by Layne, Lyssa
He closed the door behind them as Katy turned the faucet on and pulled the shower curtain closed while the water warmed up. She turned to face him and kissed him one more time. He could feel the blood rushing between his legs as his length got harder. His heart raced, questioning if she was ready for this.
She broke the kiss and took a deep breath. She grabbed the bottom of her tank top and pulled it over her head. Jesse sucked in his breath as he saw her full, perfect breasts for the first time. Her dark, brown areolae contrasted against her creamy white skin. His body flooded with electric sparks, and he could barely stop himself from touching her there.
He looked into her eyes, asking permission, but received nervousness in return. He could see she was tense by the way she bit her lip and held her breath. He started with a kiss on her jawline. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
Katy ran her fingers through his hair and he knew she was trying to hide how shaky she was. He put his hands on her waist as he kissed her neck. “Gorgeous…” he went on.
His hands slid up her abs, caressing the bottom of her breasts. He moved his lips to her collarbone, closing in on his target. “Stunning…”
Her breathing was speeding up as she closed her eyes and put her hands on the counter to steady herself. Jesse’s hands cupped her breasts and his mouth claimed her left nipple. He licked her slowly, his hand squeezed her breasts even slower. He flicked the nipple a few times, then grazed it with his teeth, making it stand at attention. She moved her hand and tugged at his hair forcing him to look up at her.
He watched her closely, trying to determine if he was moving too fast. She opened her eyes, giving him a slight nod, letting him know it was okay to go on. He unbuttoned his jeans and Katy’s hands slid down his chest. Her fingers trailed around his waist and slowly walked down his happy trail. With both hands, she pushed his pants to the ground. He immediately sprang to attention as his boxers dropped with them. Katy’s eyes darted down, taking a quick peek before looking away. Jesse laughed and cupped her neck with his hand.
“Kate, this isn’t the first time for either of us.” He kissed the opposite side of her neck, feeling more at ease than when they walked into the bathroom.
She nodded and swallowed. “I know, it’s just...well, it’s been awhile.”
Trying to reassure her, he nodded and agreed, “Me too, but we’ll take it slow, okay?” He leaned his forehead against hers as he said this, looking into her eyes. He felt her muscles relax ever so lightly against him until her hands instinctively touched the inside of his left bicep.
Despite all the nights he’d held her while she slept, this was the most intimate they’d ever been. However, every night, Katy’s fingers always traced over the FDNY crest that was inked on his arm with the Gaelic phrases Fir Na Tine above it and Braithre thar Gach Ni below. Underneath that, her husband’s name was permanently inscribed.
She tensed again and when he looked into her eyes, he saw they were glassed over with tears. His body pressed against her stomach as he sighed, knowing she wasn’t ready. He was trying to be patient with her, but it’d been a long time since he’d been with a woman and he longed to be with this one in front of him. He let go of her, running his hands through his hair in frustration. When he looked at her again, she was biting her lip. He guffawed as he saw this and pulled her lip down.
“We don’t have to do this, Kate.”
Her lips turned into a frown as she nodded and whispered, “It’s okay, I...I’m...ready.”
Jesse raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
She started to signal yes with her head, but after half a nod, Jesse’s mouth was over hers, pushing his hands inside her pants, over her backside and pulling her tightly against him. He couldn’t help himself; he needed her as much as he wanted her. He knew he should probably stop because despite her claims to the contrary, she wasn’t ready, but his hands kept moving.
She cried out at the sudden movement and wrapped her arms around his neck to catch her balance. She pushed hard against him, poised for what was about to come. She began wiggling her hips to get her pants off when the doorbell rang.
At first, they both ignored it but then frantic knocking started and eventually Katy broke their embrace as Jesse groaned. She stepped back putting space between them and pulled her pants up. As she tugged on her tank top, Jesse leaned against the counter, staring down at his throbbing member. She bit her lip. They both could hear a familiar female voice calling her name from the other side of the front door.
