by Layne, Lyssa
I turned in his arms and a smile tugged at my lips. Why was he so adorable? So sexy? Yet mysterious.
"You’re beautiful, Nix. If you need to cry, you do it with me. You need me and I’m here for you," he whispered against my cheek.
Despite his reassurances, he had his own pain, and I didn't want to give him mine. I didn't want to become a burden on him. "I love you," I repeated, stepping closer to him. I pressed up against his hard body, feeling the tingle spreading through my limbs, the butterflies in my tummy. He had awakened every nerve, every cell in my body. The attraction between us was undeniable.
"I know how you feel, Rock Star, because I feel exactly the same way." He nibbled against the sensitive skin near my collarbone.
"It’s growing every day, getting stronger with every minute I spend with you," I added.
He chuckled. "Stop... a big guy like me isn't supposed to blush."
"Oh, shut it, Levi. I’m trying to be sweet and romantic here," I laughed. "Don't ruin the moment." I kissed his lips seductively, biting his lower lip and gently licking the spot with the tip of my tongue.
"Oh really?" His voice grew huskier as he gazed down into my eyes.
"From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I felt it, but you were so arrogant that I decided I hated you." I pressed soft kisses across the ‘No Regret’ tattoo. "Your tattoos, your eyes, your smile – they all conspired against me. Deep down, I was attracted to you, even if I tried to convince myself I wasn't." Our eyes met again, and I could see the hunger in his. I bit my bottom lip and continued. "You are always there to protect me." I cupped his face in both of my hands. "When I came into the shop with Bekka and Val and you did my tattoo, that moment changed everything. Your touch on my skin, having you marking me - I realized then that you had me. I was fighting with everything I had, but I was lost to you."
"I want to have you now," he growled.
I rose on tiptoes to reach his ear and whispered. "I’m not done with you yet." I kissed him some more, tracing a path from his chest, over his neck and chin, until I reached his lips. "That first morning in the kitchen, when you kissed me, it was the best moment of my life. It broke down every one of my barriers, stopped me from worrying about all the rules I’d lived by. You were the only one who mattered and you always will be."
"Nix, I'm the one who's supposed to say all these things." He pulled me against him not leaving a hairsbreadth of space between us. We were completely together - bodies, ink, and souls. "Everything changed the second I saw you at the bar. I begged Tyler to introduce me but he refused, said I wasn't your type. Look at us now, I'm so pleased to say he was wrong. I can't stop thinking about you, Rock Star. You may think I'm the one who marked you first, but you’re so wrong, you changed me with your smile and your stubbornness. I knew I had to make you mine. When I saw you in the tattoo shop, I thought I was fucking dreaming. My girl, the woman of my dreams, in my shop. I knew I had to be the one to tattoo you. I was feeling everything you felt, but at that time you were dating Tristan and I fucking hated it."
"I’m sorry," I whispered, kissing him softly. "I was trying to be the person I was taught I had to be. Now, knowing you, I’ve learned I want to be me."
We lapsed into silence, the only sound in the room was the water and our breathing. My need for him was overwhelming and almost impossible to control. I wanted him badly and I craved his touches against my skin. I kissed my way back up his chest, and he rubbed his hands across my back, tracing the line of my spine. The water was getting cooler, but I didn't give a damn because Levi’s body was creating a raging fire in my body. He cupped one of my breasts in his palm, stroking the nipple with his thumb while his lips were seeking out mine. He was kissing me deeper and with more demand.
He hitched my legs up around his waist and lifted me into his arms, pushing my back up against the tiled wall. He kissed me, deeply, pushing himself inside me as slowly and gently as he could. He was fighting his desire. I could tell he wanted to be rougher, but for me, he wanted it to be so much more.
Levi nibbled on the skin of my neck, getting closer to my ear. It both tickled and aroused me to new heights at the same time. I dug my nails into his back, unable to control myself. The cold water poured down over us and was in direct contrast to the heat of his body against me, inside me, creating different sensations which were driving me crazy. He plunged repeatedly into my body, his movements getting faster each and every time. His grip on my waist tightening as we approached the ultimate prize. I wanted him, I needed him, and as the pressure built, I wanted to feel even more.
