humm, but it’s not the end of the world,” my mother announced. “When a man brings home another woman’s child you already know the situation. You need to be understanding. At least he wasn’t conceived while you were already married. That’s the worst.”

  Energy surged through me. I could suddenly move with great intensity and speed. Darting from room to room, I found Christopher and Jake in the kitchen. Mya sat there, too, eating a sandwich and French fries.

  “Mommy!” Mya jumped up when she saw me, rushing into a big hug.

  “Hi,” was the best I could do, for all of them.

  Jake stood up from the table and extended his hand. “Come here. I want you to meet someone.”

  I took ahold of myself and took a few unsteady steps. I stood at the edge of the table. Jake was so proud and I was so confused. Everything was happening so fast.

  “Christopher, this is my wife, Venus.”

  “Hi there,” I said, my voice shaky. I looked to Jake to tell me what else I was supposed to say. Welcome to the family?

  “He’s going to stay with us for a few days.” Jake put his other hand on top of Christopher’s head. “His dad had an accident and Sirena needed help while she took care of a few things.”

  “Oh, wonderful.” I gulped air, swallowing Jake’s pack of lies. So hard because Jake never hardly lied about anything. If the truth hurt, so be it. But that seemed to change once Sirena entered the picture. I squeezed his hand, giving him a tug.

  “How’re you all doing in here?” Pauletta came behind us. “Christopher, would you like some more tuna salad?”

  “Yes, please,” he said. The only words I’d heard out of his mouth.

  “A boy after my own heart. I love me some tuna salad.”

  “Me too,” Mya chimed. “Love tuna.” She seemed happy to have the company. She’d been sequestered too long away from her friends at school.

  Jake and I went upstairs. He closed the door and cupped my face with his hands. He kissed me gently then held me tight, afraid to let go. “I have something to tell you.”

  “Say it.”

  “Christopher is actually Sirena’s son.” He stopped there.

  I was waiting for the rest. “And …”

  “You’re not surprised?”

  “Not at all. I just knew. I saw them together and it just seemed obvious.” Still waiting for the rest. “Why is he here?”

  Jake sat on the edge of the bed. “Sirena says he’s my son.”

  “And you believe her, just like that?”

  “I want to believe her, but I don’t know. I convinced her to give me some time with him, sort every thing out later.”

  “Later? Why is he here? Why are you involved if you don’t really know?”

  “Because I don’t really care. I’m not about to start a biological investigation of whose sperm made it to the egg first. I just don’t care. If he needs a father, fine, I’ll be his father.”

  “I knew exactly what she was up to the minute I saw her traipsing around town with that boy. I just didn’t think you would fall for it hook, line, and sinker. I thought you would need to talk to me about it. But I come home, and he’s sitting in our kitchen. And you’re talking about, you don’t care. What do you care about, exactly? What matters to you?”

  “What matters is that I love you and you love me.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  Jake paused to gather himself, as if to find the words to convey his fear. “You and I have wanted a child together and we weren’t able to have one, no matter what the reason. Now, I’m not trying to get all mystical on you but this child is here, no matter how he got here. He is sitting in that room.”

  “Jake.”

  “Wait, let me finish.” He put his head down. “My heart felt like someone ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it when I stood there in that hospital room and our son was born without a breath in his body. I stood there helpless. For the first time in my life I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix …” He trailed off. “I couldn’t make it right.”

  “What about all that time you made me feel like I was overreacting because I couldn’t get over it? I forced myself to move on even when I wanted to keep mourning.” I sniffed back tears. “I moved on. This boy isn’t going to fix anything.”

  “How do you know?” Jake’s breathing changed in a way he hadn’t felt in a while. He’d stopped having asthma problems since the move to Atlanta. But right about now he was laboring for each breath. He got up and opened the side drawer. He inhaled with two squirts.

  He could see from my expression that I was concerned, but he had to finish saying what was on his mind.

  “We all hurt in different ways. Just because I didn’t seem like it hurt me, it did. I felt responsible for every tear you shed. Now this child has come into our lives and I know taking him in without knowing he’s my son seems foolish, but I looked in his eyes and I knew he was my son. I didn’t think of checking blood samples to confirm what’s in my heart. It’s the same way I looked at Mya the day she was born. I didn’t care if she was Airic’s or mine, she was my daughter.”

  Uncontrollable tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn’t hold them back. “I just wish you would’ve talked to me first. Remember when I said you don’t have to worry about me? That I wanted you to make decisions without fear of my judgment, because of how much I love you? That was your chance to trust me, and for us to be a unit for once. I’m so sick of you and me running around in separate directions. We’re not in sync and we haven’t been for some time.”

  “Don’t start with me about not being in sync,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong in this relationship, at least nothing real.”

  “So I’m imagining it?”

  “All I’m saying is, anything wrong can be fixed if you talk to me about it.”

  “I tried. I told you how much anything to do with Sirena drove me crazy. And now this. I thought you’d see right through her manipulation, her scheming. I don’t want to have Sirena’s son in my house. I wanted Sirena to go away, and now with this child, Jake, we will never be free of her.” I slid to his knees, taking ahold of his face. “Please don’t do this. I don’t think our relationship is going to survive this right now. I’m just asking for a little time, just a little.”

  “You never wonder about my love for Mya, but you know other people look at me strange when I claim she’s my daughter, and I don’t care. They look at me the way you are looking at me now, because I know she looks just like Airic. I don’t have a birth certificate or a blood test. So what,” he exclaimed. “Our ancestors never gave a damn about who the real daddy was and all that bullshit. When a child came into a man’s home, he loved and raised that child as his own. That’s all that mattered.”

  “Funny, I don’t remember you feeling this way when I wanted to adopt Ralph. I very specifically remember you being against the whole process.”

  “I wasn’t against it. I kn
ew we weren’t going to be ineligible. I knew it was going to break your heart and I didn’t know if you could make it through that kind of pain again … losing a child. I regret that we couldn’t adopt Ralph. But here’s our chance to be a part of this little boy’s life. I think we should take it.”

  I heaved a sigh of defeat.

  “I leave for filming in a few days. We don’t have to make a decision right here, right now, but I want you to think about what I said and how I feel, and then we can discuss it again.”

  “It looks to me you’ve already made your decision—for both of us.” I stood up and wiped my face.

  We looked at each other and Jake already knew what my decision was going to be, whether it was now or weeks from now. But what could he say that he hadn’t already said?

  He didn’t need me.

  “Mommy, I like Christopher.” Mya sat next to me in the passenger seat. First day back to school since the ultimatum of us or them. I’d held my ground until it became apparent I was going to lose this war too.

  “Yes, he’s a sweet kid,” I said truthfully. It was his mother who rubbed me burning raw.

  “Daddy said Christopher was kind of sick, but when he got better we were going to go to the aquarium.”

  “That would be great.” I looked over her head, apprehensive about letting her go back to school.

  She must’ve seen through my calm-mommy demeanor. “I’m going to have a great day,” she announced. “Because good days happen when you just be yourself.”

  “Oh sweetie, yes. You’re right about that.” I kissed her forehead. She was repeating what I’d been singing as a mantra since she could understand my every word. Just be yourself.

  The children were filing through the tall brick arch. “There goes Jory,” I pointed.

  Mya gave me a fast peck. “Bye, Mommy. See you later.”

  “I love you,” I said, waiting for her usual response of I love you double, triple, quadruple until we ran to infinite possibility. She slammed the door and took off running, screaming Jory’s name. They fell into each other’s arms like long-lost friends. He didn’t care about his little first-grader buddies giving him the evil eye. He and Mya entered the building side by side.