Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  “Shouldn’t I be taking you out for helping today?”

  “Nope. I told you, you deserve to be pampered.”

  Unnerved, I leaned back into the cab of my truck and looked at him warily. Was this guy for real? He couldn’t be. It was all too romantic, like out of a movie. I found myself nodding in spite of my doubts. “That would be nice.”

  “Great. But we better get in. I’ll wait for you at my car at lunchtime.”

  The four hours before lunch drug on even though I was slammed at work. Listening to my music helped pass the time but I found myself constantly glancing at the clock. Ten minutes before lunch I quickly cleaned up my station and shut everything off. I punched out and practically ran to his car, where he was already waiting for me.

  “Ready to go?” he opened his car door for me.

  “Yes, where are we going?”

  “Just over to Jason’s Deli.”

  “I’ve never been there.”

  He froze and looked at me incredulously. “You’ve never been to Jason’s Deli? They have the best sandwiches, salads and baked potatoes in town. You are in for a treat.”

  He closed the door before climbing in on the driver’s side and driving two blocks from work. “Also it’s close so you’re not rushed.” he chuckled.

  We walked in and after looking over the cafeteria style menu, placed our order. We were given our order number and asked to have a seat. We had barely gathered our napkins, condiments and found a table when they called our number.

  “I’ll get it. I’ll be right back.” Sean stood and walked towards the register.

  I sat back and watched him walk across the restaurant. I couldn’t help but stare at him, watch him move. My gosh, he was handsome. He filled out his Levi’s in all the right ways and his legs were so long. His black hair was brushed back from his forehead and he was no doubt, gorgeous. But in that moment, all I could think about was how nice he was to me, to my father. OMG! I was falling for him!

  We ate quickly, knowing we had to get back to work. We made small talk about the hay, how much a horse eats and if Sean’s legs survived the day. He assured me they were fine. We went back to work and I struggled the rest of the night with the feelings I was experiencing. I didn’t want to get into a serious relationship because it usually ended up bad. Look at my marriage! It turned two people who thought they loved each other into bitter, fighting rivals, each keeping score for the verbal scars they could inflict upon the other. I couldn’t do it again. Maybe we could just have fun for awhile and then go our separate ways without hurting each other. I glanced up and watched him work. It was a few seconds later and he glanced up, saw me and smiled. Oh god, I couldn’t do it. He was mesmerizing and I wanted him again.

  I made it through the rest of my shift, trying to figure out how I could get out of this unscathed but didn’t see how. Until I thought about what was important to me. What I had built out of the rubble of my divorce. It suddenly became clear and he needed to know where I stood. Knowing what I was going to tell him and that it would probably end what had just barely started, I delayed in gathering my stuff at the end of the shift. I didn’t know how strong or eloquent I could put it but it had to be done.

  I made my way out to my truck and felt my heart ache when I saw him leaning against my truck waiting for me.

  “There you are. I was wondering when you were coming out.” he smiled, those delicious dimples flashing.

  “Sean, we need to talk.”

  “Uh oh. I don’t like where this is going.” He stepped away from my truck.

  “I’ve had a great time with you…” I winced at how lame I was sounding but I continued, trying to rip the band aid off, quick and painless as possible. “But there are things in my life that can’t be changed. That I won’t change. For anybody.”

  “And they are?” he asked defensively.

  Here we go. I thought and steeled myself for the heartbreak that was about to ensue. “I will never give up my horses. I will have them until the day I die. They are my therapy and my joy.”

  “Is that all?”

  “My father. After I got divorced I took my Dad out of the retirement home he was in and promised him he would be with me until he passes. He will always be with me. I’ll never send him back. So you need to know this up front, it’s only fair. My Dad and my horses are with me, a package deal. I’ll understand if you want to walk away.” I felt the tears well up in my eyes and hated myself for them.

  “Is that all?” he asked again.