"Levi, I need you,’’ I murmured into his ear.
He changed his rhythm, pressing harder, deeper with every stroke. I concentrated on the moment and enjoyed every second of it. Levi whispered in my ear, telling me how much he wanted me, how much he loved me. With a shout, he found his release and took me over the edge with him.
The aftershocks found us collapsed on the shower floor, out of breath and shivering under the cold spray. He was clutching me in his tattooed arms, kissing every part of my skin he could reach.
"Maybe we should opt for a bed next time, don't you think?" he murmured.
"Yeah, it might prevent me from dying of hypothermia."
"Funny, very funny." We both laughed.
He got up and offered me a hand to help me up. "We need to get your tattoo fixed up and then get you dressed. Your lips are almost blue. You really are freezing."
When my skin was dry, he rubbed some ointment carefully over the new tattoo and then replaced the lid on the tube. "Can you grab me some clothes from my room?” I asked. ” I’ll start drying my hair." He left the bathroom with a towel draped around his toned waist and I watched enviously as he walked away. Why was he so hot, all the time? In comparison, I probably looked like hell. I turned on the hair dryer, sighing happily at the heat which was welcome and felt amazingly good against my scalp.
Levi came back with some clean clothes. Of course, being a man, he’d chosen the fluorescent pink bra with matching panties, a see-through black tank top and a short denim skirt. Apparently, sexy would be the new me for today. The outfit was alright, although it showed more skin than I would normally have chosen to bare during the day. It was an outfit I would have normally worn for work at the bar.
He’d slipped on a pair of tight blue boxers. One of the things I liked most about Levi was that he never tried to look hot deliberately, and yet he managed it regardless. His hair was in total disarray and only made him seem sexier. I couldn't deny that I was staring at him, literally staring, eyeing him up and down like a model on a calendar. Shame on me. His boxers fitted like a second skin, sitting just below his waist, under the ‘V’ which was formed by his amazing abs. Another thing I loved about him. Levi was in great physical shape but he wasn't over the top muscular. He made great eye candy and I was pleased, very pleased to be his girlfriend.
"I know you’re busy staring right now, but I have to get going. My first client is due to arrive at the shop in less than an hour. Are you coming with me or staying here?" he asked with a huge self-satisfied smirk on his face.
"I’m coming. Give me five minutes."
"Hurry, Rock Star," he whispered and spanked my naked bottom. "Get that pretty ass covered, or we’ll never make it on time."
"Is that a threat?" I asked, looking at him in the reflection of the mirror.
"No, it’s a promise." Levi started kissing the back of my neck. I was almost finished drying my hair, so I dropped the hair dryer on the counter and turned around to kiss him better. He allowed it for a few seconds, before he pulled away with a growl. "Stop, Nix, I can’t be late for the appointment." He kissed me again, unable to stop himself. "OK... I'm... I'm... going to get dressed... now..." He slipped out the door, leaving me standing alone in the bathroom.
When I turned back to the mirror, I had a huge, stupid grin on my face. I quickly got dressed, putting on some mascara and a touch of perfume. My hair was a mess, so I decided to op
t for a simple ponytail.
"Nix, can I come in?" Bekka asked from outside the bathroom door.
"Yeah, come in."
She burst through the door and the doorknob crashed into the wall. Without saying another word, she threw her arms around me, hugging me like never before. "Don’t freak out, okay?" She finally said.
I raised an eyebrow. "What? Why?"
"There are boxes in the living room. Levi is signing for them with the delivery guy. They’re from your mother."
The pain Levi had erased came flooding back. "She had my things packed.” I said numbly. “She really is done with me." I knew now, for certain, there was nothing I could do or say to make Mom change her mind. She hated me.
