No Small Parts

by Ally Blue

  Aching and restless, Nat shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking.

  Rafael had barely managed to shake off his date-with-Nat-inspired daydreams and get a good start on rewriting the climactic scene of Inside when his phone lit up and started singing “Queen” at him.

  It took him a second to remember he’d assigned that ringtone to Solari. He didn’t think she’d ever actually called him before.

  Worried, he pushed his rolling chair away from the computer, snatched his cell off the cluttered dining table, and hit the Answer button. “Hey. What’s up? You okay?”

  “Thank goodness I got you. Yes, I’m fine, but . . .” Tense silence, punctuated by background chatter and music that said she was in a public place. Most likely a bar, at nearly one in the morning, though he’d never known her to hit the night spots before. “Can you possibly come over to Ma Cougar’s?”

  Her usually calm voice had a frantic edge. He frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Nat. He’s very drunk and acting belligerent. Oh dear.” Something went scritch like she’d planted the phone against her shirt. He heard a muffled shout, followed by raucous laughter and a few raised, irritated voices. Solari’s cooler tones rumbled against the receiver, saying something Rafael couldn’t make out. There were a couple more bumps and scratches, then Solari came back on. “Can you come get him? Please? He won’t listen to me, and I’m afraid he’s going to start a fight.”

  Rafael’s stomach knotted. “What makes you think he’ll listen to me any more than you?”

  “Trust me. He will.”

  A strange little shiver ran down Rafael’s spine. Was it wrong that he liked the idea of being the one person who could bring Nat back from the edge? It had to be wrong, but the thought warmed him in spite of his shame. “All right. I’ll come get him and take him home.”

  “Thank you.” Her relief was so thick he could practically see it floating like a cloud from the phone. “Do you know where the bar is?”

  “Yeah, I’ve been there a couple of times.” It was a nice place, a brewpub of the sort he’d expect to find in Seattle or Portland, not a wide spot in the road like Bluewater Bay. “See you in a little bit.”

  The call cut off. Rafael stared at the impressionistic cow painting on the wall, thinking hard. He’d rarely seen Nat drink anything other than water or coffee. Certainly never seen him drunk. Not that they’d known each other all that long, but still. He didn’t seem like the sort to go off on drinking binges. And he’d been fine when they’d parted company earlier that night. So what had turned him from happy, smiling Nat into hammered, bar-fight-starting Nat?

  Rafael stood, phone in hand, and hurried to fish his keys out of the kitchen drawer. Whatever had happened, he was damn well going to find out.

  As it turned out, he never even got inside the pub. Solari and Gina stood on the sidewalk outside the door, holding a swaying, mumbling Nat between them. His hair hung over his face, but it couldn’t hide the purple bruise spreading over the left side of his jaw.

  Crap.

  Rafael broke into a jog. “Jesus, what happened?” He stopped in front of Nat and gently touched his swelling jaw. “Nat?”

  Nat lifted his head. The bleakness in his eyes hit Rafael like a gut punch. Rafael opened his hand, spreading his palm over Nat’s cheek.

  A bitter smile twisted Nat’s lips. “Life’s a shit pile, Hollywood.”

  Gina made a frustrated noise. “He picked a fight with some redneck lumberjack, and the guy punched him. I can’t say as I blame him.”

  “Gina, please.” Solari’s voice held a sharpness Rafael didn’t usually hear from her. She peered up at Nat with concern stamped all over her features. “It’s not like him at all. In fact, I wouldn’t have thought public drunkenness was like him. I’m afraid something must have happened. At home, you know?”

  Fear flared in Rafael’s gut. Oh no. What if Nat’s dad was sick or hurt? The relationship between father and son was complicated, yes. But Nat loved his dad. That much was obvious. He’d drown in his own guilt if anything happened to his father, especially if it’d happened while he’d been out on a date.

  “Okay,” Rafael said. “I’m going to take him back home now.”

  Nat shook loose of the two women so violently he almost fell over. “No. Not goin’.”

  Rafael and Solari exchanged a puzzled look. Gina watched Nat with sympathy in her eyes. “Solari, should we take him back home with us, do you think?”

  Solari cast Gina a grateful glance. “I’d be happy to put him up for the night, yes.”

  Rafael shook his head. “That would mean leaving his dad alone all night. I’m afraid Nat would be upset about that once he sobers up.”

