The Ashes of Longbourn

by Schertz, Melanie

  The door to Elizabeth’s soul had finally burst open, as all the feelings she had been holding came rushing out. “Lydia and Kitty will be chasing around all the young men who died in battle, as they were always fond of the young men in red coats. They should have had ribbons to take with them. And Mary should have had a book of sermons with her. She would be the one telling me to be thankful for what the Lord gave me and live my life praising him for saving me.” Tears were flowing freely, both on Elizabeth’s cheeks and Darcy’s. These were the people who were Elizabeth’s family, who helped to define who she was.

  “Perhaps what we can do is purchase items that you wish to place here for each of them. A book for your father, smelling salts, ribbons, sermons, and then we can bury them near the headstones. And we can have other sentiments carved in the stones if you wish. Whatever you wish to do, I will support and assist you in doing.”

  For the first time, Elizabeth squeezed his hand and whispered “Thank you.”

  They stayed there, sitting on the ground, Darcy holding Elizabeth in his arms, until it was nearly sundown. “My dearest, we should be returning to Netherfield before your sister sends out a search party for us. And your aunt and uncle have been eager to see you as well.”

  Elizabeth finally turned and looked at Darcy. She could see the change in his appearance as soon as she looked at him. “William, what has happened? You are so thin.”

  “I believed that I would be spending the rest of my life without you and I lost my way for a while. Georgiana and I traveled, never staying long anywhere as I grew restless. I believe my heart had turned to stone until we overheard your aunt and uncle speaking of coming to Netherfield. We were all in Belfast, Ireland, at the time. If I had not learned you survived, my life would have been empty.”

  “Did you not speak with Mr Bingley? How is it that you did not learn the news?” Elizabeth was concerned.

  “I was in Scotland with Georgiana. Did you not receive word that she had taken a severe fever and it was not known if she would survive? I rushed up there, though I wrote to Bingley to tell him. Richard was in London when he learned of the fire and it was written in the paper that you had all died. I was too devastated; the thought of speaking with Bingley was too difficult for me. His relationship with your sister was known by all, while ours was kept secret. I did not feel I would be able to hide my loss while watching him able to accept condolences. If only I had confided in him of my love for you.”

  “Forgive me, William. I have been so selfish in my behavior. I thought you would never wish to have a bride who was so damaged. That is why I thought you stayed away. It is why I wished to be dead, I felt as if you already abandoned me because you were repulsed by the thought.”

  “Never, my love; I could never stop loving you. You are, and always will be, my beloved and beautiful Lizzy. Will you allow me to be at your side, to love you as you should be for the rest of your life?” Darcy’s eyes searched for a spark of life that he was praying had returned to Elizabeth. “Will you consent to be my wife?”

  The beautiful eyes that Darcy had fallen in love with, which were cold and empty just hours ago, began to warm with a slight sparkle in them. With a faint blush coming to her cheeks, Elizabeth looked deep into his eyes. “William, I cannot be a proper wife to you. I cannot walk, and I doubt I will ever be able to give you children. You deserve a wife who can give you heirs and be a complete woman to you.”

  “Elizabeth, you are a complete woman. Whether you are able to bear children or walk does not matter to me. That is not the reason I wish to marry you. I wish to have you in my arms, holding you as I am now. I wish to watch the sparkle in your eyes while you release your impertinence upon me. I wish to be able to speak with you on any number of subjects and hear your view on issues. I want someone to share life with me, not someone to adorn my arm for society. I have no desire to be a part of society, you know that of me. I can leave the estate to Georgiana’s future children if need be. We can adopt a child if we so wish. All that matters is having you with me. Please, Elizabeth Bennet, make me the happiest man in the world and agree to be my wife.”

  Lifting a frail hand, she laid it lightly on his cheek. “If you truly wish to marry me, and not out of sympathy, then I will accept.”

  “I have wished for nearly a year now to marry you and it is due to love, not sympathy. I love you more than words can say. And I wish to have our marriage as soon as possible. Too much time has passed already.”

