Hopelessly Shattered (Sacred Sinners MC - Texas Chapter #1)

by Bink Cummings

  Slipping a hand up my back, combing his fingers through my long trusses, Ryker gives me a moment, or ten, to recover. “We’ve got surveillance cameras on your house twenty-four-seven to make sure you’re safe, Kat. I installed them the week I left. Which is what I’d been sent there to do in the first place, after doin’ a little recon. That’s the truth…”

  Sighing long and hard, he pauses a beat, then continues on as I sit here in stunned silence, my arms tucked in front of me, enjoying the warmth of his gentle embrace. “Ghost watches the videos, and the junk tapes get erased. I steal them sometimes to watch. And I have a guy on the inside named Bulk. He’s a club brother. We go way back. He and his old lady just moved a few towns over from you. His woman, Jezebel, has been tapin’ all the girls’ dance recitals for me since she put their daughter in the class, too. And before that, a chick named Candy Cane was doin’ it. I’ve been keepin’ tabs for years. Right along with your dad. I’m not lyin’ to you on purpose, babe. I just didn’t want you to know…”

  Holy ... Wow…

  I don’t know that to say. This is some CIA crazy mafia shit.

  “Every boyfriend you’ve had, I’d send a local brother there to scope out. If I thought he was a douche, I made sure we’d send ‘em packin’. If he was alright, I’d let it ride a few months to see how shit played out. Didn’t like ya with other men. Pissed me the fuck off. But I also didn’t want you alone, and heartbroken, either…”

  “So there ya have it… you wanted to know the truth. I never stopped carin’, my little Tiger. And ‘cause I was afraid of the shit parade that might rain down on you if I stayed, I left. It’s not ‘cause I didn’t fuckin’ wanna be there. Jesus. I’ve wanted to be there, wakin’ up next to you, for the rest of my goddamn life. But the same reason you shouldn’t be here is the same reason I bailed. Not ‘cause of the club. But my connections to the club. My pops has been prez for as long as I can remember. People know him, and bein’ his son, they know me, too. In our circles, I can’t fly under the radar out in the open, exposed like that. And neither can Ghost. That’s why we live in BF-fuckin’-E, and we’re smart about it. Gotta be. The guys who your dad fucked over are still around. They already got beef with our club. We’re rivals. All it takes is one misstep, and we’re goin’ to war. And I didn’t want you gettin’ pulled into that life. Didn’t want that for my girls either. If they caught wind of me bein’ Bear’s son, and datin’ Mike Remington’s daughter, they could start askin’ questions. Stirrin’ shit up. Turnin’ over rocks to see what they can find. Then you and our girls would be caught in the crossfire. Dragged into a mess you didn’t create and shouldn’t be punished for. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t live with that.”

  Snuggling my nose into his warmth, I inhale his distinct, manly scent. A blooming heat soothes the depths of my soul from the comfort of his smell more than it ever has before. Perhaps that’s because we’re finally laying all the cards on the table. He’s being honest, and I’m drained from pounding all my pent up animosity into his pecs. I hate that my emotions are all over the place. I’d blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I can’t be sure that’s where they’re coming from.

  “Can I ask you some questions?” I whisper.

  “You can ask me whatever you want to, babe. I’ll tell ya whatever I can, within reason.” His tone is feather soft—loving. The growing warmth expands into my limbs, all the way down to my toes. Wanting to be closer to him as I wrap my brain around his confessions, I slip my hand up his shirt and lay my palm flat on his abs. Gasping a sharp breath, they flex under my attention, hot and damp to the touch.

  “Am I really in danger bein’ here?”

  “I’m not sure. But Pops shoulda thought about that before he let you come. He’s not a reckless man. So I’m gonna say he took precautions before givin’ ya the go ahead. We haven’t talked about it since you got here. I’ve been too busy fightin’ with Ghost and Vanessa to get a chance to have a sit down with him. If he didn’t, we’re gonna have problems. I don’t think he would’ve put all of us at risk if he wasn’t certain he had all possible threats on lockdown.”

