Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  “Not now,” she answered but couldn’t stop herself from looking him up and down. “Where were you?”

  “Out shopping, saw an old friend and lost track of time.”

  Katy bit her lip wondering if it was a female friend and what lost track of time really meant. She hated thinking it, but she knew how Jesse used to be and her mind wandered there immediately. Jesse watched her, grinning while he lathered his hair.

  “You look sexy in that dress and that lip bite makes me want to tear it off you.”

  Katy quickly released her lip. It was Christmas Eve and she was wearing a two-tone red and black dress. The black top was sleeveless and fitted while the red bottom flared out above her knees.

  Jesse stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist, but not before Katy snuck another peek, her mind going to places it shouldn’t again. The four-inch heels she was wearing made it easier for him to kiss her. He placed his lips on hers, sliding his hand under her dress to find the thong she was wearing. She wiggled underneath him, wanting to give in, but at the same time not wanting to reward him for being so secretive.

  He laughed as he pulled away and said, “It wasn’t a girl.”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t think that.”

  “Mmhmm…”

  Katy blushed and went back to the living room so he could get ready. Jesse watched her bend down to pick up Nicky. He smiled and wondered how he’d gotten so lucky. The smile quickly faded as he recalled holding his best friend in his arms and watching him take his last breath.

  ***

  Nicky was fast asleep on his Papa’s chest as the rest of the Garrity and O’Neil families sat in church for the midnight service. Not only was it Christmas Eve, but it was also Nick and Katy’s wedding anniversary. Less than two months after meeting each other, Katy and his mom had put together a surprise wedding so Lisa could see her youngest son marry. She passed away a couple days after Christmas. These two events only made the holidays that much harder for the Garrity family.

  Jesse sat beside Katy, his arm draped over the pew behind her. He’d seen her wipe away a few tears and he desperately wanted to kiss them away for her, but he knew better. Instead he patted her shoulder in a friendly gesture, not wanting to give anything away since their families still didn’t know what was going on between them. The service ended and both families gathered with neighbors, family, and friends.

  Jesse glanced over his shoulder at Katy as she stood with the Garritys. Andy held Nicky with Katy on one side, Abby on the other and both Nora and Alayna on either side of the women. Katy had her arm around Nora and was smiling, listening to Andy brag about both the girls’ scholastic achievements.

  Jesse turned back to his parents. He stood there feeling lonely, his family across the room yet right beside him at the same time. He’d talk to Katy and they’d figure out a time to tell everyone. He’d just have to take the repercussions from the guys at the firehouse. They’d get over it eventually...he hoped.

  The sanctuary started to clear out and both families made their way to the parking lot. Luckily, Katy and Jesse rode together so they’d get a little alone time. His door was hardly closed when he slipped his hand on her thigh under her dress. She put her hand on top of his and looked at him. He could see the pain in her eyes and knew tonight wasn’t the time for the discussion he wanted to have. He squeezed her leg.

  “Anything you need, I’m here.”

  She nodded, blinking quickly to keep the tears away. “I know.”

  They rode in silence the rest of the way home. He pulled into his parents’ driveway and parked the truck. He turned to her and quickly kissed her before anyone else pulled up. She put her hand behind his head holding him a second longer, almost getting them caught in the headlights as his parents pulled in behind them.

  “I’ll miss you tonight,” he whispered.

  She nodded and let out a long sigh. “Me, too. Be sure to come over early so you can watch Nicky open his stocking.”

  He squeezed her thigh once more. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  ***

  Jesse walked into the Garrity’s’ living room before anyone was up. Normally, he slept great at his parents’ house, but last night, he hadn’t slept without Katy next to him. He decided to get up early and put Santa’s presents under the tree, including one for her. He smiled at the seven foot tall, real evergreen that had an ornament hung on every branch and lights twinkling all around it. Nick’s mom, Lisa, had been the decorating queen at the holidays. Katy took the role over when Lisa passed away.

