Cassandra Austin

by Trusting Sarah

  She wanted to pay a visit to Martha or at least ask if there was anything she could do, but she knew her presence would upset the poor woman. Other families brought food to the wagon, and there seemed to be at least one woman with Martha nearly all the time.

  When Rice came in to eat at noon, he asked Sarah if she had seen Chimney Rock. He pointed it out to her in the distance and Sarah had a feeling he would never look at it in quite the same way again.

  * * *

  River kept the pinto at a slow walk. Sarah knew he wanted this ride to last as much as she did. She was behind him, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, her cheek against his back. The wagons were circled opposite Chimney Rock, and after supper, as Eli had suggested, River had taken Sarah over to see it. Now they were on their way back to the train.

  Sarah searched for some topic of conversation, something that wouldn’t recall painful memories and start them fighting. Finally she asked almost hesitantly, “Rice tells me the train will likely split up a few days out of Fort Hall. Will you be going to Oregon or California?”

  River smiled. He would love to tell her just what he planned, but it was too soon. “That’ll depend,” he answered after a moment. “In the past, Milburn and I would split up and meet again in San Francisco. There are ships going down the coast. The train’s so small this year, we’ll try to get the families into other trains.”

  Sarah reflected on this. She had been counting on his company all the way to California. When Rice told her about the split past Fort Hall, she had toyed with the idea of waiting to choose her own direction until she knew which group River would be leading. But he wasn’t giving her any answers.

  “There are a few old trappers that will guide caravans,” River went on. “Some will be waiting at Fort Laramie, in fact.”

  Sarah was silent for the rest of the ride, afraid her voice would reflect her disappointment. She closed her eyes and tried to relax against River’s strong back. Their time together was running out far too quickly.

  “What in the hell’s going on?”

  At River’s question, Sarah opened her eyes. It was almost dark now, but she could see the wagons lit by campfires. It looked as if everyone in the train were gathered at Eli’s fire. As they approached, they could hear the angry voices.

  The crowd fell silent as River rode in. He dismounted and helped Sarah down. Rice stepped forward and, as he took the reins, spoke softly to River. “Mrs. Hess says a watch and some coins turned up missing.”

  River glanced at Mrs. Hess, who stood bolstered by Prudence Carroll. He gave Rice a pat on the shoulder and urged Sarah forward as Rice led the horse away.

  Eli came to meet them. “Am I glad to see ya. Shore took yer time getting back.”

  River looked from Eli to the women and the crowd behind them. Everyone was glaring at Sarah. He could feel her apprehension and spared a glance at her before he said, “Tell me what I missed.”

  Suddenly everyone was talking at once. He raised a hand and all but Prudence fell silent. “And I demand that that woman’s wagon be searched!”

  River glared at her, but she was too sure of herself to back down. “You can’t expect anything less when you shelter a convict. It’s a wonder she’s waited this long. Why, I think we should all check our valuables, right now. There could be things she stole we haven’t missed yet.”

  She turned to Ernest. “You wait here and see that both these wagons are searched.” With one last sniff in Sarah’s direction, she spun and helped Mr. Hess lead his wife away.

  River took a deep breath and turned to Sarah. She had to be upset, but she was doing an admirable job of hiding it. The easiest way to satisfy these people would be to search the wagon, but saying so to Sarah would ruin any trust she might have in him. He had to let her know he didn’t believe the accusations.

  While he was trying to decide how best to do that, she said, “Search the wagons, River.”

  She knew Eli and Ernest were both standing nearby watching her, but all she saw was River’s eyes searching hers. Was he trying to decide if she was a thief? He already believed that; she was surprised he was looking for the truth in her eyes. He had never believed her.

  When he answered, his voice was just above a whisper. “I’m sorry, Sarah.” He pulled his eyes away and looked for Ernest. “You want to witness this?” he asked. “You too, Sarah.”

  He helped her into the wagon. While River and Ernest followed her inside, she moved to the front of the wagon and loosened the pucker string as far as it would go. The wagon was too tiny for three people, and she knew she could have a sudden need for more air.