  This is like a mob movie come to life. Except it’s a motorcycle club. I’m living in a total Twilight Zone here. I mean, I’m a librarian with two daughters. Not some hardass biker chick. Not that I’m weak, I’m not. But this is far beyond my area of expertise. Sure, I’ve read fictional books about this lifestyle. Tille Cole has a whole series built around some badass biker club that has it out for a religious cult. The main character Styx has been one of my all-time book boyfriends for a while. What can I say? He’s dreamy. And now, here I am, seated in my half-naked ex’s lap, who’s covered in tattoos, and talking about a life I’ve only read about. It’s surreal as hell. As if finding out my dad was alive wasn’t shocking enough, now I’ve got this whole new layer I’ve got to grasp. And let’s be honest, shall we, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to understand it. Do you?

  “O-kay,” I drawl. “So you’ve been fighting with Vanessa?” I change the subject away from the club stuff because I don’t feel like dwelling on the potential danger any more than I have to. Because what can I do to change it anyhow? Nothing. It’ll just get me worked up, and I’ve already burnt the wick at both ends. I’m downright exhausted.

  “I don’t want—” There’s a double bang at the door, disrupting Ryker’s words.

  “Your time is up, brother,” Kade says.

  What’s going on here? I thought Kade was on my side, not Ryker’s. Something smells awfully fishy.

  “We’re almost done,” Ryker replies. “Just give us a few more minutes.”

  “I’ve already run interference with Ghost and Pops twice. They’re gonna start gettin’ antsy, and Vanessa just drove up. So if you wanna keep a lid on your little bathroom tango, I suggest you get dressed and get the fuck outta here before shit really hits the fan.”

  “Fuck,” Ryker hisses, then hooks his finger under my chin, bringing my head up. He presses a sweet and supple kiss to my lips, lingering it there for a moment. “I’m sorry, beautiful, but we gotta jet. If you want me to finish ya, I can real quick.” His nose nuzzles the corner of mine.

  I sigh, saddened by the sudden burst of our Ryker-Katrina bubble.

  “I know. It sucks. I wanted to talk to ya some more, and do other things,” he whispers.

  “This doesn’t change anything between us.”

  My heart cracks down the center as I speak those gut wrenching words. I have to let him go for the second time. Part of me knows it’s the right thing. Though deep down, I’m clinging to what once was. I wish I wasn’t so blinded by past love. Love that’s dust in the wind by now. We have different lives. But after our talk, I feel a little better about parting ways. At least I know what we had was real. That he does care for me, in his own unique way. Hopefully, my scars will heal quicker this time, and I won’t ache for him as much as I did in the past. As they say, first loves are the hardest to let go. And since Ryker has been my one and only love, it’s a million times harder.

  Delivering a parting kiss to his lips, Ryker pulls me off the floor and buttons his pants first before helping me into my panties and leggings. He picks up his wedding band off the tile and slips it back on his finger, cementing the end of our time together. Closure is what I needed, and perhaps he gave me just enough that I can move on and have a meaningful relationship in the future. Who knows what’s in store.

  Shoulders sagging, feet dragging, I grab the knob to open the door, but Ryker’s hand stops me. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, his hands splaying over our daughter, he kisses the top of my head. For a few uninterrupted moments, we just breathe together, silently holding onto this time like neither of us want to step back into the real world. My insides twist at the thought, but I ignore it, just for a little while longer so I can bask in our daughter, who does a small tumble in my belly as if she knows he's here with us.

  “I’m due March sixth,” I whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. “
And yes, she’s yours.”

  “You’re giving me the three children I knew we’d always have. Thank you, Kat,” he mutters into my hair, his voice ragged, clogged with emotion.

  Folding my fingers through his atop my belly, we hold hands for sixteen heartbeats before I break our bond at the very second my sadness spills over, trailing two tears down my cheeks. I let them fall where they may. “You’re welcome, Ryker,” I murmur, and open the door, coming face to face with the reality that is my life, including a pregnant wife marching down the hallway, eyes on fire, ready to brawl.

  “You fucking homewrecker!” she screeches, and Kade steps into her war path, blocking her way. Although I’m ready and more than willing to defend myself, if need be. Girls don’t scare me a bit.

  Ryker’s hand on my back inches me forward, far enough that he can slip out of the bathroom to form an impenetrable wall in the middle of the hallway.

  “Vanessa, we will not do this here,” Ryker growls, crossing his arms over his impossibly large chest.