  “Oh dear.” Solari laid a hand on Nat’s elbow. “Nat? Why don’t you want to go home?”

  To Rafael’s shock, Nat’s eyes welled with tears. He hung his head. “No reason. Jus’ don’t.”

  Instinct told Rafael the problem had nothing to do with illness or injury, but something much more painful. He stepped closer and took Nat’s hands in his. “We can’t stay out here on the sidewalk. Let me take you away from the bar, at least. Okay?”

  Nat studied him through a curtain of fine blond hair. His gaze fell a little short of complete focus, telling Rafael exactly how drunk he was. “’Kay.”

  Relieved, Rafael slid an arm around Nat’s waist. “C’mon, Wolfman. Let’s go.”

  Nat leaned against him, one arm slung around his shoulders, his head resting on Rafael’s. The trust implied in Nat’s posture tugged at Rafael’s heart. He hoped Nat still found him worthy of trust when he found out Rafael was taking him home after all.

  Solari stood on tiptoe and kissed Nat’s cheek. “Feel better, dear. I’ll see you tomorrow. Or later today, I suppose, technically speaking.”

  Nat gave her a loopy grin. “I totally had a crush on you, b’fore Hollywood came ’long.” He nuzzled Rafael’s hair.

  She blushed. “I know. Believe me, it would have been mutual if I were attracted to men.”

  Gina glowered, and Rafael stifled the urge to laugh. He couldn’t help thinking of his own situation. Would Nat have ever even noticed him if the whole business with Solari hadn’t happened first?

  Solari squeezed Nat’s free hand, then moved over to give Rafael a hug and a peck on the cheek. “Take care of him,” she whispered. “I’m not sure what’s wrong, exactly, but something’s definitely bothering him. I’m worried.”

  Rafael nodded. “I’ll look after him.”

  With a sad little smile, Solari drew away and followed Gina down the sidewalk toward the parking area. Rafael gathered Nat closer. “You ready to walk now?”

  “Mm-hmm.” Nat linked his hands around Rafael’s neck and staggered along at his side. “You takin’ me to your place t’fuck me? ’Cause that would be aaawesome.”

  The mental image of bending Nat over the kitchen table and pounding into his ass burst like an exploding star across Rafael’s vision. Damn, that was tempting. But he couldn’t. Nat was too plastered to truly consent, never mind enjoy it.

  “Maybe another time. When you’re more likely to remember it.” Rafael stumbled when Nat tripped and almost pulled them both down to the pavement. “Hang on to me. It’s not far to my car.”

  Nat sighed, but allowed Rafael to lead him toward the car.

  Alcohol apparently robbed Nat of his usual grace and made him grabby as hell. He slipped his fingers up Rafael’s shirt and down his pants, and even managed to get his zipper halfway down before Rafael finally got him buckled into the car’s passenger seat. With the job finally done, Rafael wiped sweat from his forehead as he skirted the front of the car to slide behind the wheel. He felt like he’d wrestled a multi-armed human noodle determined to molest him.

  Nat’s head lolled sideways when Rafael pulled out into the road. “Heeey.”

  “Hey, yourself.” Rafael glanced at Nat. A confused crease dug between Nat’s eyes. “You all right? You gonna be sick
?”

  “Uh-uh.” Nat’s hand flailed for a second, then latched on to Rafael’s thigh with surprising strength. “I tol’ Dad I found a man, but he didn’t like that. Wanted me t’find a woman instead. Like I can jus’ do that.” His fingers clenched painfully tight on Rafael’s leg. “I try so fucking hard. Why’m I never good enough?”

  The walls Nat normally hid behind had crumbled, leaving years of built-up pain raw in his eyes and his low, mournful voice. Rafael’s heart broke. He rested his hand over Nat’s. “You’re perfect the way you are. If your dad can’t see that, then that’s his problem.”

  A sweet, unguarded smile spread over Nat’s face. “You’re great.”

  “So are you.” Rafael smiled back, thinking it was a good thing he already knew where Nat lived. He wasn’t sure Nat remembered his own address right now.

  Nat’s eyelids drifted downward. “Where’re we goin’, Hollywood?”

  Rafael steeled himself for the wrath of Nat. “I’m taking you home, Nat. You’ll be pissed off at yourself later if you leave your dad alone all night. I’ll stay with you if you want, but, yeah. I’m taking you home.”

