Sexy Witch

by LaSara FireFox

  • Today I am thankful that I noticed this amazing sale at my favorite little shop!

  • I am thankful that I had five dollars to spend.

  • I am thankful that I got a really hot new shirt.

  • And, I’m thankful that I got to talk to my best friend.

  • I am also thankful that my dog loves me.

  As you begin listing the things you are grateful for, more of them may come to mind. If so, just keep listing them. Some days you will only be able to come up with three items, and they may be things like this:

  • Today I am grateful that I got a seat on the subway.

  • I am grateful I made time to eat lunch.

  • I am grateful my dog is still around.

  The only rule I will give for this practice is, as I have mentioned before, state it in the positive! Instead of saying, “I’m glad I’m not dead,” say, “I’m glad I’m still living.” Instead of saying, “I’m thankful I didn’t have to sit in the rain for too long this morning,” say, “I’m thankful the bus came on time.” Instead of saying, “I’m thankful that I’m not ugly,” say, “I’m thankful that I am a beautiful person, inside and out.”

  Okay, it might be a challenge, but give it a try. And when it starts working to improve your life, share the technology! Gratitude is a limitless and exponential force. If you share it, there’s no saying how much more of it will come right back at you! Offer thanks when you feel grateful. Thank friends for caring. Thank your neighbor for watching your back.

  ★ Daily Practices, Plural: Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It . . .

  For the first five days of this week, you will focus on one of your senses per day, starting with hearing, then moving to sight, then smell, then touch, then taste. On the sixth day, you will pay attention to all five senses, and on the seventh day, the ritual day, you will indulge in them.

  Magickal Act: Grounding Our Experience

  You will want to use this exercise as needed or desired in learning to deeply receive your sensory information. Grounding is a great way to really quiet yourself and get ready to listen.

  Grounding is about settling into our bodies, and becoming conscious there. This exercise is an important one. We can get a lot of information from our bodies through this sort of physical check-in, and we can also use grounding as a mini-meditation. We can use this exercise to release tension, to become present in the moment, and to relax.

  A Magickal Thought: Deep listening is a (r)evolutionary and healing act.

  You don’t need anything to do this exercise but your body, and you can do it anywhere you feel safe closing your eyes for a few moments.

  To begin, just close your eyes and draw in a deep breath. As you do so, check in with your body. If you find spots where tension may be resting in your body, release that tension. Visualize that tension as a color, if it helps, and imagine that color being released out of your mouth and dissipating into the air, becoming benign, or even beneficial, like the carbon monoxide we breathe out is beneficial to plants.

  Breathe in again, and let the breath fill you all the way down to your gut. As you breathe, allow your attention to sit with your breath. Breathe out and relax. Breathe in again, and imagine letting the breath fill even more of your body. Keep breathing deeply, and visualize your body filling with breath, all the way out to your fingers, up to the crown of your head, and down to your toes.

  You may open your eyes for the rest of the exercise, or leave them closed. Do whichever feels more comfortable to you.

  Once your consciousness reaches your feet, feel how they are on the ground. Are your feet resting solidly on the surface beneath them? Is your weight distributed evenly? Bend your knees slightly and allow your center of gravity to drop down, weight evenly being supported. Allow your pelvis to rock gently forward, and your arms to become relaxed yet energized.

  You are now grounded in your body. You are present with your physical sensations. You are in the moment.

  Listening to the Very Bone

  Hearing. Listening. Voice. What do these things mean to us? What do they mean to you? Do you own your voice? Do you say it loud and say it often? Do you listen intently, hearing as many of the messages as possible? Do you listen to words spoken, and for those unspoken? Do you listen to your own words? Your own voice? Do you listen to the tapestry of sounds and silences that compose the backdrop of your life?

  There is a form of listening beyond what we can hear with our ears. We can listen beyond words. We can listen with our whole bodies. We can hear messages sent without words. We can listen to the silences, to the spaces between our bodies and those of others. We can listen with our cells, with our blood, with our bones. We can listen with our guts and our hearts. We can listen with our souls and our spirits and our whole selves.

  Listening is applying ourselves. Listening is being receptive. Listening is opening ourselves to the messages around and within us. Listening is claiming willingness to let some new truth in. Listening is a deep and magickal gift that allows for understanding. Listening is a healing, in and of itself, for those of us who may not often feel truly heard. Listening is a pathway to reconciliation, to a consensual truth, to peace between ourselves and others, and even to world peace.

  Listening is one of those simple—yet not always easy—acts that allows for great change. Sometimes all we need is to be heard. Why not start with ourselves?

  Journaling Prompts: Listening to the Core

  • When I listen, . . .

  • Listening is . . .

  ★ Daily Practice, Day 1: Full-Body Listening

  For today, day 1 of this chapter, you will listen deeply to the world around you, and to the world within you. You will listen with your ears, but also with your body. You will listen to your gut, to your heart. You will listen with your nerves and your core.