  “You will need to speak with my uncle.” Elizabeth smiled. “Though, if you wish, you could speak to Papa while we are here.”

  Darcy smiled. Turning his head towards the headstone of Mr Bennet’s grave, he spoke. “Mr Bennet, I have wished to speak with you since last Easter. I love your daughter, Elizabeth, and wish to make her my wife. I promise to love her all the days of my life, to cherish her for the treasure that she is, and to ensure that there is nothing she needs that is not provided for her. She is the other half of my heart, and I am not complete without her. I pray that you will approve of my desire to marry her.”

  A warm breeze flowed around the young couple, and a rose petal landed on the top of Mr Bennet’s headstone. Elizabeth gasped. “William, Papa loved the red roses that grew by the chapel. But this time of year, there should not be any blossoms.”

  “I believe he wishes you happiness in your future, my love.” Darcy released the hold he had on Elizabeth for a moment as he moved to gather the petal. He scooped Elizabeth back into his arms and placed the petal in her hand. “Are you ready to return to Netherfield?”

  Elizabeth nodded her head. The two returned to the carriage and settled in to the seat, Elizabeth resting her head against Darcy’s shoulder. It did not take long before she fell asleep, sleeping more soundly than she had in many months.

  When they arrived at Netherfield, Darcy carried her up to her rooms, placing her in her bed before tucking her in. He then motioned for Mrs Hill to step to the sitting room. Bingley, Jane and the Gardiners had followed Darcy up to the rooms and waited to hear what Darcy had to impart.

  “She finally faced the loss she has suffered. We spoke, quite openly, and she seems to be on the road to recovery. She felt that I had abandoned her, and with her never having actually been taken to the graves and forced to accept the truth of their deaths, she had given up. We discussed many issues. I believe she has begun to deal with her pain and fears, and when she realized I had been suffering from thinking her dead, she knew that she had not been abandoned.”

  “She looked so peaceful when you brought her inside.” Jane said with a single tear trailing down her cheek. “I have not seen her look so peaceful since the fire.”

  “There is still a long road of recovery to come, but I think that she is past the worst of it. She will need to have exercise as well as a proper diet to build her strength up. We will need to begin small, as her appetite has become so small. If she were to eat too much, I believe it would make her ill. When is a physician to see her next?” Darcy asked.

  “We have had numerous physicians, apothecaries, and surgeons to see her. I believe that Mr Jones, the local apothecary, is due to come see her tomorrow.”

  Darcy nodded his head. “I will discuss with him how we should work her muscles and strengthen her arms and legs, as well as the rest of her body. It will take a great deal of time, I am sure. No matter what is needed, I will see that it is done.”

  “Mrs Hill, would you stay with my sister and call for us when she wakes?” Jane asked. Seeing the housekeeper nod, Jane returned her attention to Darcy. “I am sure that all of you would enjoy some refreshments. And Mr Darcy, we can have a bath drawn for you, as I am certain you might find it refreshing.”

  Giving a slight chuckle, Darcy looked down on his dirty clothes. “I believe you are correct, I am in need of some cleaning.”

  Bingley slapped his hand down on his friend’s shoulder. “Allow me to show you to your rooms then, my friend.”

  ~~ ** ~~

&
nbsp; Elizabeth woke nearly three hours later. The sky outside was quite dark and only the flickering of the fire burning in the hearth made any light. Was the day only a dream? Had William only been there in my mind? She let out a sigh. It had all been too good to be true.

  Turning her head towards the door, she saw a person sitting in the chair, appearing to be asleep. She thought that it was merely one of the servants, as it was far too large a person to be Jane. Feeling a tickle in the back of her throat, she wished for a glass of water, and, not wishing to wake the servant, she attempted to pick up the glass from the side table. It had been so long since she had attempted to do anything of this manner on her own and the glass was quite heavy for her, causing it to slip from her hand and crash against the floor.

  “Lizzy, what happened?” a man’s voice asked. She knew this voice, as if the man was the source of life itself. He quickly moved to the side of her bed. “Are you well, my love?”