  Jesse noticed that Katy had filled the stockings the night before. He added a few toys he and Katy had picked out together for Nicky. He’d also gotten him a fire truck along with a firefighter Lego set. He figured he’d play with the Legos more than Nicky, at least until the child got older. He placed Katy’s small box near the back of the tree and adjusted the tag on it. He simply wrote, “Love, Santa.” He planned to give it to her when they had a moment alone.

  He went to the kitchen and started the coffee. He glanced at the clock. It was almost Nicky’s normal time to wake-up. He tiptoed upstairs where all the Garrity family was still fast asleep. At Nick’s old room, he quietly opened the door, peeking in. Katy was peacefully sleeping. While he debated whether to go sneak a kiss, he heard Nicky start talking.

  Jesse closed the door and went to the guestroom. When he opened the door, Nicky was standing in the crib. A big smile spread across his little face when he saw Jesse. This was the best part of Jesse’s day. He loved this kid. He picked him up and kissed his forehead.

  “Hey, little man.”

  Jesse laid him down to change his diaper. He thought back to all the times he and Nick had stayed in the room across the hall, reading dirty magazines, playing video games, sneaking out. Now, here he was changing diapers just a few feet away from where they had once been teenagers. Jesse finished and Nicky stood up. The boy gave him a kiss and said, “Da da.”

  Jesse’s heart fluttered, but for two very different reasons. He loved that Nicky thought of him as his dad, but he wasn’t sure how Katy would take it. Jesse shook his head.

  “No, I’m Jay, remember? Jay, Jay, Jay.”

  Nicky grinned and babbled, “Da da da.”

  Jesse shook his head laughing. “You trying to get me in trouble?”

  Nicky patted his back as Jesse picked him up. The two of them walked across the hall to his buddy’s room and opened the door. There, the most beautiful woman Jesse had ever laid eyes on was still asleep. He walked over to the bed and set Nicky down. The toddler ran across the bed, fell forward on his mother and laughed.

  She rolled over, smiling. “Well, hello, Nicky.” She pulled him to her chest and gave him a kiss. Nicky returned the gesture. She looked over at Jesse, who stood by the edge of the bed. She patted the bed beside her and told him, “Lie down.”

  He looked back at the door unsure but then crawled over to her. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss, quickly sliding her tongue between his lips before leaning back. Mmm, only one night without her, but it felt longer. He lay on his side right against Katy, propping himself up on his elbow. Nicky lay on the other side. Katy moved so she was nestled as close to his body as possible. He rested his other hand on her hip, sliding it inside her yoga pants and letting it rest on her bare skin.

  “I saw Santa came last night,” Jesse said, rubbing his thumb over her hip.

  “Yeah, Nicky was a good boy this year, so Santa filled his stocking. I think Santa thought you were a good boy, too.”

  Jesse laughed. “Oh yeah?” He pressed his hips against her, excitement already showing in his pajama pants, and kissed her hungrily. “Does he still think I’ve been good?”

  “Maybe we can sneak away sometime today?” Katy suggested and Jesse knew she was desperate to get her mind off today—her wedding anniversary. It helped that Nicky would entertain everyone and distract them from the events that had occurred two years earlier.

&nb
sp; Jesse kissed her shoulder. “That sounds like a great idea.”

  Nicky was turning pages of a book Katy had left on the nightstand. Her fingers moved over her son’s as they turned a page. Jesse decided to bite the bullet and asked, “When do you want to tell people about us?”

  She looked at him with big eyes full of concern. “Why? Do you think they know?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know, but I don’t want to hide it anymore.”

  She let out a sigh of relief. “I think we should wait. Today’s especially not the day.”

  He tried not to show his disappointment as he gave her a quick kiss of understanding. As they shared their kiss, Andy knocked on the door. Jesse jumped up right away and got to his feet.

  “Katy Bug, did I hear my grandson wake up?”

  Katy laughed at Jesse. “He’s up, Andy. We’ll meet you downstairs in just a few minutes.”

