by June Belfie
Whew. What did the English call it? Foot in mouth disease? She had it—that was for sure and for certain.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
As the days passed, Beth thought less of Randy and more of her soured relationship with Josiah. Funny, but once he became cool towards her, he looked more appealing. How strange! She regretted her behavior on Thanksgiving and tried to compensate by being extra friendly at work. While he wasn’t rude, he treated her like any employee, and once the open sign was turned in the window, he’d head back to his private area with barely a word.
A week before Christmas, when she first arrived in the morning, she asked him about the schedule for the holiday. “I know you plan to close for Christmas day, but since it’s a Friday, will you close for the week-end as well?”
He looked over, surprise registering in his eyes. “I hadn’t considered it. I suppose it would be slow anyway, so we can close.”
“Mamm asked me if you would like to come for Christmas,” Beth mentioned, lowering her eyes. Actually, she’d mentioned the possibility first, but her mother did issue the invitation through her, so it wasn’t a lie.
“Please thank her, but nee. I’ve already accepted an invitation to spend it with the Cook’s.”
“Oh.” So Lydia is still after him. “Hope you won’t die of boredom,” she said as she reached in the top drawer of her desk for the price catalog.
He burst out laughing. “My goodness, that’s a strange thing to say.”
“Well,” she said defensively, “You know how dull Lydia can be. Her parents aren’t much better.”
“And you would offer exciting and stimulating conversation?”
Why did she start this! “You have to admit, we used to have some very interesting talks,” she began. She noted his head nodding in agreement.
“That was before.”
“It could be again,” she said amazed at her own boldness.
“Beth, why do you do this to me? I know you’re not interested in me—as a man. Don’t make it any harder.”
“Maybe you misread me.”
“I don’t think so.” His eyes held hers as seconds passed without words.
“I do like you, Josiah. Maybe I’m just not ready to get serious with anyone.”
“Unfortunately, I am ready. I want to start a family. I don’t have time to play games.”
“So you think it was a game on Thanksgiving?” Her eyes bulged.
“You tell me. You’d given me all the hints I thought I needed to take our relationship a step further. I felt like you literally slapped me in the face when I wanted to kiss you and you pulled away.”
She let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I acted the way I did.” She took a step closer to him and lifted her face. “Maybe you can try again.”
Instead of taking her up on the suggestion, he took three steps backward, bumping into one of the counters.
Beth’s mouth dropped open. How humiliating! Quickly, she turned and slammed the desk drawer shut. “I’ll put the open sign in the window! I have filing to do before we get busy.”
Josiah stood absolutely motionless. She ignored looking his way. Then she heard him retreat to the workshop area. Never again would she presume upon a man’s feelings. How humbling! How demeaning! How could she have left herself so vulnerable? She’d give her notice. She needed money for Christmas, but the Monday following the holiday, it would be on his workbench first thing in the morning! Lydia could have the man! Thank goodness she hadn’t kissed him! It never could have compared to Randy Gordon’s kiss anyway! So what if he was English! She didn’t have to marry him—or anyone else, for that matter. She could always go back to teaching and if little Miss Lydia married and got in a family way, so much the better!
Josiah stirred the coals in the small furnace designed to heat the large work area. He stood watching the flames as they increased in size. Had he just ruined any chance for marriage with Beth? Why had he behaved so badly? He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms. His love for her grew each and every day, yet he became more remote, fearing his feelings would never be shared by this enchanting woman. He loved her boldness, her openness, her candidness. Had she merely wanted to show there were no hard feelings when she put herself forward the way she did? Why didn’t he just grab her and envelop her in his arms as he did so often in his imagination? Pride. An Amish man too prideful to take a chance with a woman he loved, for fear of rejection. What a fool.