"I’m so sorry, Nix. It's terrible. I don't understand how she can cut you out of her life like this."
"I do. It's history repeating itself for her. It's her way of taking vengeance. She’s doing to me what her parents did to her; blaming me for what she went through." I was her biggest mistake, her biggest regret. I had to wonder if she ever truly loved me.
"You don't have to look at the boxes now. I’ll get them stacked away somewhere. You don't have to look through them until you’re ready."
"Thanks, Bekka." I took a deep breath as Levi reappeared in my view. "I have to go out now, anyway."
"Nix, are you okay? Because it’s fine if you aren't. You don’t have to come to the shop if you don’t want to." Levi watched me with worry in his.
"I’m not okay, but I need some fresh air. Bekka, I'm going with Levi to the shop for the day. Call me if you need anything."
"Take my hand, Rock Star." Levi seemed to instinctively know what would make me feel better. I clasped his hand and I felt a little better immediately. He was my safety, my haven, my strength.
There were six boxes of various sizes sitting on the floor in the living room. I tried to ignore them but I failed. She really did it. She’d even labelled the boxes with bedroom utilities, frames, books. Unbelievable. What about Carlson? He hadn’t called or sent me an email, which was what he would have done normally when Mom and I fought. Maybe I should try to call him. I was certain he would be honest with me, but I feared it might be a goodbye call. I shook my head, trying to brush these sad thoughts away. I had to think of something else for now. My day had started wonderfully with Levi, I wanted to keep the good vibes going and not dwell on sadness.
The car was parked right in front of the apartment. No matter the weather, his car was always shining. It was his pride and joy, even I had to admit the car was freaking amazing. It fitted him perfectly. A Mustang, which was pretty much all I knew.
Levi let go of my hand only when I sat in the car. After closing the door, he walked to his side and slid in to his seat. He started the car, put it in drive and linked his hand with mine again. "I know you probably feel like shit, but please don't think about it now. Give her some time to come around."
I knew Levi was trying to comfort me, but I also knew, deep down she wouldn't come back or change her mind. It was over and done with. I changed the subject. "Why do you always ask me to hold your hand? It seems to be when something has you worried."
"I guess you noticed, then..." He raised an eyebrow. "It's a thing my mother used to do and... that day..." Levi struggled for words. "The car accident... when she realized the accident was going to happen. She grabbed my hand and held it with all her strength. She held my hand because it was all she had left. It all happened very fast. It's not something I like thinking about, you know, but she just wanted to show me her love and she tried so hard to protect me. After the impact, her hand was still holding mine, but the strength in her grip was gone. She was dead." He managed a tight smile. “I guess holding someone’s hand always makes me feel better, as though I’m helping them with my strength, like Mom did with me that day.”
"Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Levi, I love when you hold my hand." I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed the tips of his fingers. “It always make me feel better."
"I know, it's why Mom did it, too. We were very close."
"I'm sorry." My heart hurt for him. I was going through a similar loss to him, but it felt so different. My mother had never been really close to me. She wanted me to be someone I wasn't able to be. We’d always had a difficult relationship, and I couldn’t help but envy Levi and his Mom, even though he’d had to deal with his own traumas and grief. His Mom had loved him unconditionally.
"Don't worry about it. Let’s try not to think about my mom or yours, today, okay? Let’s just try to think about us and how happy we are."
"Just the two of us," I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. "You are the best boyfriend, ever." I offered him a warm smile.
He smiled back and I saw the pride in his eyes.
Levi was working on a tattoo when I decided to call Carlson. I rang his cell phone, mainly to avoid the house phone and Mom, and also because I knew his cell phone was always on him, attached to his belt.
After the third ring, my hope of him answering began to diminish. I was about to hang up when I heard him speak. “Carlson Bennett.”
I swallowed heavily. "Dad... I mean Carlson... It's me, Phoenix."
I could hear him breathing at the other end of the line, but he remained ominously silent.
"I’m sorry about everything. I know mom hates me. She hates me so much, she wants me out of her life. I'm still me, Carlson, the same girl. I'm just trying to live my life the best way I can."
