The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2)

by H. K. MacTavish

  “I can’t fix your dress,” Gerald says.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I say once I am inside. I feel the hole and it is bigger. At least my underpants are still covering me but they are on full display now to anyone behind me. That is, not a small hole anymore. I can feel the torn piece hanging down, the hole is that big. Can this day get any worse?

  “Let’s see what’s around here,” Gerald says.

  Yes. Let’s. I cast several orbs of light and scatter them about the room.

  Wow. The room, the whole building, is impressive. I thought the exterior was grand and opulent, but the interior is even grander. The center is open while floor after floor rises to the ceiling like rings. And what is it that I see on those floors? Shelves. Lots of shelves.

  “A library. A lost library,” Gerald says.

  It is! This is amazing! I walk towards the nearest bookshelf, stepping on a skeleton, snapping some bones as I do. Gerald pauses as if he is going to ask me to apologize to the bones.

  “It didn’t feel anything,” I say.

  “I know,” Gerald says backing up. “It isn’t that.”

  “What? Do you hear something?”

  “No. We have things to do, don’t we?” Gerald asks.

  “Like start seeing what tomes are left here?”

  “No. We need to eat.”

  “Yes, we do,” I say, a little disappointed. “Before we eat I need you to summon me something for the goblins.”

  “What do they eat?”

  “Anything. Can you summon a lot of meat?”

  “For them? Yes, I can summon enough meat for them. Do they eat cooked meat or…”

  “They don’t care,” I say.

  Gerald casts a spell and a pile of boned meat appears on a plate. I’m guessing from the size they are chicken legs but it may not be chicken. And I don’t care enough to ask. I slide it along the ground with my magic to where the goblins are gathered.

  “Here. All of you share this. Understand?”

  “Yes highness.”

  “And…while we are speaking about understanding things, I do not want you to tear at any of these books, touch them, pee on them…in fact, anything that looks like a book, scroll, or even a piece of paper, I want you to leave it alone. Don’t even gaze long at them. Understand me?”

  “Yes highness.”

  “Good. Now, eat,” I say.

  They dive right into the meat, ripping at the bones with their sharp teeth and chattering loudly amongst themselves.

  “That will keep them busy for a while,” I say. Gerald summons some water for us to drink and some meals of cooked chicken legs with some bread.

  “Chicken?”

  “Chicken, bread, and water are the easiest for me to cast. My spells are limited…”

  “So you don’t want to waste your magic on a gourmet meal. Perfectly understandable,” I say sitting down opposite Gerald on the floor.

  “Since I’ve been helpful, will you not kill my friends?” Gerald asks.

  This is a continuation of that deal we made, is it? He cares a lot about his friends. I bet I can get him to do almost anything to protect them. In fact, I can use his friends to bargain with. All this time I planned on using Gerald as the hostage but now I can use his friends.

  “If you continue to uphold your word, I will,” I say as I take a bite of food.

  He helps me, his friends live.

  “I am true to my word,” Gerald says.

  “As am I. But know that their defeat may still be unpleasant and humiliating. Are you prepared to stand by and watch?” I ask.

  Gerald pauses. He doesn’t like the thought.

  “I have to,” Gerald says.

  “Good,” I say. “Because, I did mean what I said earlier. I don’t offer second chances. You betray me, that’s it.”

  “I will not betray you,” Gerald says. “I don’t even know if my friends are even coming after me anymore.”

  “I am not that lucky,” I mutter.

  Now I have to keep his friends alive. If one of them dies in battle with me, Gerald will see that as a break of this little contract and the heroes will have their healer back. He heals his friends though, and it is ice spears to the head. I think he may keep to his word. Ugh! I just realized it is in my best interests to keep my word. So what? I want to win. What’s more important than that?

  “Let’s finish eating and I will summon you some water for you to scry with,” Gerald says.

  He is a little bit excited when he says it. It hasn’t even been a day since he left his sister. Maybe I can trust him. He is a hero. They are supposed to be true and just and all that sickening nonsense. It is a wonder that with such crippling morals that they aren’t trampled over more often by someone like me.

  We finish eating and I walk about looking for something that can hold water. I almost think of cracking a skull open and using that before I see this gold bowled dish. It is deep enough to hold water, flat on the bottom, and has a small but flat ridge around the rim. How much space is on the top? Just enough space to carve in my runes. Excellent.

  It isn’t hard to find an old dwarven dagger among the ruins of this library to scratch in my scrying runes. Gerald watches me as I work. I don’t know if he is trying to memorize the runes or not. I’m pretty sure he can’t cast runes anyway. Sacrificing people to scry will always be beneath him.

  “You want me to teach you how to do this?” I ask. I’m curious if he can even cast them.

  “No,” Gerald says. “Just seeing how you work. I can’t cast those spells.”

  “You get all your spells from your goddess?”

  “Shara, yes. But they were all given to me after a ceremony.”

  “An initiation into a cult you mean.”

  “Not a cult. A true religion.”

  “And cults don’t think their religion is a true one?”

  “It is true that one’s religion is like a bright beacon of light and the closest you are to that light the less you can see.”