  “You are truly here?” Elizabeth said as she reached out a hand to take hold of his. “I thought I was dreaming. William, please tell me that you are really here beside me.”

  “Of course I am. And I promised you that I would be for the rest of my life. Are you hungry? I can send for something for you to eat.”

  “Have you eaten? Will you join me?” Elizabeth asked in a nearly pleading voice.

  “I had some tea and biscuits earlier, as I wished to eat with you when you woke. They just finished dining about an hour ago, so it should not be too difficult for the cook to warm up some of the food.”

  “It is the first time in quite a while that I have had an appetite. That is good though, is it not?”

  “I am pleased to hear it. We will need to go slowly. Your stomach is most likely not able to handle too much food immediately.” Darcy pulled the bell for a maid. Mrs Hill entered the room and looked at the pair. Tears of joy were welling up in the elderly housekeeper’s eyes.

  “Miss Lizzy, it is a pleasure to see you like this. I believe you have a little color in your cheeks tonight.”

  Elizabeth held out her hand to the lady who had tended to her since she was a small child. Mrs Hill stepped to the edge of the bed and took hold of the hand offered her, tears streaming down her cheeks openly. Elizabeth suddenly remembered her behavior of late. “Mrs Hill, please forgive me for my actions of late. I was terrible to you and it was awful of me to treat you so. You have always been so kind and loving to me.”

  “Miss Lizzy, I understand why you behaved as you did. It does not matter now, as I can see you have returned to us. And I cannot but thank the heavens for Mr Darcy returning to you. He is truly a blessing.”

  Darcy blushed. “Thank you, Mrs Hill. If you would not mind, I believe we are ready for some of the delicious food that Cook prepared this evening. I remember the time I was here, the food was exceptional.”

  The sound of a slight rumble alerted Darcy and Hill that Elizabeth was hungry. Giving a slight giggle, Elizabeth looked at her dear, lifelong friend. “I believe my stomach concurs with Mr Darcy’s opinion of wishing for food.”

  As she wiped tears from her face, Mrs Hill nodded and smiled. “I will be back as quick as a wink with food. I believe that there are even some of Miss Lizzy’s favorite cakes waiting for her to wake. Shall I make Miss Jane aware that you are awake?”

  Elizabeth looked at Darcy before answering. “Would you ask her to come see me? I wish to speak with her.”

  Darcy reached over and tucked a strand of hair, which was loose, behind her ear. “And while we wait, I am sure that your aunt and uncle will wish to visit you for a moment. I know they planned to turn in early tonight, as we had a long journey and their children were worn out from all of the travel.”

  “It would be wonderful to see them.” Elizabeth said, and the sparkle in her eyes told Darcy and Mrs Hill that she meant it.

  Within a few minutes, there was a knock on the door as Jane slowly opened it enough to peer inside. “Are you up to visitors, my dear sister?”

  Elizabeth nodded her head lightly. She held out her hand to her beloved sister. “Jane, my poor sister, I have abused you so terribly.”

  “No, Lizzy, you have been through so much. You needed to find your way back to us. I am pleased to see the light in your eyes and the smile on your lips.”

  Mr and Mrs Gardiner edged closer to the bed. Seeing them, tears began to flow from Elizabeth’s eyes. “Aunt Helen, Uncle Edwin, please come closer.”

  There was no need for further encouragement. Helen Gardiner reached her niece and embraced her gently. “Oh, Lizzy, I am so pleased to see you. We have missed you terribly and I have so wished to be at your side.”

  “You needed to be with your family, as the trip was so very important for Uncle’s business. I pray that you enjoyed the sights there. You will have to tell me all you have seen in Ireland.”

  “We will. There will be plenty of time to tell you all of the tales, including your little cousin, Angela, climbing in a tree and refusing to come down until her hair turned as red as the little girl with whom she played at one of the inns where we stayed. She is quite impertinent, much like her favorite cousin.”

  Elizabeth chuckled. “I look forward to hearing all about it. Perhaps it would be best to keep the children from here for now, as I do not wish to frighten them.”