  “You fucking slept with that whore, didn’t you?!” I can’t see her, but I can hear her fury as she huffs and stomps her foot like a three-year-old on the hardwood floor. Not that I blame her. I’d go crazy, too.

  For half a second, I wait to feel guilty about what happened, but when I can’t muster a single regret, I shrug it off and let Ryker handle his personal business. At least we settled some of our unfinished heartaches. That’s one thing I thought I’d never be able to say.

  Emotionally and physically drained, I lean against the wall next to the bathroom door and cross my ankles.

  “That’s none of your business,” Kade interjects, instilling a sense of calmness into the atmosphere that lasts all of two beats before Vanessa’s shrill voice slices it like a knife.

  “It is, too! He’s my husband!”

  “He might be your old man. But she’s the mother of his children, my friend, and you’re not gonna start shit with her in our clubhouse or anywhere else. She’s family. So it’s time you learn some respect.” Kade lays down the law, all stern and sexy as hell. It’s quite the yummy sight to have two, big, brawny, dickalicious brothers guarding me when I don’t really need their help. But, hey, what’s a girl to do?

  “I’m family, too!” Vanessa barks.

  “No. You’re—” Kade starts, but Ryker elbows his brother in the side.

  “That’s enough,” he interjects.

  “Hell no, it ain’t.” Kade elbows him back. “She’s gotta learn her place.”

  “Why do you have to be such a dick, Kade? What did I ever do to you?” Vanessa asks.

  “Don’t,” Ryker warns, except Kade isn’t listening when he loses his shit.

  “You’re a child, Vanessa.” His hand shoots forward. I can’t see much, but I’m guessing that he’s pointing at her. “A little girl who’s been obsessed with my brother since you were eighteen. Don’t think all of us haven’t noticed. And don’t you think for a fuckin’ second you’re some innocent bystander. You’re not. You’ve been tryin’ to bag him for years. But he’s been too fucked in the head to give a damn about anyone. Then, what? You trap him when you mysteriously become pregnant after one drunken night, and he’s too decent of a man to say fuck you, bitch, and walk away. Well, I’ll tell you it to your face. Fuck you, you lying bitch. You come in here, acting all high and mighty ‘cause you’ve got his property patch. A patch I know you begged for. Just like you begged him to marry your whore ass. If we’re talkin’ sluts here, Vanessa, you’re the biggest of them all. How many of the brothers have you slept with? Most of ‘em, aside from me, ‘cause I know better. And my pops and Ghost ‘cause their tastes don’t lie in rank pussy.”

  A blood-curdling sob cuts through the air, making me feel a little sorry for the chick. But this isn’t my fight. It’s theirs. I’ve got enough on my plate. I just hope this ends soon because I’d like to go to bed.

  “Yo-you’re gonna let him talk to me like that?” she cries, addressing Ryker. From behind, I watch his shoulders lift and fall in a defeated shrug, his head dropping in shame. My fingers itch, wanting to reach out and touch him; to hold his hand and make it all better. Yeah. My conflicting emotions are crap. I know.

  “We can talk about this at home, Vanessa,” Ryker demands.

  “You can’t let your brother speak to me like that. That’s not right. You picked me. We’re having a baby!” she wails, reminding me so much of myself, years ago, when Ryker just up and vanished. At least she has him. She’s right. He did pick her. They’re having a baby. She should claim her prize before it’s too late. Regardless of what Kade says, I don’t see Ryker marrying a woman he doesn’t love. There has to be something there, regardless if Kade likes her or not.

  Being the bigger person, and so I can go to bed sooner rather than later, I push away from the wall, squeeze between two massive brothers who dwarf me considerably, and grab the side of Ryker’s elbow, urging him forward. “Go talk to your wife. Work it out.”

  The words are like death and decay on my tongue, but it flows nonetheless. Refusing to make eye contact with anyone, I take a step back, retreating to the comfort of the wall, but the familiar arm of Kade reaches out and yanks me into his protective embrace. I bury my face in the side of his vest, inhaling the rich leather scent, struggling to ignore the spear that’s lodged itself in my heart for doing the right thing. I bleed out, draining every ounce of hope away, and in its place, a hollowness resides.