He added a shovelful of coal from the bucket and stirred the shiny mirror-like chunks into the flames. She had looked so hurt. Of course, she probably felt the kind of rejection he had experienced when Christina had broken off with him. How could he have put her through that pain? The “P” word bounced into his mind again. Pride. Where was his glassenheit—his humility? Should he go talk to her now? Set things straight? He looked through the window of the door separating his area from the showroom.
She was attending to a young woman, but he could tell by her demeanor that she was still upset. The way she deliberately moved, nearly tossing the catalogues at the potential customer, and her elevated voice reaching through the solid door—goodness. Hopefully, the customer would return.
It was difficult to concentrate on his project. It was important to cut out the opening for the bowl in the sink cabinet with precision. He’d already put much time and effort into the cabinet. The Formica top laid on his workbench as he checked and rechecked the measurements. Setting it aside, he went to a separate table and worked on sanding some fresh boards. He couldn’t damage anything important doing that chore.
If only the Cooks hadn’t invited him for Christmas. He didn’t look forward to spending the day with Lydia’s family—not when he preferred the company of Beth and her parents. Jah, the Cooks were nice people, but they were boring. If you didn’t discuss farming, there wasn’t much to say. He had burned any possibilities of changing his plans when he rejected the affections of Beth. Lydia had mentioned another man’s name last time he saw her, and he had taken it as her way of dismissing any further interest in him. It was really more than okay, since he had feelings for only one woman. And he had just missed a golden opportunity to show her how much he cared. If one could only live over some moments.
The day dragged. At lunchtime, Beth came back for her sandwich. She never so much as looked his way. He asked if she’d gotten any new orders.
“Nee,” she answered looking straight ahead.
“Any interest?”
“Nee.” She took her toot with a peanut butter sandwich from the employee’s cupboard and walked into the showroom, closing the door noisily behind her.
As she forced down part of her lunch, she revisited the humiliating scene from the morning. Why had she opened herself up to being rejected? Was it just a game with her or did she have deeper feelings for Josiah than she was willing to admit? When she had heard him speak of spending Christmas with Lydia and her family, it was as if she’d been punched in the stomach. Surely, if he was just a friend and employer, she wouldn’t have cared one iota. Her mind seemed to play tricks on her. One minute she thought of Josiah—the next, of Randy! Goodness, was it possible to care about two men at the same time? It certainly made it difficult. If Randy was only Amish, she’d set her kapp for him, but being English put a whole different picture on everything.
It made more sense to pursue a relationship with an Amish man. How much did that fact play upon her emotions? Maybe she should talk it over with her sister. Anna had always been her confidante—at least until her marriage. Since she was widowed, they had begun to talk more often about important matters, but she had avoided any further discussions about Randy.
Beth reminded herself that he wasn’t really in the picture. He probably forgot where she lived, anyway. Perhaps she would drop off a small gift for him before Christmas, just to let him know there were no hard feelings. She could leave it by his door so she wouldn’t have to see him. She’d planned on giving the knitted gl
oves she’d made to her father, but she could do something else for him. Randy would surely appreciate receiving handmade gloves. It was probably something he’d never gotten before from anyone. Jah, that was a gut idea. On her next day off, she’d head for Lititz. No harm in giving a small impersonal gift, was there?
It was easier to work now that she had a plan. The afternoon went quickly and Josiah remained in the workshop the entire time. She left promptly at five.
Anna counted the days till her trip. She was excited to visit her friend, Dinah, in Holmes County, Ohio. Newborn babies were so dear. The realization that she might never have another child brought a moment of intense sadness. She swallowed back tears and stripped the sheets of her bed. Before re-making it with her other set of double sheets, she sat on the mattress pad and looked out the window. Though it was getting dark already, she could see it was snowing again and this time a foot or more was predicted. She prayed the driver wouldn’t have to cancel her trip when the time came due to bad weather. It was difficult to make plans in the winter in the northeast.
The boys had been slightly better as of late, probably because they had requested new sleds for Christmas and she had made it clear that their behavior would determine whether she’d buy anything at all for them. Of course, they probably knew she would, regardless of their conduct, but she tried to use it as leverage.
