Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  “Yes, I recognize you now, T.J. I took off because I thought that a big city had more to offer me. Well, it was nice to see you again. I had better get back to my walk, you seem busy.” I took off wanting to escape this awkward moment. Having to explain to T.J. why I was back in town was the last thing on my to-do list today.

  “All right, Syn. See you around.” T.J. smiled. “Glad you’re back!”

  I began heading back to my car, no sea glass having been found. Instead, I’d discovered the one guy who broke my heart and, based upon my initial reaction to the sight of him, has the potential to do it again. I backed out of the parking spot and headed back onto the main road into town, thoughts of T.J. occupying my mind.

  CHAPTER TWO

  After settling in, the first order of business was to get Dad into the doctor’s office and get some answers. He was still seeing the local doctor who had delivered me, handled my mom’s illness, and patched up our family’s many broken bones, so getting an appointment was easy. We arrived around ten o’clock and met with Dr. Freeman in his office. He shared the results of all of the tests he had already run, as well as his diagnosis. It turns out that Dad had been secretly seeing Dr. Freeman for years about the memory issues. He was trying to protect us from the diagnosis—it was Alzheimer’s. My heart dropped when the doctor said those words.

  What would this mean for Dad? How much would he change? It was just like him to try to keep this quiet and from worrying us. Now that I knew the truth, though, I planned on making sure Dad got the best care he could. Dr. Freeman suggested some meds that might help slow the onset of the disease, and as soon as Dad agreed to take them, I agreed to get them.

  * * * *

  My boxes arrived that afternoon. I unpacked everything in the workspace I’d set up in the spare room at Dad’s. There was nothing like the feeling I got while creating a beautiful piece of jewelry from pieces of glass and stones. It gave me pleasure to know the jewelry I was crafting would end up as gifts of love for others. Humming to myself, I laid out my tools and begin sorting through my beads.

  Dad was apparently running the vacuum in the living room, based upon the loud and annoying sound echoing through the house. I listened with half an ear, idly wondering why the vacuum was so loud. All of a sudden, a high-pitched whine came from downstairs, followed by the smell of smoke. Was that the fire alarm? What was going on?

  I ran down the stairs to the living room, barely able to see through the haze of smoke. “Dad? Where are you?” I screamed over the noise of the smoke alarm and vacuum.

  Hearing a coughing noise coming from the kitchen, I ran into the room to see flames coming from the oven and my father using a towel to try to put them out. “Dad, we need to go. We need to call the fire department.” I pulled him toward the door and grabbed the cell phone out of my pocket.

  “Hello, we have a fire at 224 West Front Street. Please send someone right away.”

  Within minutes, firemen arrived and set to work putting out the fire. I held on to my dad and wondered what happened. “Dad, why was there a fire in the oven? Were you trying to cook something?” Dad looked lost, like a small, frightened child. His eyes were glazed and his body was being wracked by coughing fits. The paramedics came over to take a look at him, alleviating a little of my worry. At least his cough was being treated. What was I going to do about his kitchen though?

  The fire was quickly put out. When the screeching of the alarm stopped, one of the firemen came over to talk with me. As he pulled off his helmet, I noticed his familiar face. It was T.J.

  Smiling at the soot on his cheek, I said, “Thank you, T.J. Is everything okay in the house now?” I wanted to run my hand over his face and brush the smudge off. Just being around him made my knees weak. You would think after sixteen years I would be over him. Maybe my mind knows, but my body doesn’t yet, I thought sarcastically.

  “Syn, were you trying to cook again?” His eyes sparkled, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter. “The fire is out. It was mainly contained in the oven. It appears that someone was trying to dry their laundry in there. There was minor smoke damage to the kitchen and living room areas, but I think that if you open the windows and air the place out, it should be okay in a couple hours.”

  I felt safer knowing someone I knew personally was here checking things over, but wished it had been someone who hadn’t broken my heart. “Thanks again, T.J. It’s my dad, he has Alzheimer’s, and isn’t himself these days. He must have thought he was being helpful. First, I heard the vacuum going. Then, the fire alarm goes off. I can’t believe he put his laundry in the oven!”

  “I’m sorry about your dad. He was always such a big, scary guy. Remember that time I came over to see you in high school and he wanted to show me his shotgun collection?”

  We laughed together at the memory. Dad always thought it was funny to clean his guns when a boy came over to pick one of his daughters up for a date.

  “You might have to keep a closer eye on him; we don’t want to have to come out here for something more serious than an oven fire. Honestly, I would much rather come over and take you out to dinner than respond to a 911 call from your house.”

  “It’s hard to see him going downhill so fast…And every guy got the same treatment in high school! No one was good enough for his daughters…Wait. Did I hear you right? Are you asking me out?”

  The rest of the firemen were back at the truck, yelling for T.J. to come back so they could leave. “You bet. You were always my best gal.” He grabbed my cell phone, entered his number in my contacts and headed back to the fire truck.

  Shaking my head at his antics and smiling to myself, I headed over to the paramedic’s ambulance to talk to them about Dad’s condition. They had him huddled in a gray blanket. He looked so frail that the smile left my face. “How is he?”