  Edwin took hold of his niece’s hand. “My dear girl, we have spoken with them about you having been very ill. They know that you will look different, and that they will need to be careful with you. If we were to keep them from you, I believe that Jonathon would become worried that you have taken a turn for the worst. We can ease them into this tomorrow, but it would be better for them to see you, even for a few moments.”

  Mrs Hill returned carrying a tray filled with food for Darcy and Elizabeth. The others bid them good night, each giving Elizabeth a kiss on her forehead and patting Darcy on the shoulder, before leaving the room.

  The smell of the food was appealing to Elizabeth, causing her stomach to grumble again. “Well, I had best feed my wild beast of a stomach before it leaps out of me to devour the room.”

  “What would you prefer first? There is some chicken, some boiled potatoes, bread, some beans, and some very delicious looking cakes.”

  “As much as I wish to have the cakes first, it would be best to eat something else that would be more benefit to my body. Perhaps some chicken and potato first, I can have the cakes left for a midnight snack.”

  “That is a perfect suggestion, dearest. I will help you tonight, but I hope that, after a few days of food nourishing you and giving you strength, you will be strong enough to hold your fork. I know that you do not enjoy having someone feed you as if you were an infant.”

  Blushing, Elizabeth looked at the tray rather than at Darcy. “I have been behaving like a spoiled infant having tantrums the past few months, so I would very much like to return to being a young lady. Thank you for realizing my desire to be able to do some things for myself.”

  “Anything I can do for you, my dearest love. Now, let us eat.”

  ~~~~~~~ ** ~~~~~~~

  Chapter 10

  After eating what she could, Elizabeth began to drift off to sleep. Darcy realized that she had only eaten half a dozen bites of chicken and nearly the same of potato, before she stated she was full, but to him, this was a miracle. She was making great strides in this manner.

  As she slept, Darcy took note of her wounds. The wound on her forehead had healed nicely, though there was an obvious scar. Once she was stronger, well-nourished and spending more time outside the room, he was certain that the appearance would not appear so vivid. Her arms and hands were so thin and frail, he feared causing her harm when he held them. But hold them he would, always, as she was his beloved.

  It was obvious that she had been indoors far too long. Her skin held the color of a painted person on stage. Some short visits outdoors each day would do her a world of good. As she grew stronger, she could enjoy longer stays in the nature that she l
oves.

  Though it was highly improper, Darcy could not remove from her room while she slept. He had spoken with the Gardiners, Bingley and Jane, explaining to them his irrational need to be at her side. The mere thought of sleeping in a bed down the hall grasped his heart and made it difficult for him to breathe. He knew that she was well enough to sleep the night without him by her side, but Darcy was fearful of Elizabeth disappearing from his life if he were to retire to his rooms.

  Jane had been unhappy with the improper request, though she could see the difference in her sister. Reluctantly, she gave her approval and insisted that Elizabeth’s maid remain in the room with them. Darcy had a pillow and blanket brought to the room, as well as a second blanket, which he placed on the floor beside her bed. He then lay down on the floor, falling asleep nearly as soon as his head touched the pillow.

  The flames were building and had forced Elizabeth back from her bedroom door. She woke Jane, and had nearly shoved her sister out the bedroom window. As they made their way to the trellis, she looked below. She could see Darcy in the distance, watching the fire raging at Longbourn, though not venturing closer. When the explosion ripped through the house, Elizabeth could feel herself falling through the air. Striking the tree, Elizabeth lay on the ground, looking for her beloved. Darcy came through the crowd, looked down upon her with disgust, and then turned and walked to his horse, mounting before riding away.

  Watching him turn away from her and leaving, Elizabeth cried out for Darcy to return to her.

  Darcy woke to hear Elizabeth’s frightened voice crying out, pleading for him to return to her. He moved so that his face was near her ear, whispering to her that he was with her, placing light kisses on her face. “Dearest, I beg you to open your eyes. I am here, my beloved, and will not leave your side. Lizzy, please look at me. I am with you. It is a nightmare, dear one, nothing more.”

  Elizabeth finally opened her eyes, seeing the man she loved at her side. “William, you did not leave me?”