  Set your watch, clock alarm, or timer to go off once an hour. When the alarm alerts you, stop what you are doing for a few seconds, or longer if you can afford the time, and listen deeply. Write down what you hear, whether it’s with your ears or some other part of your body.

  Sight Beyond Sight

  Seeing is believing, or so it’s said. Seeing can be believing, but you can’t believe everything you see. Can you believe things you don’t see? Can you see things you don’t believe? Our perception may very well be limited by our beliefs. And our beliefs may be expanded when we really open our eyes.

  We can also see with our minds, with our brains. We can see memories and dreams. We can see worlds that exist only in the realm of our desires. We can see hopes, and we can see fears. Sight is not as reliable as some may think, and memory of sight can be even more faulty than the actual thing. But, we can see, and then believe. And sometimes we must believe before we can see.

  Sight is an amazing thing. Our eyes, interacting with the world—amazing! But sight is also susceptible to smoke and mirrors, and to magic tricks and sleights of hand.

  The process of seeing is a very intricate and mental process. As I said in the introduction to this chapter, much of what we “see” is the doing of our brains. We do not see in constant images, but in a basically seamless series of images that is a product of the flow of information between the eyes and the brain.6

  How can we own our processes of seeing? We can engage with the process of sight, and we can decide to involve our brains more actively in the process of seeing.

  Journaling Prompts

  • Seeing is . . .

  • Believing what I see means . . .

  • Seeing what I believe means . . .

  ★ Daily Practice, Day 2: Engaged Seeing

  As in the exercise for day 1, today you will again set an alarm to remind you to check in. When the chime alerts you, stop what you are doing. Take a moment to see what is happening around you. Jot down a few visual details. Do the things
that you are seeing provoke emotions, questions, thoughts? If so, write these down, too.

  Fun with Pheromones

  • T-Shirt Test: In studies of t-shirts worn by men, women were most attracted to men who had a different genetics than their own.

  —Source: “Smell and Attraction,” http://www.macalester.edu/~psych/whathap/UBNRP/Smell/attraction.html.

  • Snatch-Scented Goodness! Some women swear by their own vaginal fluids as a sexual attractant, and dab a bit of their own scent on the spots usually reserved for a bit of eau de toilette.

  • Buying Beauty: Many companies make a bundle on bottled pheromones. The jury is out on the effectiveness of these products, but that may be because most are made of nonhuman pheromones.

  You may wish to alternate between the outward vision and inward seeing. To do this, just close your eyes and allow images to come to mind. Write down some details and, again, any emotional responses that occur for you.

  Smells Like Teen Spirit

  Olfaction, otherwise known as smelling, is a sense that may well have its own very distinct relationship with memory.7 Smell is what makes women cycle together when living in close quarters.8 Our sense of smell is involved with mate selection, parent-child bonding, recognition of parents, siblings, and children9 and basic survival. Our ability to smell is key in figuring out which possible food sources are good and which are not.

  Olfaction in relation to humans is the least-studied sense in the scientific community,10 but there are many things that have been found to be true about our sense of smell. When offered breast pads (worn inside a lactating mother’s bra to prevent milk leakage) from their mother’s breast and from another’s, babies will turn toward the one from their mother’s breast, and are found to prefer the scent of an unwashed breast to that of one newly washed.11 When women are exposed to the sweat of other women, their menstrual cycles synchronize.12 Olfaction may be one of the factors (perhaps even the most natural and automatic factor) in mate selection. It is the main factor for animals, but whether this currently occurs in humans is a hot debate in scientific circles.13

  Skinship: A practice and concept that originated in Japan. It is the practice of nourishing a child with touch. That includes holding, family bed (child sleeping in parents’ or sibling’s bed), and bathing together.

  The term skinship also includes the practice of bathing in communal baths, which was common until recently in Japan. Many felt that the opportunity to bath nude together was an opportunity to let rank, class, and social standing temporarily disappear.

  Aside from the biological power that scent has over us, and the way it can work as a tool, another aspect of olfaction is the link to memory and emotion. Often, smell-based memories are emotionally potent. This may be because the olfactory nerve is only two synapses away from the amygdala, which is a part of our brains that works to process and store emotional memories.14

  Scent-based memory seems to work separately from other types of memory. In certain conditions, odor memory is not compromised even when other aspects are.15 This makes sense, because we need to be able to remember not to drink sour milk or eat poison.

  And, scent can be so sensual. How do certain smells make you feel? The smell of new rain, or of dry grasses. The scent of your body after making love. The incredible, gentle odor of an infant’s head. The smell of your lover. The intense aroma of a good meal. The robust bouquet of a perfect cup of coffee.

  Journaling Prompts

  • When I smell ______, I feel . . .

  • Smelling ______ reminds me of . . .

  • Smell is . . .

  ★ Daily Practice, Day 3: Stop and Smell the Flowers

  Set your alarm to remind you to pause once an hour. Stop whatever you are doing, and see what you smell. As you take in the scents around you, take note of whatever emotions come up. Jot down a few words about the smells you notice, and any emotional responses they bring to mind.

