Willoughby 03 - A Rogue's Deadly Redemption

by Jeannie Ruesch

  Somehow, he imagined the boy would, as well. He shook his head and continued down the street.

  Chapter Three

  Cordelia had grown more beautiful over the years. Damn her for that, because Lily hadn’t thought it possible.

  Her sister stood with a regal bearing, her head held high, her dark hair perfectly coiffed and her face a study in feminine beauty. Perfectly formed and as untouchable as a statue.

  It was one of the things men found so irresistible.

  Had Robert?

  The unbidden thought brought a bitter taste to her tongue. She couldn’t face this.

  Not today. Maybe not ever.

  “I am tired.” Lily picked up her skirts and hurried to the staircase. Just get upstairs.

  “Can’t we be civil? It has been over two years since I’ve seen you.”

  Lily took another step.

  “I am sorry about your marriage.”

  Heat shot up Lily’s neck and ran through her with a surge of anger, and she whipped around. “What do you know of my marriage?”

  Cordelia looked at the luggage that awaited delivery upstairs. “I know that happily married women do not pack their belongings and take extended stays at their relative’s home.”

  “I am not discussing this with you.” Tears began to push at her eyes, and horrified, Lily shook her head and turned back to the stairs. She would not give her sister the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Childish, yes, but she figured God would forgive the momentary lapse in manners.

  “Lily,” Aria interjected as she ascended the stairs to stand next to her. Her hand rested on Lily’s arm and gave a squeeze. “I’ll be right here the entire time. It has to happen at some point.”

  Lily knew this confrontation had to happen. It had been years in the making. She blinked a few dozen times and swallowed the lump that had sprouted in her throat. “But not today.

  Concern filled Aria’s eyes. “Why? What happened? What brought you here?”

  Lily paused. She didn’t want to face this, not in front of Cordelia. But what choice did she have? Where else would she go?

  “Even if you don’t talk to me now, there will be plenty of time,” Cordelia tossed at her. “I’ll be staying here.”

  Lily’s gaze shot to Aria’s, unable to keep the accusatory hurt from showing. “She is staying here?”

  “This is my family home as well,” Cordelia replied. “Stop being a ninny. Come bid your greeting, and let’s be done with this. Then we can retreat to our various sides of the house if you so wish.”

  It wasn’t the words, but Cordelia’s haughty, impatient tone that set Lily’s teeth on edge. Before she knew it, she’d swiveled on her heel. Her tears evaporated in the rush of anger, and Lily stalked down the three steps to stand just a foot away from Cordelia.

  They were of a same height, so they stared, Lily’s brown eyes to Cordelia’s green ones. That irritated Lily more. It was unfair for Cordelia to have such blastedly long eyelashes.

  “There. See? That was not so hard.” Cordelia gave a half smile, cocked her head with the self-assurance of one who breathed being to the manor born.

  “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “I imagine you have plenty to say,” Cordelia replied drily. “I wonder if you’ll find the words to say it.”

  “It is so easy for you to make fun of me? Today of all days? You, the Duchess, who married as you aimed, to a man who would leave you a wealthy widow within a few years.”

  Cordelia startled. “Halton was—”

  “What you aimed to achieve.”

  “Are you going to act as if you were the only one hurt in all of this? How can you be so selfish?”

  “Selfish? After what you did? After—” Lily stopped. “Enough. I’m not doing this today. I’m not doing this, period.”

  “I extended my greetings, I’ve behaved like an adult. I’m content to remain on my side of the house.”

  “I shall remain on mine.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine.” Lily fled—yes, fled–—up the stairs to her room. The door closed behind her, she gulped in air and tried to calm her racing heart.

  Now, her day was complete.

  In all the times she had imagined confronting her sister, every one of them had ended up with Cordelia begging forgiveness. None had gone quite like today, where she reverted to the age of five bickering with her older sister.

  “Are you all right?” Anna stood in the corner, arranging items on the dressing table.

  Lily’s heart hadn’t settled from its gallop, nor had the squeeze of pain around her heart lightened. “This has been quite a day.”

  “I shall go downstairs and see about the rest of your things. We should have you settled in no time,” Anna said in a soothing manner. She offered a look of comfort, then left with a quiet click of the door behind her.

  Lily looked about her and let out a breath, feeling the muscles around her middle clench.

  Back in her room.

  The room remained the same as it had been when she moved out.

  She wanted to curl up in her bed, burrow into the coverlet in tones of ivory, dusty rose and rich greens that she’d picked out herself. From the damask wall hangings to the bed covering with the delicate roses embroidered along the hem, the softness had once enveloped her in comfort.

  Now this house hid memories around every corner. So many of her firsts with Robert happened here. Their first meeting. Their first touch. Their first kiss.

  The first time they’d made love.

  Perhaps coming here hadn’t been such a good idea.

  They had spent their wedding night here, in this bed. They hadn’t had a house to call their own yet, as their marriage had been a bit rushed.

  Avoiding scandal had a way of moving a betrothal along.

  Heat stole through her. Wallowing in the good moments of their marriage was not going to help.