Katy leaned up on her tippy toes and kissed him gently, his erection brushing against her belly. “I’m sorry.”
He nodded, obviously disappointed but tried not to show it. She kissed him again, letting him rub against her stomach one more time. She quickly pulled away and left to answer the door. As she walked out of the bathroom, Jesse pulled his hair again wanting to scream his resentment. He wasn’t sure if he was more irritated at the massive hard-on he was going to have to finish himself or the fact that he wasn’t able to explore more of her body. He pulled back the shower curtain and switched the water temperature from hot to cold.
***
Katy’s whole body shook as she ran to the front door. Both she and Jesse needed what had been about to happen. There was a lot of sexual tension in their house, something that one night of passion could relieve.
The entire ten months that Katy and Nick had been together, they never took a break from sex. They wanted each other, no, they needed each other. It was all they could do to please the other, even until she was forty-one weeks pregnant. Jesse had been a lady’s man, a different woman every night. For the two of them to go from sex every day, sometimes more than two or three times a day, to nothing more than a kiss was really taking its toll.
Katy opened the door, a gust of cold air blowing in the front hall. Her sixteen-year-old niece, Nora Garrity, was standing on the other side.
“Nora, what are you doing here? It’s after ten.”
Nora leapt across the threshold, throwing her arms around Katy’s tiny frame. Katy hugged her back and closed the door. Nora shrugged off her coat and threw it on the floor. Katy headed to the kitchen to clean up the pumpkin mess while Nora tagged behind her, trying not to push the teen to talk until she was ready.
Nora leaned against the doorway and declared, “Mom is being ridiculous! I had to get out of there.”
Katy rolled up the newspaper and walked to the stove to heat milk for their family’s secret hot chocolate recipe. “Does she know where you are?”
Nora shook her head no as she hopped on the counter, squeezing a drop of chocolate syrup on her finger and licking it off. She could eat all the chocolate in the world and not gain an ounce. She’d gotten the Garrity height and stood at five feet ten inches while she’d inherited her mother’s quick metabolism that any woman would kill for.
“You going to tell me why?”
Nora lifted up her shoulders as if to say I don’t know. The movement caused the strawberry-blonde bob framing her oval face to bounce slightly. She simply said, “She thinks I’m having sex.”
Katy’s stomach dropped as she heard that come out of her niece's mouth. This time last year, Katy and Nora’s mom, Abby, had taken Nora and her now fourteen-year-old sister, Alayna, shopping for dresses for the holiday dance. Abby had confided in her that she knew it was time for the sex talk. Abby’s husband, and Nick’s brother, had passed away working for FDNY during the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. She didn’t want to bother Nick with her problem but was afraid to do it on her own. Over lunch that day, the two women had the awkward conversation with the girls. After that moment, they never brought it up again until now.
Katy lifted her eyebrow as she added the syrup to the boiling milk and queried, “Well...are you?”
Nora kicked her feet on the cabinet doors looking down. Katy touched her leg to make her stop. “I won’t tell if you are.”
Nora let out a long sigh and admitted, “No...I’m not.”
&nb
sp; Katy relaxed her shoulders in relief. “So why does she think you are?”
Nora took over the stirring as Katy went to get mugs. “I don’t know. She just started accusing me and going off about not being ready to be a grandmother yet.”
Katy nodded and asked, “Why not be honest? Tell her you aren’t.”
“Katy!” Nora shouted. “I’m almost seventeen, all of my friends are doing it. I can’t admit to my mom that I’m a loser.”
Katy took Nora’s face in both her hands and looked her in the eyes. “You are not a loser. Do you understand?”
Nora had tears in her eyes as she nodded.
“Hey there, ladies,” Jesse entered the kitchen wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a navy FDNY t-shirt. Katy’s mind flashed to how she’d last seen him—naked with an erection she wanted deep inside of her.