  “He has a slight cough from the smoke, but that’s the only damage we see. He was lucky you got him out before he could inhale more of the smoke. Just have him take it easy for a few days. If the cough doesn’t go away, have him see his doctor.”

  I pulled the paramedic aside, out of Dad’s range of hearing. “My dad’s been forgetful lately.

  Are you sure he’s okay?”

  “You may want to have his dementia checked out. But really, nothing happened as a result of today’s incident. He’s fine.”

  I thanked the paramedics as we headed to the ambulance, and hugged my father tightly. Today was a close call. Losing Dad was unimaginable but in many ways, I suppose I’ve already begun to. As I worried about how to keep an eye on everything at all times, I put my arm around his shoulders and walked him back into the house.

  After sending Dad off to shower, I opened all the windows and scrubbed the kitchen clean. The smoky smell still lingered on the air, but it was getting better. When he came back downstairs, Dad seemed more like himself.

  “Syn, what do you want me to cook for dinner? Are you hungry? Why’s the house all stinky? Did you try baking a pie again? You know that you forget to cover the crust every time.” Opening the oven, he noticed the black remains of the fire on the inside of the door.

  “Well, Dad, we need to talk.” I led him over to the kitchen table, where we sat down. “Today you put your laundry in the oven instead of the dryer and started a fire,” I said with what I hoped sounded like loving sincerity.

  “I did what? That’s crazy! I was cleaning up today, running the vacuum. I don’t remember doing laundry. Are you sure?” Dad’s voice broke on the last question, his eyes filling with confusion and sadness. “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to remember things these days. I know that the doctor talked about memory loss with Alzheimer’s, but I never thought I’d put anyone in danger, let alone you. What am I going to do?”

  As his shoulders slumped, his face looked so crestfallen. This man, who had faced hot molten steel each day in the steel plant and had been burned a time or two, had just struggled to remember why he put his laundry in the oven. My heart shattered.

/>   “Don’t worry, Dad. We will get through this.” Secretly, I wondered and worried myself about what we were going to do.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Life returned to our new state of normal after the fire. Dad had mostly good days. He was more like the man I’d always known, alert and engaging, but the fear of leaving him alone was always present in my mind. I worked on my jewelry in the kitchen from the day of the fire on, where I could be close by in case he tried to do laundry in the oven again.

  Deciding to get out of the house, we headed out for dinner at a popular local restaurant. The Armors Diner was located in an old home that had been converted into a homey place to eat. They had a full menu, containing anything that might tickle your fancy, but they had the best Coney dogs and fries. The Armors was a favorite hangout for the high school crowd, so the walls were covered with photos from all the sports stories covered by the local newspaper. The place was packed, but we found a spot at a small table near the large front window.

  The Armors held a lot of fond memories from my time in high school. I used to come to the restaurant as much as I could to hang out and visit with my friends. We would always order the large fries and talk about the boys we liked. The restaurant also had its share of sad memories too—mostly surrounding T.J. and our time together. As if just thinking about him caused him to appear, I looked up to find him walking through the door, alone, and heading directly over to our table.

  “Hi Syn, Mr. Wilder. Do you mind if I join you? This place is packed, and I hate to eat alone.”

  “Hello Thom. Nice to see you. What have you been up to lately? I haven’t seen you since you dated Syn, here. I must have scared you off good,” Dad replied with a grin.

  “Mr. Wilder, you didn’t scare me off. Syn decided to run away to the big city and leave this small town behind.” T.J. winked at me, so I stuck my tongue out at him.

  I felt like an idiot while they spoke about me, and a little shocked that Dad didn’t remember

  T.J. being at the recent fire. “Hello—I am sitting right here. You shouldn’t talk about me like I’m invisible.” They continued to ignore me, in favor of the conversation. I took the moment to look at T.J. He certainly had grown up. I studied his profile, trying to find a small part of that little boy who was my best friend growing up. His strong jawline and full lips were new to me. His baby fat was gone, but his strong nose was the same. The aquiline had a bump that always looked like he had broken it, which earned him the nickname Rocky. I loved his smile. It was a full grin that lit up his whole face and made his eyes twinkle. I wish I could go back and have a chat with my teenage self. I would share with her just how sexy T.J. was today. Of course, I would probably also have a few words to say to teenage T.J. too. After all, I wasn’t the only one in that relationship.

  My ears perked up when I heard Dad invite T.J. over for dinner tomorrow night. It will be nice to give Dad something to do, but another evening with T.J…can my heart handle it?

  The Armors provided a nice dinner among friends. Dad seemed to enjoy talking with T.J. about guns, hunting, and his job at the fire station. Sitting there in the background watching them interact was a treat. Dad was animated, reminding me more of the guy I grew up with than the pale version of himself he had become since my return. He hasn’t been so upbeat in a long time. I don’t think I’ve felt so upbeat in a while, as well. T.J. had many fun stories of life in the station that made us laugh. I was getting reacquainted with the guy I left behind, as he was filling in the missing years.