  No answer. He glanced sideways and groaned.

  Nat sat slumped against the seat, eyes shut and mouth slack, passed out cold.

  Rafael sighed. If Nat actually remembered any of this later, he was going to be mortified.

  The lights were still on inside the run-down little cottage on Fifth Street where Nat and his father lived. Rafael pulled his car into the short dirt drive behind Nat’s truck and sat there for a moment, preparing himself for whatever the Horn family patriarch might have to say when some strange guy dragged his son in stinking drunk at almost two in the morning.

  Nat stirred. “Mmph. Gotta pee.”

  “Okay.” Rafael leaned over and pressed a kiss to Nat’s damp brow. “Stay there. I’ll come around and help you out of the car, okay?”

  “’Kay.”

  Nat was struggling with the seat belt when Rafael opened the passenger-side door. Amused in spite of everything, Rafael ducked inside the car, reached across Nat’s chest, and unbuckled the belt. “All right. Put your arms around my neck.”

  Nat obeyed, grinning in blatant flirtation. “Hey, hot stuff.”

  “Hey.” Rafael laughed when Nat nuzzled his neck. “God, you’re cute. Hang on.”

  Somewhat to his surprise, Nat did, his grip tight around Rafael’s shoulders. Rafael slid his arms around Nat’s waist, hauled him out of the car, and set him on his feet. Still hanging on, Rafael kicked the car door shut, then clicked the lock button on the key fob.

  Keys. Shit.

  “Nat? Where’re your house keys?”

  “Uh . . .” Frowning, Nat clung to Rafael with one hand and dug in the left front pocket of his jeans with the other. He came up empty, switched hands with exaggerated care, and fished his key ring out of the other front pocket, along with a crumpled receipt and a wad of lint. He handed the whole business to Rafael. “There.”

  “Thanks.” Figuring he could work out which key was which once he got to the door, Rafael firmed his hold on Nat’s swaying form and started up the walkway.

  The second key Rafael tried turned out to be the house key. Which was good, because Nat had started to sag against his shoulder. He half carried Nat to the closest piece of furniture—an old but sturdy-looking armchair—and plopped him into it, then went back to shut the door.

  Since he didn’t know where Nat normally stored his keys, he put them on the small table beside the TV. When he turned around, Nat was watching him, eyes wide and solemn, his lower lip caught between his teeth.

  “Didn’t wanna come home,” Nat mumbled, scratching his crotch. “Why’d you take me here?”

  “Because you’d be mad at yourself tomorrow if you left your dad home alone all night.”

  Nat scowled. “Fuck ’im.”

  Rafael glance around. Three doors flanked the living area: two on one side, one on the other. One door led to a small bathroom, the other to what looked like a bedroom. The third was shut. Probably Mr. Horn’s room, Rafael guessed. Which made the empty bedroom Nat’s.

  He crossed to the sofa and perched on the edge nearest Nat. “Look, you need to sleep off the booze. Then you’ll realize I’m right.” Nat pffted, and Rafael shook his head. He stood. “Come on, I’ll help you to the bathroom. Then we’ll get you ready for bed and I’ll bring you some aspirin or something.”

  Nat let Rafael pull him to his feet. Face-to-face, Nat clutched Rafael close and stared into his eyes. “Stay with me. Please? Don’t leave me alone.”

  He had no intention of doing any such thing. Especially since Nat’s father apparently had a serious problem with Nat having a male lover.

  Rafael laid a hand on Nat’s flushed cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to Nat’s lips. “Of course I’m staying.”

  Nat’s smile could’ve lit up the blackest night. Rafael’s heart lurched. Whatever happened in the morning, he’d face it. For Nat.

  “Nat. Hey.”

  What. The fuck. Who was yelling? And why, Nat wondered, did he feel like someone had smacked him upside the head with a shovel, then shit in his mouth?

  Groaning, Nat curled into a ball, hiding under his pillow. “Shut up and go away.”

  Soft laughter sounded behind him, muffled by foam and cotton. A warm body curled against his back, an arm snaking around his middle. “I know you feel like hell. Do you remember why?”

  Wait. “Rafael?”

  “Yep. You asked me to stay. As if I’d leave you alone.” He kissed Nat’s neck, sending pleasant shivers over his skin and chasing away some of the churning nausea. “You don’t remember, do you?”