Nora waved to him. “Hey, Jesse. Katy, is it okay if I spend the night?”
Katy looked at Jesse with apologetic eyes, both of them realizing they wouldn’t be finishing what they had started earlier. As she agreed, she ladled them both cups of hot chocolate and sent them to the living room. She called Abby to let her know that Nora was alright and staying the night before grabbing a quick shower and joining them. It was crazy to think that this time two years ago, she’d only had herself to worry about. Now she had a full house.
***
Katy’s head drooped as she fought to stay awake to hear all about the local high school drama. Jesse pulled Katy into his arms as Nora updated them on who was dating whom, who was having sex, and her potential dates for the upcoming holiday dance.
“Why don’t you girls head to bed?” Jesse suggested as he saw Katy nodding off. It was almost midnight and he knew she’d want to get up early to run before work. Katy rubbed her eyes and stood up stretching, that tank top showing her bare belly again. Nora went to the bathroom to wash up for bed.
As Nora left the room, Jesse ran his finger along Katy’s bare midriff. Her body immediately woke up as he saw her nipples peak under the shirt.
“About earlier…” she started.
He shrugged. “It’s okay. We have to make sure she’s safe.”
Katy smiled. Jesse had been part of the Garrity family long before she had and he knew the importance of taking care of each other. Obviously, since he had given up his life to move in with her and her son.
She kissed him softly. “Maybe we can finish tomorrow…”
Jesse grinned and said, “Definitely.”
He pulled her into his lap and his tongue explored her mouth. His hand slid over her shirt, but he knew better than to touch her breasts again, or else he’d be heading back for another cold shower. Katy put her hand on his neck circling her tongue with his.
She jumped as she heard footsteps coming back to the living room. Nora stood in the doorway and asked, “Am I staying in your room?”
Katy nodded yes, much to Jesse’s disappointment. He’d known nothing would happen with Nora here, but in just the short time he and Katy had been sharing a bed, he’d gotten used to holding her in his arms. His tours at the station had felt even longer when it was an uneventful night and he had to sleep alone.
***
Katy gave Jesse a quick peck muttering g’night and followed Nora to her bedroom. She fluffed her pillow and lay down. Nora lay on the other side and turned off the light. The light had been off less than ten seconds when Nora asked, “Are you having sex with Jesse?”
Katy was glad it was dark, because she could feel her cheeks warming up. “Why do you ask that?”
“The way you look at each other and the way he touches you.”
“That doesn’t mean we’re having sex, it means we care about each other.” Katy added trying to make this a learning moment, “Which is what you should do before you have sex with someone.”
“So you are sleeping with him?”
“What? No!” Katy protested.
Nora laughed. “Why are you denying it so fast?”
Katy sighed, there was no pulling anything over on this sixteen-year-old. “Yes, Jesse and I care about each other. No, we’re not having sex.” At this point, she was able to honestly say that. “Plus I don’t know if I’m ready...if I’m really over your uncle.”
For the first time all evening, Nora was quiet. Katy rolled on her side to face Nora and pushed Nora’s hair behind her ear.
“Want the truth about sex?”
Nora nodded.
“Sex does make you feel good in the moment but it’s all about the moments after. When you’re in love, the moments after are what connect you...being held by the man who loves you, feeling safe in his arms, inhaling his scent, knowing there’s no other place in the world you’d rather be.” Katy sighed trying to think about the last time she had that with Nick. The further away she got from it, the harder it was to remember.
Nora whispered, “I’m too scared. I don’t think I’m ready.”
Katy nodded and whispered back, “Me too.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Katy stood at the nurses’ station and yawned as she wrote on a patient’s chart. She was a fifth year resident at St. Luke’s Hospital. In between rounds, surgeries, and her research project, she needed to be well rested. It wasn’t like she normally slept well. Her sleep had been improving the last month with Jesse in bed beside her, but last night Nora had kept her up, first talking about high school drama, then tossing and turning in their shared bed.
