Shalia's Diary Book 4

by Tracy St. John

  My fault. All my fault.

  I guess I had a breakdown then. There is a period of time that I don’t remember. Oses later told me it lasted about two days. I simply curled into a little ball on the ground and wept. Except for falling asleep for some hours, during which I screamed from nightmares, I did nothing else.

  Oses spent that time holding me. He kept trying to coax me back to sense, murmuring things he was sure I could no longer hear. He said my eyes, even as they spilled nonstop tears, were blank.

  “That may have been the scariest thing I’ve ever been through,” he admitted when I rejoined reality and began talking sense again. “If you hadn’t cried, I would have thought your mind had been broken beyond repair. I hated seeing you weep, but it was the one thing that gave me hope you’d come back. If you were still in there somewhere, feeling pain, then you weren’t completely gone. That’s what I told myself, anyway.”

  Maybe Oses was right, because after what felt like an eternity of blankness, I became aware of my surroundings once more.

  I was in the pond, naked in Oses’ arms. I felt his hands moving carefully over my body. He was bathing me. It was soothing the way he cared for me. It was also utterly strange to have this wild, muscle-bound Nobek caring for me like a father with a baby. I felt safe for a few precious moments before I remembered where I was and what had happened.

  At that point, my consciousness begged to be taken away again. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I wanted to go back into the nothing I’d escaped to, where psychotic leprechauns didn’t drag off people to be eaten by monsters.

  Yet I couldn’t go again, and after a few moments I realized why. I had a little hostage to fortune on board. I had to gather my strength and get the fuck out of here before the baby arrived. God only knew what Finiuld would do to us with a child to use again me.

  Oses’ voice slowly penetrated my still somewhat foggy cocoon of madness, as if catatonia had decided it could release me now that I remembered I had something to fight for yet. In his deep, growly voice the Nobek crooned, “That’s it, Shalia feels better when she’s clean. Soon she’ll wake up and stop crying. She’ll be all right again, and we will find a way to tear that nasty little bastard to dripping shreds. I will eat his heart in front of his dying eyes, and Shalia won’t cry anymore.”

  I guess that was the Nobek version of a lullaby. I blinked up at him.

  “Oses?”

  He drew in a sharp breath. “I thought you were finally looking back at me, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Are you back? Can you talk to me now?”

  I lifted a shaking hand to caress his jaw. “I guess I freaked out. Damn, I feel weak.”

  Oses carried me out of the pond. “I haven’t been able to get you to eat. I’ve been saving your meals for when you came out of it. The last two should still be good.”

  Remaining as solicitous as a parent with a sick child, Oses fed me. “I hope the baby is okay,” I whispered to him between bites. “What with me not eating and all.”

  “I don’t know for certain, but I would think your body would continue to nourish the child. It’s not that far along anyway, so it hopefully doesn’t require much.”

  I felt better after getting some food in me. I apologized up and down to Oses for going weak on him.

  “No, don’t ask me to forgive you. There is nothing to forgive,” he insisted. He even managed a smile. “I am just glad you regained your senses. That took strength, you know.” He nodded to the ever-sobbing Plasian a few cells over. “She may never return. At least you summoned the bravery to do so.”

  I asked Oses if anything important had happened while I was on my mental vacation.

  He shook his head. “There has been no sign of Finiuld. No doubt he is hunting around for another man for you to claim justice from.”

  I shuddered. “I am not as courageous as you give me credit for. I can’t do this, Oses. It’s too much. I’m afraid I’ll go insane for real if he brings another Earther man here. What the fuck do we do?”

  Oses rubbed the palms of his hands over his face. He looked angry. “We must find a way to lure Finiuld into the containment. We have to kill him and get out of here before this goes any further.”

  Our opportunity came the very next day, before we had any sort of a plan for it.

  February 26

  I woke with Oses wrapped around me. If there was a favorite time of day since our captivity began, this was it. Warm and sheltered in the Nobek’s arms, I was still sufficiently sleepy-brained to revel in the sensation. The hell of our situation wasn’t quite yet fully present. I could pretend for a few precious moments that I was safe and secure.