  I blinked back tears. “Well, yeah. I mean, it’s huge. Things I won’t budge on.”

  “And I’d have less respect for you if you did. I’d never dream of asking you to give up the things that are so important to you.”

  “You wouldn’t? You’re alright with it?”

  “It’s a package deal, right? So if that’s all, I’d like to take you out to dinner Saturday night.”

  “Really?” I sniffed, grinning.

  “Yes, The Outback good with you?”

  “I’ve never been there. That would be nice. Thank you.”

  “Absolutely. I would love to see you again.”

  “Me too.” I smiled and leaned up to kiss him. He leaned into me and gave me a soft, lingering kiss.

  “Now go home and get some sleep. I know you have some tests to study for.”

  Shit! School! I not only had a test coming up but I had three papers due! It was going to be a hectic week!

  ***

  I was a ghost trying to get papers done, working with horses and getting housework done. The week flew by and though I enjoyed our make out sessions in the parking lot after our shift, I knew I had to get my school work done. When Saturday showed up I had mixed feelings. I was excited to see Sean outside of work but I hadn’t finished my philosophy paper. I tried so hard to understand the class but I was failing miserably. In all of my other college courses, I had graduated with A’s and B’s, but continuing on to get my engineering degree, philosophy was a required course and it was kicking my ass. I knew I handed in a subpar paper by the time I left for my date with Sean but I just didn’t grasp what my instructor was wanting. I gave up and wrote what I understood and sent it in.

  I made my way to The Outback, trying to shake the feeling of failure. I got out of my truck and saw Sean waiting by the door, a smile on his face. He looked so handsome. I felt my worries of school fade from my body as I walked up to greet him.

  “You look gorgeous.” he commented soberly and took my hand in his.

  I felt heat flood my body and push out my disappointment of school. Nothing mattered now that I was with him. We went in and were seated in a booth, choosing to sit across from each other. We ordered our drinks and he asked about my homework. I explained my dilemma with philosophy.

  “Why does a mechanical engineer need philosophy?” he asked.

  I laughed, relieved that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t grasp that connection. “My question exactly.”

  We moved on from school and started talking about life dreams and desires. The more he revealed, the more I found our dreams were similar and I found myself easily picturing him in my life. I didn’t want to picture my future without him. He ordered a chocolate desert for us to share and as we were waiting, I looked at him seriously.

  “I’m sorry to dump this on you but I think I’m falling in love with you.”

  He had a shocked look cross his face and he pulled back his hand off the table as our waiter brought our dessert. I held my breath as I waited for us to be served, embarrassed that I had just blurted that out, and in not such a tactful way. When our waiter left, he reached across the table and grasped my hand.

  “Why is it that you always beat me to the things I want to do and want to say?”

  I looked at him shocked.

  “I was going to tell you that I’m in love with you tonight but you beat me to it.” he smiled.

  “Really?” I asked. Tears filling my eyes as the joy spread through my
heart.

  “Really. I’m in love with you, Celeste.”

  “That is so cool!” I blurted out. “Can we get this to go and celebrate at your place?”

  He laughed and signaled for the waiter. “I would like that.”

  He paid for our check and I followed him to his place. Thankfully, the house was empty of his roommates. He barely shut the door before he turned me in his arms and began kissing me. My heart fluttered and a molten heat flooded my body. Nothing else mattered except touching him, him touching me, my needs and my wants pushing out any other sensations. I held onto his neck with my hands, not allowing him to move a fraction from my lips. He stumbled and we fell against the living room wall, momentarily knocking the breath out of me. His weight pushing me against the wall, he moved down my neck, pulling at my shirt as I went for the buttons on his jeans. Every time he touched my skin, electrical shocks spiked across my flesh, tingling and zinging my senses to a heightened awareness I hadn’t realized I had. He pulled me from the wall and we began the lovers walk to the bedroom, shedding clothing, bumping into corners of walls, fumbling for door knobs trying to find the ultimate place where we would relish in each other’s bodies to exhaustion.

