Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Horse Lover's Companion

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  •Quebec’s parliamentary members argued about how the breed’s name was spelled. They felt the French spelling “Canadien” should be used because the horse had originally come from France. That compromise was easy: both spellings would be accepted.

  •Then the Albertans jumped in to say the horse didn’t represent all of Canada because western Canada’s horses had come from south of the border. However, they quieted down when they learned that the Canadian was actually the same breed that had pulled the westbound wagons of Canada’s early settlers.

  Defying the Status Quo

  A third objection had nothing to do with the horse. It centered on the fact that the Senate (who were appointed by the governor general instead of being elected by the people) had approved legislation before the House of Commons (who were elected) had sent it to them. The role of Canada’s senate is, for the most part, to rubber-stamp legislation already passed by the House. To many people, it looked like Lowell Murray was trying to get around the law. That debate lasted for a while but eventually petered out. Calder’s bill finally passed in November 2001, and Canada got its national horse.

  “God forbid that I should go to any heaven where there are no horses.” —R.B. Cunningham-Graham, writer

  Murphy’s Law: Horses

  •The less time you have, the longer it takes to load the horse into the trailer.

  •The more carefully you check the trailer, the more likely the truck will break down.

  •As soon as you bring a new hoof pick home, it will disappear.

  •If you think you’ve remembered everything for the horse show, you’ve forgotten your horse.

  •The more people watching, the more your horse will misbehave.

  •Your favorite bridle will always break, and the ugliest one will last forever.

  •The lighter the horse’s coat, the more likely it is to roll in manure the day before a show.

  •You will end up with the same number of horses as there are stalls in your barn.

  •Your clippers will break when you have one ear left to trim.

  •As soon as you’ve decided on a training program, the riding arena will flood.

  •When you’re winning, it’s time to quit — because the only way to go is down.

  Ask Away

  Uncle John answers your questions about all things horse.

  Why are horses measured to the withers?

  A horse’s height is measured from the ground to the withers (shoulders)—not the top of its head—because a horse will probably move its head up or down while it is being measured, making an accurate measurement to the head difficult.

  Why are horses measured in hands?

  Throughout history, human body parts have always provided units of measurement. (In the same way that the foot was used as a measure, the hand has also been used. Ancient Egyptian records, in particular, tend to specify heights in hands.) Over time, horse owners just adopted the hand-measurement technique, and today horses are still mostly measured in hands, although much of Europe (except for England) uses the metric system.

  Do horses eat anything strange?

  Like humans, horses have dietary preferences. But one menu option that is a bit odd is that some horses sometimes eat . . . er . . . poop. Foals regularly eat their mothers’ manure—it is a way for them to learn about their environment and about what is safe for them to eat. Plus, all animals have intestinal parasites that help them break down the food in their digestive tracts. Some of those parasites find their way into the animal’s droppings—which, when ingested, populate the eater’s own gut.

  Why are horses mounted from the left?

  This is really just a matter of tradition. In the old days of horsemanship, many men wore swords when they went out on horseback. And because most men were right-handed, they wore their swords on their left side so they could draw them easily with their dominant right hand. With a sword hanging on the left side, it was far safer to mount their horses on the animal’s left so the sword didn’t get in the way.

  Because horses are prey animals instead of predators, their eyes are situated on the sides of their heads rather than in front (like ours). This is because prey animals need to see what’s coming at them from all directions. But with eyes on both sides of their heads, horses’ visual fields function mostly independently, meaning that a horse does not understand images it receives from its left side the same way it does images from the right. For this reason, horses prefer that repeated activities occur on the same side of their body. But there’s no reason a horse couldn’t learn to be mounted from the right.

  What are the differences among donkeys, mules, and hinnies?

  All are members of the Equidae (horse) family, but they represent several species. They can interbreed, but their offspring are usually sterile.

  •Donkeys were probably domesticated around 3000 BC in Egypt.

  •A mule is the offspring of a male donkey and a mare. Mules can be used just like horses, though they have more stamina and leg strength. Mules’ reputation for stubbornness is, for the most part, undeserved. They’re actually very smart and are usually stubborn only when asked to do something they consider dangerous.

  •A hinny is the opposite of a mule: the offspring of a stallion and a female donkey.

  Newborn colts don’t eat grass because their long legs make it impossible for their mouths to reach the ground.

  Royal Races

  “Ev’ry duke and earl and peer is here; Ev’ryone who should be here is here.” —“Ascot Gavotte,” My Fair Lady

  Race: Royal Ascot Races

  History: Dates back to 1711

  Location: Ascot, England

  Racetrack: Ascot Racecourse

  Date: June—a five-day event with six races per day. The first day is always a Tuesday.

  Highlight: Day 3 (Ladies’ Day) and the Royal Ascot Gold Cup, the week’s longest race.

  A Royal Affair: The queen and her entourage usually attend Ascot, and there is a royal procession every day at 2:00 pm. (People at the race even place bets on what color the queen’s outfit will be each day.)