  She needed to remember the nights she’d spent knowing he wasn’t home and wondering what woman was at his side. The mornings she’d sat down to read the paper, only to find him mentioned in the gossip columns.

  Now Cordelia and Robert were in the same city.

  How long before they found a reason to seek each other out?

  Was she now to be tortured by wondering whenever Cordelia went out, whether she was the woman at his side? London might be a large city, but it was a small community they lived in.

  She needed to escape into something that made her feel worthy. This room was not that.

  Her books. It was too late to visit her lending library, which always lifted her spirits. But her books…they provided a lovely escape. She stood up and turned to peruse the room to see what trunks had been delivered. She had received a new box of books this week to add to her lending library’s shelves. They must have been packed somewhere. She could delve into the worlds of her books and look over the gems she would deliver tomorrow.

  A knock sounded on her door, and Lily’s back tensed until she stood ramrod straight.

  “Lily?” The deep voice wasn’t Cordelia’s, but the conversation ahead wasn’t much easier to contemplate.

  Once the door was opened, her older brother, Adam, the Earl of Merewood, filled the frame. “You’re here.”

  “Observant, as always,” Lily offered lightly, as she turned into the room. There were a few trunks up already and she peered into the first one. Where had those books gone? Exhaustion had sapped the heat from her, and she reached up to rub her arms briskly.

  “Are you cold?” Adam moved to the fireplace, stoked the fire.

  “It’s fine, Adam. Just a chill.”

  “Do you need a blanket?”

  She cocked her head at him. “I’m fine.”

  “Something to drink? Eat? Shall I have a tray brought up?”

  “What have you done with my brother?”

  He blinked. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Stoking the fire and offering to fetch me tea?”


  “You want tea?” He took a step toward the door.

  “No.” She half laughed, half cried as she reached out to stop him. “Thank you. What are you about?”

  Adam huffed. “Aria told me to be solicitous.”

  That coaxed a smile from Lily’s lips. “I imagine she did. But I much prefer my surly, know-it-all brother, if you please.”

  “I am not surly.” His surly tone made Lily laugh. “Well, blast it then, why did my wife suggest I be solicitous? What are you doing here?”

  “It is lovely to see you, too.”

  “We returned from Merewood House not more than a week ago. On the last day, I do believe you said I was annoying you to no end.”

  “You trounced me at every card game we played.”

  “I’m better than you.”

  She laughed. “And that is what makes you so annoying.”

  “Since I know you aren’t here for a rematch…” His gaze strayed toward the clothing laid upon her bed. “You’re settling in. Why?”

  So. Complete humiliation wasn’t having your husband make it clear he couldn’t care less if you lived or died.

  It was having to tell your family about it. Heat flushed her cheeks, and she looked down at her shoes.

  “Lily. What did he do?”

  “Why do you assume that? Maybe it’s what I’ve done.”

  “You’ve lived in misery for years. I lay the blame at his feet.”

  The words got stuck in her throat, like a big, fat lump of coal that would never rub into diamonds. Her life—a big, fat lump of unrealized coal.

  “Can’t I just visit with my family?” she hedged. He’d told her years ago that she could choose not to go through with the marriage. He’d given her permission to ignore the scandal Cordelia had forced on them and leave.

  She had decided to marry Robert anyway. She had believed that feeling between them, the heat that sparked every time they looked at each other, every time they’d touched would be enough to get her past the uncertainty of his feelings or his anger at being forced into marriage.

  She’d been wrong.

  Having to tell Adam he’d been right… she couldn’t. She wasn’t ready. The humiliation was so ripe still.

  “Are you going to make me drag this from you? You do not move in for a visit when you live a mere twenty minutes away.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me Cordelia was visiting?” Lily jumped on the chance to change the topic of conversation. “As you mentioned, we just spent weeks together. Didn’t it occur to you to tell me?”

  “I was going to send a note.”

  “When, after she sent out new address notes?”

  Adam held out his arms. “How was I supposed to know you were going to choose today to take a holiday from your life?”

  “But you knew.”

  “Of course I knew. I invited her.”

  His admission hurt her feelings. It was stupid, and she hated herself for wanting to make him choose. For making her family choose, in some ways, these past years.

  “Lily, it’s been almost four years since you married. This has gone on long enough. I want you and Cordelia to be on peaceful terms with one another.”

  “Oh, we are,” she replied. “We peacefully agreed to remain on separate sides of the house.”

  “Li-ly.”

  “A-dam.”

  “What have I done to deserve living with sisters again?” Adam shook his head and stood up. “What on earth are you doing?” he asked as she tucked her head into her trunk.

  “Looking for books I have to deliver to the library tomorrow.” But the unanswered question gnawed at her, and she stopped. Met his gaze. “Is she staying?”

  “Yes. It’s high time you two found a way to coexist again.”

  “You invited her here for that? To get us talking?”

  “Yes and no. But how considerate of you to simplify that by staying here. You…” He stopped. “You’re worried about Robert. Lily, you know she would never—”

  “I have no reason to trust her,” Lily interrupted before he could say the words.