  I was basking in this half-awake state of near-contentment when it happened. I felt what seemed to be someone lightly thumping low inside my abdomen. It happened twice.

  I puzzled over this for a second when it hit me: the baby had moved. It moved and I felt it.

  I sat up in our little cave with a gasp. Oses also sat up, his look quizzical.

  “The baby kicked. I swear, I felt the baby,” I said excitedly.

  Oses’ brows drew together in concern, and the euphoria of the moment passed for me too. My child was growing, and in a few weeks, I would be showing. Damn it, we had to escape.

  I pushed past Oses to get out of the cave. Unable to stay still, I paced back and forth. My child was running out of time before Finiuld discovered its existence. We had to get out of here!

  “It has to be soon,” I said as I passed Oses, who stood quietly, watching me fret. “And if we fail to get out, you’ll have to – you’ll have to—”

  I broke off and stared up at him. I swallowed hard, unable to voice what had to be done if we couldn’t get off Finiuld’s ship.

  He nodded. No words were needed to finish my sentence. Instead he pulled me close and hugged me hard to his body.

  “If it comes to that, it will be quick and painless,” he whispered into my hair. “I promise you will have nothing to fear, and I will follow you soon after. We will meet the ancestors together.”

  “Thank you,” I said, tears springing into my eyes.

  My weeping was, shockingly enough, out of relief. Now that I had felt the first stirrings of my child’s life, one would think contemplating death would be more frightening for it. Not so. For the first time in weeks, I had something to look forward to: not being afraid anymore.

  For the first time ever, I understood why some people opted out when things grew beyond endurance. It was freeing to know that this could be over soon. It was as if a great weight had lifted from me. Whether our escape attempt from Finiuld succeeded or failed, I would not have to wake up and go to sleep terrified of the future anymore.

  I was leaving one way or the other, and my child would not suffer.

  I smiled my first real smile since I was taken prisoner. I gave that smile to Oses. “Thank you from both of us,” I told him. “From me and the baby.”

  “You’re pregnant?”

  Finiuld’s voice, shrill with delight, came from behind me.

  As if caught by the monster in a nightmare, I slowly turned around. The nasty little bastard, wearing neon pink from his cap to his boots, was right there inside the containment. Apparently he’d snuck in to hear our quiet conversation. He fairly danced with glee.

  “You’re pregnant? Is it this man’s? Will it be a boy or a girl? Oh Shalia, I so hope you’re having a daughter! Two lovely female Earthers in my collection! Everyone will be insane with jealousy!”

  That was all Oses needed to hear. The moment the Ofetuchan stopped talking and Oses emerged a second later from the hypnotic weave of his voice, the Nobek launched himself at Finiuld. The next second Finiuld spoke the command, and the Nobek was writhing on the floor, screaming with pain.

  Despite the agony, Oses managed to inch across the ground towards Finiuld, murder in his purple eyes. He battled the hell of his collar to get at our captor.

  For his part, Finiuld’s good humor only seemed t
o heighten at the Nobek’s valiant attempt to get at him. “You’d better tell him to calm down before that collar drives him insane, Shalia.”

  He was so busy being amused at Oses that he didn’t see me coming at him until I was right there. A moment later, my fingers wrapped around his throat.

  “Oses’ collar commands off!” I screamed, praying that Finiuld had given me command over the Nobek as he’d promised. Oses’ shrieks ceased, but I didn’t look. I was too busy killing the Little Creep.

  Finiuld’s black eyes bulged out at me. My lunge had knocked him on his back. His eyes bulged mostly because I was choking the life out of him, but there was also an expression of disbelief. He had never clued in to the fact that I had switched my collar off. Sometimes I do get lucky.

  I wanted Finiuld dead. Let there be no doubt on that account. I have never wanted anyone six feet under more than him. I throttled him, squeezing his throat as hard as I possibly could, sitting my weight on him to keep him down. I wanted to kill him so bad I couldn’t feel his four fists battering me as he fought to get me off him. A bloodthirsty beast inside me thrilled in cold delight as Finiuld’s struggles grew weaker.