As she looked outside, she saw Beth head up the drive in her buggy. The four children were playing Monopoly on the living room floor as the stew cooked away on the stove. It was late to be changing the bedding, but her schedule was her own to make, and sometimes she worked at odd hours.
She went downstairs and opened the kitchen door when Beth got to the stoop. “I hope you don’t mind,” Beth said as she stamped the snow off her boots and removed them before entering. She placed them on a tray with the children’s boots. “I just thought I’d stop by to see you. I’ve missed you.”
“Of course I don’t mind. I’ve missed you, too. Come by the stove where it’s warmer. You can stay for supper?”
“It smells wonderful, but Mamm and Daed will be expecting me. I just wanted to chat a few minutes. Do you have time?”
“For you? My favorite schwester?” Anna grinned and pointed to a small rocker by the coal stove. Then she pulled up a straight chair for herself. “Everything okay?”
“I don’t know. I did something dumb today and I need your advice.” Beth then proceeded to tell her about her morning with Josiah. She shared her mixed feelings about him, without mentioning Randy.
Anna sat back and puckered her lips. “Goodness, you sure were bold!”
“Tell me about it. I don’t know what got into me.”
“You must care more than you realize.”
“That’s what I’m thinking.”
“Do you think he’s really totally over you? Maybe he’s using Lydia to make you jealous.”
“Well, if so, he’s succeeding,” Beth admitted.
“Give him time. He’s probably still mad about Thanksgiving. I can’t believe you acted like that.”
“Oh Anna, I don’t know what gets into me. I just don’t think.”
“I noticed the way he looked at you over dinner. I think the man is head over heels about you.”
“Was. Maybe. Maybe you imagined it.”
“Nee. I could tell. He practically drooled.”
Beth laughed and shook her head. “He’s not drooling anymore. I’ve decided to quit my job right after Christmas.”
“Don’t be silly. That’s like giving up. You’re not a quitter.”
“Maybe I am. It’s really awkward working there now.”
“That’ll pass. Just be your sweet little self and he’ll get over it.”
“Jah, real sweet. That’s my problem. I’m too outspoken for my own good.”
“He seemed to be attracted to that very characteristic. Maybe you can make him a nice Christmas present. Like a scarf—or mittens, or something.”
“Uh, I have gloves made already, but I have other plans for them.”
“Daed?”
“Actually, nee. A friend.”
“Beth, what friend?”
“I shouldn’t even tell you. I know what you’ll say.”
“I know who. Randy. Right?”
Beth nodded, but avoided her sister’s eyes.
“You’re crazy,” Anna continued. “You’re going to get hurt. Mark my words. English guys are out to get what they can from Amish girls. You’ve heard the stories.”
“He’s not like that. Besides, we’re just friends.”
“He’s never tried to kiss you?”
Beth looked away and pulled on her kapp ribbon.
“He did! And you didn’t stop him! Don’t lie to me, Schwester.”
Before Beth could respond, Rachel ran into the kitchen. “Mark took my houses and hid them!”
Anna turned her attention to her daughter. “Tell him he’s in big trouble.”
“He doesn’t care.”
“Go discipline him, Anna. I have to leave anyway.”
“Not yet, you don’t. I’ll handle Mark later. Go back, Rachel. Aenti Beth and I have to talk.”
Rachel slumped away toward the living room, shaking her head. “He’s such a brat.”
Beth covered her mouth to avoid laughing.
“So, getting back to the issue,” Anna started again. “Did you allow him to kiss you?”
“Oh Anna, what a kiss! I felt electricity!” Beth rolled her eyes up to the ceiling.