  Traditions

  •In the Royal Enclosure, gentlemen must wear full morning dress and top hats. Women may not show midriffs or bare shoulders, and hats are compulsory.

  •Ascot even has a dress code for general-admission attendees: women are required “to dress in a manner appropriate to a smart occasion.” Gentlemen must wear a shirt and tie, preferably with a suit or jacket. Strictly forbidden: sportswear, jeans, and shorts. Another seating area with a less formal atmosphere states, “Whilst we encourage race goers to wear smart clothing, no formal dress code applies.”

  •Eating is one of the best-loved traditions at Ascot. During the 2003 event, attendees consumed 6,000 lobsters, 120,000 bottles of champagne, and 4.5 tons of strawberries with 550 gallons of cream.

  Did You Know?

  •Queen Elizabeth is a horse owner, breeder, and avid Ascot fan. Her horses participate in the race, and her jockeys wear purple silks with scarlet sleeves. Best-selling author Dick Francis was once one of the queen’s jockeys.

  •To get into Ascot’s Royal Enclosure (where the queen and her guests sit), visitors need to be sponsored by someone who has a Royal Enclosure badge.

  Tip Your Hat to Him

  New Jersey native John Batterson Stetson invented the hat named for him in the 1860s. By 1900, he had the largest hat-making factory in the world. Stetsons became especially popular with cowboys because they were comfortable and handy: some men even used them to scoop water.

  The Will to Win

  The bay trotter was called Lovim, but no harness driver wanted to drive him, let alone love him . . . that is, until he met a young man named Junior.

  As a harness racer, Lovim should have been a contender every time he went out of the gate—his exercise times were consistently fast. But Lovim was a “toe sticker”: if he got into traffic during a race, especially if a sulky cart cut closely in front
of him, he’d stop dead in his tracks. And that made him a hazard to his driver and to any horse and driver coming up behind him.

  Horse Meets Driver

  In 1982, Lovim was nine years old, nearly past his prime. He was winning just enough to tease his owner, Canadian Les Rickman, who remained convinced the horse could do better. But that year, Rickman had a bigger problem: he couldn’t find a driver to take Lovim’s reins.

  Then he met Don “Junior” MacDonald at Ontario’s Western Fair racetrack. Junior was young (just 22), but he was already building a solid reputation as a harness driver and trainer. Junior knew he still had lots to learn, though, and was eager to work with different horses. So he signed on to drive Lovim.

  It’s Not All About Winning

  Junior said later that during the first race he was more concerned with keeping Lovim (and himself) out of harm’s way than with winning. “We finished far off the pace,” he said, “and that was a chore. Lovim knew what he was supposed to be doing—get ahead and stay ahead. Holding him back to keep him out of traffic wore me out.”

  Even so, Rickman was pleased with Lovim’s outing. He hired Junior as the horse’s trainer and regular driver. Junior could see that this was a horse who loved to race—he just didn’t like other horses in front of him. The two worked hard together, but the toe-sticking continued.

  Who’s the Boss?

  Junior couldn’t figure out how to solve the problem until Lovim finally gave him the answer. The pair started a race on the far outside, stayed there throughout—and won. After that, no matter the horse’s starting position, Junior put him on the outside as quickly as possible. It worked. Lovim posted eight straight victories.

  The horse had another lesson in store for Junior, though. During a race later that season, Lovim was just outside the leader when the sulkies turned down the stretch. The reins slipped from Junior’s hands, and he lost control.

  But Lovim knew what was expected of him. He didn’t deviate. He breezed past the leader and won the race.

  Suffering and Unlikely Salvation

  By 1984, Les Rickman had sold Lovim, and Junior had moved on to drive and train other horses. Junior had married, and his wife was expecting a baby that December. He also owned a couple of horses of his own—not great champions, but he hoped they’d eventually win enough to pay for their feed and stable fees.

  Then, in September 1984, Junior was struck with a fast-moving, debilitating heart disease. Without a heart transplant, doctors told him, he probably wouldn’t live to see his baby born. He was just 24, and his name was put on a waiting list for a heart. Within a month of the diagnosis, his spirits had withered almost as much as his body.

  In those dark moments, Junior began thinking about Lovim, the horse who, when given a chance, always had the will to win. Lovim had struggled with injuries, yet if called on, he always overcame them. The horse became a powerful spiritual anchor for Junior.

  A New Start

  On December 13, 1984, Junior got a new heart. Ten days later, his son was born. In January 1985, he was already back at the track—though only as a spectator. His old friend Lovim was on the race card that night.

  Unfortunately, Lovim’s racing career was nearly over. He’d been dropped down in class to trot in a lowly $1,500 claimer. His decline had been swift. Just a year before, he’d been racing for $7,500 purses. But even at $1,500, he finished out of the money. Lovim was old and arthritic, worn beyond his years. If he was lucky, he might be bought as a buggy horse. If he wasn’t lucky, he’d go to a slaughterhouse. Junior wouldn’t allow that.