  I have seen that face in my nightmares since then. I’ve watched the light fading in Finiuld’s eyes over and over. I’ve seen the tears rolling from their corners. I’ve seen his mouth gaping wide as he fought desperately for breath. I’ve watched that ruddy face purple, then hedge into blue. I wake screaming from it. I have no idea how much worse the dreams would be if I had actually killed the Little Creep.

  However, Oses would not leave that awful necessity to me. As I attempted murder, Oses committed it by grabbing hold of Finiuld’s head and yanking it around backwards.

  There was an unimportant cracking sound, like someone popping their knuckles. Then Finiuld went limp and Oses jerked away with a last agonized yell. I was left staring at the back of the Little Creep’s head with its wild orange spikes. Finiuld was dead.

  I sat on top of the Ofetuchan’s body, my fingers still clenched around his throat. The wildly drumming pulse I’d felt beneath my palms had disappeared. If his head twisted about 180 degrees hadn’t been enough to convince me, that would have.

  Oses’ hands curled around my wrists and he tugged. “Let him go, Shalia. It’s over.”

  My suddenly numb fingers lost all tension, and my grip slipped away. We’d killed Finiuld. Well, technically it had been Oses who finished the deed, but I’d been ready to murder.

  At that moment, I didn’t feel much of anything except relief. It was over. Finiuld was dead. He couldn’t hurt my child. We’d done it.

  Except we hadn’t quite taken care of everything. We were still stuck in our containment cell without a clue as to how the phase controller worked. A sense of horror stole over me. We were a long way from out of our predicament.

  “Now what?” I asked Oses.

  “Good, you’re still sane,” he said, relief obvious on his expression. “Take the phase control off him and hand it to me.”

  I did so. As Oses turned the device over and over in his hands, I stood and stepped away from the body of our tormentor. I didn’t want to touch him anymore.

  The Dantovonian Lurb buzzed urgently at us. I thought he was probably begging to be set free too, which made perfect sense to me. All the other prisoners were at the containment fields of their cages, watching us with wide and hopeful eyes. Even the Plasian had stopped crying at long last.

  I raised an eyebrow at the glowering Tragoom. I was pretty sure Oses wouldn’t go out of his way to free that big nightmare. My thought was for us to dump him and all the rest of his kind left on the ship on the nearest moon or planet. They didn’t deserve to be prisoners, but I sure as hell didn’t want them running around loose either.

  Oses spoke to the Dantovonian and the timbre of his voice let me know they weren’t exchanging cookie recipes. Something was up, and it wasn’t necessarily good.

  I looked at the Nobek, and his forehead was creased. The frown on his face made him look nearly as savage as when he’d snapped Finiuld’s neck. Still, there was more an air of disgust than outright despair coming from Oses.

  “What’s the latest headline?” I asked as soon as his conversation with Lurb ended.

  Oses looked at me and drew a deep breath. “There is good news, and there is bad news. The good news is that Lurb knows how the phase device operates. He assures me that we can use this device to get ourselves and all the rest out.”

  I was delighted to hear that but stayed cautious. “So what’s the bad news?”

  “The only way it works is if it is on Finiuld’s body. It’s configured to his biology alone. It will respond to your wishes to phase, but only if he’s wearing it and you’re holding onto him.”

  I gaped at Oses. “Me? Why me?”

  The Nobek tapped a finger against his collar. “Because until we get this thing turned completely off at the source, I can’t touch him without triggering the torture command. That remains in effect.”

  I looked down at the still body at our feet. Sure, I could lug around the Little Creep so that we could move about the ship, but he was dead. Toting around a corpse like some macabre purse was the last damned thing I wanted to do.

  “Son of a bitch,” I swore. “Lurb, you don’t know of any other way to make that damned thing work?”

  Lurb didn’t speak English, but I suppose he could pretty well guess what I’d asked. He shook his segmented head at me. That was that.

  “All right,” Oses said. “The easiest way for you to carry Finiuld is across the back of your shoulders.”