Nurse Tiffany Sanders bumped Katy’s hip as she set a coffee in front of her. “Long night?”
Katy nodded and mumbled, “Thanks.”
Her best friend grinned. “Finally give in to Jesse?”
Katy nearly choked on the coffee. “What? No! Nora stayed the night and kept me up talking.”
“Oh...” Tiffany looked disappointed. “You need the stress relief, so I say go for it.”
Katy laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. What about you and the mystery man you won’t tell me about?”
Tiffany shrugged. “No new details. Still seeing him from time to time, nothing serious.”
Katy felt an arm around her shoulders and looked up to see Dr. Jeremiah Thomas. She moved her arms around his torso and gave him a big hug, not letting go right away. Jeremiah was almost six feet tall with wavy black hair, skin that was always tan and chocolate brown eyes that could read her every feeling. There was good reason that Jeremiah could read her so well—they had dated and been engaged nearly an entire decade.
They were on the road to happily ever after until her father died. Fearful of losing someone else she loved, Katy had called it quits with Jeremiah. Two years later she had fallen in love with Nick, only to have that very thing happen. It wasn’t until Jeremiah delivered her son that the two of them realized, even with Nick’s death that they would never get back together. It made them recognize how extremely important their friendship was.
Jeremiah squeezed his arm around her as he asked, “You okay?”
She held on to him a second longer, then let go and nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.” It was nice to be able to have that male companionship without the awkwardness of romantic expectations.
“Tiff was just telling me about the mystery man she’s been seeing.” Katy turned to try to get more details from her but she was gone. She looked over both shoulders and didn’t see Tiffany anywhere. Katy frowned. It wasn’t like her friend to disappear when there was gossip to be shared.
Jeremiah changed the subject. “You and Nicky want to come over? I want to show you the nursery.”
Giving up on their relationship, he decided to make up for lost time. The result was one too many casual hook-ups and a baby on the way. He and his baby’s mother weren’t together, but he was involved with the pregnancy and planned to have joint custody with her.
“Sure. We’ll come over after this shift and order take-out from that Chinese place on the corner.” Jeremiah still lived in the apartment they once shared. Katy always knew she had an open invit
ation to move back in, but she was happy in Nick’s house and didn’t plan to leave there anytime soon.
At the sound of the sirens outside the ER doors, he kissed her cheek. “Sounds like a plan,” he said as he took off to greet the ambulance.
Katy, who once would have ran him over to steal the patient, smiled as he took off to see what case he’d landed. She loved Jesse and she loved Jeremiah, but in two totally different ways. Why couldn’t things with Jesse come as easily and naturally as they did with Jeremiah? She bit her lip. She already knew the answer.
***
Jesse sat on the bench in front of his locker at Firehouse 58. With his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward, holding his head in his hands. He hadn’t gotten any shuteye on that couch last night, which was funny since that’s where he’d spent almost a year sleeping.
He was hoping for a slow shift so he could take a nap but they were six hours in and had already run five calls. Two were first responder calls so once EMS arrived, they were sent away. Another was for a gas leak, one for a car accident, and the last was a small kitchen fire. Normally, he loved the excitement, but today he just wanted sleep.
Murph walked over to his locker. He took one look at Jesse and asked, “What’s the matter, O’Neil? Women keeping you up all night?”
Murph was nearing fifty, smoked like a chimney, and had a round pot-belly under his uniform. He had been Nick and Jesse’s mentor since they graduated from the academy. Over the years, he had become a good friend as well. Murph had helped Jesse look after Katy and Nicky during her maternity leave. More than anything, Jesse wanted to come clean to him about his feelings for Katy, but he knew neither Murph nor the crew wouldn’t take it well. There was another unspoken rule about the fallen ones’ widows: they were untouchable. Jesse had known this when he moved in with Katy and Nicky, but he couldn’t help how he felt about her.
“Yeah, I wish…those days are over.”