  “Okay.”

  They heard his footsteps going away from the door. Katy stood up and wrapped her arms around Jesse’s neck, pressing her body against his and kissing him. As she finished the kiss, she bit his lower lip, pulling it down as she let go, and grinned.

  “Andy might not see you in bed, but he’d definitely notice this.” She grabbed the obvious lump in his pajama pants.

  She’d never seen Jesse blush until that moment. Katy laughed and kissed him again, then headed downstairs with Nicky. Jesse shook his head as they left and he paced thinking of anything other than the sexy woman he loved that just left the room.

  ***

  There was wrapping paper all over the living room. Abby and the girls had come over shortly after everyone woke up. Jesse and Katy were sitting on the floor, his arm draped over the couch behind her, like it had been last night at church. She knew she should probably be across the room, but she wanted him as close to her as possible.

  Alayna and Abby were helping Nicky open all his toys. Katy sat there smiling and absently rested her head on Jesse’s shoulder. Despite the date on the calendar, the morning had been perfect. She was with her family, everyone happy and healthy. It couldn’t get better.

  “I found one more present!” Nora called out. “It’s for Katy...from Santa.” She wiggled her eyebrows and handed it to her.

  Katy sat up and looked around confused, wondering who it was from. Jesse shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t meant for her to open it in front of her family. He had to think fast but his mind was drawing a blank.

  Katy slowly unwrapped the small, rectangular box and threw the wrapping paper to the floor. When she opened the lid, tears immediately sprung to her eyes and she looked at Jesse. Through her tears, she mumbled, “I love them.”

  Nora stood in the middle of the room with a red bow on her head. “Well, what is it?”

  Katy turned the box around so everyone could see the pearl earrings. Abby sucked in her breath while Andy gave Jesse a discerning look. The earrings perfectly matched her wedding ring, which was Andy’s mother’s ring. Katy still wore it every day. She hadn’t ever thought about how it made Jesse feel.

  Nora barked, “Put them on!”

  Katy started to take them out of the box but her hands were shaking. Jesse took them and put them on for her. He looked her directly in the eyes as he did. Katy gave him an appreciative smile. She wanted to give him a kiss instead, but a smile would have to do.

  Alayna smiled and said, “They look beautiful.”

  Katy nodded and stood up to go to the bathroom to look for herself. She barely had stepped into the room when Abby was behind her closing the door.

  “What the hell, Katy?”

  Katy turned to her surprised. “What?”

  “You know the rule. No men from Engine 58, especially not Jesse. Hell, he was Nick’s best friend!”

  Katy tried to move past Abby ignoring her comment.

  “I see the way he looks at you, the private glances, the touches under the table. You aren’t hiding it from anyone,” Abby went on.

  “I thought we had agreed to not ask questions about each other’s love lives.”

  “Fine,” Abby opened the door, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you. This isn’t going to end well.”

  Abby walked out, slamming the door, leaving Katy by herself. She slid down the wall of the bathroom to sit on the floor. She leaned forward, her head on her knees as the tears started flowing. Her wedding anniversary had finally caught up with her.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Katy took off the earrings before she returned to the living room. Tension filled the air as she stood in the doorway watching Andy and Jesse avoid eye contact and clean up the wrapping paper in silence. She wasn't sure what to do.

  Andy, unaware that Katy could hear him, began speaking as he held a fishing Santa ornament in his hand. “What you do behind closed doors is none of my business. What Katy does behind closed doors is none of my business either. My son loved her and that boy of theirs more than anything in the world. If you don’t intend to do the same, I recommend you leave them alone right now.” Andy looked up and stared Jesse square in the eye. “If you break her heart again, you’ll have to answer to me. Do we have an understanding?”

  Jesse nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  In all the years he’d known Andy Garrity, which had been his entire life, the father figure had never spoken to him in that tone. Andy had caught the boys sneaking in one night, both of them drunk and stumbling in the door. He was stern with them, but nothing compared to the seriousness in his voice today.