  “We call it a fireman’s carry,” I supplied. I wasn’t happy about the situation, but I knew whining about it wasn’t going to get us out of there.

  “We’ll go to Finiuld’s quarters and shut off the collars, except for those belonging to the Tragooms. In fact, you’ll give the command that will torment them if they touch us, the same as it worked for Finiuld.”

  “Good idea,” I said, eyeing the Tragoom in our merry little group. He shuffled impatiently in his habitat, probably knowing full well Oses wasn’t about to let him loose.

  “Then we’ll find the ship’s controls and see where the hell we are. If we can head back to the space station or make contact with a Kalquorian ship, we’ll do so. Once we’ve got that underway, we’ll get everyone out of their containments.”

  “Except the Tragooms.”

  “Except the Tragooms. Let me tell Lurb and he can pass along the information to those whose languages he speaks.”

  I liked Oses’ plan. It was easy, the best kind. It seemed to me that our biggest worry was getting to the collar command controls without running into Finiuld’s Tragoom guards. That and having to carry the Little Creep’s carcass all over the place.

  I guess I’d temporarily forgotten that successful easy plans and Shalia are seldom in the same vicinity. Sometimes I think I’m cursed.

  It was up to me to pick up Finiuld’s body and sling it over my shoulders. Oses couldn’t help except to tell me how to execute a proper lift that wouldn’t throw out my back.

  Finiuld only stood up to my mid-thigh, but that little bugger was heavier than he looked. I was huffing and puffing and sweating by the time I had him lying across the back of my neck and my shoulders.

  Then there was the gross factor. The Little Creep was limp and lifeless. His belly was against the nape of my neck, and his arms and legs draped down my chest and ribcage. It didn’t help my state of mind that the occasional shift put my boob in his palm. Plus there was the matter of his wrong-facing head pointing up. My skin crawled to have his glassy eyes pointed in my direction. His tongue hung out of his open mouth too. It gave me a nasty case of the heebie-jeebies.

  “All right?” Oses asked me when I had Finiuld arranged like a grotesque stole.

  “Let’s get this the fuck over with,” I snarled. I couldn’t get our escape accomplished fast enough.

  I stepped up to the containment wall wit
h Oses right behind me. He put his hand on my back, avoiding contact with Finiuld. I took a deep breath and stepped forward. Oses and I passed through the barrier with no problem.

  Our fellow prisoners erupted in cheers, with the exception of the Tragoom. I guess he wasn’t so happy seeing as how he wouldn’t be sharing in our ‘Get out of Jail Free’ card. Fuck him. I grinned up at Oses and he grinned back.

  “We’ll be back for you once we have control over the ship,” Oses promised our fellow inmates. That got another cheer. The Isetacian swung from his vines with such abandon that I thought perhaps he’d break his neck before we returned.

  We left the place of our imprisonment, heading down the route I’d memorized that led to Finiuld’s bedroom. Walking at Oses’ side, his hand on my back, I finally felt my spirits lift. Our escape was assured. It didn’t matter that I carried a dead body. It didn’t matter that Finiuld’s head bounced in freakish ways as I moved. It didn’t matter that my neck and shoulders were beginning to ache from the weight on them. We were free. We were going to make it.

  We stepped through a wall, entering a room where trays moved down assembly-line belts. Machines with spouts poured the meals we and our fellow prisoners were served onto the trays. Seeing this room had given me a sense of relief. We were on the right track. My biggest fear right now was that I wouldn’t be able to find Finiuld’s quarters. So far, so good.

  Walking through the next wall would take us into a long corridor that would lead to where we wanted to go. I told Oses this as we approached it.

  “There’s a picture of a really old and ugly Ofetuchan to the left of the spot that will take us into Finiuld’s room,” I chattered. “And before you say anything, I realize all these little bastards are ugly. The man in the portrait is just more so than the others I’ve seen.”

  Oses laughed and we passed through the wall. The corridor was right there, just as I’d remembered. So were two collared Tragooms and the female Ofetuchan who’d hated me in the Arena. The green-haired one Finiuld called Glidas.