  He lay me down on his bed, my clothes discarded throughout the house, leaving a trail to our destination. His hands roamed my body, eliciting shivers and moans that I vaguely realized were coming from me. I reached up and ran my hands along his shoulders, feeling every hard plane of muscle that rippled beneath his skin. I ran my fingers along his back and down to his butt. I felt his goose bumps when I lightly stroked his cheek with my fingers and I giggled.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked hoarsely, pulling back to gaze down at me.

  “I like that I can affect your body just by touching you.” I grinned then slid my fingers up his back.

  “You can affect my body by just looking at me, Celeste. I want you every time I look at you. And when you touch me, I’m in heaven.”

  I felt the butterflies beat against the inside of my stomach and I held back the desire to pinch myself to make sure I was awake. I was definitely alive because the heat throughout my body was like an inferno, flames licking and singeing my muscles.

  TWELVE

  With our relationship growing stronger and becoming more serious, I knew I had to introduce him to my best friend. I had met her after I had divorced and we hit it off immediately. She had a marriage that would rival any romance novel. Their courtship had been a fairy tale with the appropriate tribulations then the perfect consummation in a glass carriage house in France. It was beautiful, romantic and their life. She knew I was a skeptic about true love but the relationship she had with her husband made me doubt my skepticism. After several girls’ nights with her and spilling my guts about my growing feelings for Sean, she insisted on meeting him on a double date. I felt nervous and she immediately picked up on my reservations.

  “Okay, spill it. What’s wrong?”

  “Well, it’s stupid.” I admitted. “It wasn’t a big deal at first because he was supposed to only be a one-night stand but now that I have feelings for him, I, uh, well…”

  “Well what? Doesn’t he know you were married before?” she inquired.

  “No! I mean, yes! He knows I was married before. The problem is he doesn’t know I smoke.”

  Smoking was my dirty little secret. I hated the way it smelled on people, their clothes, their breath, even in their cars, so I worked very hard to make sure nothing about me smelled. But the relief that a cigarette brought me was heaven. Especially first thing in the morning when I was drinking my coffee. I knew the risks involved with smoking and after consulting a new age doctor, he told me that if I absolutely refused to quit, he recommended a certain brand of cigarette that was all natural and didn’t contain the chemicals and additives the more popular, common brands had. It still had the nicotine and they were still addictive but the carcinogen factors were reduced. They were still cigarettes so I made sure my teeth, my clothes and my hygiene never exposed my secret habit. I knew I was successful because at the company I had worked for before this one, not one person knew I had smoked until the day I quit when I lit one up as I stormed out the door. And then there was Sean. Though I smoked well before we met and I definitely had one after we were together, he never smelled it on me or in my truck.

  I wasn’t sure she would understand my dilemma. Her husband was from England and she had spent years abroad so smoking was as natural as breathing for them. Now I was supposed to go out on a double date with my smoking friends, for drinks, which made the cravings worse.

  “I don’t want him to know. At least not now. I want to see where this goes.” I tried to explain.

  “Alright, we won’t say anything.” she assured. “But he needs to know who you are.”

  “But I’m not a smoker.” I argued, and then blushed. “Well, I am but not a hardcore one. I’m not a pack a day smoker, more like a pack a week or two. And I really do want to quit sometime.”

  “You don’t have to convince me.” she smiled.

  “I know. Okay. Will Saturday night work for you guys?”

  “Yep. Come over, I’ll make dinner then we can go. Will seven work?”

  “That should work. I’ll ask him tonight.”

  ***

  I picked him up on time and we were over at Jenny and Roger’s house a little before seven. I had dressed to the nines in a black skirt with a silky top and black jacket. We drove down in my truck to enjoy the A/C in the sweltering heat and I was thankful because it would mean I would have to watch my alcohol intake. We walked in the door and Jenny greeted me with a cold beer in hand. Damn! I had forgotten they had a keg orator fridge. Just one to take the edge off, I said to myself.