  Touch the Magick

  Touch is actually many senses, not just one. Temperature perception, pain and pleasure, pressure, and spatial body awareness16 are all contained in the general category of touch.

  Many of us may take touch and physical sensation for granted, but touch is a constant part of our perceptive process. The need for interactive touch is also a basic human need. We know that failure to thrive in infants has been linked to a lack of touch,17 but we can easily forget how important healing touch is for us throughout our lives. From birth to death, touch is a physical need, and we must feed it to be healthy, happy, and whole.18

  It is easy to put all touch into the sexual category, thus making so many kinds of touch off-limits. We can fall into touch hunger, and not even realize that we are starving for contact.19

  At other times in our lives, as moms especially, we may experience touch inundation. When being used as the jungle gym by wee ones, or breast feeding at all hours for years on end, we may just want to cry out, “Space! I need space!” Sometimes our relationships suffer from this, or our desire for all touch, including the sexual, may decrease for a time. This, just like learning to listen and respond appropriately to a hunger for food, is a boundary issue, and there are ways to healthfully work it out.

  The Power-Hungry Brain: At birth, the human brain makes up 12–14% of body weight, and consumes more than 70% of the body’s energy intake.

  Touch is something that we can bring into our lives in healthy ways, and something we can set and own boundaries about. When you need a hug, ask for one. If you need a massage, make an appointment and get one. If you need to be left alone and abscond to the bathtub with a good read, do it! (If you have kids, and your partner won’t take care of them for an hour—or if you are a single mama—get a sitter. If money is an issue, trade babysitting with a friend who has kids.)

  If you need to prompt yourself for “me time,” make “me dates”: designate a weekly or monthly evening that is your time to do whatever you wish. The relief you will experience by getting a little self-time is more than worth it, and a healthy and happy YOU is the best gift you can give to your loved ones, not to mention yourself.

  Touch is a sense that we often automatically associate with sensuality and sex. Make time for nonsexual touch. Cherish the physical affection you share with friends, family members, and even your pets. I encourage you to explore nonsexual touch as an experience worth indulging in. I also encourage you to explore touch in a sensual way. Where are the boundaries between sexual and sensual touch? Are they rigid, or fluid? In the exercises you will perform during this chapter, you will have opportunities to experience sexual, sensual, and nonsexual touch.

  Journaling Prompts

  • Touch is . . .

  • Sensual touch is . . .

  • Sexual touch is . . .

  ★ Daily Practice, Day 4: Sensational Awareness

  Set your alarm to alert you once an hour. When you are reminded, stop and sense with your skin and your flesh. How does your body feel right now? Notice temperature, pleasure, pain, tension, and pressure, within your body and outside of it. Write down the sensations you notice, and any emotions you feel along with them, or memories you encounter.

  Taste This Apple!

  Taste, ah taste, sweetly forbidden sense! Taste is a sense fraught with much emotion for many of us. If Chocolate Decadence didn’t sound so sinful, would it sound so good? In the Biblical myth of the fall from the garden, the forbidden fruit is responsible for us getting a taste of shame. In Snow White, the Evil Stepmother tempts the darling Snow with a tainted apple as well.

  A Magickal Thought: Learning to listen, and respond appropriately, to our hungers is a (r)evolutionary magickal act.

  In this denial-based culture, many of us are in a nearly constant war with our taste buds, and we have come to see self-denial as a virtue. (You know it’s true. I’m sure you can think of at least on
e time recently where you bragged to someone about how little you eat, or how studiously you avoid ice cream. I know I can.) We eat the bland alternatives, eschewing the fat and sugars that have built us into the biological powerhouses we have become.20

  We like the tastes of fats and sugars for good reasons. Fat is an easily stored energy source,21 and sugars convert to immediate energy that allows us to elevate our mood and gain attention for the work at hand.

  Yes, we can go overboard with fats and sugars. And when a can of cola has approximately ten teaspoons of sugar in it, that’s not hard to do! But as with any substance, it’s important to realize that creating a positive relationship with these sources of energy is necessary. The Omega-3 oils are integral to brain development and ongoing brain health,22 and the heart needs a diet inclusive of “healthy” fats to maintain optimal health as well.23 In addition, when used appropriately, fats can help us lose weight rather than gain it. Fat may allow for taste satiation to occur more rapidly, and including fats in our diets may even allow some of us to cut down on overall caloric consumption.24

  Why disallow ourselves the pleasure of at least occasional indulgence? Even sporadic malnourishment can lead to permanent brain damage in those still developing, and hunger saps our energy and our mental focus. The desire for certain tastes is a message from our bodies. It can be part of an addictive cycle, but more often than not that craving is a cry for help from our tissues and cells.

  We can rebuild our relationship with taste and satiation. We can allow ourselves to live in our bodies in pleasure, comfort, and health.