  River lit the lantern and eyed Ernest. “You want to go through all these crates?”

  The other man looked flustered and River noticed he avoided looking in Sarah’s direction. “Just her own personal boxes and such and boxes what she uses stuff out of...for cookin’ and the like.”

  River nodded. After a long look at Sarah, he indicated her trunk. “Do you have anything besides this?” When she shook her head, he moved to open it.

  Ernest took a step closer. “What if she’s lying?” The look on River’s face made him back away.

  River sat beside the trunk and hesitated before lifting the lid. He made one last effort to think of another way, but he saw none. He felt Ernest lean closer to see as he opened the trunk.

  He handed the blanket on top to Ernest and shook his head in disgust as Ernest felt over it carefully. He looked back into the trunk and paused in surprise. Resting on the garments was a walnut jewelry box. He lifted it slowly, remembering. He had gone to her grandmother’s house on Christmas morning, angering his parents more than usual. He had stood in the snow and watched while she opened it. “It’s for all the pretty things I’ll buy for you,” he had said.

  River shook off the memory. Afraid to look at Sarah, he opened the box. Inside were a few coins and hairpins. Beneath lay an envelope. He started to close the lid.

  Ernest stopped him. “How do we know those ain’t the coins?”

  “No watch,” River said, placing the box on the floor beside him and starting his search of the rest of the trunk.

  “That don’t mean nothin’. Suppose the watch is hid somewhere’s else. I think we need to tell Mr. Hess about these coins.”

  “Do you think he’ll recognize his own coins?” River lifted the Sunday dress and laid it on the trunk’s open lid.

  “Well, how do we know unless we ask him?”

  River glared at Ernest. “How do we know Hess is even missing a watch and coins? How do we know you’re not here trying to see what you want to steal from Miss Tanton? And for that matter, if we found a watch and coins, how would we know your sister didn’t put them here?”

  Ernest drew back in amazement. He sputtered a moment, unable to speak. River went back to lifting items out of the trunk. When he stopped, Ernest leaned forward to peer inside and seemed relieved that it was empty.

  River turned to Sarah. Her face was still, her body almost stiff. He cursed inwardly. He would like to strangle Prudence Carroll for what she put Sarah through.

  Her voice was steady when she spoke. “I’ll put my things away, if you don’t mind.”

  River nodded and glared at Ernest, daring him to disagree. After a moment he said, “Let’s check the cooking supplies.” They turned to the back of the wagon and went through Eli’s cupboard and boxes, while Sarah smoothed each piece of fabric and put it back into her trunk.

  They were still searching through the cooking utensils when she closed the lid. She didn’t want to watch them. She returned to her place at the front of the wagon and turned her back on them. There was very little to see out the opening except the back of the next wagon. Several minutes later, when she heard River and Ernest leaving to continue their search, she pulled the pucker string closed. River had left her the lantern. She stared at it for a moment before moving to put it out.

  Eli met River and Ernest at the back of the supply wagon. “Ya really
went through that poor gal’s things, didn’t ya?” the old man grumbled. “Now yer gonna go through everything she ever touched, is that it? Ya should be ashamed. Both a ya!”

  River tried to ignore him, but he moved to block their way. “Ya won’t find no stolen watch, nor money, neither.”

  “Eli,” River warned.

  “Well, yer just bein’ mean to Sarie, just as mean as ya was afore. Believin’ she’d take somethin’. If ya found a watch, ya’d turn right around and say she was a thief and not give her a chance to say nothin’. Is that what happened afore?”

  River grabbed Eli by the shoulders. “Will you shut up?” he hissed between his teeth. “I know there’s no stolen watch here. I’m trying to show Ortman there’s no stolen watch here. Now will you get out of my way?”

  Eli shook his hands off and snorted. Reluctantly he stomped back to his fire, grumbling to himself. Ernest watched him go before climbing into the wagon after River. They had barely started their search when Eli was pounding on the side of the wagon. “Ya better get out here and see this.”