  “Well, I may have had to read and study and practice to do all of this, but I’m not restricted in what I can do, or wear, or eat, just because some invisible deity doesn’t like venison, for reasons.”

  “I don’t have any restrictions,” Gerald says.

  “Oh?”

  “I just try and aid others and live as true to myself as I can.”

  “So you can eat as much as you want, wield bladed weapons, and wear any clothes you desire?”

  “I can,” Gerald says. “So long as I stay true to the path of the hero.”

  “How noble and sappy,” I say. He sounds like one of those self help guru’s seeking fortunes for telling you that you can solve your own problems.

  “You’ve never believed in anything higher than you, have you?” Gerald asks.

  “Of course I do. What? You think I’m an atheist?”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “Certainly not,” I say. “I believe in the deities. I just don’t worship them. They clearly put me here with all the tools needed to make the most of life. And!” I say pointing to him, “If they didn’t like what I was doing they would say something, or do something. I’ll not follow gods of riddles and shadows. You would think an almighty god or goddess could communicate better.”

  “Maybe they are trying to tell you something.”

  “Oh?”

  “You were injured, your dress is ripped, your goblins are lost to you, and you are in a lost city with three heroes chasing you down. Is that not a bright enough message?”

  “That is just a challenge to overcome. Challenges, rather.”

  There, finished. I sit back and place the bowl between myself and Gerald.

  “If you would please,” I say.

  “As you wish,” Gerald says. He casts a spell and summons water into my bowl. It spills from nothing about a foot above the ground and splashes down into the bowl.

  Finally! What to look for first? The heroes. I’ll look in on them first. I c
ast my scrying spell and the image of the three heroes comes into view.

  They look beat up. Leo has a lot of scrapes and scratches over his masculine body while Cassandra managed to mess up her hair again. Oh. No, I was wrong. She has smudges on her face, tits, and thighs. So there is that. And Katie? She looks tired but that sausage skin of hers is still holding everything in. She has to be all sweaty and disgusting in all that leather. I can’t imagine what she must smell like when she takes those clothes off. I also can’t imagine how she takes all her clothes off.

  “Look!” Katie yells.

  I can hear a roaring sound. Where are they? Oh! Are they at the river? Or the waterfall? The latter would be unfortunate.

  They are leaving a cave and are now in a larger area.

  “I see it!” Cassandra says. Leo is looking around for something to pounce on them. Did they take out the deep trawler on their own? That must have eaten up some of their precious resources.

  “What is it? Is it another trap?” Leo asks.

  Oh, if I had time, trapping that bridge would have been perfect! I mean trapping it a second time.

  “It’s just books,” Katie says.

  Those are my books! My, very wet books so…I guess…they’re already ruined by now. So I suppose I shouldn’t be that angry if they take them.

  “They are at the bridge,” Gerald says.

  “I know,” I say.

  “Why would she leave the books here?” Leo asks.

  “It is a trap!” Katie says looking around.

  I’ve grown paranoia in their hearts, have I? Excellent!

  “Do you see anything? Do you see any runes?” Leo asks.

  “I don’t see anything,” Cassandra says.

  “Neither do I,” Katie says.

  “Then why yell it’s a trap?” Leo asks.

  He’s upset. They are not having good times. Oh, will they fight? That would be fantastic to watch!

  “Why else leave the books here?” Katie asks.

  “Maybe they went into the river,” Cassandra says.

  “No…no! Gerald can’t be dead,” Katie says.

  “Just because he went into the river doesn’t mean he is dead,” Cassandra says.

  “My sister is worried about me,” Gerald says.

  “Do you want a, ‘I have a good sister’ trophy?” I ask.

  “Just making a comment,” Gerald says.

  “How are we going to find him? Should we open the belly of that beast and see…see if it ate the Goblin Queen or my brother?” Katie asks.

  “We can,” Leo says. “It will take us some time.”

  “Leo, you do that,” Cassandra says. “Katie and I will check around here for more of those beasts and see if there are any traps.”

  “And if we all come up with nothing?” Katie asks.

  “Then we know they went into the river,” Leo says.

  I remove the image.

  “So your friends and your sister are still alive. Haggard, I’d say, but alive.”

  “It’s like they don’t have their fourth friend with them to heal their wounds.”

  “Yeah, it’s almost as if I planned on taking their healing away from them on purpose when I kidnapped you,” I say.

  “I will see them again. I know it.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll uphold my end of our little deal,” I say. “I won’t kill them.”

  “Check on what that key opens,” Gerald says.

  “All right!” I say excitedly.

  I cast the spell trying to focus on what this key in my pocket unlocks. What does the platinum key unlock?

  The image of a door appears. It is a heavy and ornate door; blue paint mixed with gold leaf in intricate and clearly dwarven designs with sharp angles and…are those dwarven letters on the door?

  “Is that the door?”

  “It is,” I say.

  “It looks inside a building.”

  It does, doesn’t it?

  “Can you see what building it is in?” Gerald asks.

  “Of course,” I say. I change the image and, it looks like a pretty nondescript building. It is just, well, this plain stone building with no artistry at all. Just some dwarven writing over an arched doorway.

  “Where is that building?” Gerald asks.