  It was heartbreaking, but a lesson she had learned long ago. Her sister was not her friend. When Cordelia was not your friend, she had the ability to change your life in a drastic, devastating way.

  “He is your husband. Cordelia would not cross that line.”

  Adam didn’t know she had left her husband, not on any permanent basis.

  He didn’t know Lily was leaving for America in a few short weeks.

  He didn’t know Robert had no reason not to cross that line once she was gone. And who knew what Cordelia would do if he pursued her again?

  “Adam, there’s something—”

  “In any case, I am glad you are both here, for a different reason,” he told her. He paused then gestured toward the bed. “Sit down a moment.”

  Lily frowned. “Why?”

  “Please. I need to tell you something. But it’s…” Her brother was flustered, and worry bloomed inside of her.

  “Is Aria all right?”

  It wasn’t that long ago that Aria had gone through a number of traumatic events. She had been taken and held captive by a man she had thought a friend, and the recovery from that experience and the emotional torture he’d inflicted had been tough to overcome but she and Adam had weathered the storm together and come out stronger.

  Adam’s shoulders squared and his chest puffed out like a peacock. “She’s with child.”

  “With child.”

  “Lily, I wanted you to hear it from me. You must keep it quiet though, for if Aria discovers I’ve spilled, she’ll be furious.”

  She nodded. She would keep the secret. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Truly?”

  “Of course.” She reached forward to grab his hand. “Adam, of course.”

  “She doesn’t want to tell anyone just yet. She’s reveling a bit in her secret and wishes to be a little further along before she shares. But I didn’t know what…” Her older brother, so capable and strong, looked helpless. “I didn’t want my news to hurt you.”

  “It doesn’t, even in the slightest. I will be completely surprised when Aria tells me.” Lily hugged him, careful to keep her expression serene and smiling. “I am so happy for you both.”

  Adam sighed, as though a weight had been lifted. “Having family around will be good for her. She’ll be comforted by your presence and when the baby is born. You know what she’s been through. I want her to feel supported and safe.” He grinned. “We both know she would soundly thrash me for saying any of this.”

  Lily smiled, but her joy had dimmed. She looked down at her hands and pressed her lips together.

  How could she tell him now that she was leaving? How could she take away a minute of his joy? He would believe it was because of their news, no matter what she said. Their family had been through enough emotional upheaval.

  There would be a better time.

  She had two weeks before her ship left. Plenty of time to tell him the truth.

  “Lily.”

  She looked up at him. “We haven’t talked much about…You once told me that you’d found peace with what had happened, with your…”

  “Miscarriage? Yes, I have.” Though her heart ached whenever she thought of it. “I had no other choice, Adam. And that has no bearing on how happy I am for you both.” She would say it a million times if needed, to ensure they felt only joy, to hide the tiny grain of envy she wanted to squash.

  Adam nodded. He stood. “I’ll let you get settled.”

  After he left, Lily sank back to the bed and let her hand drop to her stomach. The ache had settled there, a startling flash of pain that reminded her of what she’d gone through that night. Yes, she’d accepted the loss of their baby. She’d had two years to grieve. Time had allowed her to move on, but it had yet to help her forget.

  Not the baby she’d almost had or the fact that Robert blamed her for losing it.

  Two years. She sucked in a shar
p breath and sat up. What was the date?

  January 5th.

  Oh my God, how had she forgotten? She’d been so consumed with preparing to leave Robert, she hadn’t thought…How had she selected this day of all days?

  Robert would think she did it on purpose.

  Lily stood and started toward the door. He had to know she would never do that. She would never choose the anniversary of that day to hurt him, the day her world had fallen apart. The day their marriage had fallen apart.

  What he must think of her.

  Lily slowed to a stop. She knew what he thought of her. Very little. And he hadn’t seemed to care or notice what day it was when she’d left.

  Did he even remember? Did he care?

  Lily scrubbed her face. Exhaustion had taken over, leaving her with sacks of flour for limbs. She’d go through her books tomorrow. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and wait for this day to be over.

  Chapter Four

  The next morning, Robert sat in his small dining room and finished his breakfast. He glanced at the paragraph detailing his alleged activities the night before and set the paper down.

  The silence echoed through the house, louder in its own way than a handful of children running through the halls would have seemed.

  The image sliced through him with deliberate glee. Had Lily remembered the anniversary?

  Of course she had. Stupid of him to consider otherwise, as stupid as thinking she’d chosen that day to inflict more pain upon him.

  No, he was the bastard of the first order. He was the one who did nothing but cause her pain. He’d fled that night after she’d told him she had lost the baby. He’d gone to his family’s home, looking for—what had he been hoping for?

  He’d gotten far less.

  Maybe Lily deserved to know all of it. Not to sway her into staying. Robert knew she had no reason to stay. But maybe he could see her one more time, explain, and help her understand why she didn’t deserve him.

  Tell her, two years too late, that he cared. That he’d felt the loss to his very bones.

  Then maybe she wouldn’t hate him.

  Maybe someday, she might even forgive him.