“Shame on you, Schwester! That’s for you to feel in marriage, not just with a casual guy you can’t have a future with. You’re opening yourself up to major problems. What if you fall in love? We talked about this before, and I thought you’d given up the idea of seeing him again. Now you want to give him a present? Give the gloves to Josiah, for Pete’s sake. At least there’s a chance you could end up with him.”
Beth sighed. “I’ll think about it, but it’s not like gloves are personal.”
“That’s not the point. You shouldn’t be giving Randy anything.”
“I do feel guilty about letting him kiss me.”
“Well, jaaaahh.”
“Didn’t you ever kiss a guy before Jeremiah?”
“Never. Of course, he’s the only guy I ever saw in private. But we didn’t kiss until he asked me to marry him and then only a little bit.”
“You were younger.”
“That’s not the point.”
“I know. I know. Look, I really do need to get home.” Beth walked towards the back door and reached for her boots which were still dripping into the tray on the floor.
Anna stood beside her, watching with her arms crossed. “Does Mamm know? You know I told her you weren’t serious with any Englisher.”
“There’s nothing to know. I’ll probably do what you say and never see him again. And Josiah is through with me. I’ve decided I’m going to stay single. Less aggravation.”
“I know you don’t mean it. Stop by in a couple days and let me know what you choose to do about the gift.”
Mark and Matthew came tearing into the kitchen, yelling at each other about cheating at their game. Anna shook her head. “Maybe you have the right idea. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be single.”
“Nee, you can’t be serious. They’re difficult, but you’re fortunate to have four kinner.”
“That coming from my schwester, the mean teacher?—according to the buwe,” Anna said, grinning.
Beth laughed. “I’m serious. Wait till you go away; you’ll be thinking of them the whole time.”
Anna shook her head. “No way. I can’t wait to get some peace and quiet.”
Beth leaned over and kissed Anna’s cheek. “Denki for your advice. I may not follow it, but I appreciate your concern.”
On the way home, Beth prayed for guidance. “Lord, help me do the right thing.” She already knew deep in her heart what that would be. Now she had to act on that knowledge.
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Chapter Twenty-Eight
Josiah held the small wooden heart up to the window. It had taken over an hour to cut out the center with his jigsaw. The grain of the maple showed up only slightly, but once it was sanded and lacquered, it would be beautiful. He was sure of that. He’d kept it at six inches in height. Nothing showy for an Amish maed. How would she accept his gift? If she was still angry, she’d probably laugh at this attempt to win her heart. It was time to find out if there was any chance at all with Beth. He couldn’t go on pretending he didn’t care. Being so close every day and yet barely talking had taken its toll on his nerves. At least this way, he’d know how to proceed. He was surprised she hadn’t handed in her notice after he’d embarrassed her last week. Tomorrow he’d present his small gift and he’d know from her attitude what turn their relationship would take.
Now it was time to turn in. He’d waited until she’d left for the day before starting his project. She had asked if she could leave three hours early, and since business was slow, that was the least he could do for her. He wondered what took her away. Probably Christmas items to pick up, since she mentioned heading for Lititz. Good thing the roads were clear. He pictured her with Winnie, probably clucking to hasten the trip. Josiah loved her spunk. Nothing dull about Beth. He smiled and picked up fine-grained sandpaper and continued to work on the heart.
Beth re-read the note she’d written to Randy several times. Finally, she felt confident enough to include it. It read, “Dear Randy, I thought you’d like these gloves which I knitted for you. It’s been fun getting to know you. You are really nice. Since the gloves are woolen, they need to be washed very carefully. Best if you let me do it. I don’t want them to shrink. Hope you have a nice Christmas. Your good friend, Beth.” Then she folded it and tucked it into a small envelope. She’d tried to keep it light. Friendly. After placing the note carefully between the gloves, she wrapped them in tissue paper, stuck them in her apron pocket and reached for her cape. Her mother didn’t seem surprised to see her daughter leave for Lititz. She avoided asking questions this time of year. The girls usually purchased a few ready-made items for Christmas to surprise the family.