  “What now?” River mumbled, jumping from the wagon.

  Tom Williams was standing by Eli’s fire, a small bag in one hand and a watch dangling from the other. “My Amy took them,” he said. “She was playing at the Hess wagon while Martha rested. She didn’t know she shouldn’t.”

  Eli was nearly crowing with glee. He hurried to the lead wagon. “You hear that, Sarie?” he called, knocking on the side.

  River watched Tom eye the old man with a little dismay. He could hear Ernest behind him shuffling his feet. “You better return them to Hess,” River said. “I’m sure he and his wife’ll understand.”

  Tom nodded and turned to go. Ernest made to follow but River stopped him. “Tell your sister she owes Miss Tanton an apology.”

  Ernest swallowed audibly. “I can’t tell her that.”

  “Sure you can.” River smiled coldly at him.

  Ernest looked from River to Eli before he hurried away.

  Eli let out another gleeful laugh and pounded on the wagon again. “You hearin’ all this, Sarie?”

  River pushed past him. “Leave her alone,” he advised. He climbed into the dark wagon and could hear the old man’s chuckle as he let the canvas fall into place.

  “Sarah?” he whispered. He knew she was in here, but he couldn’t see anything. He waited, hoping his eyes would adjust, and heard a tiny muffled sound. He took a match from his pocket and struck it. In the feeble light he found her sitting on the floor, her head resting on her drawn-up knees.

  He knelt beside her, shaking out the match. “Sarah?” He touched her shoulder, and she tried to turn away. He pulled her into his arms, his strength competing with her resistance until she gave in. He settled her comfortably against him and stroked her hair. He felt silent sobs rack her body and wrench his heart. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered. He rocked her gently. “Shh, don’t cry.”

  Sarah couldn’t believe she was crying, let alone crying in River’s arms. An accumulation of things had opened the floodgates, which now seemed impossible to close. River was holding her, and River would soon be out of her life. She clung to him as if she could keep him from leaving by her strength alone.

  She wished she could be angry with him; she wished she could hate him. That had been impossible six years ago even with ample justification. It was certainly impossible now. His tender words and gentle touch comforted her against her will. The floodgates finally closed, her strength ran out, and she slept.

  River continued to cradle her like a child. He listened to her soft, even breathing and berated himself for hurting her again. He dozed awhile then woke to stroke her hair and whisper his love to her sleep-filled ears. He left her just before dawn.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sarah squinted at the young man beside her. “You’re quiet this morning,” she said.

  Rice watched the team as he spoke. “Mr. von Schiller’s awful sick, Sarah. They finally asked Doc to look at that tooth. I guess the missus decided she could trust him after all. It don’t seem possible a body could be so sick from a toothache.”

  “What did the doctor say?”

  “The poison’s got in his body, and he’s gotta do nothin’ but rest. All the work’ll fall to the girls and their ma, and he thinks it’ll be too much for ‘em. He wants to stop and winter at Fort Laramie.”

  He shook his head slowly, and Sarah tried to comfort him. “Rice, I’m sorry. But surely he’ll be all right if he does what the doctor says.”

  After a moment Rice continued. “Yeah, I guess, but they’re leaving the train!”

  “And you’re missing Gretchen already,” she whispered.

  He turned to her, his expression a mixture of sorrow and anger. “I should be thinking about the poor man that’s so sick. I should be thinking about his wife and daughters that’ll have to find work at the fort so they can afford to go on next spring. But all I can think about is Gretchen and how I’ll never see her again.”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Rice. It’s human nature to think of ourselves. This girl is special to you. Of course you’ll miss her.” She watched him stare at the team, his lips set in a grim line, and added softly, “If it’s meant to be, Rice, you’ll meet again.”

  He gave her a skeptical glance. You’re probably right, she thought. But she couldn’t tell him he would forget Gretchen; she had never forgotten Daniel. Though she understood Rice’s feelings of loneliness all too well, she had no comfort to offer.