  I hate that I care this much. Even when I shouldn’t.

  “Listen to her, Ryker. I’m gonna take her to say goodnight to Pops and Ghost, then I’ll put her in bed.” Kade rubs my back in slow, reassuring strokes.

  A hand that could be none other than Ryker’s touches my shoulder for the briefest of moments. “Thank you for everything, Kat,” he mutters one second, and he’s gone the next, taking his angry wife with him.

  Locked inside my mind with warring emotions, I function on autopilot. With an arm draped over my shoulder, Kade escorts me outside so I can say goodnight to my father. We hug, even though it barely registers. It’s Bear’s turn next, and he whispers some loving sentiment into my ear before Kade whisks me away, back to his bedroom, where he seems to understand what I’m going through without me having to explain. He doesn’t pry.

  Pushing my shoulders, I drop onto the bed and Kade undresses me. I let him, not caring if he sees me naked or not. It wouldn’t be the first time. Once my clothes are discarded, he slips one of his oversized shirts over my head and tucks me into bed. Kissing my temple, he brushes my hair off my face and sets my glasses on the nightstand.

  “I know it was a long day. If you wanna talk about anything, I’m here,” he says, somewhere in the room.

  There’s a rustling of jeans and the clank of a belt hitting the floor. The bed dips next to me before it settles and a body inches from mine emits a soothing warmth. It’s been ages since I’ve slept next to anyone. Scarlett and Roxie aren’t allowed to sleep with me anymore because they’re mini, comatose ninjas. I’ve gotten a bloody nose from Roxie once, as well as some ugly bruises. It’s just not worth it anymore. No matter how lonely I get.

  Flipping onto my side, facing him, I tuck my hand under my cheek as I curl my knees closer to get comfy. “You’re sleepin’ in bed with me?” I arch a tired brow, smirking.

  “This is my bedroom, and I’m not gonna molest you if that’s what you’re worried about,” he teases.

  “You know I had sex with your brother, don’t you?” I cut straight to the point.

  He nods, his cheek smashed against the pillow, bare chest on open display, a sheet draped over his legs up to his navel. “Yes. I could hear you from the hall.”

  “You were out there the entire time?”

  “Most of it, yeah. Ryker’s been buggin’ me all day to help him get a minute alone with ya.”

  “So you arranged it,” I remark, then yawn, covering my mouth with my hand so he doesn’t get a whiff of Thanksgiving breath. />
  “He did. I just followed his instructions.”

  “You were pretty mean to Vanessa,” I comment because it’s true.

  Kade scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Right. I was mean. But she’s been makin’ googly eyes at Ryker for three years. It was only a matter of time she’d convince him to sleep with her. Then after one night, she’s pregnant. I don’t believe it.”

  “She’s beautiful. Most men would give their left nut to screw her. And you can get pregnant that easily. Trust me.”

  The baby in my belly is case and point. One night of passion, and I’ve got another eighteen years looking at a little girl who will resemble her father through and through. Roxie and Scarlett are no different. They have his eyes, lips, and nose. The only things they’ve acquired from me are their blonde hair and paler skin. The rest is all Ryker. Especially Roxie’s height. At nine, she’s merely an inch shorter than me.

  “I never wanted to fuck her. And, Ryker prefers blondes. Which I never understood until last night. Now it all makes sense.”

  “The broodiness and blondes, you mean?”

  Kade licks his lips as if they’re chapped. “Yep. So tell me about yourself, Kat.”

  “There’s not much to tell.” Nonchalantly, I shrug one shoulder.

  “I’m sure there is. What do you do for fun?”

  “Read books.”

  “Seriously?” His eyes round into saucers, and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing in his face at his ridiculously, shocked expression.

  “Yes.” I chuckle quietly. “I read for fun. Watch a bit of TV. Cook some. And mostly take care of the girls. I don’t get much me time. Not when I work full time, and have the girls’ dance, school, and friend stuff to fit in. I’m only one person, so it’s a lot to juggle. At night, after a long day, I drink a glass of wine and read a trashy romance novel to relax. Well…” I cup my belly. “Now I substitute my wine for juice, but I still drink it out of a wine glass, and pretend it’s the same. Definitely not as exciting as your life, huh?” I wink.