Our full hearts are swelling
Our glad voices telling
The praise of the loveliest
Rose of the Vale.
When Father Yuri soloed on Ave Maria , Cas finally broke. This song he remembered from his childhood, not only from his rare excursions to church, but it was also one of the songs his mother had sung, about the only one she hadn’t made up. His eyes moistened. Father Yuri’s beautiful soaring notes lifted him up and finally broke his father’s cruel hold on the music trapped inside him.
Several bodies inexplicably shifted aside; the priest’s eyes, glowing amber, once again were looking deeply into his soul. Cas felt a wave of euphoria wash over him. His heart opened and his rich, deep voice joined with Father Yuri.
Immediately the Father’s golden voice switched to harmony, weaving around Cas’s, providing a beautiful counterpoint. Together the voices rose in crescendo, and as the last note of the last Maria faded away, there was complete silence.
Cas sat dazed, his gaze still locked with Father Yuri’s.
A babble of voices arose. No one was quite sure if they should clap or not–it was a religious piece after all–but bravas and well dones rang out, bringing a flush to Cas’s cheeks. Father Yuri turned to laugh at something Stan Johnson said. Cas took in a deep breath and felt as if he’d awakened from a dream.
Still dazed, he felt he needed to get away, to process what had just happened, to try to understand. He leaned forward and whispered in Sunny’s ear. She nodded and immediately got to her feet, leading the way to the pickup.
He couldn’t help glancing back over his shoulder. Father Yuri smiled and nodded. Then in that precise voice, precisely pitched, he announced the next hymn.
The rumble of the pickup’s engine was almost drowned out by the enthusiastic singing of Amazing Grace.
* * * *
Sensing Cas’s need for seclusion, Sunny pulled the truck around to the entrance nearest her suite of rooms. He’d been silent during the short drive, sitting quietly, staring down at his hands folded in his lap. Once he cleared his throat, but offered no conversation and she’d respected his privacy. He would talk when he was ready.
The small apartment she had called home since her marriage was not large, but it suited her tastes and was one reason she found the homeplace too big for her comfort.
It consisted of a decent sized living room decorated in what she laughingly called early attic, but for all that it looked comfortable and welcoming, with its forest green patterned couch and chairs almost glowing against the neutral beige of the walls. One wall consisted of nothing but shelves built around an entertainment center and holding not only brightly colored books but also pieces of artwork that had caught Sunny’s eclectic fancy. A Dresden shepherdess cast a flirtatious look at the strange, wolfish-looking figure hand carved from walnut, a woven grass basket held an assortment of Pez dispensers, an African elephant with real ivory tusks trumpeted his mastery over the small herd of porcelain horses that frolicked on the next shelf. Framed copies of famous paintings, mostly abstracts in primary colors, adorned the other walls. The dark, wide planked floor gleamed with polish.
A small round dining table, surrounded by four captain’s chairs was positioned near the kitchen, with two other chairs pushed back against the walls. The kitchen was small but bright, painted yellow and white and so cunningly planned that everything a working kitchen needed was included.
Sunny left Cas sitting on the couch and retired to the kitchen to start the coffee perking. If there was one thing she’d learned about Cas over the past weeks, it was that he loved his coffee. She returned to take a seat beside him, but still she didn’t speak. She waited.
Cas looked over at her; his lips curved up in a smile. “I sang,” he said, sounding like he still couldn’t believe it.
“You did, and very well too,” Sunny responded.
“I sang,” he repeated.
“How did it feel?” she asked, curious.
“Did you see the Father’s eyes?” he asked, as if she hadn’t spoken. “That damn priest is uncanny. I’d swear his eyes were glowing. It was like he burned a hole through whatever was inside me, made an opening and it all came out. It just came out without me even thinking about it.”
“But how do you feel? Are you okay with it?”