  Payback

  Before he left the track that night, Junior borrowed enough money to buy Lovim. He had no intention of racing the horse, though. Instead, Junior donated him to the Special Ability Riding Institute, a southern Ontario riding facility for children with disabilities. Lovim took to his new role immediately and soon became a favorite with students.

  As for Junior, he retired from racing and training in 1987. Since then, he has traded his reins for golf clubs and his sulky for a golf cart. He is now part-owner of a golf course near Ottawa.

  Did You Know?

  •A horse’s teeth take up more space than its brain.

  •Horses don’t have a gall bladder.

  •A horse can’t breathe through its mouth.

  And the Trophy Goes To . . .

  On page 28, we told you all about the Kentucky Derby. Here are some odd facts, fun tidbits, and accumulated knowledge about three other big horse-racing prizes.

  The Triple Crown

  •No Triple Crown winner is currently still alive.

  •The Triple Crown is so difficult to win because all contenders for the prize must win the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, and the Belmont Stakes. All three races are run within a five-week period, making it one of the most strenuous events in sports.

  •The first trophy to commemorate the Triple Crown was crafted in 1950. It was a three-sided vase (each side represented one of the races). This original trophy is on display at the Kentucky Derby Museum in Louisville, Kentucky. Triple Crown winners today get their own personalized trophy, which is engraved with the dates of the races won. And the trophy is theirs to keep.

  •Since 1875, the first year it was possible to win the Triple Crown, only 11 horses have earned the distinction. The first, Sir Barton, won in 1919. Other winners include Gallant Fox (1930), Omaha (1935), War Admiral (1937), Whirlaway (1941), Count Fleet (1943), Assault (1946), Citation (1948), Secretariat (1973), Seattle Slew (1977), and Affirmed (1978).

  The Preakness

  •Biggest upset: Master Derby beat Foolish Pleasure in 1975 . . . at 23–1 odds.

  •Since 1940, the winner of the Preakness has received an 18-inch wide, 90-inch long blanket made of black-eyed Susans.

  •Only four fillies have won the Preakness: Flocarline (1903), Whimsical (1906), Rhine Maiden (1915), and Nellie Morse (1924).

  •At one time, the Preakness had the most valuable trophy in American sports. The Woodlawn Vase—weighing nearly 30 pounds and crafted in 1860 by Tiffany—has been appraised at more than $1 million and originally belonged to Kentucky’s now-defunct Woodlawn Racing Association. In 1861, racing aficionados buried it to keep it from being stolen or damaged during the Civil War. After the war, they dug it up, and the trophy changed hands several times until 1917, when it ended up with Thoroughbred owner Thomas C. Clyde, who decided the Maryland Jockey Club, originators of the Preakness, should hand it out as a trophy: race winners could keep the vase for one year and then return it to the club, which would award it to the next winner. But in 1953, the Vanderbilts refused the trophy after winning the Preakness because they didn’t want the responsibility of guarding it for the year. After that, racing officials commissioned a Lenox sterling silver replica that winners get to keep. (The original is now on display at the Baltimore Museum of Art.)

  •Another Preakness award is the David F. Woods Memorial Award. This one isn’t given to a horse, though. It’s for the writer of the best Preakness story published in a newspaper, magazine, or journal.

  The Belmont Stakes

  •Since all Thoroughbred racers can be traced back to three horses—the Darley Arabian, Godolphin Arabian, and Byerley Turk—it makes sense that this racing trophy includes three horses holding up a silver Tiffany bowl. On top of the bowl is a depiction of Fenian, the 1869 Belmont winner and the horse of August Belmont, for whom the race is named. The family kept the bowl until 1926, when they donated it to the race.

  •The Belmont has a flower tradition, too. The white carnation is the Belmont’s official flower, and 350 of them go into the blanket awarded to the winning horse. (The blanket weighs between 30 and 40 pounds.)

  •The most money awarded to a Belmont winner: $1,764,800 to A.P. Indy in 1992.

  The Hidden Language of Statues

  Rumor has it that there’s a secret code embedded in equestrian statues: you can tell how a soldier died by checking the position of the hooves on his
horse. Uncle John decided to investigate.

  The Myth

  Statues of soldiers in heroic poses, often depicted astride formidable steeds, stand in cities all over the United States. The position of the horse’s hooves, the story goes, describes how its rider died:

  •If both front hooves are in the air, or if the horse is rearing, the soldier died in battle.

  •If one hoof is airborne, the rider was wounded in battle—and may (or may not) have died of his wounds at a later time.

  •If all four hooves are planted on the ground, the soldier survived the battle and died later of an unrelated cause.

  The problem is . . . none of that is true.

  The Evidence

  Sure, there are many instances where the theories seem to hold true. After all, a horse’s feet have to be somewhere, and a sculptor has only so many possibilities at his disposal. But in cases that do meet the criteria, says Internet myth debunker snopes.com, the horse’s stance and the rider’s death match purely by coincidence. In fact, the folks at Snopes surveyed all the equestrian statues in Washington, D.C., and found that just 33 percent follow the convention.