  Disconnected flashes of last night played across the backs of Nat’s eyelids: drinking at Ma Cougar’s, arguing with some logger about something, getting punched in the face, Solari coaxing him outside. Or did he get thrown out? And, yeah, Rafael there on the sidewalk outside the bar, holding him up, putting him in the car, driving him home, even though Nat had very definitely said he hadn’t wanted to go home.

  Staying the night. Because Nat had asked him.

  Interfering fucker. Nat couldn’t decide whether to yell at him or thank him.

  Moving carefully on account of the thumping agony in his skull, he laid his pillow aside and turned in Rafael’s embrace. He opened his eyes just enough to see Rafael’s face, bathed in the dull grayish light of an evidently rainy morning. “I remember enough. Sorry if I was an asshole.”

  “You weren’t.” Rafael bit his lip. “Sorry I took you home when you told me you didn’t want to go.”

  Nat laughed, then stopped when pain shot through his skull. Fucking hangover. “No, you’re not. I’d’ve been pissed off at myself if I hadn’t come back home, so I guess I have to forgive you.”

  “Well, that’s a relief.” Rafael brushed the left side of his face with gentle fingers. “This is ugly. Anna’s not gonna be happy about that. Neither is makeup.”

  Shit. “Yeah, well, I’m not happy about it either. Maybe we can start a club.”

  Rafael laughed, his eyes crinkling at the edges, and Nat couldn’t help smiling in spite of how crappy he felt. Nobody ought to look as good first thing in the morning as Rafael did right now, with pillow creases on his cheek and his usually neat hair sticking up every which way.

  The look in Rafael’s eyes turned tender. He brushed the tangled hair away from Nat’s face and kissed his forehead. “Stay right there, okay? I need to go back to my place and get ready for work, but I’m gonna go get you some water and something for your head before I leave.”

  Panic chased away enough of the pain to get Nat out of bed, even though he had to hang on to the bedside table to keep from passing out. “No, don’t go out there alone. Dad might be up.”

  Rafael glanced at the closed bedroom door, then climbed out of bed. Both of them were wearing only their underwear. Damn, Nat had been out of it not to notice that before. Rafael came to him, wrapped both arm
s around him, and held him close, hands spread on his back. God, it felt so good to relax into Rafael’s arms. Lean on Rafael’s strength. Nat’s eyes stung. He blinked until it went away.

  “I’m not afraid of your father,” Rafael murmured in Nat’s ear. “If he loves you and wants you to be happy, he’ll be glad I’m with you. And I can’t believe he wouldn’t. Let’s give him a chance, okay?”

  He was right. But Nat still felt bruised from his father’s words last night. If he opened himself up and his dad stabbed him in the heart again, he didn’t think he could take it.

  He kept those thoughts to himself. “Doesn’t mean you have to face him by yourself.” Nat drew back, sat on the edge of the bed, and plucked last night’s jeans off the floor. “We go out there together.”

  Thankfully, Rafael didn’t argue. He nodded and started getting dressed.

  When they went hand in hand into the living room, Nat’s dad was sitting on the sofa with the TV on, the sound down low. Adrenaline shot through Nat’s blood. It drained away when he realized his father was asleep.

  Weak with relief, Nat led Rafael into the kitchen and plopped into the closest chair. “He must’ve had trouble sleeping,” Nat whispered. “He’ll get up and watch TV when he can’t sleep.” It worried Nat, because he hadn’t seen his dad asleep on the couch since he’d started taking the new meds the ER doc had recommended. Hadn’t he been sleeping better lately? Was his dad about to take another turn for the worse? Shit, he hoped not.

  Rafael studied Nat for several long seconds, like he knew exactly what Nat was thinking. Then he turned without a word, took a glass from the cabinet, and filled it with tap water. “Here.” He set the glass in front of Nat. “You need to hydrate. I’ll get you some ibuprofen. You guys don’t have any aspirin.”

  Nat didn’t argue. He finished the water before Rafael got back from the bathroom. Rafael fetched him a refill. He swallowed the pills.

  Smiling, Rafael raked a hand through Nat’s hair. “You want me to fix you some breakfast?”

  The idea of food made Nat’s stomach try to climb up his throat. “No, thanks.”