“I’m more than okay, I feel…liberated. Sounds hokey I know, but I didn’t realize until that moment how much was pent up inside me. I feel light.” He laughed and Sunny had to smile with him. His laugh was deep, light hearted, so completely happy.
“I’m glad,” she said simply and laid her hand over his. “I’ll get your coffee. This calls for a celebration.”
He turned his hand and grasped hers, holding her in her seat. “It needs more than coffee to celebrate. How long is a courtship supposed to take anyway?”
“Well now, let me see. You took me out to dinner–”
“Three times,” he emphasized.
“A corndog at the Cornucopia doesn’t count,” she protested, trying her best not to grin.
“Okay, twice then, but snacks ought to count too.”
“All right, I’ll give you the corndog. This is a small town, not many places to eat. Now where was I? Oh yes, you’ve fed me and you did bring me flowers.”
“Mrs. McGregor’s probably sorry she met me. I think I’ve stripped her garden.”
“It’s her own fault. Where’d she hear about this courting thing anyway? Lila’s, that’s where, and she was just being nosy.”
“No, I think she was being kind. She was excited. Sunny, you don’t realize how people feel about you in this town. They want you to be happy.” He brought her hand to his lips. “Do I make you happy?”
“Good Lord, where’d you learn that? You’ve been watching too much TV.”
“Cottage doesn’t have TV. I made it up all on my own.”
He grinned and her insides did a slow melt. The green was blossoming in his eyes, a sure sign his emotions were involved. One black brow was raised, giving him a roguish look. Two dimples had popped out and his smile was so beautiful. The masculinity of his dark face with its high cheekbones was emphasized by the curls framing it, of so dark a black that they gleamed with highlights. Unthinking, she put up her free hand and brushed the curls off his forehead. He caught the hand in his and now he held both her hands, his grasp warm and strong.
“A gift, I haven’t given you a gift.”
“I don’t need gifts, Cas. You couldn’t give me anything that would mean more than…”
Her voice faded as he released her hands and removed the Celtic cross from around his neck.
“No,” she whispered.
“Yes,” he whispered back. “I’ve loved three women in my life,” he said in a louder voice, fumbling behind her neck to fasten the chain. “And two of them belong to this, or it belonged to them. However you want to look at it. I want you to have it. I love you, Sunny and right now it’s all I have to give you. Besides my heart, and I think that’s always belonged to you.”
“Oh, Cas.” She felt overwhelmed and teary. “You do know how to court a woman.”
“Good. It’s something you don’t want too much practice with.”
His hands were still warm on her neck and shoulders. He drew her closer to him, his touch slowly moving down her arms, positioning them around him. His eyes, now intensely green, captured hers. She was drowning in his eyes, drowning in him.
“You and this place,” he said softly. “You’ve given me myself.”
“The ‘you’ you were meant to be.” Sunny closed her eyes, overwhelmed by her body’s reaction to him.
His lips were soft on her skin. She shivered as she felt his warm breath move across her cheek to her ear. He licked at her earlobe as he whispered, “Are we going to celebrate, Sunny? Do you know your heart yet?”
“Oh yes,” she breathed and turning her head, captured his lips in a passionate kiss.
Chapter 18
Cas st
aggered slightly as he rose to his feet, drawing Sunny with him. His lips still fused to hers. He drew back enough to mutter, “Where? I know you’ve got a bedroom somewhere around here. Where, Sunny?”
“Lord,” Sunny groaned. “You make me not myself. I want to eat you up.”
Cas raised his head completely, his expression intense, serious. Her bones felt like they were melting.
“You want to know what you do to me?” He pressed his body against her. She felt his erection, big and hard, digging almost painfully into her soft abdomen. “You do that. You. God, I feel like Jacob, I feel like I’ve waited so long. Sunny. Sunny.”
He lowered his head again, grinding his pelvis into her, his mouth hot and urgent on hers. Her knees weakened, desire and excitement rose, flushing her whole body.