  “I’m getting there!” I say.

  “Sorry,” Gerald says.

  I try to focus on where the building is and the image flies from that plain building, down one street, down another, weaving all through the streets until the image shows this library. I think I can get us there.

  “It’s far away,” Gerald says.

  “Yes, it is. Before we waste our time getting there, let’s see if it is worth it,” I say. I change the image again…

  “Wow,” Gerald says.

  “I’m never seen a gem that large,” I say.

  “Neither have I,” Gerald says.

  The image of this bright blue gem fills the scrying picture in my bowl. The floor isn’t visible in my scrying pool and I don’t care. The image is just this massive uncut gem that seems to be radiating its own light. The gem is easily twenty feet long. I bet it is longer than that. And half that wide. The walls and ceiling all have this shimmering blue light that shifts and moves slowly, swaying as if in a breeze.

  “That is…so beautiful.”

  “We should go and see it.”

  “I bet Katie would just have an orgasm in her pants if she saw it,” I say.

  If they weren’t so tight so that she could feel anything.

  “Come on,” Gerald says.

  I remove the spell, pick up the bowl, and hurry with Gerald to the door of the library.

  “Goblins! Come!” I command. Within a minute we are on our way to that big blue gem!

  Greed and Doom

  The streets look as empty as before. But I know they aren’t. Gerald knows it too. When I’m not looking in the open doorways I see that he is looking inside the abandoned buildings.

  There is some giddiness when we leave the library. We’re like a couple of girls. I almost tell Gerald that but I think it might hurt his feelings. And that would be terrible…because? I can’t like him, can I? He is a hero, after all. No. It makes perfect sense Vivian! You need him by your side. You can’t give him a reason to break that oath he gave you. Heroes hate guilt. Me? I never feel guilty. Never. But a hero like Gerald? A priest no less? He feels guilty if he cheats on his diet and probably prays to whatever goddess he worships like living is a sin.

  What was his goddess again? I feel it should be important to remember that. Oh well, I’ll remember at some point.

  I hope that my goblins get to the warrens without getting stabbed.

  Shit! I should have scryed on my goblins! Shit on my memory!

  I have that bowl still. I can use it…no. Gerald has limited spells. If things go poorly on the way to this gem with the wavy lights then I would love to get some healing. I wish he could heal my skirt. It is still damp, and that is annoying, but the hole over my ass is even more annoying. I can feel the air hitting me as a constant reminder that I am showing off my pantied ass to the world. So, thanks for that fate.

  “Did you hear that?” Gerald asks.

  “Let’s just keep moving,” I say. “We need to find that gem.”

  “It isn’t as if we could take it away. Could we?”

  “Maybe, maybe not,” I say.

  “What are you planning on doing with it?”

  “Keep it as a trophy,” I say.

  “Let everyone know you have it? Isn’t that inviting trouble?”

  “Like an army?” I ask. “I happen to have one of those myself.”

  “You keep saying that, but where is it?” Gerald asks.

  “Close!” I say.

  “You are their queen, right?”

  “I am. But goblins are clearly more than automatons! They sometimes do things of their own free will without consulting their queen!”

  I am looking at my goblins marching in fron
t of us but they aren’t saying anything. I am reprimanding them and they aren’t responding!

  “They should consult their queen!” I say louder.

  “Sorry highness,” a goblin says.

  About time!

  “So, if they aren’t around, what good is an army?”

  “What good is an army? I may not have all of my goblins but I am not without some troops. Behold a small fraction of what I have at my disposal!” I say, waving my hand before me. “Stop picking your nose!”

  “Sorry highness.”

  “Fearsome warriors, I am sure,” Gerald says.

  Was that sarcasm?

  “They are. They’ve been enough for you and your friends. You may have won your battles, but it wasn’t easy. I watched you, remember?”

  “All battles are tough for me,” Gerald says.

  “You aren’t even a bit ashamed of your…lack of fighting prowess?” I ask.

  “Sometimes. Katie, Leo, Cassandra, they can pile up the bodies. We go into combat, and there I am, wearing too much armor...”

  There is no such thing.

  “…swinging my mace and trying to kill something, anything. Sometimes, if I am lucky, I get that last hit on an almost dead orc or zombie and I feel…I feel so good! But, then I remember that isn’t why I am there.”

  Oh, he better not go on about how he is living a life of service.

  “I became a priest for a reason. I want to help others.”

  “You should try and help yourself,” I say.

  “I feel good helping others. Don’t you?”

  “I feel elated helping myself,” I say.

  “Not even your goblins?”

  “Well, of course I love helping my goblins. I am their queen. But I also love helping myself.”

  “And it has brought you so much,” Gerald says.

  “No need for sarcasm. Look at me. I have goblins out to get my army. I will have so many goblins, oh and you as a hostage. The other three heroes will see all of that and surrender to me! I will claim this whole city as my domain. Big enough for the goblins to run amuck! I will rule this whole area!”

  “But, you won’t kill us,” Gerald says.

  “Oh, god no,” I say.

  I’m going to ransom you. No one wants to pay for dead bodies. Heroes avenge corpses. They pay in gold for living and warm bodies.