"We understand that, Phoenix, but the moment you decided on this type of life, you rejected everything your mother and I have been trying to teach you. You threw everything into the trash without an ounce of empathy or understanding for our point of view."
I was stunned by his words. He had taken her side. He was going to disown me as well.
"I'm sorry... I never wanted to disappoint you like this. I only wanted to enjoy my life and be true to myself."
The words hurt me as I spoke them. It was like having to say sorry for being myself. I didn't want to cry here, in the tattoo studio. I held back the tears and kept the phone to my ear.
"This is not what we taught you and we don’t agree with the lifestyle you’ve chosen." His voice was cold and hard.
"You agree with her, and you don't want to hear from me again, is that right?" I questioned slowly.
"I believe this is the only way. I don't want to witness you wasting your life. You’re old enough to live on your own this time. Move to a different state, get your whole body tattooed if you want. You’re on your own. Make the right decisions. Goodbye, Phoenix." I heard the line disconnect. He was agreeing with her.
Their minds were made up. I was at fault and I had no chance of gaining their respect ever again. It hurt so much and I walked out of the studio, completely numb. Kyle was outside, having a cigarette by the door. He took one look at me and saw all the pain in my eyes and the tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't know if Levi had told him anything about my background, but he hugged me, holding me for a long time. It seemed weird to be crying in Kyle’s arms but he was being a good friend and it warmed my shattered heart.
Kyle stayed outside with me, until I was feeling a little better. The sky was grey and rain was expected later in the afternoon. It was the perfect reflection of my mood.
Levi was probably worried about me and I didn't want him to be anxious while he worked. He needed his full attention on the tattoo he was doing, so I drew in a deep breath and drew myself out of Kyle’s arms.
"You know he’s fucking crazy for you." He lit another cigarette, eyeing me carefully. "He’ll do anything for you. Shit, he’s almost like a little puppy following you around."
I giggled. "He's so not like a puppy. He's a very strong man and I just love being around him. I'll never get tired of him."
"You better not, because I don't want to see him moping around all the freaking time." He chuckled. "I think you’re a good match for each other, you both have a lot
in common."
"I love him, he’s an amazing guy and the attraction between us is... wow..."
He put his hands over his ears. "Hey, little girl - I don't need to know what's happening in your bedroom." He laughed and it made me blush. Talking with a guy was different from talking to my girlfriends. I needed to keep that in mind.
He placed an arm around my shoulder and gave me a quick squeeze. "Come on, let’s get back inside."
Levi was striding out the door as we made our way towards it. "You okay?" he asked, looking tense.
"I called my father... Carlson," I was struggling with what to call the man I’d considered a father, but who’d now also abandoned me.
“I’m going to leave you two alone." Kyle winked at me and slipped back inside the shop.
"What did Carlson say?"
"He agrees with Mom. He doesn't think I'm making the right decisions with my life and he says I'm old enough to survive on my own now anyway." Saying the words out loud was hard. I no longer had a family; Levi, Bekka and Val were all I had left. At least I wasn't alone. My friends cared about me and unless I did something utterly stupid, they wouldn't abandon me.
He pressed a kiss against my forehead. "I know you’re going through a rough time and I feel like I'm responsible. I’m so sorry, I truly am. "You have to know that you’ve got me, Nix. And Bekka, she loves you. Tyler, Val and Kyle too. Even Tiff. You’re not alone, Rock Star."
"I know you’re right. Maybe it was always Bekka and Val being my family. They’ve never judged me the way my parents have." I pulled on his t-shirt drawing him closer. I pressed my lips to his, needing to feel his strength. I inhaled deeply against his skin and his cologne was a pleasant reminder of our morning together. I would always crave that smell.
He was my happiness, my joy. My everything.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Late in the afternoon, while I was sitting at the reception of the tattoo shop, I emailed Val. I needed her advice and her point of view on the situation with Mom.