When he cupped her breast, kneading it softly, she felt a stab of panic through her lust. What would he think of her body? They loved and it was natural they would want to join their bodies. That meant nakedness was involved and she didn’t know if she would have the courage to do it. To expose her older body to his eyes. And when did thirty-five become so damn old?
It was time to put up or shut up, to trust him or tell him to forget it, that it could never work. Except…this was Cas. Honest, trustworthy; if he said…but he’d never seen. He might change his mind. And that was an insult. She was letting her fears take over her common sense.
The mood was broken. Her body still throbbed but her mind had cleared, and to buy time she captured his hands and began to ask questions.
“Are you sure?”
His body stilled. He raised his head and stared at her, frowning.
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
“Have there been so many women, that you’d know?”
He straightened; if he was upset at her withdrawing he didn’t let it show. He tucked her against him, an arm tightly around her shoulders. “There’ve been a few women,” he admitted. “None of them meant anything.”
“Were they young?” she asked, watching him closely.
He snorted a laugh. “I don’t know how old they were. I didn’t know them. They were more or less one night stands, bodies that could give me the release I needed. It was a change from doing it myself,” he added sarcastically. “And I won’t be giving you any details. I wouldn’t expect you to tell me any about your husband.”
“No, God no,” she said, horrified.
“Are you having second thoughts, Sunny?”
She shifted uncomfortably. “Not exactly…it’s been awhile for me though.” She straightened, determined to get it said. “I’m not young like the women you’ve made love to. I can’t help but think–”
“You think too much,” he interrupted her. He turned her to face him. “This will be the first time I’ve ever made love. Ever.” He gave her a little shake. “It’s just fucking when the heart’s not involved, Sunny. Something any animal can do.” His big hands rubbed her back gently. She closed her eyes as the comfort of those hands calmed her somewhat.
“The bedroom’s this way,” she said, feeling shy, and looped an arm around his waist as they turned toward it.
“Lead the way. And no detours.”
Since Jim’s death, Sunny had allowed her feminine side loose in her bedroom. Cas stopped short just inside the door, the expression on his face priceless.
“My God,” he muttered. She was amused when he actually took a step back, looking like he wanted to run.
“It is sort of pink,” she admitted.
The big king size bed was smothered in layered ruffles of white eyelet lace, matching the full length curtains covering the two windows. Everything was pink and white. Fluffy pink rugs looked like little islands dotting the dark pine floor, fluffy pink pillows were piled on the bed; even the lampshade was pink, although thankfully, not fluffy.
“Let’s go back to the couch,” Cas suggested, looking too large and masculine for these surroundings.
“You’re too big for the couch,” she answered and then fell silent as he kissed her again.
“I can get used to this,” he decided, the soft movement of his lips against hers making her gasp with want. She could feel those elegant fingers ease under her top, warm and gentle on her skin, moving slowly but inexorably up to her breasts.
“There’s an old joke,” she said, determined to give him another chance. But her hands felt cold and her heart thudded painfully. “About an old woman that wanted to commit suicide, so she got a gun and put it under her boobs and pulled the trigger and shot herself in the knee.”
His eyes lowered to her chest. “Good thing you’re not old then, isn’t it? Your boobs look just fine to me and I can’t wait to see more than your cleavage. I want you alive and kicking and under me. And if you scream out my name, I’ll thank you forever.”
“Oh Cas.” She had to laugh, just a little, and with determination she pushed her fears aside and made no protest as he skimmed her top over her head and unfastened her bra. A flick of his fingers and her hair tumbled over her shoulders, the clip dropping unheeded to become lost in a fluffy pink rug.
She explored him with her hands as he shrugged out of his shirt. He was so different from what she’d been used to, so exciting. The darkness of his taut skin, the tactile feel of the crisp hair lightly covering his hard chest fascinated her. Impulsively she wrapped her arms around him, fit her body to his. The roughness of his still fastened jeans felt uncomfortable against her bare midriff, but she didn’t care. Her face fit perfectly in the hollow of his chest. She rubbed her cheek against his skin and want rose in her so strongly she groaned.