  Rice was pensive the rest of the day, and soon after camping, he headed for the von Schiller wagon. Eli made more food than usual and reported that until Martha was well the others were taking turns cooking for the family. “It’s my turn tonight,” he told Sarah when she had dipped up a portion for herself and River. He left a plateful for Rice before gathering the pot and bread and hurrying away.

  Sarah stared after him in open amazement, causing River to laugh. “I think you let Eli’s grouchy disposition influence your opinion of him,” he said, taking the plate from her hand.

  “Maybe so,” Sarah conceded, following him to the crate seats. “Have you heard about Mr. von Schiller?”

  River nodded. “I think the doctor’s being overly cautious, but the man doesn’t look well.”

  Sarah wondered how much River knew of Rice’s personal sorrow. She would leave it to Rice to tell him if he chose.

  They ate in silence, both thinking more about the other than about von Schiller. Finally River set his plate aside and turned his full attention to Sarah. “Has Mrs. Carroll been around to talk to you?”

  Sarah stared at him wide-eyed and shook her head.

  River’s eyes narrowed for a second, then his face relaxed into his easy smile. “Much as I’d like to sit here with you all evening, I have an errand to run.” He rose to his feet, and her eyes followed him warily. He took the plate from her hand and set it aside. With a gentle tug, he pulled her to her feet and into his arms. “Kiss me goodbye.”

  A smile spread across Sarah’s face as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Am I kissing you goodbye, or good-night?” she murmured.

  “Certainly not good-night.” He lowered his head to claim his kiss, pulling her against his lean frame. When he gradually drew away from her, she was breathless, her eyes closed. He saw her eyelashes flutter up to reveal those deep brown eyes. His voice was hoarse when he whispered, “Just goodbye and only for a little while.”

  Sarah watched him walk away, a little stunned by how weak he could make her feel. She was falling more deeply in love with him each time he touched her. Was the pleasure she received now worth the pain their eventual separation would cause?

  She sighed and gathered up the plates. If it wasn’t, it was too late now. She felt powerless to deny him anything.

  She turned toward the tailboard and gasped, letting the plates clatter to the ground. Bull Gaines stood beside the wagon, and before she could move, he grabbed her shoulder
s, pulling her hard against him.

  “I know what you are,” he growled. “Don’t go pretending you’re better’n me.”

  Sarah tried to push away from him, but his arms had locked around her. His hold was so tight she could barely breathe. She struggled to draw enough air into her lungs to scream, but all she could manage was a whimper. He tried to stifle even that with his mouth, and she gagged.

  “I can make it nice for you if you make it nice for me,” he said near her ear. “Unless you want to play rough. That’s just fine, too.”

  She tried to kick at his legs but was too close to him. He laughed and held her tighter. She felt her head spin from fear and lack of oxygen. A black haze swirled at the edge of her vision.

  She heard a strange pop and thought her ribs had broken. The next instant Bull’s grip was gone, and she crumpled to the ground, gasping for air while her vision cleared. In front of her, Bull was pulling himself to a sitting position while blood ran down the side of his face. River stood over him, holding his rifle like a club.

  Sarah scrambled to her feet and backed away. She didn’t want to look at Bull and fastened her eyes on River.

  “You’re off this train,” River said through clenched teeth. “Tomorrow morning, pull out of line and give us at least thirty minutes before you follow.”

  Bull glared at him with open hatred. He looked as if he would speak but changed his mind. He came slowly to his feet.

  River stepped back enough to give Bull room to leave, keeping himself between the man and Sarah. He gripped the rifle in frustration and didn’t take his eyes off Bull until he was out of their camp. He wished the man had put up a fight. Right now he could kill him with his bare hands.

  He looked around for Sarah and saw her leaning against the wagon, watching him intently. He took a deep breath, remembering his original errand. “Mrs. Carroll,” he said. “You have something to say to Miss Tanton?”

  Sarah’s eyes followed River’s. Prudence was staring at the rifle stock, her hand at her mouth. She glanced at Sarah, but her eyes went back to the rifle. “I...I...I...” she stammered.