  Katy blinked, fighting to hold back the waterworks. She had known there would be tears shed today, but she didn’t realize it would be over her relationship with Jesse. She wiped a few away that had escaped and cleared her throat. Both men turned around to look at her.

  “Thank you. The earrings are beautiful,” Katy said softly as Andy looked away.

  Jesse nodded without moving toward her.

  About that time, Jesse’s parents, Carol and Tom, came bustling into the room carrying an armful of presents. Katy already knew they were all for Nicky. Somehow her son sensed this and ran back into the room for round two, just as excited as he'd been the first time. However this time, unlike earlier, Jesse and Katy sat on opposite sides of the room and Jesse didn’t interact with the toddler at all. When all the presents had been unwrapped, both families sat down for dinner.

  The Garrity family and Jesse ate dinner in silence. Jesse sat across from Katy at the dinner table, but never met her eyes. Katy was waiting for a moment when they could slip away to talk about the events of the morning, but right before dessert was served, Jesse excused himself from the table. She heard the front door close a few minutes later. She quickly excused herself as well and ran outside to find him getting into his truck.

  “Jesse!” she called out to him.

  He paused before he closed the door and walked over to her. She stopped in front of him. Her fitted black and lace dress only had three-quarter sleeves. She shivered in the cold but didn’t notice.

  Jesse walked over to her, yet didn’t touch her. “Get inside, it’s freezing.”

  She looked at him, confused. “Not until you tell me what you’re thinking. No secrets, remember?”

  He shook his head. Then it hit her, he had listened to Andy and was leaving. He didn’t want the responsibility of her and her child. She started to back away from him.

  “Katy…”

  She held up her hands. “No, it’s fine. I understand.”

  She turned to run back to the house. She half expected him to chase after her. Instead, she heard the roar of his engine and glanced over her shoulder to see him driving away.

  ***

  When Katy came back inside, everyone was staring at her and her rosy cheeks. The O’Neils were oblivious to what had just happened. Abby gave her an “I told you so” look which Katy tried to ignore. Kissing her son’s forehead, Katy excused herself and went upstairs to lie down.

  As soon as the door closed, she lost the battle to restrain her tears
. She lay on the bed and sobbed, getting out the good, hard cry she knew she’d have today. Twenty minutes later, she didn’t think she had any tears left in her as she stared mindlessly at the earrings. There was a small knock on the door. Before she could answer, Nora let herself in and lay down beside her.

  This time, instead of the elder consoling the younger, Nora ran her fingers through Katy’s hair as she softly started to cry again. “Sshh,” Nora soothed. Katy wiped her eyes and rolled over to look at her niece.

  “Thanks.” Katy reached over and held her hand, threading their fingers together.

  Nora nodded and looked at Katy’s pearl wedding ring, twisting it back and forth over her fragile finger. When they’d gotten engaged, Nick had the ring resized. After his death, she barely ate for a month. Watching Nora move her ring over her thin hand, she realized she hadn’t put the weight back on that she’d lost.

  Nora looked at her and asked, “Why’d you take the earrings off?”

  “They were making everyone uncomfortable.”

  “Because they were from Jesse?”

  Katy nodded.

  “Do you love him?”

  “Nora…”

  “Be honest.”

  She sighed. “Yes, I love him...or did...I don’t know.”

  “I think you do and you shouldn’t care what other people think. If he makes you happy then be happy!” Nora kissed her forehead, like Katy always did to her.

  She smiled as her niece gave her the same advice she’d received so often. Maybe the teenager did listen to her after all.

  CHAPTER TEN

  It was New Year’s Eve. Katy and Jesse hadn’t seen each other since Christmas. He’d called her and apologized for leaving so abruptly. He reassured her he loved her and would come home as soon as he could, but he was stuck taking care of some things. Katy had no idea what that meant, but figured they would discuss it in person when they saw each other again. That heartache Jesse had once replaced when Nick died was now back. She only hoped he would come home soon so it would go away.