She couldn’t remember ever feeling so aroused. Her body tingled with anticipation, preparing itself with tight nipples and a sudden dampness between her thighs. A part of her stood aside and watched in amazement. Never in her life had she acted like this, not even with Jim.
The awkwardness of the shedding of clothing didn’t lessen her desire. She found herself flat on her back in her own bed with a young Adonis worshipping at the altar of her body. His mouth was hot and sensual, his tongue agile as it sought all her most intimate places. She closed her eyes, as much to hide from the sight of her body against his as to savor the sensations he was giving her. She was such a coward, trapped in her own prejudice. Would she allow it to rule her life, maybe destroy the best thing that had ever happened to her?
She forced her eyes open and this time really looked.
They were beautiful together. Her skin looked as smooth and unblemished as his. She would never be skinny but neither was she fat. The hardness of his body against her softness, the contrast of his deep tan against her paleness. The look on his face as he pleasured her, the feel of him, the scent of him.
She was lost in the sensations of Cas’s hands on her body, his fingers tickling along her skin and notching her awareness to an almost unbearable level. It had been so long since she had felt anything like this. She closed her eyes again, the onslaught of emotion almost painful.
His head dipped down and she gasped as his tongue licked against her collarbone. She gave up thinking–it was too hard anyway right at this moment–and gave herself over to her lover.
How could something feel so intense? It was as if they had been making love together all their lives, as if they were living in each other’s minds. It was a choreographed dance of love. She arched into his every touch and as he became more aroused, his touches became more demanding and her response equally so. Desire and want rose to unbearable levels, she was throbbing with the need to have him in her.
“Cas…please…”
His look was triumphant. He threaded his fingers through hers and raised her arms above her head. His rough chest rubbed her sensitive nipples as he bent his head to capture her mouth once again. When he entered her in one smooth stroke she met him as an equal, her concentration centered on where their bodies met.
The orgasm slammed through her with a ferocity she had never before experience
d. She spiraled into a world of sensation that captured all of her, body and soul. Her gasping breaths sounded loud in the room. She clutched hard at Cas’s shoulders and moaned her release. Silently, he tumbled after her.
His weight pinned her down, as they both savored the lingering aftereffects. She felt loose and fulfilled and deliriously happy. He sighed against her neck, a fulfilled sigh, or she’d never heard one, and she felt proud. She hadn’t forgotten how.
Had she and Jim ever loved like this? Sunny felt a prickle of tears behind her eyes. So many years spent with a man she had loved by rote. All the promises that had been theirs in the beginning had been as barren as her womb. And now this young man appeared and reminded her of what she had lost.
“Sunny? Are you okay?” Cas’s whisper against her cheek was concerned.
Sunny opened her eyes to see his face above her. Concern etched his features.
“You’re an old man, Cas,” she said without thought. “I’m probably younger than you are.”
“No offense, Sunny.” He dipped his cheek to hers, his rougher skin rubbing against her softness. “But what the hell are you talking about? And why now?”
“Oh Cas.” She reached up and captured his head in her hands. “I was worried that I was too old, but I’m not, not really. I mean, my body is older but not me. You’ve lived more life than I have. I’ve just stayed in one place and lived so quietly.”
“You’re not making any sense. Does sex always do this to you?” Cas placed his hands on either side of her and lifted himself slightly. His hair fell and framed his face with dark curls.
Sunny smiled and traced a finger against his lower lip. “I just feel…okay now. I wasn’t feeling okay before.”
“Just okay?” His eyebrow lifted. “I’m making you feel just okay?”
“That’s not what I mean.” She floundered. “I thought I had already lived my life. I loved, I married. I never bore Jim a child but we had a nice life.”
Song of Life Page 14