  Introductions were made and everything seemed to be going smoothly. Jenny made an amazing meal of grilled steaks and homemade Caesar salad. We enjoyed our meal and talked about what Sean did for work and for fun. Because the bar was a few short blocks away, we piled into their car and headed for the live band. Jenny and Roger ordered the first round and I felt myself relax. The guys were conversing amiably and the music was great. Then it happened. Jenny lit her first cigarette and I felt the craving hit me like a ten-ton truck. Oh shit. The smell was divine as the smoke wafted my way. I took another pull on my beer and she touched my arm.

  “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah, doing great. You?”

  “I can go outside if you need me to.” she apologized with her eyes and I felt horrible. This was my problem, not hers.

  “No, I’m good. I can survive one night.” I smiled.

  The night flew by. Sean stealing kisses while the band played and I was feeling pretty good. I had been so focused on not smoking that I hadn’t noticed Sean switching to soda. When the band ended their set we went back to Jenny and Roger’s house to have another night cap. Once again Sean opted for the soda. Noticing the time and how I felt, I handed my keys to Sean.

  “I think I’ve had too much, do you mind driving?”

  “Not at all.” he smiled and leaned down to kiss me. “Are you having fun?”

  “Yes.” I blushed. “Are you?”

  “Yes, I am. I’m with you.”

  An hour later we said our goodbyes and walked out to my truck. He came around and opened the passenger door and as I stepped onto my running boards, I felt my balance falter and I fell back into his arms, amazed and embarrassed that he caught me.

  “I think I’ve had a little too much to drink tonight.” I laughed trying to mask my embarrassment.

  “I noticed that, which is why I stopped drinking at the bar. Are you alright? Were you nervous about introducing me to your friends tonight?”

  “Yeah.” I lied. “I’m sorry. Can I just stay the night at your house? I don’t want to drive tonight.”

  “No problem.” he laughed and helped me into the seat of my truck.

  He drove us back to his home and I felt my world spin as I recollected the night. For every crav
ing I had to take a drag of a cigarette, I took a pull on my beer, which boiled down to drinking a lot! All I wanted now was sleep, to make this embarrassing night go away and my head to stop spinning. We made our way into his room and I remember lying down across his bed. Damn, he had to have a waterbed. Who still had these?

  “Celeste, are you alright?”

  I cringed at the concern in his voice. “Yes.” I lied again. “I just need a moment to lie here.”

  “Okay.” I heard him say, and then felt him cover me with a blanket. I closed my eyes and focused on keeping the room in one place. I woke with a groan in my throat and my head pounding. I looked around to get my bearings and remembered the night before. Oh my god, I had made an ass out of myself.

  When I rolled over I saw the bed was empty. Panic filled me, temporarily pushing out the hangover. I quietly snuck out of his room and tip-toed out into the living room, praying he was up watching television or making breakfast. The scene I came upon broke my heart and sent a dreaded feeling into overdrive. Sean was curled up on the couch, sound asleep. I made my way into the bathroom, washed my face and did the finger toothbrush trick. I started crying as reality hit me. He was so disgusted with me he slept on the couch, in his own house! I grabbed some toilet paper to clean off my smearing mascara. Once it was all cleaned off, I went back to his room to gather my things. I was determined to slink out of his house in the early morning light and make my get-away without any confrontation.

  I quietly wandered into the living room looking for my keys. The sight of his 6’2” frame crammed onto the little couch had my eyes swimming again and I tried to stifle my sob. He stirred on the couch and looked up. “Celeste?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just looking for my keys. If you could tell me where they are, I’ll get out of here and you can sleep in your own bed.”

  “What’s wrong? Why are you crying.” he sat up, alarmed.

  “I made you mad. I got drunk and I’m sorry. I’ll just leave now.” I hated the fact that I couldn’t stop the tears.