  T.J. had been my best friend growing up. We were childhood playmates. Then, in high school, we turned into a couple. He became my boyfriend. We used to spend a lot of time hanging out at the train depot and talking about our future, but that didn’t last. T.J. was looking for a girl who was sexually active, which wasn’t me. He broke up with me and went on to date other girls who were more physical with him. It was hard watching him move on, but I was going to leave our small town for bigger pastures when I graduated, so I didn’t need to be tied down. Now that I was back, though, would we try to make it work?

  * * * *

  Dad was in high spirits the next day as he was getting ready for our dinner company. He decided to make some perch that he had caught last year, so he pulled it from the freezer and set about getting things ready. I watched him while I worked on my jewelry at the kitchen table, listening to him share stories about his fishing trips with friends. My stomach was bothering me. Every part of my body was nervous about hanging out with T.J. Was I still feeling something for T.J.? Was I still in love with him?

  Around six o’clock, T.J. arrived with a six-pack of green bottled beer. “I remembered that your dad loved this brand.” As he wrapped me in a tight bear hug, my body responded to his hard, muscular body.

  “Thank you. Can I take your coat?”

  As he stripped off his dark canvas jacket, the light blue denim shirt stretching across his chest drew my attention. His shoulders filled out the shirt and made me want to caress them. I couldn’t help but notice that his dark blue jeans hugged tight to his butt and legs, as if the denim was painted on, as he walked into the kitchen to say hello to Dad. The cowboy boots he wore looked well-used and gave him a sexy walk. My mouth watered not from what we were having for dinner, but who we were having it with.

  The meal was a memorable event filled with reminiscing and laughter. After cleaning up the dishes so that the guys could continue their conversation, I rejoined them. Dad was sharing his story about his turkey hunting trip that ended in a car fire. I’d heard that story a million times, but it was nice to enjoy the night without worrying about having to always be on guard with Dad. “Well, I’m an old man here, so I’m gonna hit the sheets. You guys enjoy the rest of the evening. Just remember T.J., I still have that shotgun collection,” Dad said with a snicker as he left the living room and climbed the stairs.

  “It’s a beautiful night. Would you like to sit outside on the deck? We won’t bother Dad with our voices that way.” I handed T.J. the last beer and grabbed myself a soda, and we walked outside.

  The night was dark, revealing a million stars in the sky. Looking up at them, I realized how many more stars I saw here than I ever did in Chicago. The air smelled fantastic, the scent of lilacs filling my nose. It was the guy sitting next to me, however, that made my heart soar. I hadn’t enjoyed myself as much as I had tonight in a long time. That was all because of T.J. I felt that I could relax and be myself with him. I loved that we challenged each other with our sarcastic wit, that we shared a history together. This was dangerous territory, though. I hadn’t been with anyone in ten years. No one had ever made me feel the way I felt about him. He was the one man who I never got over, even after all those years.

  Breaking the silence, T.J. asked, “So, how was the big city? What was life like there?”

  “I enjoyed being able to see the museums and always find something to do, no matter what time of night it was. It was an exciting place.”

  A look of pain crossed T.J.’s face. Is he worried my life in the big city is what I still wanted?

  Small town life had some definite perks, like the guy sitting here with me.

  “But there are benefits to small towns too. Since I’ve gotten back, I am beginning to see just what I missed out on by running to the big city right after high school. Like these stars, for example, and the smell of flowers on the air. Chicago was bright lights and delicious food aromas, but there is something about a night like this…What has life been like for you?”

  “I’ve enjoyed being in Amherst and taking care of the people I grew up with and the town I grew up in. I get to see many of the people we went to school with. I even play baseball on a summer league team with Steve Newman and Mike Stevens, remember them? In many ways, nothing about my life has changed, and yet…” his voice wandered off.

  “I remember your best friends. They loved to torment me in high school. I think their nickname for me was inaccurate, Sinful Syndie. Too bad I
wasn’t sinful, I might have had more dates,” I added sarcastically.

  “I missed that—your sense of humor and possessive nature. No one was like you. Do you remember the night of your big sleepover? When you got so jealous that you froze that girl’s bra because she came on to me? I wish I could have seen her face! Syn, there were times you were hell on wheels.” I gave him a shove. He started to laugh as my face warmed from embarrassment, and continued talking. “I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.”

  “I missed you too. You were my best friend. I’m sure if my mom was alive today she would’ve already had out those old photos of us in the sandbox and been rambling on about how cute we were.”

  “I visited the funeral home when your mom died, even though we hadn’t seen each other in five years, but I couldn’t face you, so I hid and watched you grieve. I was too upset to even face you when I had the chance to make amends for my behavior. I wanted to comfort you, but I knew how angry you must have been at me. I felt so bad about breaking up with you for those other girls in high school. You shut me out of your life and I didn’t notice. I lost my best friend for a little tail. I realized my mistake when I joined the fire department and we had training about trusting each other. In a fire, each firefighter relies on the others to protect him. I have to count on these guys so we all make it out alive. During the training, it occurred to me that I treated you badly. Best friends don’t do that…and neither do people in love.” T.J. looked in my eyes and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry.”

  Stunned, I sat there for a moment, watching him hold my hand. His words sounded sincere, like they came from a place deep inside his heart.